Strange and sad feeling that I cannot pinpoint (help?)

All, this is my first thread on ATS, other than my introduction, about a month ago. I check this site several times a day. I value the information on this website, and the diversity of opinions. Finding this site was important to me, as I need an outlet to discuss my unconventional feelings, which I will relate some of these, in this thread.

I am by all appearances a normal and mildly prosperous member of US society. I have made a good living in technology sales, and have six children (3 by my first, and 3 from my wife's first marriage). We are working hard to put the kids through college, and we also have a wedding next year. In other words, income is good, but we are no where near financially secure. Six months out of work would force us into great financial difficulty. Realistically,I know we are one event away from that possibility. I am 50 and having a fun and loving wife. All of our children are healthy, productive, and of sound mind. I am so fortunate, and I try to never forget that, for fear it will be taken away in an instant.

While I was an early "Trekkie"' I put science fiction in the category of fiction, and had not thought that much UFOs, ETs, and inter-dimensional thinking until a little over 2 years ago. Almost overnight, I began to devour material on the subjects. I studied the Roswell case and became convinced that it was a real, other-worldly event. I began to have vivid dreams and visions of UFO activity, here and on the moon. I began to question what religion has brought to the world. I began to explore the ancient astronaut theory. I began to dabble into the metaphysical a bit. I read "Gods of Eden" and it changed my perspective on the world.

I firmly believe that we are being visited by ETs and EDs, and have been for thousands of years, since perhaps our creation. I consider myself very capable of deep thought and open-minded reflection. In doing so, these realities are so clear to me. It is also clear to me that we are living in fantastic times. I expect the "public confirmation" of ET life at any time. It was clear to me about 2 years ago.

But, all of this has come with a degree of sadness, which I am having trouble over-coming. My work doesn't seem important, since I know the larger picture, yet my responsibilities force me to be practical and keep my job. I look at my kids and I just feel so sad. Is it an overwhelming feeling of catastrophic change? Is it that I feel like I will be overcome with this feeling, lose my job, and fail in my mission to give them a great start in life? Or is because I know this world is rigged? We are cattle to a group of ET/EDs who control our world via the elite, keep us in darkness, and the rest of the world is unaware? In other words, the world is nothing like our children are taught.

I want to help gets this message out to the world. I feel like I am being pushed in that direction. Keeping my day job, which is a pressure-cooker, feels like a nessity, but also a sentence.

Is anyone else, with similar beliefs feeling this? How do you overcome?

reply to post by Jchristopher5


A couple of years ago, when I got wind of all these kind of information, I felt, as you said, a big void.
But then I decided to investigate even further: project blue Beam, The Navy Space Command... Informations which actually led me to think that all the things I learned all those years (Al Bielek, Aliens...) were actually meant for us to get read by the Government itself.
I started to think more like a detective, or, as I love the movie MIB, Kay or Jay. Every informations are now stored in my memory as possibilities, with degrees of probability attached to them. Each new informations I receive, I consider it and re-balance the probabilities of each precedent informations. I got past the sadness, I got in the feeling I know now almost every possibilities. Feel glad, not sad, and, above all, don't stop looking for more.

Larger Picture??? What larger picture? If belief in a ETs is the larger picture for you then you have a lot more to research. Your sadness is you have no dream no worth. Find a purpose, find a dream with the knowledge you have and make a difference.

Keep exploring this area.
You will find the whole ET thing is pretty much a religion as much as a hypothesis..and like earth religion, there are a -lot- of them, from your current view on how the vulcans for some reason focus exclusively on helping out only the most corrupt, to the federation of light types, and everything in between. So, find the one that suits you if your seeking for something to -believe- in and makes you happy and investigate in that area.

When you go to work, your not going to work to be good cattle for the elites, your going to work so you can afford a boat, or take a summer trip to europe, etc...Don't feel like a slave, slavery comes only in the mind, and you can feel free in prison, or a slave in your own castle.

Why do you work? Is it because you personally want stuff to enjoy, or because they control you and thats what you must do. This is purely a perspective you choose to identify with.

But that has little to do with aliens.

Put your trekky hat back on would be my suggestion, that show has more or less a good view of our roles in the universe.

And as far as worth. Some grape picker in italy can think his life is meaningless..but a person enjoying a wine years later disagrees with that.

reply to post by swan001


Thank you. I promise my curiosity will not stop, it is in overdrive. I try to keep my mind open to all possibilities.

reply to post by SaturnFX


Thank you. I need to borrow some of your perspective. I love the grape picker analogy. Life is worthwhile, even to the hamster on the wheel.

reply to post by Jchristopher5


Firstly, you are not alone regarding these thoughts.

Secondly, your "born again" overnight event some 2 years ago most likely holds the key to your current state-of-mind.

Aside from having only 2 kids and being in a marriage only once, we share a similar story.

I too, have these thoughts on a regular basis - am I part of this world but not "of" it? Why are we here? What is our purpose? The great philosophers of our times had the luxury of pondering these questions and attempted to answer them as accurately as possible.

I have withdrawn from a lot of what society would classify as normal - eg: I'm not interested in TV, not concerned about church attendance, cannot remember the last time I purchased clothing for myself and spend very little time socialising with friends (although my career has a lot to do with that - I am a Captain in the merchant navy) when the opportunity arises.

Instead I find myself contemplating "life" and my purpose in being here - constantly daily - in fact it would be more accurate to say that it consumes me - my wife is actually starting to really notice this as I am usually quite "frisky" so to speak and now she is questioning whether I have lost interest in her - which I have not.

What is going on? Well in a nutshell (and I apologise in advance if this does not make sense) I am being prepared for something and I do not know what it is.

I see 11:11 multiple times a day, I believe that Jesus is the only begotten son of the living God and I know that there is something to aliens and/or interdimensional beings, crop circles, earthquakes, religious division, rotten politicians, starving children, cruelty to animals and other people..............everything is related - everything.

Proof? I have none. My instincts have rewarded me in my life and I want for nothing - I give money away like its nothing and some people call me stupid for doing so but my IQ is 149 and I can address multiple tasks at once - all the while thinking about UFO's and how they fit into my life.

And then I found ATS............. Sorry for venting on your thread but hopefully we can address this feeling together. I'll find my answers here....so will you. The most intelligent people I have ever "virtually" met reside right here. My wife now encourages me to go here - a few hours a day keeps me sane..........no one in my life can "keep up" with what goes through my head but the folk here certainly can.



ETA:
1. Please show your wife this comment of mine - it will make her feel better about where you are "at".
2. You would do well to listen to SaturnFX - his comments are mind blowing...as is some others I am sure you will come across (slayer69, Neo96, phage and quite a few of the Mods....greeneyedleo, tenth, hefficide, donttreadonme and of course skepticoverload)

reply to post by Sublimecraft

Thank you. I suppose it's nice to hear that you are not alone (in conventional life feeling less important). I know it is a struggle though. While my wife and I are deeply in love, and I would never have anyone else, I know that she doesn't understand my obsession. She just never thinks about these things. Never unless I try to gslk with her about it. It usually never ends that well.

I also don't believe this obsession of mine is an accident. I feel like I am being shown the truth, and I am supposed to do my part to communicate it to our fellow man. I am not sure specifically what I am supposed to do. I guess that longing and confusion is a big part of the frustration and even depression.

reply to post by Sublimecraft

Preach it brother you hit the nail on the head. I dont have to post now because you just said it all for me.
I thought i was one of a kind for a while,until i found ats that is...
What is weird to me is that it seems we are spread out,as i have not found any body in my personal circle who feels like this, let alone in my same town or county for that matter. Most folks think we are crazy if you drop all this on them at once. Seems though, that they are more than interested to hear what you have to say yet fail to agree with what we KNOW! Personally i believe it disrupts their personal belief system so much that they cant see the forest for all the trees sorta thing!
Chin up brother, theres alot of us!!!

Originally posted by earthart
reply to post by Sublimecraft

 

Preach it brother you hit the nail on the head. I dont have to post now because you just said it all for me.
I thought i was one of a kind for a while,until i found ats that is...
What is weird to me is that it seems we are spread out,as i have not found any body in my personal circle who feels like this, let alone in my same town or county for that matter. Most folks think we are crazy if you drop all this on them at once. Seems though, that they are more than interested to hear what you have to say yet fail to agree with what we KNOW! Personally i believe it disrupts their personal belief system so much that they cant see the forest for all the trees sorta thing!
Chin up brother, theres alot of us!!!

Good to know there are many of us. I read Delores Cannon's book "Three Waves of Volunteers" and I wondered...maybe that explains it.

I also agreethat those who care to comprehend this reality are few and far between. Most would rather not even think about it. I think I was "touched" from beyond on this subject, and I think I am supposed to push the message out in some way. Do you have that feeling too?

reply to post by Jchristopher5
Yes i do feel that way and i try to push it out there to the people. It does seem odd that you can almost tell who you are supposed to talk with. Maybe its that we are "planting seeds" and what they do with that seed is there choice. We are just the carriers of the seed. This is how i look at it anyways. I would like to tell everyone but you can always tell who not to tell in order to avoid confrontation or you just know they have their head so far up their kazoo it wouldnt make a difference anyways...

Yeah ATS is great for that. But seriously... it's true that once your eyes begin to really open and you start noticing where the world and it's inhabitants are headed it becomes a challenge to find a reason to continue...

Fact is we knew early in our childhood that we were going to die but we had no idea when or how...That didn't stop us from having fun, growing, learning, having babies, getting a job, planning to grow old.... and all of the billions of little things in between and along the way.

So why is this different? The world is changed and changing and we all know we will die...not when or how.

Human kind's demise will likely take a very long time and in the mean time we still have kids to raise, colleges to pay for and soul sucking jobs to go to. There is joy in there though you just need to remind yourself. It could well take many generations before we are toasted or it might not...there's fun to be had while you're waiting for that < insert catastrophe here >.

You're not alone in feeling slightly defeated. Consider yourself fortunate to have realized that state of things...prepare as best you can and don't get bogged down with worry.