at least I hope I am a sociopath and not a psychopath!
anyway I have like many been a long time lurker of these forums and have in the past few months decided to make an account and post a few times.
thanks for making me feel welcome! I have always been a different person as compared to the world around me. I have never had a best friend, never had
a girlfriend for longer than three years, not pursued a career beyond 3 years (besides being a river guide for 6), dropped out of college more than
once, been on and off of anti depressants, anti anxiety,[SNIP, please see below] like to get drunk on special occasion but rarely drink, try to be and
promote myself as peaceful but find myself fighting, physically, with 8 other co workers in a moving vehicle, am estranged with my entire family sans
one sister, I come from an originally well off situation, with money on my fathers side, yet have always had a longing to be homeless.
after my family separated my mother found herself married again in colorado following that for her was 10+ years of an opiate pill addiction (which
should kill her shortly) allowing everyone in the house to have a taste whenever we so pleased. One dead step-brother [SNIP, Please see below] and
another step brother in prison on weapons, theft, dealing and creation of meth, escaping from jail, violating parole etc. he has a swastika on both
arms and supreme white power upon his chest. I have memories of learning how to drive stick shift with my step brother as well as memories of being
chased around a car being shot repeatedly with a bb gun or being given a wedgie so bad that my undies ripped and I bled a little. of course the sons
were only acting upon what they had learned from their wonderful father who was also always a little to phsyicall and ended up beating my mom up
pretty good and ran from the police leaving us in hiding at some ones house....
a father that has remarried a few times, once annulled, I remember a 19 year old girlfriend of his (when I was still in highschool) in which he had to
obtain a fake license for her so that he would not be embarrassed and she could have wine when they went out. only to later marry another equally as
charming girl from a class in which he was the professor for. during the wedding all of here sorority girlfriends were there and I am not very fond of
the general stereotype of a frat or sorority type person. anyway some slutty drunk girl proceeds to start hitting on me and will not leave me or my
table alone so she is chased off with bug spray (finally getting the hint that, "get the [SNIP] out of here [SNIP]" failed to describe) needless to
say my new mom tracked me down and had my father dis own me and stand by his wife and proceed to try and put me on an airplane.(22 years old at this
time and alot bigger than he) did not work so well. so us children voicing our displeasure was not enough and here we ly 3 new brothers later and I
have not communicated to any other them in over a year ( couldnt be happier) another example of my step mothers shiny personality. at my little
sisters 21st birth day she proceeded to get to drunk to get back to the hotel room, falls down in the hall way and starts screaming bloody murder
about rape and other things that obviously were not happening, un purposefully exposing herself to the rest of the hotel, after she pissed herself I
guess some people took pitty on her, rolled her onto a towl and proceeded to drag her to the hotel room. where to everyones amazement she snapped back
into "reality" and started throwing # around the room destroying it only to have the cops called, her taken to the hospital and my father severely
I have put as much distance physically as possible between myself and them but find that the best distance cannot be physically achieved. I have done
everything short of changing my name in order to remove myself from their existence and brings me to a phrase that I have repeated in my mind many
times FAMILY IS NOT A BIRTH RIGHT. you must create your family, strive to show unconditional love, be proud to promote individualism, it is something
that takes a huge amount of work EVERY DAY. something I fail to see in the majority of the population of the US. we have almost completely lost touch
with family and the idea that lies there in. it tears my heart into a million pieces.
one must create the family they wish to have.
be the change you wish to see in the world.
I have two guns and family tattooed across my chest. I have a crimson ghost, steal your face, sugar skull, earth water, life and buddah on my arm. I
have I believe I can find my own way on my side and an om on my stomach. I have traded many items for my tattoos and have been tattooed in some less
than favorable places but greatly appreciate each tattoo as they are all portals into my past. just as the idea of the butterfly effect but without
the hollywood twist. my tattoos intimidate the sh!t out of people and have cost me jobs, friendships and girlfriends but I care not and appreciate my
[SNIP] filters. for the last six years I have lived in a van with my two dogs chasing rivers around the united states south west. I have acted as a
river tour guide in the summer and taught swiftwater rescue to fire dept. rescue volunteers, sheriff, military, etc in the winter months to stay
afloat. [SNIP] in the past two years I have been trying to pursue a "career" with in professional sports only to find something of that nature just to
discouraging. I had a facebook account with 4k+ "friends" it is very hilarious to me that they would title that list with friends as I had no idea who
most of those folks were. I deleted, as much as possible, myself from facebook for personal reasons, a major one being tired of giving away free
marketing materials to companies. anyway now I am just trying to be as happy as possible and enjoy reading away here on ATS although sometimes I get
very annoyed weeding through the crazies. I feel as though that is enough for now as most will probably not read this far down
Parts of posts Snipped
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edit on 8/21/2012 by JohnnyAnonymous because: (no reason given)