posted on Aug, 21 2012 @ 08:24 AM
Hi. I am John Swan and I would like to share with you all a memory of mine, of something which happened about half a decade ago, and which changed the
course of my life forever. If this event would not have happened, I would now be a very different man, so different that I myself couldn't recognize
One night (it was about around 2008) I went to sleep, not knowing that the next morning I would wake up a different man.
I saw myself walking in a green park, holding my dear girlfriend by the hand. Then, in the same park, I was some years later complaining about the
rain and the cloudy sky. Such futile things. I was working somewhere, I was 40-ish and I was seeing half of my life passing by... and I realized I
never took the chance to really live it. I realized I didn't gave enough attention to what really matters: my (now) wife, breathing fresh air, seeing
green trees and find joy in simple things. I was caring only about my job... I was so narrow-minded...
50-ish and I decided to quit everything. Who cares how much money I have? My life was worth more than packed paper money. I quit my job, and I went to
see my wife, saying: "dear, I realize now I didn't gave you what you deserve: my presence. I know it is a bit late, but I beg you, please forgive
me, we will take the short time we now have on this Earth to actually live, and wathever we want to do. "
I still remember the look of joy on my wife's face.
We spent the following years to rediscover things we previously discarded as granted: the warmth of the sun, the singing of the birds, the freshness
of grass in early morning. We loved each other, and each times I would look into my wife's eyes, I always felt a big lump in my throat, a feeling of
remorse mixed to powerful love, because I was realizing how stupid I have been all these years, I trashed half of my lifetime by taking the World too
seriously, thinking about money, depriving my partner-in-life of joy and love.
At age 70 I was clutching, with my old parchment-like hands, the smaller, but as wrinkled, hands of my wife. We were half-hugging each other, sitting
on a bench in a park, with the sun shining down on us. My wife's hair was white and as I looked down to her, my arms still around her, she smiled.
She had undeniable wrinkles, but at least she was finally happy. I smiled back, enjoying the sun with her. We both knew that our time, on this Earth,
was running short. We would soon die... Unless a miracle was performed, enabling us to live 200 years, we would die very soon. I felt a tear rolling
on my cheek. If only I had realized that when I was young and healthy... If only I would have realised that love could also make my day, things such
as the smile of my old faithfull wife, the rustlings of a tree's leaves, the sun rising and setting... Now I was feeling that we were coming to the
end of our journey... a journey that ended well, but could have been better. I was vaguely asking myself if we die, where would we go... But as an
atheist, I felt that we would just die, bringing all our memories, our deep love of each other, our little moments of joy... to nothingness. What a
waste... why didn't I see it... If only I could have one more chance, to do everything right this time... I shifted on my bench, gripping my wife's
hands... we were wrinkled, we had white hair. We were so old, yet our minds were still young... really seeking to live each moment... Why did I waited
to be faced with death before I realized I could live every moments of my life?
Then all I saw was deep darkness. I wasn't afraid, I knew my time has come, I was quitting life forever. No need to be afraid of something which will
come for sure.
I saw darkness. Too bad my life wasn't great, it's over now.
Then I opened my eyes.
It happens that this dream was the most complex dream I ever had, morphing 4 hours of sleep into a ~70 years duration dream. The exact cause for it is
still unknown. But one thing is for sure: I wasn't even expecting opening my eyes and feeling my heart beat again, seeing that my skin was still
smooth, when I woke up. I was so gratefull that it was just a (weirdly profound) dream; I was dreaming all this! I was still 20 and in good shape, not
some dying old man.
This dream triggered a re-boot in which I completely modified my thinking process and my behavior. As I was growing more and more grumpy, I realized,
after this dream of mine, that I was having a second chance. It was just a dream, but I knew now what I was doing wrong. I was taking life too
seriously, forgetting to laugh, to have fun, forgetting to live life.
Now I see everything with joy, hope and love. I love animals, I am a good astronomer, I try to study physics, I always make a good joke to brighten my
sister when she's down, I see Apocalyptic threats here on ATS with a mix of interest and a feeling of "all right, bring it on, then!"...
I can't help feeling a bit of pity to all those who see life too seriously, who are stiff in their three-piece suit and only follow the most boring
path. Can't they know they will die one day, that now is the time to do what they always dreamed of?
The morality? Do not forget to live. Your life is a novel story in which you are the author and the character. So, write a good one.
freedom, peace and joy.