posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 06:31 PM
This is the story of my out-of-body experience, or as I would rightfully say, my trip to heaven and back. Truth be told, I have only told this story
a couple of times. I relayed it to my mother, and I told it to a small church group once in an attempt to encourage them. As an active member of
abovetopsecret.com, I thought it might be nice to also share it with this community. I know some will appreciate the tale, I know some will (for some
reason) perhaps resent it, some will believe and some will not. However you choose to accept the story is up to you. I only offer you my word of
honesty for a strange and profoundly life-changing event.
I was living in Hollywood with my fiancé. At the time I was making my way in the music industry there, running a 7 piece band, and living the high
life pretty well. I laid my head upon Sarah’s lap as we watched tv one evening, and my thoughts began to slip away toward a time gone by. When I
was at University, I began to change in ways that aren’t positive. Though I had always been a very sweet kid, I found that going away to school in
New York found me with a different group of friends, and our main sport was womanizing. Please believe that I am not bragging when I say that I
became the envy of my friends at this sport of ours, and my constant visitation to the beds of the women of the world began to have an effect on my
heart that I can best describe as “steely”. I became somewhat disconnected from my emotions, and notions of romance and togetherness began to
seem antiquated and a bore.
Into this maelstrom of self-centeredness entered a young girl, truly beautiful, witty, kind, and wonderful. Though she fell for me, I executed the
MO to which I had become accustomed, and ultimately treated her awfully. As I grew, I began to look back on my life with a growing shame,
particularly however was my treatment of this one girl. For some reason, it bothered me so greatly that I could not even think about it, I would push
it from my thoughts at its slightest emergence.
So I was surprised then on this particular night when my thoughts slipped toward this girl that I suddenly found I experienced a very different
reaction. Instead of pushing the thoughts from my mind, I found myself embracing them. As I did, I began to have a new realization, and the best way
that I can describe this is as a new emotion, something previously unexperienced in my lifetime, but familiar in a sense of remembrance. It was truly
God’s forgiveness, and He seemed to want me to understand this nature of His divine forgiveness. Let me try to explain briefly what it was.
We tend to think of God’s eternal forgiveness as we humans would forgive one another, but it is profoundly different. If you wrong me and are
ashamed, you may seek my forgiveness, and indeed, I may grant it to you. Still, the shame is not completely abated, because the crime still lives in
the perpetrator. If I say, “I forgive you,” that is helpful, no doubt, but unless you are able to completely forgive yourself, you still bear the
stain of guilt. God’s forgiveness is not like this at all. In that moment of understanding, that new emotion called forgiveness, God showed me why
I had done what I had done, why I had behaved as I had behaved. I was shown the vectors of both my life, her life, and in a strange way, all lives;
the tapestry of life. God showed me why I had treated her in this way, both for her growth and for mine. It was not an excuse to continue in such
behaviors, indeed the lesson should preclude that, but it was an understanding of the sin, it’s purpose and role. Forgiveness wasn’t the
acceptance of an apology, wasn’t the desire to ease a contrite heart, it was the complete understanding of my role, both good and bad, in my own
life and the life of others. It felt perfect.
So, as I slipped into this understanding, I rolled my head back and stared at the ceiling in a sense of awe. I lived in a loft, so I had 20 foot
ceilings, and as I stared up at the white stucco so far overhead, the ceiling suddenly vanished. I want to be as clear as possible here, I don’t
feel as though I “travelled” anywhere, but rather the illusion of this reality simply dissolved around me. On the other side of this illusion was
only light. I have often equated this moment to being in the heart of God. It was a state of perfect bliss. In fact, I cannot truly remember the
feeling now, I can only remember having felt it. I knew only that I was home, and it was there where I wanted to remain.
That was not to be. I suddenly flashed back into my body to find Sarah atop me, shaking me with all of her might and yelling my name at the top of
her lungs. I “came to” to find Sarah very upset! “Where were you!?” She demanded. “What were you doing just now!?!” Honestly, I
didn’t have an answer for her in that moment, so I ignored her angst and went to bed. The next morning, however, hadn’t eased her concern, and
she demanded again to know what I was doing last night when this event had occurred. I still didn’t know how to answer this, I didn’t quite know
yet how to describe what had happened to me, but I was suddenly curious by her concern, why was she so upset, what had she seen? So, I asked her.
“You just left me!” she yelled. “You just left me alone and you left your corpse lying there in my lap!”
I truly don’t think Sarah ever forgave me for that, for leaving my lifeless body laying in her lap. I don’t know. We’re no longer together,
but I’d be a liar if I said there weren’t other things, and mostly all my fault. C’est la vie.