The Truth About Rape

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posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:20 PM
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From my own experiences, having been raped twice when I was younger and having recently been attacked by a friend I will add a few tips.

Most women who have been attacked will have been attacked by someone they have known or once trusted.
Most of the time the rapists will feel no remorse for what they have done.
Most rapists will strike again if given the chance.

For those who have been raped, do report it to the police. So that other women are not attacked by the same man. You can help prevent rape to.

To everyone else. Chances are someone you know or love has been raped or assaulted in some way. Instead of lecturing them on safety, just offer your love and support. It's what they need more than anything.




posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:21 PM
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Originally posted by Evil_Santa
reply to post by James1982
 


Except that Charm is arguing that if a person is raped - they made a bad decision somewhere and therefor are to be blamed.

Planning, preparation and educating one's self about the patterns of sexual predators, and how-to avoid them, is not a 100% fool-proof system of defense, because predators can - and do - slip past these defense mechanisms to get to their prey. There's no way to 100% predict what a irrational person is capable of doing, and as i've stated before - unless a person can foresee the future, then not all attacks can be avoided.


That's not how I took Charm's posts, but if that IS what they intended to say then I disagree with it.

I absolutely agree with your post, there is no foolproof way for anybody to defend against anything. That's not the point I was making though, as I never implied people can take precautions and be 100% safe. Only do things that LOWER their chances of something bad happening. Just like the house break-in example I used. Whatever you do, someone could always break into your house. But protecting ones self does dramatically reduce the chance of such an occurrence.

I'll repeat that if Charm's point is that the victim is to blame then I disagree with them, but I honestly didn't take it that way. I took it as people should do everything reasonable within their power to protect themselves. Going back to the house example, if you get broken into, and you had just left your front door unlocked, most people would probably say "Why the hell didn't you lock your front door?"



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:24 PM
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reply to post by Charmeine
 


Using the word 'attacked' makes the rapist sound like a TERRORIST. Oh can you sense the media hype right about now.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:25 PM
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reply to post by Charmed707
 




Stop treating this like a black and white issue. There ARE certain behaviors you can avoid to steer clear of dangerous situations. WHY in the issue of rape does this fact seem to enrage people? Do they just love the idea of women being poor helpless little vicitms?


I'm sure there are. Women should never have a drink with friends, or go out dancing? Hmmm.... Should she never wear anything above her knees too?

Should she not walk out after 9 pm at night?

In other words, if she doesn't act like a second class citizen, and tailor her outfits to be as unappealing as possible, and curfew herself like a child, she deserves it if she is raped?

Or do you just mean women should be trained in self defense and how to handle guns and mace if needed as well. Because I have no problem with that.

Oh, and I also read a page or two back how you thought there was no difference between being attacked, violently, and intimately, and penetrated, shamed and wounded to your core was any different than robbed or physically assaulted.

Well, all 3 have occurred and the list goes: robbery some rage and fall out; physcially attacked, rage, hurt, need for counseling, and help, can't internalize the rage, or it becomes illness, have to let it out. For some that means, a bat, and a mattress and hitting it for hours, for weeks and yelling all the swear words you need to get out of your system. No one has the right to harm or touch another human being.

Rape, escalate the entire thing, and put with it all the programs and guilt women are taught and inward feelings of shame and uncleanness, and you have the worst of the three, and something that is very very very bad.

You seem to be talking about something you know nothing about.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:28 PM
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Originally posted by Charmed707

Rape (specifically rape against women) is a cause that leftists, especially feminists have taken up, as if victims of other crimes don't matter, not even the child victims of rape. Look at the sensationalized Duke rape case, which turned out to be false. It also got extra attention because of the racial angle.


Yup, that was a case that was sensationalized for media ratings, and yup it turned out to be false. Thank you for that single example. It isn't a left vs. right issue, it's a humanity issue, and you're failing to see that. As for how feminists herald the issue, it's pretty easy to shut them up once the fact that men in prison are raped substantially more then all men on women rapes per year. It, however, still does not negate the fact that any type of forced action on an unwilling person leaves that person as a victim of a crime. Rape, murder, theft, blackmail, con schemes, etc are all crimes that have a predator and a victim.


Children get a pass on making blatantly stupid choices. Adults don't. They shouldn't be coddled and told they were helpless whenever they are facing the direct consequences of their actions. The world would be a better place if people would drop the childish mentality that people like yourself possess. Going by your logic, the rapist or even a murderer can just say 'I made a stupid choice' and be justified in that.


Have you ever made a single mistake (even got a 99% on a test) since turning 18? Ever been in a car accident? Ever forget something for work, or are 10min late for a meeting? Ever make a mistake on a report? Date the wrong person? If the answer is yes, and you've solicited sympathy for that mistake, then just shut up.


You most certainly can- to an extent. You are NOT helping anyone by pretending otherwise.


So you agree with me that you can't control the actions of another person.


So you're saying that being a rape victim is something to envy? That says a lot about your sick mind.

Besides, if someone actually wants to become a victim for attention, it can be easily done....by making risky decisions.


What's sicker - someone not having empathy for others of heinous crimes, or someone trying to understand why a person would have that outlook? Nice try on attacking me though, but the reality is - you clearly lack empathy in this topic, and are taking the extremely narcissistic stance of "If i don't make this mistake, then others who do, are at fault". Humans come in all shapes and sizes, including intelligence levels. I would wager a guess that you're also of the mindset that "the world would be a better place if stupid people weren't allowed to breed". Ironically, if that was the case - who'd be janitors?

However, i'm a very misanthropic person, because in my short time alive have been through a substantial amount of bull**** - including sexual exploitation. Predators do not give their victims choices in the matter, and no matter how prepared a person is, nothing is 100% fool-proof (as you agreed with me above)

But I rather doubt that anything that myself - or anyone else - says on this subject will change your mind on the matter, and the only real way that you might see this differently is for you to be the victim of a crime some day thus opening your eyes to the psychological horrors it causes someone to go through.

I hope that you never have to go through that, but if you do - don't go to anyone for support on the matter, because after all, it's your fault.

Right?
edit on 20-8-2012 by Evil_Santa because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:29 PM
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Originally posted by LightAssassin

By your theory I could have raped her because she put herself in a position to be raped, and it would be her fault.


I not once said that those who are raped are to blame for the actions of the rapist.

What if, hypothetically speaking, you had a daughter that said she was going out to a bar and was going to find an unknown man to go home with, but not to have sex with...? You wouldn't object at all or advise against it? If you did, she would be justified in snapping back at you 'you're acting like I'm to blame if I get raped!'...?


But I'm human, you see, and a good human at that. I acknowledge her right to back out of any decision.


There will ALWAYS be people who disregard the rights of others. It's just the way of the world. The world will never be a utopia of love, unicorns, and rainbows. You have to make decisions based on the reality that you live in, not the reality that you WISH you lived in.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:32 PM
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I've now had a chance to read some of the comments about "victims" making stupid choices.

My stupid choice of the week? Putting a hot cup of coffee in between my legs as I sat in the back of a cab to respond to a text by my boyfriend. Yep. I learned my lesson the hard way from that bad choice.

But inviting someone I trusted into my home last week who has been severely depressed was not a bad decision on my part. I was trying to support him and be there for him. I did not know he would attack me. Not once but three times. He is no longer a friend and is no longer welcome in my home. Luckily, I fought him off and made sure he knew that "no" really meant "no."

Victims of rape don't report rapes to get attention. They report rapes to get justice. And to prevent rapes from happening again. Most rapists WILL attempt rape again because it excites them. It is never the "victims" fault.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:32 PM
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duplicate post delete
edit on 20-8-2012 by Charmeine because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:32 PM
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Originally posted by paxnatus
reply to post by James1982
 


Yes of course sex takes place in a rape, but the rape itself is not about having sex with someone!!

This was the kind of rape I experienced...I think I am more qualified to speak to what drives rape having
been in the situation myself than you are!! You are so wrong about this!!



Anger rape
The aim of this rapist is to humiliate, debase and hurt their victim; they express their contempt for their victim through physical violence and profane language. For these rapists, sex is a weapon to defile and degrade the victim, rape constitutes the ultimate expression of their anger. This rapist considers rape the ultimate offense they can commit against the victim.

Anger rape is characterized by physical brutality, much more physical force is used during the assault than would be necessary if the intent were simply to overpower the victim and achieve penetration. This type of offender attacks their victim by grabbing, striking and knocking the victim to the ground, beating them, tearing their clothes, and raping them.

The experience for the offender is one that is of conscious anger and rage. [1]


wikipedia



As I said, there are times where it's NOT about sex, as in your case evidently. But that instance doesn't in anyway mean that it's NEVER about sex.

You say you know more than me... well maybe, I've never been "raped" in the sense that you were. However I was molested repeatedly as a child which I've mentioned a few other times here on ATS. What's the difference? Where is the line drawn between rape and molestation?

At the time of my experience I was very young. Young enough to not really know what's going on, but old enough to know it wasn't right. There was no violence involved, however I was definitely negatively effected by the experience. From MY experience, which you may not consider rape, it was definitely about sexual gratification for the perpetrator.

I still stand by my statement. A large portion of rapes are about sex for the perpetrator. They want to have sex with someone, and cant, so they force them. Most men have tons of experiences seeing women and thinking "Man, I'd love to sleep with her" but that's as far as it goes. For rapists, they think the same thing, but are such disgusting creatures that they then continue on obsessing and end up forcing themselves on that person. The victim may not think of the attack as being about sex, but the perpetrator definitely does.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:33 PM
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Originally posted by LightAssassin
reply to post by Charmed707
 

That story I told of the girl cheating on her BF with me...I WAS the stranger getting drunk with her. Going home with her. Having intercourse with her and then halfway through stopping. I was drunk and could still know what is right and wrong.


You got off lucky. You'd be in jail if she would have went to the police.

Why would she go to the police if it was consentual? Maybe she told her boyfriend and he got very angry at her, so she just claimed she was raped to salvage the relationship. Maybe she felt used.

Who knows. It's your word against hers and hers wins every time.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:34 PM
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Its never about what women wear by the way.

www.amren.com...

I remember this very odd statement by a radical muslim in Toronto that should never have made national news, but, I also found this part interesting:


Moderate Muslim writer Tarek Fatah....
According to a 2008 report from the Egyptian Center for Women’s Rights, 83% of Egyptian women had experienced some form of sexual harassment or assault at some point. And well, over half of those surveyed around 70% wore veils of some kind, particularly head scarves.

“These results disprove the belief that sexual harassment is linked to the way women dress,” the report states. “This confirms that the stereotypical ideas of a patriarchal culture that blames women even if they are victims, is opposite to reality.”

But Alia Hogben of the Canadian Council of Muslim Women sees things differently: Atangana’s opinions are not as much to do with Islam as much as they reflect a general patriarchal desire among some men to control women.

“There is absolutely no connection between how women dress and being sexually assaulted,” Hogben said, adding that other religions from Judaism to Christianity have traditional dress codes of their own. She did agree, however, that “good, pious” Muslim women are sexually harassed, despite wearing modest and traditional clothin


So there is one action a women doesnt have to worry about taking to prevent rape. Dress code doesnt seem to affect it one way or another, so STRIKE ONE on blaming the survivor.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:38 PM
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reply to post by Skywatcher2011
 


Try being on the receiving end of a rape. Then you can tell me the word you would use to describe it.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:39 PM
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reply to post by litterbaux
 


After we stopped we sat talking for another hour and a half (she had a lot on her chest and was using me as a sort of outlet, initially for sex but what she was able to express with words helped more I think).

You are correct of course. She could have. If I hadn't treated her with utmost respect and care then maybe she would have felt bad and gone back to him. But she didn't.

I've gone home with a lot of women. Never got burned by any of them. Treated them all with respect. I think that's the secret.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:39 PM
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Originally posted by Skywatcher2011

Originally posted by Libertygal


Ever thought of the idea that some victims lead the "rapist" on for personal pleasure or conspiracy only after the sex they claim they have been raped to cause defamation of character to the "rapist" who was in fact innocent.

Not all rapes are true claimed rapes. They can also be planned by the victim for a purpose, a hidden agenda, or to have others feel sorry for them.

Some victims are simply liars to put it in perspective.
edit on 20-8-2012 by Skywatcher2011 because: quote fix


Being raped and falsely alleging rape are two completely different things.

I personally know someone who is blamed falsely for committing rape and know for a fact it did not happen. It is a horrible position to be put in. I totally agree with the posts about false rape allegations, but people are really muddying the waters between false rape allegations and real rape.

There is no fine line between the two.

Rape is rape.

Allegations of rape need to be investigated stringently and throughly, and if false, I agree they should be prosecuted as fully as the rapists themselves. False allegations of rape can destroy lives as much, if not more than real rape can.

I know because I can speak from both sides of the fence on this.

The OP however, is about real rape, and the focus then, should be on real rape.

Date rape and the foggy areas that can come into play in these situations are best left to investigators and forensics to deal with. Sadly, prosecutors with a hard on can tend to lean very heavily on persons, in particular men, that are falsely accused of rape, and have a tendency to prosecute them now and find out later they were wrong. Two huge cases recently come to mind.

As a rape counselor, however, it is not to me to question the trauma or emotions a woman is going through after a rape claim is made. If a woman feels violated, then she is treated with the dignity of any rape victim, whether *I* believe her or not. The choice is not up to me, but a court of law to decide. I only wish the courts were more fair to *both* sides.

I do not believe that 100% conviction rates on rape cases speaks very well of the prosecutor when it is known that women have alleged rape in revenge situations. That, though, really should be another thread.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:45 PM
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reply to post by Charmed707
 



To intentionally put yourself in a vulnerable position that you supposedly don't want and THEN act like a helpless child is asinine and not worthy of sympathy.



Everyone knows predators exist. Anyone who walks right into their web are eligible for a Darwin award, so to speak.


With these two quotes, you come off as blaming the victim. You can't expect everyone to act the same way as yourself, and make the same decisions.

If a person puts themselves into a bad situation, then they've made a mistake. If that situation goes from bad to terrible, and they're raped, then they're already dealing with blaming themselves for making the mistake of putting themselves into that situation - in addition to the mental trauma of having sex forced onto them.

By scolding the person for making that mistake you're just reinforcing the the mental trauma that person went through. A person in that position doesn't need to be told that they f'd up, because they already damn well know they did. What they need is someone caring to help them cope with their mistake, learn from it, get over the mental duress and move on with living a happy, healthy life.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:48 PM
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Originally posted by Skywatcher2011
reply to post by Charmeine
 


Using the word 'attacked' makes the rapist sound like a TERRORIST. Oh can you sense the media hype right about now.



So what do you call it when someone points a gun at you? Shoves it into your mouth? Shoves it under your chin while they pull your pants down and sexually assault you? Points it at your temple, all the while telling you how easy it would be to pull the trigger and blow your brains out all over the car they have you bent over?

Then, as they run away laughing at having violated you and sexually abused your body, they shoot at you, laughing while you scream and drop to the ground trying to find cover from the bullets coming in your direction?

If that's not terroristic, what is?

If that's not an attack, what is?

Why is it that people like you feel you have the right to interpret what other people go through for them? NO media hype here, just the blunt, honest truth. It is up to the survivor to determine if they feel attacked or terrorized, not you.

When someone forces themselves upon a woman, into a woman, it is an attack.

If you don't like that term, then perhaps you should examine yourself and find out why?



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:51 PM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


Story of a Girl:

A 14 year old girl was forced to chaperone her older sister to a party. She didn't want to go but did not have a choice. She was a good girl who instinctively hated drugs and trouble. Unbeknownst to her a man had been watching her every move for two months waiting for the opportune moment. He was patient and she didn't even know he existed.

She was innocent and was content letting life teach her slowly all things in it's normal pace. She wasn't interested in boys nor was she rebellious. She was creative, free and strong in spirit. Ruled by love she was unaware of a world with such predators lurking in the darkness waiting to destroy the innocent.

The man drugged her juice and she passed out. When she awoke she was chained to a dark stone basement wall in a corner bed. He kept her for 3 days drugging, raping, sodomizing and beating her until she escaped beaten, bloody, broken and ravaged................she was forever changed.

His repeated words stuck in her mind every day year after year. You see he kept telling her that it was all her fault because she was so beautifull that he could not resist her. She made him do this to her.

Double victemization in not uncommon.

Rape happens in many ways and every single one of them are wrong regardless of what the woman wears or if her lips are painted red. Whether she is pretty with dark long hair or wearing a pretty dress with short red hair.

Rape is simply an act of violence that takes, steals, destroys, degrades and leaves the survivor in ruins in one or many many ways for a life time. It is a killer...............because when rape happens it kills something inside the survivor that can never be retrieved or put right again.

Rape can never be justified. It is simply an atrocity to suffer and survive that should never have been perpetrated against any living soul for any reason, ever.



edit on 21-8-2012 by Egyptia because: (no reason given)
edit on 21-8-2012 by Egyptia because: (no reason given)
edit on 21-8-2012 by Egyptia because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 11:55 PM
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Originally posted by Unity_99

I'm sure there are. Women should never have a drink with friends, or go out dancing? Hmmm.... Should she never wear anything above her knees too?


Grow up. False choice scenarios are amateur and tired out.


In other words, if she doesn't act like a second class citizen, and tailor her outfits to be as unappealing as possible, and curfew herself like a child, she deserves it if she is raped?


Strawman arguments are tired out as well.


Oh, and I also read a page or two back how you thought there was no difference between being attacked, violently, and intimately, and penetrated, shamed and wounded to your core was any different than robbed or physically assaulted.


I didn't say there was no difference in those acts. I said rape victims are not worthy of more sympathy than victims of other violent crimes.


Well, all 3 have occurred and the list goes: robbery some rage and fall out; physcially attacked, rage, hurt, need for counseling, and help, can't internalize the rage, or it becomes illness, have to let it out. For some that means, a bat, and a mattress and hitting it for hours, for weeks and yelling all the swear words you need to get out of your system. No one has the right to harm or touch another human being.

Rape, escalate the entire thing, and put with it all the programs and guilt women are taught and inward feelings of shame and uncleanness, and you have the worst of the three, and something that is very very very bad.


What a load of bull. You're treating these crimes as black and white scenarios. There are different components of each of these crimes including the degree of severity, whether your life is at stake (which is present in just about every case of assault and robbery, but not always rape), and even the demeanor of the perp.

With women being taught that they aren't responsible for their actions, that they are completely helpless in what happens to them, and that they can claim 'rape' after having sex that they regret, this puts more men in danger of being falsely accused and prosecuted. If I had to choose, I'd rather be the victim of an actual rape than to be the victim of a false accusation of a crime as serious as rape.



posted on Aug, 21 2012 @ 12:01 AM
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reply to post by smyleegrl
 


Amen sister. Thanks for sharing and doing your part to eradicate ignorance. I personally think the actual percent of women raped is much higher; I believe a HUGE number of women do not report it for fear of family, social stigma, or a belief the rape will go unpunished in a court, which is sad. Rape is notoriously difficult to prosecute unless it was brutal because it becomes a case of he said, she said.

I personally have known dozens of woman in my 48 years who have been raped, but not reported it, including my wife and at least two sisters.



posted on Aug, 21 2012 @ 12:07 AM
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Originally posted by Evil_Santa

With these two quotes, you come off as blaming the victim.


The only thing I'm blaming them for is making stupid choices....not for the rape itself.


they're already dealing with blaming themselves for making the mistake of putting themselves into that situation


Why should they not? That's how we learn from our mistakes and it's a part of our survival.


By scolding the person for making that mistake you're just reinforcing the the mental trauma that person went through.


If they accept responsibility for their mistake, then there's no need for them to be scolded. What's damaging is telling them that they had absolutely no hand in what happened to them and that there's absolutely nothing they can do to prevent it from happening again.





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