The Truth About Rape

Originally posted by smyleegrl
I do feel uniquely qualified to address the issue of rape, because I am a rape survivor. My rape was devastating, and even twenty years later I still struggle with what happened. I’ve been diagnosed as having severe anxiety, major depressive disorder, and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I will have to deal with this for my entire life; as must all survivors of violent crime. However, although I still struggle with what happened, my life has moved on. I try not to let myself be defined by what happened to me, but by what I choose to do with my life. Which is why I prefer the term rape survivor. I’m not a victim. I survived.

edit on 20-8-2012 by smyleegrl because: forgot those darn quotes...

This whole debate on rape has also touched a very raw nerve with me after Todd Akin's ridiculous and uninformed blurt. You are very well informed as I am, and with good reason, but everyone should have this knowledge and unfortunately they don't, which is sad considering we have a wealth of information at our fingertips nowadays.

Thank you for also having the courage to share your personal take with the ATS family, it's not easy carrying baggage like this around with you for years and years. It's hard enough to get back on your feet, never mind gathering enough self esteem to get you through each day in one piece. Although every survivors story's and experiences are different, living with the trauma is not that different. Both experiences for me were people I knew; 1) my natural father 2-2 1/2 years of age (multiple incidents of rape and sexual abuse, this was after he was release from jail for placing me in intensive care for physical abuse and multiple fractures inc skull, ribs, wrists etc) prior to being placed in foster care and 2) 23 years of age someone I thought was a friend who broke my trust (one incident of violent rape). Both were soul destroying and highly traumatic and life for me will never be the same, but I am a stronger person and I have learned to love and trust again eventually. I am now 38, have two kids and a LT fiancé of 11 years and they are my world. So it can be done, finding some sort of normality in the madness of depression and PTS disorder which I still suffer with and always will, but at least I have found my centre of happiness despite all odds, the rest of the crap doesn't matter as long as I have them.

Reaching out with huge hugs for you smyleegrl!

Originally posted by live2beknown
But I swear the way they dress they asking for it, wearing short skirts and skimpy tank tops.. or booty shorts, obviously It's going to get the guy to look at them and "want" them..

Ahhhh The old "they were asking for it" comment.

"Oh she dressed like that so wanted to be raped"


Do you think before you post?


You honestly think someone is asking to have their life ruined, to never be able to trust fully and be around strange men again, to suffer anxiety attacks and have nightmares about what happened?

You, like the other guy I responded to, are a moron....

You need to get a clue.

You give men a bad name....

reply to post by Phenomium


Phenomium, I could call you out for your generalizations and overall crappy attitude, but instead I would like to sympathize with what you appear to be going through and ask you to consider that you may be taking your anger and grief a bit too far.

Not all women do what you have experienced. I had a child out of wedlock with a man seven years ago. I did not seduce him to get pregnant and take his money. Our relationship didn't work out and I never asked for child support. I never forced a custody agreement on him either and we have managed to have a mutually agreed upon and beneficial arrangement. We have been able to do this in part because we were never married, and so the court hasn't needed to get involved, but more importantly we were able to do this because we are fair and reasonable people. So your feelings that this is just what women "do" are incorrect - it is what unreasonable people do and I am sorry if you have fallen victim to an unreasonable person.

For your own sake I hope you can find away to see beyond your current situation and not use it to characterize every divorced woman as a "rapist" of men. No matter how painful your experiences have been they are not rape, even if it "feels" like it. Your attitude of hatred and extreme prejudice puts you at risk for becoming a rapist yourself. And before you claim that you could never do such a thing think long and hard about how deep your resentments lie and where they could lead you.

I hope you are able to move beyond the hand life dealt you. I hope you are able to focus on the needs of your children and not the demands of your ex wife. I hope you are able to find a woman to build a life with if that is what you still want. But until you do some deep soul searching I fear you never will, nor should you because that level of anger doesn't disappear, it just finds a convenient outlet.

BTW love your avatar. One of my favorite films and I have a tshirt with that exact scene on it. Contradictory? Well I have always been very good at separating fact from fiction, and I love a good performance.

reply to post by blupblup


wow seriously, you are a disgrace.. IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so.. She knows she is trying to get a guys attention and when you mix that with a guy who knows he can't get a girl like that and see's her and possibly been drinking.. Well you get that outcome of rape. Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

Originally posted by live2beknown
reply to post by blupblup

 

wow seriously, you are a disgrace.. IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so.. She knows she is trying to get a guys attention and when you mix that with a guy who knows he can't get a girl like that and see's her and possibly been drinking.. Well you get that outcome of rape. Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

There is a difference in her choice and against her will. If she wants to "get laid" by going to a club, the choice of the man is hers. It is not your choice to force yourself upon her because of how she dressed.

You're 100% right it is her choice to dress however she wants. It is also her choice to reject you and to choose someone with more respect.

Originally posted by live2beknown
reply to post by blupblup

 

IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..

What image?

If a girl wants to dress sexy (or if you want to say) slutty.... then why not? Does that mean they SHOULD be raped just because of the way they dress?

Seriously... :shk:

It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so..

And what are the consequences? She'll be raped?




Dress a certain way and you'll be raped.

Well that's on the "raper" and not the woman, to blame a woman for the actions of a sick individual, shows how moronic your thinking is.

Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

Because it's nice to dress up? Because it's good to feel and be sexy? Because it's nice to be looked at?

Anything OTHER than because they're looking to be raped.

Of course people go out to get laid, at clubs, all the time.... but they go for CONSENSUAL sex..... remember that.

Rape is such a vile act. I'm throwing up in my mouth just thinking about it.

It is an animalistic behavior in which should be extracted from our DNA. Its a disorder that serves no purpose for humanity.

In fact this disfuction brings us closer to the animal kingdom, which may at one time served as a survival fuction but today we should be beyond it.

The people that want to play the blame game, or want to try to justify this heinous crime in anyway are boderline psychotic at best.

Thier is no one to blame but the rapist and thier inablility to control themsleves.

Is thier anything that can come from this behavior other then harm? It is pure evil!!!

The simple anwser is no. Thier is nothing that this hideous act can do to benefit mankind.

Rapists should be put down like a rabid animal. They serve no purpose other then to harm.

If people want to try to lie about the crime with false actuations then they should be put to death aswell. To falsely accuse someone of a crime punishable by death in it self, in my book anyway, is attempted murder.

For the ones that have had to experience this I'm at a loss for words.

All I can say is that I am sorry and the stone must be a heavy stone to carry indeed.

Never let anyone ever tell you it was your fault.. NEVER

Originally posted by Phenomium
reply to post by Charmeine

 

I said it was wrong. I am not saying that there is no empathy for women who get raped. I am saying that ther is NO empathy for men when they get raped by women (symbolically) in courts. For those of you who have male children and the lack of empathy for men....make a note of this one day some woman WILL seduce him, have a child and take him to court and rape him the only way they know how. Works the same when the shoe is on the other foot doesn't it?

Rape to a woman, is the physical manifestation of what they do to men in a divorce court every day, they use their children as their angry penis, and they get praised for it and called a victim by all other women as well as the courts allow them to do it. The symptoms that a man has after a woman does this are the same symptoms they have when they get physically raped.

One day women, some other woman's little girl who you are collaborating with, will take your little boy to court and rape him they only way they know how... and they will be rewarded for doing so.

This is a thread about rape. If you want to discuss custody issues, then start a thread about it.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
I dont want your pity, and I don't want your star. Thaqt's not the point of the thread, which is to educate people about rape. I suggest you read the thread in its entirety.

If I may make an attempt to translate what he's trying to say. Physical rape is overpowering another based on muscles to make that intimate connection. As mentioned the stereotype is the male raping the female.

I think what he's trying to point to is the mental overpowering or emotional overpowering of the female over the male and how that gets neglected in law, which appears similar and so is unfair.

For an extreme example looking at cults and sects where people's minds get so twisted they lose it and so their selfconfidence, self worth, family, friends. I don't have experience in divorces but I can imagine some women will make the male look like the bad guy out of revenge in such a way the guy doesn't know what's happening, simply because he lacks that convincing quality some women can express, which is like overpowering someone and can be extremely humiliating and can wreck a persons life for years, making them feel like they are the criminal while in reality they know they are not. Men cannot be expected to get in touch with their feminine side to prevent them from getting emotionally screwed over by some women just as women cannot be expected to develop muscles, carry guns or take self defense courses to prevent themselves from getting raped yet the law doesn't provide in these things which is because of historical thoughts I suppose.

Having said that I agree they are 2 completely different things which share some common themes and not what you intended for the thread. Other than that, yes I agree rape in all it's forms is bad.

Originally posted by SeenAlot
Shame on every one of you that feel the victim has any responsibility.

They have but one responsibility, to heal as no one else but themselves can do that. I wouldn't mind paying taxes to pay for mental healthcare which gives counseling though.

Originally posted by live2beknown
reply to post by blupblup

 

wow seriously, you are a disgrace.. IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so.. She knows she is trying to get a guys attention and when you mix that with a guy who knows he can't get a girl like that and see's her and possibly been drinking.. Well you get that outcome of rape. Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

So a female isn't allowed to dress pretty? Wear make up to make herself feel attractive? Do you really honestly believe she is doing that to attract a man's attention? So this showing of a little skin is asking to be raped? So what about a swimsuit or bikini at the pool or beach?

I am a qualified psychotherapist and have studied in depth psychology.

A woman or girl dresses pretty, wears make up etc for her OWN self esteem, usually because media tells little girls if they don't look pretty, slim and attractive they are not good enough.
A woman unconsciously flirts sometimes because maybe no one tells her she's good enough, or her boyfriend is beating her, or her daddy was a complete # and all she wanted was his attention.
Unless she is actively seeking a mate in which case she has a CHOICE!!!

Women and girls NEVER ask to be raped and they never want to be raped EVER! Neither do MEN! When will people learn that rape in any form is unacceptable and NO means NO!!!!!!

One thing I wish is that more women would take an interest in being able to protect themselves. Learn some judo, tone the body up a bit, maybe consider a firearm and marksman training. Oh and it couldn't hurt to wear shoes you can actually run in - the world is a dangerous place, not only because somebody might try to rape you.

reply to post by live2beknown

wow seriously, you are a disgrace.. IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so.. She knows she is trying to get a guys attention and when you mix that with a guy who knows he can't get a girl like that and see's her and possibly been drinking.. Well you get that outcome of rape. Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

Hmmm.. the hole your digging is getting deeper...

Some woman dress to attract men, of course... but do you believe that they want any man? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe, she would like to be as attracted to him as he is to her??

You do understand that a woman has right to choose who she sleeps with?

Just to make the point clear...

A woman is ALLOWED to want sex... she is allowed to dress sexy in order to seek out someone to have sex with!!

A man is NOT allowed to ASSUME that the person she wants sex with is HIM unless she clearly says so and makes it obvious. If a woman says NO to you it doesn't make her a slag or a lesbian (and even if she is it doesn’t matter)... it simply means you’re not her type or she's not in the mood... If I woman hasn’t said no, but looks uncomfortable and not happy with the situation you stop IMMEDIATELY!!

Either way you have to RESPECT her wishes and be a REAL MAN.

A real man is a gentleman.

Peace

Originally posted by Skywatcher2011

Originally posted by verschickter
As a man I say: Always aim for his balls in a rape situation. Hit as hard as you can, this is men´s kryptonite. Don´t use it for anything else then self protection. But hit the balls, he won´t be able to do much in the minute afterwards. Chance to escape or chance to disable him to get time to escape.

A man that´s about to rape someone doesn´t deserve less.

I wonder if rapists will ever evolve to wearing a jock strap on their rampages? Just sayin

That would be easy enough, because the eyes would be next. Two thumbs till those suckers pop out into my hands, or a set of keys until it bursts.

AND if that didn't do the trick, the windpipe would be next.

There will be no sympathy. The first guy brought a gun. The second best bring an army.

The only advantage would be full body armor, and there won't be any raping going on then, would there?

What a bold thread, having dealt with the issue personally not only myself but other women through the years with discussions and helping them cope, I commend you for this healing process you have initiated for others who may not have known how to even begin.

Kudos.

reply to post by smyleegrl


smyleegrl - You are an inspiration... When my daughter gets back from her holiday i am going to get her to read your post.

Not enough strong women in the limelight these days.

Peace

I have to say that trying to profile a woman by the way she acts or dresses is wrong. Many rapists do not even consider a girl or woman who is not 'pure' neat and proper. So many young girls and babies who get raped are in pigtails and church clothes! Flannel P.J.s turn on some rapists!

Boys, babies, men who are raped are no exception.

I tried to stay out of this thread and are going to leave for now but I do have something to say, just not right now.

reply to post by Libertygal


It is also her choice to think logically and with at least a bit of intelligence. Would you tell your daughter or wife that it was just fine to go out drinking by herself and walk down a street alone while drunk and wearing a mini skirt and heels? No, no one dresses to get raped, but you have to use some logic and reasoning when you live in a violent society, such as most of America.

reply to post by Muckster


I agree and I am also going to share this with my Step Daughter who from the age of 4-7 was brutally raped by her stepfather, one of the worst cases in Kentucky/Tennessee history. She has become a beautiful and healthy young lady.

Originally posted by live2beknown
reply to post by blupblup

 

wow seriously, you are a disgrace.. IF the girl didn't want to have that image on her, she wouldn't dress slutty or skimpy..It's her own choice to dress like that and knows the consequence for doing so.. She knows she is trying to get a guys attention and when you mix that with a guy who knows he can't get a girl like that and see's her and possibly been drinking.. Well you get that outcome of rape. Why do you think girls dress slutty and skimpy and go clubbing, cause 80% trying to get laid, or go home with a guy..trust me I been clubbing many times over the years..

Alright. Now I have to chime in on this issue.

While I believe women can & do at times put themselves in unsafe situations - and we all need to be careful and prepared as I said in my early post.....

The way a woman dresses has nothing to do with anything. Even if a woman is out to meet a guy and she is dressed to look hot - once she meets you and realizes you are a creep or nasty or you stink or have horrible manners or she just isnt interested - she has the RIGHT and the AUTHORITY to turn you down. And you should have the maturity to walk away and take the rejection like a man.

You are NO MAN if you look at women, how she is dressed and see her drinking and think automatically: oh she wants me and wants me to get down her pants and im going to force it on her.

The way I look does not mean I want you to violate me. I have the final authority on what I want done with my body......regardless of what the hell im wearing or how I look. If someone with your attitude came up to me and even attempted to lay a finger on me....hed have a gun in his face and his balls bleeding out....and much more damage. That's how I deal with pathetic perpetrators and predators.

Your attitude is the reason I strongly suggest all women remain in absolute control of themselves when out and about.....and know self defense and keep yourself armed and your wits sharp.....