The Truth About Rape

Originally posted by greeneyedleo


The best thing we as women (and men too) can do for ourselves from this moment on and every day we breathe life....is learn self defense and be armed, be very aware of our surroundings, and always be in control of yourself (im an advocate of never getting drunk and never taking drinks - even water from strangers at a bar/club, etc). I dont believe women (or men) "ask for it", but I believe in some instances, women make very bad decisions and put themselves in horrible situations where they are unable to control the hideous actions of others. Again, that is NOT placing the blame on women. It is a cry for women (and men) to be CAREFUL at all times. Make wise and safe decisions always.

I have to admit....im more afraid of the everyday stranger out there than I am of the government. Ive gone over 30 years w/out the government EVER harming me. Yet ive had people I personally know and even strangers do far more harm to me than the government ever will.

Self control (in control over ourselves at all times). Self protection (learning self defense, martial arts, using a weapon....and our smarts). Awareness (of those around us, the surroundings - dont walk in a dark alley alone). All things we need to exercise daily.

Hopefully the women out there did not take what I said wrong....

I agree completely.

Women and men need to be aware that certain behaviors do put you at a greater risk. Getting drunk at a frat party may increase your chance of getting raped; you've provided a predator with a possible opportunity.

A predator picks his target through numerous factors, but one of those factors is opportunity. So don't let that opportunity arise. Be smart, use common sense, and trust your instincts.

Everyone should learn self-defense. I did, and its done a lot to easing my mind in certain situations. True, the average male is much stronger and larger than me, but now I know ways to protect myself, ways to disable him for the few seconds I need to get away. That knowledge has done wonders for my self esteem.

reply to post by tothetenthpower

People who cry rape falsely however, deserve no respect and should be subject to the same harsh punishment that rapists should get.

100% agree.

People who knowingly falsely accuse anyone of a crime, should receive that maximum penalty.

Being the victim of rape most certainly is glamorized...and it's sickening. There are T-shirts that say something along the lines of 'I was raped'. You always hear the term 'rape survivor', when no one has ever died from being raped. Rape is a violent act that often puts one in a dangerous, life-threatening position- but I rarely hear the term 'assault survivor' or 'robbery survivor'. 'Rape survivor' is used so often that it has become a cliche. Victims of rape are emphasized much more than victims of other crimes. Being a 'rape survivor' certainly seems the en vogue thing to be in these current times.

reply to post by Charmed707


Words cannot express how sickening this post is.

I have a suggestion. And yes, I'm speaking in anger. But that entire post was so arrogantly ignorant, I have to speak up.

Why don't you interview some of those smug, glamorized, cliche "survivors" and find out what they went through. About the knife held to their throat. Or how the rapist repeated his act for HOURS and with different objects. About being hogtied, blindfolded, and fearing for your life. About being beaten so severely you have no idea if you'll survive; and if you do survive, you're physically maimed for life. About being taken advantage of, by a trusted friend, who turned out to be a monster.

I will always use the term survivor, because I'm not a victim. I choose my own destiny, and while I can't change what happened to me, I am in control of how I allow it to affect my life. I'd rather be a survivor than a victim any day of the week.

Many, many people do die from rape. Either they die from injuries sustained during the attack, or the attacker kills them. To state "You always hear the term 'rape survivor', when no one has ever died from being raped" is absurd.

As to other victims of violent crimes, how they choose to label themselves is up to them. If i'd been robbed, I'd be a robbery SURVIVOR. But that's me. .

read it wrong

[

I'd be interested to hear what posters think about George Galloway's comments about the alleged rape by Julian Assange. For anyone that didn't hear what he said here is the main bit:

Woman A met Julian Assange, invited him back to her flat, gave him dinner, went to bed with him, had consensual sex with him. Claims that she woke up to him having sex with her again. This is something which can happen, you know. I mean not everybody needs to be asked prior to each insertion. Some people believe that when you go to bed with somebody, take off your clothes, and have sex with them and then fall asleep, you're already in the sex game with them. It might be really bad manners not to have tapped her on the shoulder and said, "do you mind if I do it again?". It might be really sordid and bad sexual etiquette, but whatever else it is, it is not rape or you bankrupt the term rape of all meaning.

Do we think this constitutes rape or not ?

reply to post by bigyin


Well, I may be burned on the stake but I think in this particular situation, where both have slept with each other just before in consent, it comes down to Assanges reaction AFTER she woke up.

Think about waking up next to your girl and thinking, hey why not wake her up with a nice oral.
In this particular situation, I have no special permit but I assume because we had sex just hours before.

Now when she woke up (I hardly can imagine its even possible to sleep while having sex without any drug involvement) and she said "STOP it" and he just went on, while she refused to play the game, it´s clearly rape to me.

BUT when she woke up and said stop it, and he stopped it, I think its in a iffy gray zone. He stopped and supposedly didn´t knew she would be against it. Now, when he stopped, after he was teached by her she´s not for it in the moment, is it rape then? Remember, there is a difference between two who agreed sex just before and sleeping with one in the same bed without sex before.

Would I rape my wife when I wake her up with kisses down there? Because I can´t know 100% she´s up to it in that minute.

reply to post by smyleegrl


S+F!

Great thread Smyleegrl! Spreading this sort of knowledge is key. It can help other women perhaps not be raped if they know about these myths, and other facts you posted about rape.

and you are correct, You are a Survivor, and with this thread it makes you a teacher as well.

rape is a horrible thing, and I get sick just thining about it.

I would recommend all women check out the "Women Empowered" course. Taught by the Gracies. The course will show you amazing techniques to:
1) avoid even being the target of rape (things like being aware of your surroundings, and breaking down all those myths you pointed out in the OP smyleegrl)
...and
2) ways to stop a rapist and escape.

BTW- I'm in no way affiliated with the Gracies, just pointing this course out as a resource.


this clip below is just one slice out of one lesson, and there are dozens of lessons each with several slices. They cover everything from punch defense, to choke defense ect. The bird analogy in the clip is brilliant, and spot on.




You can Check out more about Women Empowered, by you-tubing it, or going to Gracie University
or Women Empowered

Stay safe out there Ladies!

As a man I say: Always aim for his balls in a rape situation. Hit as hard as you can, this is men´s kryptonite. Don´t use it for anything else then self protection. But hit the balls, he won´t be able to do much in the minute afterwards. Chance to escape or chance to disable him to get time to escape.

A man that´s about to rape someone doesn´t deserve less.

Originally posted by Skywatcher2011
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

It is funny how that website gives you all the figures in their conclusions yet they don't site their sources or research methods to get to those numbers.

Where are the evidence and sources? Not credible enough for me though logically it would make sense. But the numbers need to be cited, sorry.

BTW ...THOSE ARE 2005 FIGURES...they are like almost 8 YEARS old numbers. Just sayin

edit on 20-8-2012 by Skywatcher2011 because: added note

Yes, I realize the numbers are older, but they do show a snapshot of time. If anything, I feel those numbers are probably on the smaller size, at least with regards to how many women will be raped during their life.

Many women and men who are raped don't report it to the authorities. I never reported what happened to me, for many reasons. So I tend to think the numbers of reported rapes are on the low side.

Those numbers really don´t care if you are in the situation I guess, so why ranting on old numbers when they are enough to give you a picture? Just saying

reply to post by packoftwenty

Yes, we believe you. You're an idiot. "sex takes place in a rape, but the rape itself is not about having sex with someone". Words fail me.

Look - men who are CAPABLE of rape, get turned on by seeing somebody SUFFERING - which means they are sick in the head. They aren't as interested in the physical attractiveness of a woman, as in the fact that THEY are making her suffer. That doesn't mean it isn't about sex - it is TOTALLY about sex - you just don't want to believe that there are so many men in the world who get turned on by seeing somebody being hurt. Unfortunately there are hundreds of MILLIONS of them. As long as idiots like you keep saying 'Rape isn't about sex', these scumbags can get away with LESSENING their own crimes by making out that it's about 'power'. It is nothing to do with power - it's just that the sickos who rape, get turned on by seeing women being hurt, as simple as that.

This is paxnatus and your above statement was addressed to me! I have a question for you.....

What In The Hell Are You Talking About???????

I posted a few pages back, that in my case there is something called Anger rape!! This is when the act is so VIOLENT that the attacker beats their victim BEYOND what they would need to in order to subdue them!!!!!

My attacker was a total stranger. I woke up and found a black man crouched at the foot of my bed!!! When I finally realized what was going on I screamed! He then went to the side of my bed and punched me so hard
his intent was either to kill me, or knock me unconscious! He was wearing brass knuckels and by thye grace of God he did not achieve either.

The entire time he was in my apartment, he called out to his friends so "they could have their turn" He continually threatened to kill me and i was locked up with this demon for hours inside my apartment!!!

His entire point and motivation, which was determined by the detectives working the case, was HATE!!! It was deemed a violent hate crime! He had stalked me for weeks and knew every move I made. It was also determined that he was hiding inside my apartment when I came home!!

His act was NOT ABOUT SEX!!!!! It was about RAGE, POWER, Humiliating and terrorizing someone and taking away everything a person could call their own!!!!

Here is another detail for you!! He did not ejaculate!!!!! He could not under such duress!!!! Are you going to sit there and call me an idiot because I will not agree with you that this monster just wanted a piece of ass????

Strange thing is the act of rape itself i barely remember!!!! What I remember was feeling so powerless and I could not physically move!!!

Have your life threatened repeatedly with someones hands around your throat while they straddle you and tell me It's NOT ABOUT POWER!!!!! There is absolutely NOTHING erotic about what I experienced NOT FOR THE CRAZED PERP EITHER!!!!! If You think RAPE is about SEX and getting off, You are the idiot whom has no idea what you are talking about!!!!

As far as me being a liberal!!! HAHAHAHA!! Go check out some of my threads and posts in the politics section here. You are a very immature misguided person who trivializes rape and places it in a category of some kind of exciting porn flick!!!!! Two words to you, GROW UP!!!

Pax

Can't people discuss this without the name calling and nastiness.

There are people on here who are bearing their souls, to insult and belittle them is totally uncalled for.


Just chill out and discuss this and leave the nastiness out of it.

Originally posted by jude11
reply to post by smyleegrl

 

While the site you point to lists many 'Facts' Why did you leave this one out?

Myth: Women fantasize about being raped.

Fact: No woman fantasizes about being raped. Fantasies about aggressive sex may be controlled and turned off if they become threatening. In rape, the victim is unable to control the violence and stop it.

Fact:Many women have a 'rape' fantasy. Well documented.

Although I will always agree that rape is a violent and personal assault, the fact is that many women have a fantasy of being taken against their will.

Any man knows the pillow talk of a woman will often bring this fantasy to the surface,

To say that it is a myth makes me believe that the writer of the column has an agenda that is not unbiased and perhaps may be a personal piece RATHER THAN A WELL RESEARCHED AND UNBIASED APPROACH.

Fact: Many women have fantasies of rape, forced sex and domination.

Peace

edit on 21-8-2012 by jude11 because: (no reason given)

I left several out, I focused on the ones that dealt more with my experiences.

I've never fantasized about rape. And while I'm aware of the studies that claim some women do fantasize about it, I think those fantasies aren't truly rape.

Let me explain. It is very satisfying to imagine that a man would find you so beautiful and alluring that he would do "anything" to have you. Is that a rape fantasy? I don't think so, but I have a feeling (no concrete proof, sorry) that a lot of rape fantasies are simply along those lines.

I doubt many women fantasize about being beaten, sodomized with various objects, physically and mentally abused, afraid for their life, etc.

I think the notion of a rape fantasy is just mistaken identity. But that's my opinion, as I said.

I am a male, so I couldn't tell you how it would be like getting raped. What guy wouldn't like to get raped by a woman???

reply to post by Skywatcher2011


This statement shows your complete lack of understanding with regards to rape.

Men can be raped by women, and its every bit as degrading and disgusting as male on female rape.

Originally posted by smyleegrl

I am a male, so I couldn't tell you how it would be like getting raped. What guy wouldn't like to get raped by a woman???

reply to post by Skywatcher2011

 

This statement shows your complete lack of understanding with regards to rape.

Men can be raped by women, and its every bit as degrading and disgusting as male on female rape.

Men can also be raped by men, and I'm sure every man can imagine what that would be like. Think about THAT! For all you tough guys out there, think about an even tougher guy, meaner guy, taking away your very freedom, holding you down, taking possession of your body, and having his way with it, and the more you resist, the more likely you are to be hurt or killed, but if you don't resist you have to live with the guilt that you allowed this man to violate you.

If you can imagine that scenario, then you can imagine what it might be like to be raped.

Originally posted by packoftwenty

Myth 3: Rapists are non-white. Rapists are lower class. Rapists are "Criminal types".

Fact: Rapists that fit the myth are more likely to be prosecuted but a rapist can be anyone: doctor, policeman, clergyman, social worker or corporate president.

Blacks are FAR more likely to be rapists than whites. That is a statistical FACT. You are denying women the ability to protect themselves when you LIE about things like this.

Let's see your statistics, then.

Are you serious? You're saying that men DON'T have to be aroused in order to have sex? Obviously you aren't a man. Oh - I see... You're trying to make out that GAYS don't rape, is that it? Yet more lies and insanity. One third of the victims of paedophiles are BOYS, yet only one percent of the male population is 'gay'. How do you explain that? I can explain it - gays are FAR more likely to be paedophiles than heterosexuals - according to the FACTS.

Who has ever denied that BOYS are raped by gay paedophiles? Notice your figures say "males aged TWELVE and over". Last time I looked, a 12 year old wasn't a MAN, why are you deliberately trying to hide the rapes of CHILDREN with those of adults?

Yes, men can be raped and NOT be aroused. Ever heard of sodomy? Being drugged? There are many ways to rape someone.
As far as gay people raping others, I'm sure its happened. But don't try and equate rape with being gay, or stating that gay people are far more likely to rape than others. If you want to make that claim, back it up. Show me your statistics. Otherwise....its homophobia. Pure and simple.

The differentiation between the ages was on the part of the article, not mine. The rape of a child is particularly heinous.

Myth 7: Sexual assault usually occurs between strangers.

Fact: Over 70% of rape victims know their attackers.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
*I knew my attacker. He was a trusted friend.

Then you're an idiot who needs to be more selective about who they're 'friends' with. It's VERY obvious which men are capable of rape, and which aren't. Clue: the ones who aren't violent and aggressive aren't capable of rape. I'm incapable of rape. I couldn't get an erection if I was threatening somebody - that's a completely unnatural state. Only neurotic men are capable of being 'turned on' when somebody else is being hurt. You SHOULD be able to recognise such men, especially if you're 'friends' with them.



Another ignorant statement. Have you never misjudged someone? Found out the person you trusted simply wasn't trustworthy? Ever been betrayed by someone you knew, and respected? How about a family member, or a person in authority....

I did. This was someone I had known for years. What he did was a complete shock and surprise. To say I should have somehow "known" he was a bad seed...ignorance. And no, my friend, I'm not an idiot. To call me names simply shows the lack of understanding you have for a very complex toopic.

By your reasoning, then, everyone who has ever experienced a violent crime "should have" been able to recognize the danger. What an absurd statement.

reply to post by Charmed707

Grow up. False choice scenarios are amateur and tired out.

These are the most common ones used against women. So you should grow up. PERIOD.

I didn't say there was no difference in those acts. I said rape victims are not worthy of more sympathy than victims of other violent crimes.

Is like having more sympathy for someone who is an amputee, than for someone who merely got a scratch, or a cut. I guess that depends on the soul of a person, eh?

What a load of bull. You're treating these crimes as black and white scenarios. There are different components of each of these crimes including the degree of severity, whether your life is at stake (which is present in just about every case of assault and robbery, but not always rape), and even the demeanor of the perp.

I described, been there, all 3, with different reactions, because they are far different crimes. And all rape victims feel in extreme danger of their lives on top of it, but its easier to recover from a beating than rape, even if you're hospitalized, in most cases.

The levels of which you don't understand something is actually unusual, considering how many posts your making in this thread.

I DO NOT approve of rape or anything related (thought I'd get that out there first), however, I do believe that the rapist is often in one way or another a victim just as well.

Does anyone here honestly believe that a rapist is born a rapist, a killer is born a killer, etc etc? I don't, society shapes people in certain ways, and some end up worse than others. The question for me then is; who's to blame...

I don't experience it myself, but I'm sure sexual frustration can push certain individuals over the edge, making them do things they would otherwise never consider. Add to that the fact that society is becoming more and more demanding, equally so when it comes to women's expectations of men, you need the looks, success, a bright future, a big car, a fancy smartphone, and it all needs to be presented asap, because life has become much like business, time is money, and if this sucker doesn't meet the standards, there are others waiting in line that might.

Also, don't forget that in the past, men had "alternatives" that are now gone. It is a know fact that, not only in ancient Greece, but also in times way before that, men engaged in same-sex "relationships" to compensate for a lack thereof with other-sex partners. Much like the animal kingdom, mind you

Did you know that at times, "single men" would group up to satisfy each other, because prostitution was too expensive, women were not available,... The (ancient) military is a good example of this. Could this not possibly explain also why (SOME) men who are completely frustrated, seek their pleasures in horrible ways such as rape? That is, of course, not to say that rape didn't occur back then, as I'm sure it's something of all times, sadly.