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How do I deal with Someone with such a Narrow Mind?

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posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:22 AM
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I have someone in my life right now that I clash with every single day about almost everything, that person? My mother. Now, I know it should be normal to have differing opinions from a mother, but I'm honestly getting fed up. She openly has her closed minded ideas (mostly about homosexuals and their rights which is always a debate in this house between her and I. Apparently because I support their rights and am fine with them "You must be one of those faggots too. ) and it's impeding upon my life. How?


Well, this morning's argument (and a regular one) about my hair. I was washing my hair in the sink in the bathroom when she comes by and says her usual catchphrase "If I were you, I would chop that # off." . Now, albeit, my hair IS long. It's probably around 24 inches or more. But, it's MY hair, not my mother's hair. Her hair I think is horrid looking because it's a really short haircut. I enjoy my hair, and if I didn't I would do something about it. She doesn't seem to understand this logic. And before you say anything abuot it, I am female if that changes anything for your perspective.

I went on to tell my mother that it's my hair and my life decisions and that she needs to kindly butt out and mind her own damn business. I am twenty years old now and should at should have full control of what I choose to do with my own body. Now, I don't keep my hair long just to peeve her, I have my reasons. It makes my face look more thin, I enjoy its cover in winter, I enjoy brushing it (it's almost theuraputic ) , and I have Natives in my heritage and so wish to respect some of my ancestors by following their tradition of not cutting my hair. It's my own choice and right.

It just seems that if things in the world are not my mother's way, they have to be changed to suit her. This is displayed in our home as well. It's ALL her style and my father didn't get a say or a word even though HE paid for it and supplies for our family by working ten hours every day. So, I'm asking you ATS, how do I deal with someone so controlling and who has to have the word their way? Someone "ME ME ME" ?




posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:26 AM
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You're 20 years old. Time to move out.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:28 AM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 


What are you? 12 years old?

Grow a pair. get a job. Move to your own flat, preferably in another town, and send her a mail around two times a year. That will change her tune and you will get some respect.
edit on 19-8-2012 by johncarter because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:30 AM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 


Move out and get a place of your own; or have you already done that; and you were just visiting?

I am curious; if you do still live at home; are you paying rent?



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:31 AM
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reply to post by PhantomLimb
 


Believe me, I would if I could afford to and plan to once I can. I like everyone else right now have financial pitfalls, unfortunately.
Plus, I WANTED to move far away to go to college, but the controller struck again. She insisted that I go to a college only fourty or so minutes away and come home on weekends. -.- But yeah, with me having to handle all of my own school expenses and saving up money to start paying loans, I just have nothing left over TO move out or I would be waaaay ahead of you with your suggestion.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:40 AM
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Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by PhantomLimb
 


Believe me, I would if I could afford to and plan to once I can. I like everyone else right now have financial pitfalls, unfortunately.
Plus, I WANTED to move far away to go to college, but the controller struck again. She insisted that I go to a college only fourty or so minutes away and come home on weekends. -.- But yeah, with me having to handle all of my own school expenses and saving up money to start paying loans, I just have nothing left over TO move out or I would be waaaay ahead of you with your suggestion.


Hmmm sounds like a hole lotta excuses.

I worked 3 jobs to put me through college, I worked at a deli on campus, I worked as a dishwasher, and last I was a paid tutor...

All so I didn't have to leach off my parents (who where already financially strapped sending 3 kids to college).

Grants, scholar ships and loans, I stayed on campus for 2 years before I got my own place, all while going to school full time.

If your an adult you do whats necessary to be independent.

If your a child you live under your parents roofs and so you must obey their rules, or put up with them.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:46 AM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 


We all have people in our lives who are so blindered and brainwashed and "un-awake" that it's pointless to even try to disagree or debate with them. They're never going to change---ever. Your mother is an example of that. Such an attitude and lifestyle has gotten here where she is: Happily unhappy with everything in her bitter little life, including you.

In my estimation, this is one of those situations where you just have to minimally comply (without caving in) and not try to fight it. It just makes matters worse.

We've all been there, whether it's an alcoholic boss or an overbearing step-dad, or whatever. Get along as long as you have to until you can get out and express your life in your own way. Fighting it only benefits your mother and reinforces her view of the world.

They say that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger....



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 11:59 AM
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It sounds like your mom has a point.

Her view may be bigoted to a degree, but she speaks from experience.

You comment about how it’s all about “her her her” But you show the exact same traits.
She it trying to help you but you are too concerned about your own beliefs to understand that simple fact.

You may not like her opinions but they are based on a life of experience. So put appropriate weight in that. She is pointing out things to you that will affect how well you do in real life. It may not jive with the politically correct world view you have, but that is your problem, not her’s

To try and dismiss here entirely is just allowing yourself to wrap yourself up in your own delusional world.

If you think her opinions are “intolerable” then you are going to have a real wakeup call when you enter the real world on your own.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 12:10 PM
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Why not encourage your mom to get an ATS account?

Then at least on the gay issue you two can have it out on one or more of the lengthy threads on homosexuality.

It could get dicey if you only have one computer in house, so that's assuming you have your own pc.
edit on 19-8-2012 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 12:15 PM
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Maybe college shouldn't be the priority right now. Sounds like getting the hell out of Dodge is Numero Uno.

Might want to learn prioritization. Sanity should always come first.

As far as where you go to college, that's your decision to make not your mother's.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 12:29 PM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 


Realize the flaw with your own thinking! Your twenty, MOVE OUT!

It isn't "your" home, it is her home, your a grown ass woman, get your own place, problem solved. Seriously, she is more than likely trying to prod your out of the nest, without being the" get the f*ck out!" Type of parent.

Cut the purse strings and go out on your own.

As to your post question, some peolple will not be reasoned with. So you have only a couple choices.

1 deal with it
2 change your thinking, as they will most likely not change theirs.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 12:34 PM
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I can't believe how so many are quick to to say moving is the answer.

I'm sorry your mother is so insensitive to you Op, and my suggestion is to try not to engage in conversation that will only lead to heated debate.

If she says something about homosexuals, ignore it, and move onto another topic.

You won't change her, and there is no use in adding fuel to the fire with reaction to her words.

I think by respectfully telling her that it is your hair ,and your choice for how you like to keep it, sooner or later the respectful but direct rebuttals will effect the way she chooses to talk to you.

I can understand that you don't have the resources to move right now, and there are other ways to sidestep this problem. Even if you did move out, you would still have to deal with it in visits.

I wish you the best of luck, and hopefully your mother wakes up to how disrespectful she is being of you and others. It can happen..patience.
edit on 19-8-2012 by WhisperingWinds because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 12:35 PM
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I'm going to go against the grain and try to get at the root of the issue. Why do you let your mother get under your skin so much?

I'm a guy who grew up in the eighties and had long hair for about fifteen straight years, cut if off, and then grew it back out for another few... My mother whined and nagged, as did a lot of other people... But I never let it get under my skin because I wasn't seeking their validation. I defended myself, if need be - verbally or otherwise. But I never let it get me down.

The way I see it, you want your mother to see you as a grown-up... As an equal and not a subordinate any longer. You want her to like you and to let you know that she accepts you as a person.

The only way you'll achieve that is to be responsible and demonstrate it.

So get a plan - make a cement and do-able schedule for the next year or two, show it to her, and then stick by it. Earn the respect that you need to move onto the next step of adulthood.

Just my dimestore analysis,

~Heff



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 01:50 PM
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She can only control you if you allow it. Instead of arguing with her, say something like, " I respect your opinions and you're absolutely right. But, I'm not going to change my mind and I will not discuss this with you". Then refuse to say anything more on the subject.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 02:37 PM
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Originally posted by Myomistress
reply to post by PhantomLimb
 


Believe me, I would if I could afford to and plan to once I can. I like everyone else right now have financial pitfalls, unfortunately.
Plus, I WANTED to move far away to go to college, but the controller struck again. She insisted that I go to a college only fourty or so minutes away and come home on weekends. -.- But yeah, with me having to handle all of my own school expenses and saving up money to start paying loans, I just have nothing left over TO move out or I would be waaaay ahead of you with your suggestion.


You should be eligible for financial aid. I would apply every January, and have your school ready. That should help you with some of your financial hardship. Yuh, get dormitory too. You'll be able to move out and get more.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 02:48 PM
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reply to post by PhantomLimb
 
Darn!!! You beat me to it That was what I was going to say!!! Yes it is time for her to get her own place...from this point on shes just stretching out her moms apron strings...And that makes us moms with ugly hair cuts very grouchy!!!!




posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 08:18 PM
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I know it's tough.

But I worked as a janitor while I was in school full time.

Also.

Learn how to hustle.

Make extra cash by buying art and vintage clothing from thrift stores.

Sell them on eBay or Craigslist for profit.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 08:27 PM
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reply to post by Manhater
 


I do apply for financial aid every year. I only get MUCH less to reach my means because I file as a dependent because it's the truth and I'm not going to lie to feed off of an institution that is built to help people in need. Whenever I file, apparently the gross household income is far too much for them and so I only end up getting maybe 2500 a year if lucky. That isn't enough whenever tuition is always on the rise and I end up borrowing tons and tons and TONS of money every year. I DO file for financial aid.

Also: I WOULD move out if I COULD. I know that seems to be the clear answer but many many people are still dependent in the failing economy. I also live in rural Pennsylvania where it takes about a fifty mile drive to get anywhere with any open housing or places for rent. I would enjoy being closer to school if I could help it. Being in the boonies makes a lot of plans fall very short and the way that it is for me to work for minimum wage far out it wouldn't even cover the prices of gas. I AM going to work this semester but trust me, it's more important for me to be saving and saving to pay back the student loan companies and that is my first priority. I'm going to politely confront my mother any time that she says anything about my hair as I've decided.

I posted here because this is the rant's section of the forums and I was ranting because this is what it's for. I posted here as well because my mother is the kind of person that would cut hair while I was sleeping because she has her loony moments.



posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 08:45 PM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 

Your answer is a cop-out. Everyone has problems and cant necessarily move out "until"...but thats BS. Move out and youll still have the same problems anyway...so whats the point in staying and arguing? Because you WANT to stay. Its cheap and convenient so you stay.

Move out...youll have the same $$ issues but a calmer lifestyle on a daily basis.

Its like this because you wont get out...excuses are excuses. The only difference is that in a new place...things are $$ the same...only you dont have to listen to that crap. So? Get out. Or quit whining.



posted on Aug, 20 2012 @ 03:50 AM
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reply to post by Myomistress
 


As I thought. You are a 12 year old in a 20 year old body. You cannot see yourself taking a leap of faith (realizing your dreams or yourself). The thought of just taking first bus to NYC or another big town makes you skiddish. You come here and blame your mother for being inconvenient, when I bet she worries if you are gonna show this "over grown baby"- style towards other women in the future.

You need to shape up. Join the military or do anything for god sake that makes a man out of you. If not, I am afraid that no good woman in the future will ever respect you, and much less a boss in a workplace.

You need urgently to swallow a hanful of "grow up" pills before the words "resident pussy" appears on your forehead. And I am kind when I am giving you this advice. Trust me when I tell you this. If you don t grow up by taking a chance and learn the hard lessons of real failure, you will never succeed in anything and the world will eat you alive, before you hit 30.
edit on 20-8-2012 by johncarter because: (no reason given)




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