Over 30 years old with Aspergers Syndrome, How do you cope?

Originally posted by FissionSurplus
Oh, for crying out loud, what don't people get about Asperger's? It's not difficult to understand....It is NOT a made-up disease born out of hypochondria, it is an autism spectrum disorder. It is totally real, we do have some differences in how we experience the world, hence our difficulty with fitting into a social setting in which others see the world, and think about it, differently than you do.

Unlike the more severe autistics, we actually do want to socialize, but we're so bad at it, due to problems with our lack of ability to interpret subtle social cues, poor facial recognition, and our lack of a filter over what we say. In more intractable cases, an Aspie may never even be able to move out of his parent's house because he cannot hold down a job. We get overly-stimulated pretty easily, you see, and then we don't act like we should.

Tip-toeing, hand-flapping, and echolalia (repeating what others say) are very common, especially in child Aspies. Most of us are also very sensitive to how clothing feels, and itchy tags and tight clothes are torture for us. Loud, crowded places are too much for us and all we want to do is leave. Parts of our brain work amazingly well (I could read in Kindergarten but I couldn't tie my shoes until I was 9), and other parts....not so well. I can get lost in a place I've been a million times, but my knowledge of where streets are, and geography, is really good. I suck at math, despite my IQ. I used to have no clue as to what was the proper thing to do when it came to other people, growing up was torture and one embarrassment after another.

Now, on to the OP's original intent of the thread: I was diagnosed at 46 years of age, and that was only because I was working with autistics and the mentally retarded, and being with the Aspies was like looking into a mirror for me, much of the time. So I went and had myself tested.

I was actually relieved. Everything weird and upsetting about my past suddenly made sense. I am in a "lucky" situation, because I am married to an Aspie as well. We understand each other very well, and tend to be hermits together out in the middle of nowhere, our idea of heaven. No neighbors that will end up thinking we're weirdoes.

I do have a good ability to act normally, as long as I don't have to stay too long with one group of people. If I have to converse for too long, my weirdness and odd way of never being able to modulate my voice volume correctly (half the time I'll talk too softly, the other too loudly) starts to be noticeable. So hubby and I are perfectly happy to do only occasional socializing. But we're older (I'm 50 and he's 56) so we're not youngsters still trying to party and have what appears to be a normal social life.

You can only be the way you were made. You will learn to get around better socially by learning a part the way an actor does. It took me forever to realize that, when people ask how you are, they really don't want to know...it's just a formulaic greeting, so I respond with the required corresponding greeting: "I'm fine, thanks, how are you?"

As you get older, you will learn and get better at it.....of course, my husband is still having issues with proper social boundaries, but he is friendly and open and he knows he's being an "ass burger" but doesn't care. Because I'm more OCD, I do care, so my behavior is measured, and learned from others, rather than my true self. I can be myself at home. The few times I do have to socialize, I can play the part.

edit on 18-8-2012 by FissionSurplus because: (no reason given)

Many questions remain about aspects of the disorder.[7] For example, there is doubt about whether it is distinct from high-functioning autism (HFA);[8] partly because of this, its prevalence is not firmly established.[1] It has been proposed that the diagnosis of Asperger's be eliminated, to be replaced by a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder on a severity scale.[9] The exact cause is unknown. Although research suggests the likelihood of a genetic basis,[1] there is no known genetic etiology[10][11] and brain imaging techniques have not identified a clear common pathology.[1] There is no single treatment, and the effectiveness of particular interventions is supported by only limited data.[1] Intervention is aimed at improving symptoms and function. The mainstay of management is behavioral therapy, focusing on specific deficits to address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness.[12] Most children improve as they mature to adulthood, but social and communication difficulties may persist.[7] Some researchers and people with Asperger's have advocated a shift in attitudes toward the view that it is a difference, rather than a disability that must be treated or cured.[13][14]

Originally posted by Frankenchrist
So aspergers is basically a disorder that prevents you from socializing?

I'm kinda not buying this disorder.