Over 30 years old with Aspergers Syndrome, How do you cope?

Originally posted by Avgudar
Do you autists have thought's about killing people?

Yes, but I am told that "normal" people do too. (You normals)

I would park your deliberately antagonistic train of thought which relates to scapegoating recent events.

If it smells of troll, it usually is troll.

I spent like 6 years without talking to any of my friends and hardly any family, and just sat in my house and smoked weed. Had panic attacks regularly and had no idea why I was doing it. It was literally like one day I felt like being alone out of the blue, and it lasted for years. Anxiety started to stress me out and made me think I had some major mental problem like I'm schizophrenic, the weed didn't help that either.

I went on meds to help the anxiety. Again though, one day I just got tired of it. I didn't like being late for work every damn day, and always tired. I didn't like being labeled as a broken person with problems. Feeding the pharma companies money to "help" me. that's the thing.... always looking for outside help, like that's the only way to do anything about it. "There's gotta be something or someone out there that can fix this for me, why am I like this? it's so unfair."

Yeah I've found exactly who can solve the issues, it's me. I've still got troubles like anybody else does in their life, and I'm a bit twisted but that's part of my personality, you don't let that rule you're entire life. You be who you want to be, step by step. Don't let a doctor tell you what you are.

MY nephew was diagnosed a few years ago. He's almost 30 now.
He's also living with us again. Because the rest of his family, his mother, brothers, sister, grandparents etc preferred that he be homeless. He makes them uncomfortable due to his collection of Asberger related traits. They refuse to acknowledge his diagnosis even though it's obviously a reality.
It also makes it hard for him to keep a job. Again, with him, it's related to his asocial behavior.

Lots of people may exhibit some of the traits, but if you concentrate them into a single personality it becomes very very real.
He's very socially awkward, obsesses over some things, and completely ignores others. The ones he ignores are the ones that make a person socially "acceptable".
He's never been offered any drugs for the condition, just therapy. With limited success.
Contrary to what some may think, it's a diagnosable condition. If you are told someone has Asbergers, you can expect that person to show a while slew of predefined behaviors.

reply to post by R6A6W6


I actually made a similar post detailing my experience. I'm a bit younger than you and was diagnosed a few weeks ago.

It really is an eye opening experience, as it answers so many questions to why I did this, and why I can't do that. I'm still trying to grasp it I guess but I hope it will work out for the better.

One of the most painful and misguided misnomers and assumptions people make about those with Asperger's is that they have to be one way or the other. For example, because it is literally impossible for me to distinguish between when someone is "just kidding" and being sincerely offensive, I never know how to act. I usually remain polite and don't fly off the handle and work at being civil (although there have been times when people pushed certain buttons that I simply could not accept and lost it, regrettably - we're all human,) but I can become defensive and am very sensitive to every little thing people say and do. Things hurt me that would roll right off other people's backs, even if I don't always show it. Online it's even worse, because I only have text to decipher people's intentions. And this leads people to think that I am displaying the "lack of empathy" Aspie trait, which is not true.

It doesn't mean I lack empathy, which is often how the condition is characterized. Lacking empathy would make me a sociopath, when nothing could be further from the truth. It would be more accurate to say that I lack the same capacity to discern people's feelings based upon social cues that non-Aspies possess. If I know you're hurting, I care. Deeply. If I know I've offended you, I feel guilt. Intensely. And I absolutely empathize. But I sometimes need to be told that this is the case, because unless I can hear it in your tone of voice (the one thing I seem to have little trouble with - in fact, if anything, inflection really hits me harder than most non-Aspies even in my experience) I just can't tell.

And then there's this horrible dynamic that arises where people don't see you as a person anymore. If you find yourself in an awkward exchange, and you have to explain, "Oh, gosh. I'm really sorry. I misinterpreted what you said. I have Asperger's and it's very, very difficult for me to determine people's tone and intent properly. Please forgive me," then after that they may forgive you, but will forever treat you differently. You're no longer "normal," so you are seen as being incapable of feeling or thinking anything independent of the Asperger's, and anything you say or think or feel is viewed as, "Oh, that's just his Asperger's."

I have my own belief system, my own philosophical stance that governs how I treat other human beings. I believe in unconditional love and compassion. And I can be a bit eccentric. Those are just parts of my personality and my worldview, but once someone knows I have Asperger's, it's as if those beliefs become symptoms. "Oh, he's just latched on to that belief because of his Asperger's. He's just got Asperger's, don't take his eccentricities seriously." No, that's genuinely how I feel and I'm expressing myself honestly and validly. My personality may be heavily influenced by my autism at times, but that doesn't mean my mind isn't valid. You can still have perfectly valid feelings, beliefs, and thoughts while being autistic. But once you've had to explain yourself because something happens that is primarily because of it, people tend to think everything about you is because of it, and they become extremely dismissive or patronizing.

And, of course, since you're already prone to obsess and to feel everything in high definition, this hurts you and can at times even devastate you emotionally. This results in you seeming extremely antisocial, even when - as in my case - in your heart you love everyone and just want everyone to be happy, and in fact long for social connection and acceptance, even as your crippling social anxiety makes that difficult or impossible.

It's a very trying existence at times. But there are worse things, of course, and I'm thankful for what I have.

Peace.

reply to post by neformore


I never would have known at least I know now!

I was diagnosed as having Aspergers Syndrome

luckily I was young so we knew what it was

"Troll the other red meat" LOL my favorite saying

High school was HELL as everyone was attacking me physically which was not fair

they were Italian and Lebanese, crazy Bastards.

Obviously you and I think alike

Do you wear black when your out as well!

I also walk with a tough guy attitude to mask my socializing problems

some people think I've "Done time (In prison)" over the way I walk. LOL

Little do they realize I view the whole world as a vast prison

we are the inmates stuck inside these chunks of flesh called the body

Most times I feel like I'm carrying around a body made of Concrete.

I am 29 going on 30 with asperger's syndrome and I do not cope well

my mother has Schizo-affective disorder and display symptoms like that of "Emily Rose"

and the vulgarity that comes out of mothers mouth makes the exorcist lady sound quite tame by comparison

quite scary to endure actually and that was probably off topic so I'll probably get another of those off topic note thingys

but the stuff I have to endure is hideous no other aspie has ever been though this as far as I'm thinking

My mind races at infinity all the time my I.Q is 194!

Originally posted by Frankenchrist
Let's just rename Aspergers.

Let's now call it Adult Indigo Child Syndrome.

. The OP is asking genuine questions and trying to discuss this with likeminded individuals - to increase understanding, You are just deliberately undermining his efforts.
That is just plain 'out of order'.

reply to post by HelenConway


it is WORSE then out of order it is totally disrespectful those stupid neurotypical cockslappers will never understand!

They are just arrogant because they think we are way up ourselves I am a typical aspie like my Me time for me I rarely get my me time because I have mother asking me ridiculous questions in one ear and a squealing kanner's syndrome in the other harping for FOOD all the time!

Makes my life way more stressful and Miserable then I'd like thank god they are both asleep At the present moment.

Night time is the only time I get to myself, yeah it sucks i know.

I have dealt with Asperger's all my life. I am 44. I was treated horribly in school and have never recovered. They segregated me from the rest of the kids. I sat alone at lunch and spent the school day in the teacher's closet. Literally in the closet. They paddled me every day for no reason. High school was not any better and i quit. I spend 90% of my time alone. I do not trust people, do not like them and avoid them best I can. I deal with it by doing my best not to exacerbate my symptoms. When I try to be part of any group I am always looked on as an interloper and never welcome. I get banned from every forum I join because my points of view are so out of step with other people.

It sucks. I wish I was "normal" and could fit it. I really do, but that has never happened and I really do not think it ever will.

reply to post by Robonakka

When I try to be part of any group I am always looked on as an interloper and never welcome.

I am an Aspe and have had the same problem.
(I am over 50, and was homeless for years in my 40's.)

reply to post by R6A6W6

I have not been diagnosed, but I suspect I have something like it. Maybe ADHD or OCD or OCPD or even Aspergers.

I am not sure whether I am bad with people because of my bad childhood or because my brain is different or wired wrong. Something happened around 10 years of age and I drew inward. I got teased a lot after that and it grew and grew until it almost stopped completely in the last few years of HS.

My friends (the few I've had) have told me that I'm too tight (tense) and too analytical. I examine things too much. That I need to step back and breathe and just let things flow somehow (like magic).

I'm probably a perfectionist. But I experience my perfectionism differently than others do. For example, at one job I had I did not at all like to skip spots on the mirror or to skip something on the floor. I had to clean it up. I noted everytime a worker missed something (and it happened a lot). In my perspective, I was doing what I'd expect if I was a customer of that place. But they'd tell me to not worry about cleaning it up perfectly because when hte season gets started it'll be too busy for that. They were right, of course. When the season sped up, they handled it better than I did. I managed to finish the season and wasn't fired or anything. But from the perspective of others I worked with, my temperament was too critical and I was not friendly. My perfectionism to them was a negative trait. This is probably the reason i've never had many friends.

I use a computer a lot better than I can interact with people. A computer doesn't care how I treat it. It doesn't care if I use it as a machine because it's a machine and machines are fine with that.

My advice to you is to not get stuck on yourself. Don't be too self-absorbed. Don't wrestle with ideas in your mind too much. Others will notice and then think you're being uncaring. They'll think that you're in another world and that you're not worht their time. I'm telling you this because this is my own problem. Neurotypicals, as you call them, are just more people-oriented.

It's not fun to be the person that nobody likes or wnats to be around.

The irony is I like to see people. I like cities. But I don't like to get mixed up with them. Usually I'm thinking about something abstract. Somethign I could not talk about with most people on the street. And I'll be so much in that thought that other people are just part of the scene, like trees. I would love to talk about what's on my mind, but there're so few people who want to talk about the things I want to talk about. And that's what makes it so hard to start a conversation.

I also have social anxieties at times. Adult females, for example, make me very nervous. I've never had a girlfriend. My thoughts about them aren't sexual most of the time, but I'll sometimes wonder who's married and who isn't. Generally, girls would make me clam up when I was younger. Even now, females still can choke me. As for others, vocal people who like to talk intimidate me. I cannot do what they do and any attempt to act like one of the boys ends in complete failure. So most of the time I don't say anything. And that's not hard to do, since the things I want to talk about are so far removed and indifferent that I'd gain no friends. I am different. My brain might be wired wrong or maybe I do in fact have a mental disorder, but I am definitely different.

Btw... the things I like to talk about are philosophy, science, universe, computers, etc. It's not so much that this is my problem, it's that I talk as though other people aren't there. I don't go out of my way to say good things about them. I am just so self-absorbed that I radiate an unfriendliness.

One last thing. I have tics. You know those are? Well, when I was yonger, for example, I'd cross my arms a lot. People would wonder Why you do that ??? Sometimes I'd hit my feet together back and forth. Or i'd shake my knee. I'd do these thigns consistently. People would wonder if I was nervous. Well, actually, I was, considering that every chance they had to tease me hey would. But the fact is I had some sort of behavioral issue that made me do physical things repetitively. Somehow moving my arms or my legs in a certain fashion was relaxing and brought me to another place.

reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012

Well my IQ is average or maybe evne lower than that based on my SAT score. And based on the few things I've seen, I'd put money on my IQ being about 95-100. But who knows?

I swear sometimes that my IQ is probably 70-90, though. Not being sarcastic.

This has nothing to do with IQ, in my opinion.

It's all about being unable to interact with others smoothly and comfortably.

These are just my opinions. I'm not a person that's diagnosed with autostic spectrum disorder. I only suspect that I have it because I think I slipped thorugh the cracks in the 80's and early 90's.

Originally posted by jonnywhite
reply to post by fr33kSh0w2012

 

Well my IQ is average or maybe evne lower than that based on my SAT score. And based on the few things I've seen, I'd put money on my IQ being about 95-100. But who knows?

I swear sometimes that my IQ is probably 70-90, though. Not being sarcastic.

This has nothing to do with IQ, in my opinion.

It's all about being unable to interact with others smoothly and comfortably.

These are just my opinions. I'm not a person that's diagnosed with autostic spectrum disorder. I only suspect that I have it because I think I slipped thorugh the cracks in the 80's and early 90's.

edit on 24-3-2013 by jonnywhite because: (no reason given)

Really? I would have never known No you should go and have a whisker and an I.Q. test it's quite fun and they will tell you (hopefully) what your I.Q. score is!

Jonnywhite, the other workers probably thought you were trying to upstage them by being better. I to know the feeling where some one tells you to clean something and you make it sparkle yet, its too clean, in your own mind you want to say its clean rather then just "cleanER". There is the sense of accomplishment when you do a task to the best of your abillity that most can not understand.

People it seems are playing a game, they speak of dishonesty and fakeness and yet want you to conform to social norms. IMO very lifelike fembots would remove people like us from ever seeing another human being ever again (excluding work and the store). People would wonder where all the people went one day and women would become warmer and more accepting (not fake accepting) overnight lol.

this.

Originally posted by fr33kSh0w2012
reply to post by neformore

 

My mind races at infinity all the time my I.Q is 194!

edit on 24/3/13 by fr33kSh0w2012 because: (no reason given)

will cost you your reputation. Seriously, couldn´t you just choose a more believable number?
I would like to know what the test was named and when it was done. If that´s possible.

Edit: Explanation: I react this way, because I already found out about some bs´ers out here. It really was a redsign to me reading your post. I can believe the most of it but not the last part. Really. I mean, I.Q is not a real measurement of intelligence, mine differs if you take the (non-online) test results by +-6 highest result being 132 points. That already was nearly unbelievable to myself because it´s 25 or more above average. Reading your posts and you claiming 194 points, well....

reply to post by Robonakka

Kids can be really cruel without even noticing. Through the eyes of a normal person (hate the word normal, sounds like I´m pretending to be better, I´m not doing this, just lack of a better word) you may be seen awkward or goofy. You may not notice being goofy while you are but the other one, this starts a thinking process, similar to the one you follow.

I think we´re not lacking social empathy or feelings, its just we´re lacking the skills to show and percive them accordingly.

reply to post by R6A6W6


My 10 year old son has Aspergers Syndrome. It's very real. I'm thankful for you posting this. I haven't read the comments here yet but am about to. I'm hoping to get some good advice. I'm a teacher and mother of three. I'm trained in child psychology as well as behavior management. Aspergers proves difficult for me daily even so. Bless your heart

Jessica

Allways having to think about what I'm about to say to people..I run it by myself before I say it to others.. This helps me alot in social situations... I am a very social person when I am not high... When stoned I feel I have asbergers..
I had a friend named Greg.. He was the most friendly person I have ever met.. He could befriend anyone.. And start a conversation with anyone.. He just had a way of looking at someone in any situation.. And would spark up conversation about things around him or the other person ..it was never just a "hey how's it going".
It was allways something meaningfull ..my Dad had almost the same gift...my father would say to people " thank you for being here..." if he was at store talking to the checker..They would always look twice at him and say your welcome..

So .. My advice to everyone... Is .. Make your comments have some meaning... Try not to just say good morning to people...and just take a little time to think about things to engage people... Things that interest the people your talking to not always things that interest you... If you see someone start yawning while you start the conversation you didn't think long enough... Let them talk first , so you can pick up some of there interests..

And say things to yourself first.. And ask yourself ... " is this the best topic for this situation?"
and if not .... Move on and think of somthing else..

Having crooked teeth didn't help me at all growing up... So parents out there... Get your kids braces early on in life.... Or It will mess with there self esteam...trust me I know..

Hope this helps alittle... And good for you to bring up a topic like this..
Most people don't talk about there problems.. Big mistake..if people don't know you have a problem..how will you ever get some input to solve the problem...

interesthing thread. i myself have been diagnoised with this, well for me it really doesnt matter if i have it or not but..

i remember i always had some difficulties socializing with people, well atleast sometimes.

reply to post by verschickter


Do you have the condition?

[snip]

at 7 I was diagnosed they said I had the mind of a 17 year old at 7

they also said that I learn at a rate 10 times faster then normal people!

so in just one year I can absorb a DECADE of information!

It was at 7 that the whisker and I.Q. test was done in a room with blocks and questions!





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