My Hypocrisy Towards Homosexuality: A Personal Revelation

I am one of the major supporters of Equal Rights (gay rights) on this board. Ask anyone.

Honestly - - I think your response was normal and natural.

We are human after all.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Thanks for the kind response.

I owe EVERYTHING to the way my Parents raised me, even if they view certain aspects of society, differently. They taught me to be open, even if their upbringing didn't give them the same open-mindedness. Like I said, it took my dad 65 years, to see that their is NO difference, when it comes to Homosexuality. That lesson, was one given to him , from my child. We are never too old to learn.



I ask for help, when I need it. Im proud, but not that proud......

Originally posted by sonnny1




WRONG[ /quote]

I am a single Parent, and need as much help, as I could possibly get. It is hard to raise a child or children, as a single Parent. I am not ashamed to tell anyone, that help is needed. I have asked my Mother, and a few female friends, to help with certain situations, I didn't feel comfortable, or lacked the knowledge on , on explaining certain things to my daughter. Parenting is a learning experience, and not everything is Black and White, as you want to make it out to be.

WRONG. I raised 4 children on my own. Is this a contest?

Honestly, I don't think you know ANYTHING when it comes to Parenting. If you did, you would understand the nature of it, has many roads and obstacles, and not everything is handed down, in some fancy book of knowledge.

Oh, so I should understand, raising 4 kids on my own, the need to explain contraception, femanine cycles, etc, to my children, been there and done that. I am 56, my oldest child just turned 32. The only birth control needed was if they got somebody pregnant, or if they became pregnant, I'd kill them, and I meant it as a single parent.

About traditional Parenting? There is NO traditional Parenting out there. There is Parenting, and that's it. ++

No, there is teaching your children moral responsibility for other souls they might bring into the world. To any parent this is a paticular dilemma because as much as people want to accept it, it is not normal.

Originally posted by Sulie


No, there is teaching your children moral responsibility for other souls they might bring into the world. To any parent this is a paticular dilemma because as much as people want to accept it, it is not normal.[

What is not normal?

Please, go back and reread the thread. I honestly think you are misunderstanding everything.

Originally posted by Annee
I am one of the major supporters of Equal Rights (gay rights) on this board. Ask anyone.

Honestly - - I think your response was normal and natural.

We are human after all.

Gays can have equal rights, I believe as well, but, they better damn well be prepared how to tell a female child how to inset a tampon when the time comes along. Those cute and cuddly child you raise will reach menstruation at some point. Be prepared as a gay parent to deal with it. Don't pawn it off on your partner, relatives or friends.

Originally posted by Sulie



WRONG. I raised 4 children on my own. Is this a contest?

Only you brought up the WORD, Contest......



One more thing, I'm a Father..........

Originally posted by Sulie
The only birth control needed was if they got somebody pregnant, or if they became pregnant, I'd kill them, and I meant it as a single parent.

Question.

Would you have killed your child, if they said they were Gay ? (never mind, I see you are open to telling a child about it, but not open enough to let someone other then a parent, talk to children about tampons)

Originally posted by Sulie
No, there is teaching your children moral responsibility for other souls they might bring into the world. To any parent this is a paticular dilemma because as much as people want to accept it, it is not normal.

I believe you should be open with your children, on EVERY subject. Morals and Principles? How can one Talk about them, if they are closed off to a subject, such as Homosexuality? Back in the day, Parents NEVER talked about it. Period.

Taboo, Unclean. That's not open and honest. If that's the "Traditional" Parenting you are talking about, its the Parenting I don't subscribe to.

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reply to post by Sulie

Gays can have equal rights, I believe as well, but, they better damn well be prepared how to tell a female child how to inset a tampon when the time comes along. Those cute and cuddly child you raise will reach menstruation at some point. Be prepared as a gay parent to deal with it. Don't pawn it off on your partner, relatives or friends.

Sulie,

I say this with respect and kindness, it is not a personal attack. But I think you might have personal issues concerning explaining menstruation and tampons to children. You are the one who brought up the subject, you are the one who continues to focus on it. Why?

You are making some very concerning assumptions here. First assumption, that a gay parent would shirk an unpleasant or difficult duty. Second assumption, that a gay couple would choose to have or adopt children because they are cute and cuddly, a passing fad. Third assumption, that asking for help from another person is a negative thing to do.

When my son is of the age where its time to discuss puberty, I expect my husband to lead that discussion. If, heaven forbid, something happened to him and I was left to raise my son alone, then I might ask a trusted male family member or friend to speak with my son. If I thought my son would be more comfortable with me, then so be it; but I would suspect a man would be far better suited to answer any questions he might have.

Originally posted by sonnny1

One more thing, I'm a Father.....Question.

Would you have killed your child, if they said they were Gay ?

Not at all. If you read my responses, you would see that I replied my boyfriend has two sons who are gay. They are beautiful, and I love them dearly. One is really flamboyant, the other low keyed. If they had kids, I'd kill 'em if they were not good parents. I really could care less if somebody is gay. If they decide to have kids, not a problem either, but they better damn well be prepared to teach a female child about tampons, napkins, and responsible sex, even under threat of death...........It worked for me!

I believe you should be open with your children, on EVERY subject. Morals and Principles? How can one Talk about them, if they are closed off to a subject, such as Homosexuality? Back in the day, Parents NEVER talked about it. Period.

Taboo, Unclean. That's not open and honest. If that's the "Traditional" Parenting you are talking about, its the Parenting I don't subscribe to.

Not sure how to respond there, because what is untradiitonal about teaching your child about mentsral cycles and how to keep clean and to avoid pregnancy?

reply to post by Sulie


Ok...

It seems I misunderstood you.

I must have not seen that post, concerning your family. But.....

To be fair. Homosexuals KNOW how to be great Parents also, and they also can talk about Feminine Hygiene, just like Heterosexual Parents.

That's my take, and I'm sticking to it. Anything else, would be ignorance.

Originally posted by Sulie
If they decide to have kids, not a problem either, but they better damn well be prepared to teach a female child about tampons, napkins, and responsible sex, even under threat of death...........It worked for me!

Ok... now I think I understand why you are so focused on reproductive issues and feminine hygiene. It seems that your own past (involving some sort of extreme educational methods, by the sounds of it) is somehow being projected on your expectations as to how a gay couple would raise a child.

Single moms have to teach this kind of thing to boys all the time. I think your issue here is gender, not sexuality. Do you think a heterosexual father would do better at explaining feminine hygiene to a child vs a gay father? Neither fathers posses a vagina so I think they are both equally prepared.

I'm sorry your parent(s) threatened to kill you when teaching you about your reproductive system.

reply to post by smyleegrl


In all honesty, I think you are reading too much into your reaction. It was obviously intended to surprise the audience, and it worked on you. The very fact that it surprised you has got you thinking about it, and why you were so surprised. You probably would have had the same surprised reaction if he pulled off a latex mask and he was actually black, right? So the fact the you and the rest of the audience were surprised is irrelevant IMO.

Have you really never thought about how the discussion might go with your son?

I don't have kids, but I have seven nephews and a niece, my closest friend has two sons and a daughter, my "high school sweetheart" has two sons - my sexuality has never been hidden from any of them. When I've had boyfriends they've met them. When family have been discussing things around the table - such as holidays and visits etc - it's never been an issue.

The problem is that parents MAKE it an issue by treating it as a problem. If a child grows up never exposed to other religions, or other races, what do you think happens to them? If your son was raised never having seen a TV set in his life, how do you think he would react when he saw one?

I have seen this myself in a friend of a friend. I was out celebrating with said "childhood sweetheart" for her birthday, and a few of us wanted to go on to a gay club after. One of her friends - who was raised without exposure to anything (seriously, she was almost raised in a bubble) - refused to go. She "didn't understand" my life, and was scared of something.

This is the world we live in, like it or not. By shielding children from things that the majority of society thinks is no big deal parents are doing their children an injustice. Parents who raise their kids to ignore reality are not doing their jobs of preparing them for the world, and their kids will suffer as a result of that.

I'm not saying you're a pad parent, you're obviously not. I just think that you haven't had the opportunity to make it clear that this is normal. Do you have gay friends? Gay members of your family? How are they treated by everyone?

By making it an "outside" issue you're creating the issue where there doesn't need to be one. I don't think you need to do anything other than welcome people into your life regardless of race, religion, sexuality and so on. Invite "Joe" from down the street to the next BBQ and tell him to bring his boyfriend. Watch that episode of Ellen in the afternoon. Don't shy away from things and try to shield your son from reality. If he has questions, answer them.

Kids are not scared to ask questions, parents are scared to answer them. If you treat it like it's an issue, you make it into one.

That's my opinion. I think you're a great parent already, because you have the balls to ask yourself these questions honestly. You're not afraid of confronting yourself about these things, and that's a more responsible attitude to have. Plenty of other parents wouldn't even be thinking about these things, they'd just shut their ears and eyes and raise ignorant children.

So well done on that!

Originally posted by smyleegrl
When my son is of the age where its time to discuss puberty, I expect my husband to lead that discussion. If, heaven forbid, something happened to him and I was left to raise my son alone, then I might ask a trusted male family member or friend to speak with my son. If I thought my son would be more comfortable with me, then so be it; but I would suspect a man would be far better suited to answer any questions he might have.

I absolutely agree.

It takes a village to raise a child, in our modern times the village is the extended family and friends we surround ourselves with. There are people for every purpose depending on the experience. If your son had to build a rocket for a school science project you'd invite the engineer next door to help.

I don't see why this is any different. This is how Humans have always raised children. Do we think people thousands of years ago read books on how to hunt? Of course not, they learned these basic things from the community around them.

Without wanting to sound sexist in any way, I'm a realist. There are some things that men are more traditionally suited to and some things that women are more traditionally suited to. That doesn't mean women or men are incapable of educating a child about something, but it does mean that there is a long tradition of education being passed down through genders.

Originally posted by jheated5
Sorry I really believe the whole line in the movie was in bad taste.... Did they really need to go there with it in a kids movie? You don't need to teach this to your kids, adolescents yes, kids no.... Where has all the innocents gone as a child? Why do people want to strip it away? There is something really mentally wrong with people in society today.....

Man you hit the nail on the head ( so to speak).!!! Why must we sexualize chidlren? I think it is disgusting. I think your logic stopped your idea of it being okay because your kid is too young . The visceral reaction from you was appropriate IMO.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Don't be too hard on yourself. Psychologists have a phenomenon called "implicit associations" which are our subconscious drivers lurking below the impression management we do in trying to do what is socially desirable by others. These implicit associations are how we react (at an unconscious level) to whatever stimuli comes through our senses and they bias our attention in all sorts of unconscious ways. For example a gay man's pupils will dilate when he sees another man he is attracted to. He has no control over how wide his pupils dilate as they are an unconscious, automatic reaction to a visual stimuli. In the same way, someone who has generalised anxiety disorder will see threat everywhere because their attention is biased that way. This is a fascinating topic so do wikipedia searchs on "implicit association test", "attentional bias", and "relational frame theory"...

Ok, smylee...here's the scoop...I've lived within this situation since I was 14 years old (I am 43 now)...back in the 80's coming out was a new and unheard of thing, my mother came out to our family in '84, divorced my dad and is with her partner today...fast forward to approx. 5 years ago, my daughter at 15 years old came out and told me she was gay...after all the scrutiny in my life during my teen years (as the acceptability factor was null at the time) I had some pretty intense mixed up feelings on my daughter coming out but never once refused to accept WHO she is...My daughter is 20 and lives at home, I also have 2 boys aged 7 and 9...I have made very clear my rules in my home regarding PDA amongst my daughter and her girlfriend...does this make me a hippocrite?? Absolutely NOT...it is MY place and MY responsibility to talk to my boys about what they see and hear in the public domain and I do so extremely on the level of THEIR understanding on a subject-(they are well aware their sister is gay and we have talked about it)...but in my home? I refuse to have the message conveyed to my boys in such an intimate atmosphere (meaning daily in the home) The boys do not have gay parents, only a gay sister, I will NOT change the integrity and moral fiber of how I CHOOSE to raise MY children in MY home to conform to another...Now, with that said...my daughter and her partner are in full understanding of my feelings on the subject and have NO PROBLEM with it...bottom line? The only thing that is being said by making the statement "I'm gay" is the fact of what takes place in the sexual realm in a personal bedroom...since when did anyone care and have to put a label on it?? ------->Sorry, back on topic...what I'm trying to say is, it is not the gay factor that causes the intake of breath, but the lack of control over when WE as parents teach our kids about the world, it feels taken away somehow by a constant media flow of a multitude of subjects-NOT just the gay subject...as a parent you feel powerless to do these things in your own childs time, everything is thrust at them whether they are ready or not...(ooops, I mean whether WE as parents, are ready or not-LOL!!)


Wow...I admit this response is to the opening post by smylee, I have not read pages 2 or 3 yet...but am starting to...

reply to post by smyleegrl


Cuervo's post is spot on with how I feel.

Your reaction is not unnatural for a person raised in our generation. The amount of cultural conditioning we are all put through often comes out in situations like this. On an intellectual level, you know what it right and wrong yet your subconscious may surprise you from time to time.

The social conditioning in our society against LGBT has been prominent for a long time. We have to use our moral compass to overcome that conditioning.

This is why I try not to focus on the marriage aspect when discussing LGBT equality. We should appreciate the magnitude of the social conditioning and all the ways it's manifesting. If two same sex couples give each other even just a quick romantic embrace in public they are often met with disgust on the faces of others. That's so very unfortunate.That may sound too abstract for some, especially compared to legal marriage, but in the scope of liberty and happiness and equality for all, it certainly factors into the discussion. We need to tackle the underlying sources for this.

Have been reading this thread and I agree with others that have said putting a sexual reference, especially a gay sexual reference, was not appropriate in a childrens movie....it would have shocked me too.

LOL....I had to laugh though and reply to some saying a woman is needed to teach a girl about tampons.....I noticed one day my daughter had switched from pads to tampons, and I asked her "how did you learn how to use them"...lol....it was an ordeal when I learned......anyways, she looks at me and says......."I read the instructions in the box".......

I had a recent event make me feel like I was two faced on the subject. I have 2 gay male friends, one of which is a recent transsexual. I have no problem with their choices, because it's their choice and doesn't affect me so why should I care?

Well recently I took my 5 year old daughter to McDonald's for ice cream, we were sitting near the restrooms and she had to go. I know no one had entered the woman's bathroom since we arrived and sat down, still always kind of a nervous situation for me to send her in a restroom alone. Usually I take her in the men's bathroom if it's empty but it was occupied and she had to go NOW. So off she went to the restroom and within a minute or so in walked a male transsexual, very obvious one at that, (I won't go into details) and right into the woman's bathroom. Luckily for me as he/she was opening the door my daughter was walking out. The whole situation rattled me. So I guess I am a hypocrite?

That does bring up the question of bathroom choice, which I never really thought about before, should men that identify themselves as female use the female bathroom? I am not trying to ruffle feathers or anything but where is the line drawn? What's to stop a weirdo perv male to just walk into a woman's bathroom and if confronted say he identifies as a woman..

Sorry for any and all typos and run on sentences, long day.