The three phases of attraction

When I was younger, my attraction to people was physical. I wanted someone who was cute. I was influenced by the majority. I would project qualities on to the person I was physically attracted to, even if there was no evidence that they actually had any of the qualities that I would assume they had. In this stage of my development, I was at my most shallow in choosing a person to be with. There were so many people who were physically attractive to me. I was a part of the most popular way of viewing attraction.

Later, I became quite attracted to intelligence. I just loved the minds of intelligent people. I was fascinated with the stimulation they gave my own mind. I would listen for hours to people being so articulate and, to me, profound. The playing field was smaller, for sure, but I actually felt quite mature, and began to blossom thinking that I was unique for the first time in my life. I loved words, I loved ideas, and loved the minds of those people I was with.

Now, I find myself attracted to morality. I changed the way I viewed the intellectuals. It seemed that they lacked and ridiculed the "heart". It seems so childish to me now that I kept projecting things onto people, when these things weren't really there or being developed. The mind meant nothing if it didn't care for others. I find truly moral individuals to be the least popular people around, yet the most attractive people on the planet.

So, as succinctly as I can put it, that's my experience of the three phases of attraction! Thank you for reading me

trysts

reply to post by trysts

This was quite interesting to read. Fits nicely into the body, mind, soul niche and everyone has a different perspective of what that may be.

Originally posted by trysts
When I was younger, my attraction to people was physical. I wanted someone who was cute. I was influenced by the majority. I would project qualities on to the person I was physically attracted to, even if there was no evidence that they actually had any of the qualities that I would assume they had. In this stage of my development, I was at my most shallow in choosing a person to be with. There were so many people who were physically attractive to me. I was a part of the most popular way of viewing attraction.

Later, I became quite attracted to intelligence. I just loved the minds of intelligent people. I was fascinated with the stimulation they gave my own mind. I would listen for hours to people being so articulate and, to me, profound. The playing field was smaller, for sure, but I actually felt quite mature, and began to blossom thinking that I was unique for the first time in my life. I loved words, I loved ideas, and loved the minds of those people I was with.

Now, I find myself attracted to morality. I changed the way I viewed the intellectuals. It seemed that they lacked and ridiculed the "heart". It seems so childish to me now that I kept projecting things onto people, when these things weren't really there or being developed. The mind meant nothing if it didn't care for others. I find truly moral individuals to be the least popular people around, yet the most attractive people on the planet.

So, as succinctly as I can put it, that's my experience of the three phases of attraction! Thank you for reading me

trysts

Nice write up. Now if only you could find someone who possessed all of those qualities; they are out there.

One question: when you found the moral ones to be attractive, was it because their morals coincided with yours? Or does it apply to all people who consider themselves moral?

I think I find this to be true.

In a way I went through those phases at lightening speed in my teenage years, I was always left scratching my head at what everyone else was doing and who they liked through my teen years, I matured (in select ways) faster than most people around my age (even older), so always felt detached whenever I was with people.

reply to post by TheSubversiveOne


Yes, the clearer it became to me of the meaning of morality, the more I became drawn to those who demonstrated it.

Thank you, Tindalos and valiant, for your comments. It took me over five hours to write that post, so I am glad others found some affinity with my thoughts and experiences

I like a combination of all three.

[obligatory second line]

reply to post by trysts


I agree with you for the most part. I was attracted to the physical as well as a teen. As I grew older, of course, that changed. Another member asked about what your definition of a moral person is. I just saw a video on here where an Imam was talking about how to beat your wife the correct and moral way. Just stating moral is too vague. So that’s where I’d have to be more specific.

Good morals for me would be the Golden Rule, equality, being kind, compassionate, etc. That would have to go hand in hand with intelligence. Educated doesn’t necessarily equate to intelligent. I’m a deep thinker. I enjoy others who are deep thinkers as well. Having a certain level of logic without being close minded is important to me. Also I like people that have a good work ethic and integrity. I find that these two generally come together.

Above anything else, a nice man with a good heart is what I find the most attractive. I think that is what you were getting at though. I think that it might be that way for a lot of people, mostly women.

reply to post by kisharninmah


Thank you for responding, kisharninmah

My view on morality starts with all of us as Free Beings in this world. As Free Beings, we may do as we please. But, when I think about it, how does a community of Free Beings function if everyone can just do whatever they want, including harming others, or destroying what others build? So, morality would be, in it's clearest explanation as how Free Beings get along together in a community. The basis of morality would have to be empathy, meaning I must be able to imagine myself in other people's situation in the world. Very often it takes information for my imagination of what it's like to be in that person's situation, to become vivid. Therefore, I have to practice empathy by gaining the information necessary to "see" in my mind what others are experiencing.

Many people look upon the idea of being free, as what they can do. Whereas I look upon being free as being able to choose what I shouldn't do. For instance, as we are all Free Beings trying to get along in our community together, I shouldn't kill other Free Beings. Killing would lead to a life in terror, a community in terror, and therefore a cessation of freedom and disintegration of the community. In order to maintain my freedom, and my respect for other people's freedom, I have to always think about what freedom is for me and others. I believe understanding one's freedom is a life-long endeavor. But there is no freedom without morality; without being able to empathize with other's plight in this world, and without conducting my behaviour to get along in a community of other Free Beings.

So, this is my basis for my understanding of morality in this world, without having anything to do with religions, or selfishness. The practice of moral thought and behaviour is "being the change you want to see".

reply to post by trysts


Thank you for your response. Yes, I agree with what you are saying. Empathy is the Golden Rule. Do as you will but harm none. I love that Ghandi quote. It is one of my favorites. =)

I agreed with you on the first two as I matured I found those things to be an attractive quality I however whole-heartedly disagree with you on your third…

Who is to say what is moral and what is immoral, if you are consenting adults? If you are not hurting someone else or something else does that have to do with morals? Do you need morals to recognize what is harmful to your heart?

I have met some very indignant moral people, who believe their morality is the basis of all morality and would frankly rid the planet of those who disagree. Sorry I cannot agree with you, but one cultural morality has caused more wars than I care to think about.

I would use spirituality as my third, people who know they have a soul and that everyone around them also has this intangible part of what makes them human. I am finding that religions reflect morality but not necessarily our souls and can be empty and without feeling. We need to understand each other with our hearts and minds and souls. After living in a glass house for so long I am finding it harder to throw morality stones.

reply to post by trysts


I also went thru 3 phases of attraction...

First it was large breasts that attracted me.

then long legs,

and last but not least I prefer my women to be strong, independent, non judgmental and emotionally stable.

Thank you for posting such a small but exact point on what life is about. As soon as I started reading, i noticed that every word after that is exactly how I thought. When I was younger, it was all about looks. That stopped till about my mid 20's. Then after that, I no longer focused on looks but if that person could sit with me and talk with me for hours about my favorite subjects (plus points if you are into the paranormal and UFOs of course!)

Which fast forward... now that I'm 30, I find myself wondering that that too alone is not what it's cracked up to be. I could hold a conversation with you about various subjects, but if inside you are not a good person and our souls are not connecting on another level, then perhaps, you arent the person for me. I think I am just stepping in to the third phase... its just starting to make sense right now...

reply to post by abeverage


Thank you for your response, abeverage

I think each individual decides what is moral. I also think that my idea of morality is one not peculiar to me alone, therefore I find people who do have a thoughtful approach to morality are very much attracting me. I'm not religious, so I don't believe in "souls". I am more moved to an individual who does not defer to a presumed authority on the matter. Individuals who care, without a selfish fantasy of reward, such as those seeking a metaphysical approval of their obedience to gods and such. And I don't think it is genuine morality not to harm someone because of fear of retribution. If practiced, I believe moral thought and conduct builds an intuition--a feeling of what's right and wrong in any given circumstance. But it must be practiced and made a habit in my view. I believe it is a life-long endeavor, especially in understanding empathy and freedom.

Continuous learning is key, in my view. I believe one who can thoughtlessly harm any conscious being, for example, is not someone whom I would have an attraction to at this point in my life. Some things, such as violence to others, whether they be humans or animals, is too serious a thing for me to overlook now

reply to post by blackmetalmist


Thank you for response, blackmetalmist

I'm 33, and this last phase has made me feel better about myself. Like I'm actually learning from my younger experiences

Originally posted by trysts
reply to post by abeverage

 

Thank you for your response, abeverage

I think each individual decides what is moral. I also think that my idea of morality is one not peculiar to me alone, therefore I find people who do have a thoughtful approach to morality are very much attracting me. I'm not religious, so I don't believe in "souls". I am more moved to an individual who does not defer to a presumed authority on the matter. Individuals who care, without a selfish fantasy of reward, such as those seeking a metaphysical approval of their obedience to gods and such. And I don't think it is genuine morality not to harm someone because of fear of retribution. If practiced, I believe moral thought and conduct builds an intuition--a feeling of what's right and wrong in any given circumstance. But it must be practiced and made a habit in my view. I believe it is a life-long endeavor, especially in understanding empathy and freedom.

Continuous learning is key, in my view. I believe one who can thoughtlessly harm any conscious being, for example, is not someone whom I would have an attraction to at this point in my life. Some things, such as violence to others, whether they be humans or animals, is too serious a thing for me to overlook now

I am sorry you don't believe in a soul...I think it is what makes us all unique with or without God(s).
So then you see things as black or white correct? Good or Bad? Or since you are not religious do you think of yourself as a secular humanist and see shades of grey?

Hey OP, nice thread.

I'm 22, and I have a very strong intuitive nature. I can easily pick a mate from a crowd by her energy field. I sort of scan and pick up on peoples auric fields. It's like I tap into "her" subconscious and know if she would be compatible with me or not. That for me is stage 4, the level of the soul. I get to know women backwards sort of...Stage 4 check. Stage 2 and 3 are already included in stage 4. (this is a very strong KNOWING). She also needs to be decent looking obviously

reply to post by abeverage


I have read a bunch of western philosophy, so I have had to try to understand concepts like, "elan vital", the "Absolute", "the transmigration of the soul", and a whole lot of interpretations of the "self". Now, if you would explain your interpretation of the "soul", I would probably have a better handle on it. I don't understand the "soul" as espoused in religions, because there is a disconnect with me and gods. But you're talking about a godless soul, and that is something new to me

As far as looking at the world in black, white, or grey, I'm just not a fan of that metaphor(sorry). To me, the world is filled with very complex individuals, all involved in their own particular circumstances. So I don't look at the world with three options in mind(black, white, grey), but rather with the complex individual in mind, and the unique circumstances peculiar to that individual

Originally posted by PurpleVortex
Hey OP, nice thread.

I'm 22, and I have a very strong intuitive nature. I can easily pick a mate from a crowd by her energy field. I sort of scan and pick up on peoples auric fields. It's like I tap into "her" subconscious and know if she would be compatible with me or not. That for me is stage 4, the level of the soul. I get to know women backwards sort of...Stage 4 check. Stage 2 and 3 are already included in stage 4. (this is a very strong KNOWING). She also needs to be decent looking obviously

That's pretty interesting, PurpleVortex. Makes me say, "hmmm..."

That's pretty interesting, PurpleVortex. Makes me say, "hmmm..."

reply to post by trysts


Indeed. Like you said there is no black & white or grey, there is all the colors of the rainbow and so much more that we haven't yet discovered. People operate differently, what works for me may not work for you. Cheers darling.