Jokes and Old Jokes

Post some nice simple Jokes. and please no knock, knock jokes. Something similar to what I posted.

Jokes:
Q:Why did the chicken not cross the road?

A: It chickened out.

Q:Why did a flyer(walmart, target, etc newspaper like stuff) hit a person in the face?

A: To catch a Fly.

Q: whats brown and sticky?
A: a stick.

Q:what do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep
A: a wooly jumper.

ugh i feel sick now, must watch some stand up comedy just to recover....maybe some richard prior.

This is my favorite riddle:
If a chicken and a half laid an egg and a half every hour and a half how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle?
I still haven't come up with an answer

reply to post by makemap


Q: Why did the chicken commit suicide.

A: To get to the 'Other Side'

One time Chuck Norris and Superman bet on who was stronger at arm wrestling.

The loser had to wear his underwear on top of his pants for the rest of his life.

After making love with her husband, the wife turns over and asks him: "Honey, if I were to get pregnant and we had a kid, what would we call him?"

He takes his condom off, ties it into a knot and throws it out the window -- "If he gets out of this one, we'll call him David Copperfield!"

The United States has so much debt that the Anunnaki couldn't even pay it off.

Why don't blind people sky dive?



Because it scares the hell out of the dog!

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...


My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started.