Manic/Psycotic episode on ATS

reply to post by Samuelis


I’ve had similar experiences to yours that, unfortunately, still confuse me to this day. One in particular that reminds me of your story was when I did not sleep or eat for almost 48 hours and was overcome with a euphoric sensation and the ability to freestyle rap with impeccable timing and consistency. My confidence was through the roof! I showed off my new skills to people I’d usually be too afraid to freestyle in front of. It lasted hours, I just couldn’t stop. And the things I was saying were how I was being given this gift by a greater being for the salvation of mankind, but I would also say I’m being tempted by the devil into receiving these abilities for my soul… I could mimic the vocal patterns and cadences of some of the most popular rappers today, I could even sing! Obviously, my friends thought I was crazy, but they couldn’t explain/deny what they were witnessing. And I’ve never been the same since.

When I ignore everything and go about living a “regular life” I’m unaffected. What gets me is that still to this day, EVERYTIME I close my eyes I see a spiral/tunnel/disk that looks like a rotating galaxy. When I focus on it I eventually pass through where the “dark whole” would be and see many things… like figures of people, hands, event short events (none that I can recognize). I’m being vague because I do not want to take away from you’re thread. The only other posts I have here on ATS are on threads that address this topic because I am looking for answers. What I take away from your post is that I might suffer from some disease, but honestly none of the… interesting experiences I’ve had come from me being depressed. In fact, they cause me to become depressed because they confuse me to such a degree. Meditation has been one of the processes I’ve taken to find answers, but I’m always left with more questions. Anyways, I’m glad you got back on track! Even though we clearly don’t understand these experiences, I do feel there’s a lot to gain from them. Take care

To original poster.
Don't go to a third world country. You'll get murdered there.
Mentally ill people are not understood there, a friend of mine was murdered because of this.
His erratic behaviour got him murdered by two men who thought that he was seriously threatening them.
Stay home with people who know and understand your mental state.

I have a hard time believing anything you say. In fact, I don't believe you at all. Your second story sounds as made up and full of @#$! as your first post.

In short: I call B.S. on all of it.

reply to post by ecossiepossie


It's ok mate, no need to be sorry at all. I really enjoyed reading your experiences. Some of the older members on the site can get a bit funny about punctuation... but not me. If it has letters in it that resemble words, i will understand it.

Thanks for posting your story, hopefully you feel the same type of releif as you unload unnecessary baggage off your brain, as I did/do. There's no good in bottleing this stuff up. Thanks again.

Originally posted by Cryptonomicon
I have a hard time believing anything you say. In fact, I don't believe you at all. Your second story sounds as made up and full of @#$! as your first post.

In short: I call B.S. on all of it.

Thats your perogitive. Well done on not accepting everything you read. However slightly rude and immature in your response... Thanks for reading anyway.

Originally posted by Samuelis

I havent yet mastered the reclusive/social anxiety side of it. My girlfriend is very social and it helps to balance me out and get me some much needed human interaction. But if left on my own for long periods I will become more and more reclusive and paranoid, to the point of not wanting to even goto the shops for fear of seeing someone. So maybe the solution is to surround yourself with positive, socially extroverted friends that wont take no for an answer when you refuse to come to the pub for a drink. Or get a high energy dog that will constantly need attention, so that you remove the focus from your inner thoughts on to somthing external. Long walks in the sun, will give you the chance for some vitamin d and the possibility of meeting new people. People who walk dogs are nearly always the best kind.

Once you can get in a habit, your body will adjust itself to your new environment.

Hi Samuelis,

I found your story an interesting read and am glad you are beginning to feel better. I think what I quoted above demonstrates a good attitude / thinking process. Just try not to spend too much time alone at home, I know myself it is easy to begin having strange thoughts from isolating yourself in that type of environment. Even if you have to force yourself to get outside and take your dog for a walk, it will make you feel a whole lot better.

Good luck

reply to post by unknownacademy


Thanks for posting, When I was unwell. I had managed to memorize a few De La Soul songs, I had actually learned the songs so well after only 1 or 2 listens, I could rap the whole songs and also find meaning in all of the lyrics. I wrote songs while i wasnt well and to this day they are better than anything Ive written before.

Its this part of the illness that makes me believe that if our civillization were to evolve another step, it would be an evolution of the mind, into a higher frequency. But in truth I havent found any answers beyond this. And ofcoarse I have to be very careful not to become to immersed into the subject. Balance is the key.

It would seem that many MANY people have had a story or two about a strange episode.I think that MANY more people have them that don't admit it. Hell, It may even be the majority of people who have had an episode to some extent before. But we as a society don't talk about them too much.

Perhaps If we lived in a society where things like this were so "out in the open" that this world would be a completely different place. Perhaps this is the norm and the universe is much greater and creative than ever imagined. There may even be something concrete to these experiences that could be builded upon in society. If only we lived in that world.... But instead we deny it, even though I think a good majority of us have experienced it.

Remember, the universe is so expansive, that it's a mathematical fact that every idea that has ever been had has materialized somewhere in this universe. Yes, It's true, Smurfs do exist somewhere

Foodstamp for president.

I have to walk the dog and "chew proof" the house before I goto work now. I'll jump on again tonight if I'm allowed.

reply to post by Samuelis


De La Soul. Now there's rap's most under rated group! Love those guys...

reply to post by Samuelis


Hell yeah dude! You rock!

The Coo Coo that's on to himself is half way out of the clock.

However, i do believe people are more than just a clinical label when it comes to psychiatric disorders. In today's world I'm surprised more people don't suffer from it.


I have noticed i get rather coo coo as well when i bombard myself with negative news, conspiracies, politics, occult and isolating. We are social creatures and need each other. Even if you are anti-social and geek or get irritable with others in public....engage until it gets comfortable..i think technology has somewhat isolated us and made us suspicious of one another as we form personal and group opinions, ...a self fulfilling creation of sorts.

Habits rule the unreflecting herd.

Thanks for your share.

honestly i think all the kundalini, new age, mayan 2012 are all part of satan's lie-alotta ppl will be decieved into thinkin they themselves can become like gods--just like the lie the serpent told adam and eve in the Garden of Eden---thinkin they have an inner god in them, but there is only ONE God and through His grace and mercy ask for forgiveness for being led astray and not believing the Truth--ppl say the bible/quran has been corrupted, but the Law of God is written on everyone's heart-u dont need internet or books to learn wisdom, just get to know God--in my opinion, i just think ppl dont feel until they find an absolute truth, thats why most continue to search for answers of life (scientists)-well THE Truth will set you free

reply to post by Samuelis


samuelis i have done 5 days and nights straight with no sleep,the fun starts at day 3
dont ya find? very strange world psychosis aint it. i could tell you the things i saw and
to me they were as real as real gets. i even thought i had spent 3 years in jail and was
convinced that the police had set me up with a gun to kill some folks on a jumbo jet i said
had landed in the field behind the house i was in,after all i had seen the jet!

it does get worse i went many places in those 5 days it was like being wired direct into a kind
of tv reality where everything was sensory overload,the smells the taste, the colours and the sounds
were all ten fold stronger. if i had a knife i have no doubt that anyone could of told me to say cut off
one of my hands and i would of done it.

But no matter where i thought i had been, all the different scenarios that played out real for me the FACT
was i never left the bed i was sat upright in the entire 5 days.
I can only thank my family for being there or i would be dead. it was SO REAL.

sleep deprivation is by far the cleanest most powerful hallucinogen there is.
so i can relate how you felt.my only regret is that i wish i had been recorded on video to truly see
what i put my family through.

just to be clear how this happened. I went full blown cold turkey from drug abuse,full on to zero and it was my body
running on pure adrenalin. it was not pretty but what i saw will stay with me as a reminder to stay clean.

That small snippet is only the TIP of the iceberg as you can imagine, 5 days is so so long.At times it felt like
hellraiser type films were playing out in front of my eyes on constant loop. i was insane.
I survived to tell the tale and recovered well but the memory's of what i thought was true will stay.

reply to post by Samuelis

Pretty far out story there Samuelis, I lol at most of it. But one thing I want to say is that I know what you are talking about the whole.

My perception of time had slowed right down. Time felt slower. I could have a discussion with 3 different people at once, and remember where I was in each conversation. I could focus on individual rain drops while driving 120k'sph while it felt like I was driving 60. Music and colour became amazingly vivid.

I know a bit about that, once was up for days. And I do not want to get specific, but at the end of it my mind kind of goes in overdrive, and you do start to see things and become paranoid and it becomes really hard to discern this reality from the things that glimmer across your mind. But anyways I remember driving home while I my mind was going a thousand miles per hours and I was out of it completely. And I remember that everything was going in slow motion, literally like in the matrix.

I would look out the window and the cars on the highway were going really slow, then I would look at my speedometer and it would say that I was going 80something miles per hour while it felt like I was going at a snails pace and the cars next to me and on the road were going so freaking slow it was like watching a movie in slow motion. I could even read peoples minds and know what they would do before they would do it. Maybe it was all in my mind, or maybe I really needed to get some sleep and was seeing things, but lets just say it was a really messed up and bizarre couple of days.

An interesting experience none the less, and I think in some ways everybody has a sort of metal breakdown or whatever you want to call it, a sort of limit or line were if you cross it then things go haywire real fast. And it not expressed or manifested in the same way for everybody. That's why I can understand why some the crazy people, or those that have manic depressions or some other sort of problem. Or even those in the nut house really are there, because they literally believe it and are living the nightmare, you can not see it from the outside perspective.

And truly to really know it or what they are going through you would have to be them and in there shoes or have gone trough something similar to really understand the depth and highs that the mind is capable of. Because the mind is literally like a radio and can pick up all kinds of signals, even those that it can not process and decipher or even begin to understand, and for some once they have gone far enough they can never find the way back. And so they become lost in limbo, just another version of purgatory.

Originally posted by Samuelis
Last year I was unlucky enough to suffer a manic episode with a psycosis that lasted for 6 weeks, and ended up hospitalising me for 7 days in maximum security at Hobart Royal Hospital.

At the time I was jobless, and it was a long dark depressive winter in Tasmania, and my partner went on a holiday with her family for 2 months around Europe. Around 2 weeks in I became completely fixated on ATS and global new's events to such a degree that I didn't sleep for 5 or so days. I [SNIP] and ate next to nothing other than macdonalds and junk food.

www.abovetopsecret.com...
I created this thread while I was fairly manic and dillusional. It's actually very easy to tell I wasn't well. As the thead goes on I get worse and worse.

The day the cracks began to appear I arrived at the airport to greet my partners family, and realised that I had odd shoes on. The decent from there was very slow and very steady.

I began waking at 3:33 everymorning in cold sweats, I became irratable and very short tempered with my friends and my partner. At this point I began listening to binaural beats in my sleep and was staring at a candle for 30 mins every day (to crack the pineal).

One day I stood up from the computer, I got dressed into my old work clothes from my previous Insurance job and began doorknocking all local business' with an amount of confidence and fearlessness that is just not me or my normal personality.

This is where things get a bit weird.

My perception of time had slowed right down. Time felt slower. I could have a discussion with 3 different people at once, and remember where I was in each conversation. I could focus on individual rain drops while driving 120k'sph while it felt like I was driving 60. Music and colour became amazingly vivid. I felt invincible. I was fast, organised, confident and on top of the world. But the body can only handle this state for so long...

I began believing almost anything that was presented to me. Suffering from delusions of granduer, might have had a short period of believing I was Jesus. Would not shower or drink water under the belief that fluoride was killing me slowly, so I was looking dirty and skinny and very wired.

I would see syncronicity in almost everything I did, song track time lengths & lyrics, 11:11, 2:22 and so on and so on.

My partner left for work one morning and I packed my bags and left. I drove my car to the airport and flew to Townsville where I stayed at the Jupiter hotel. I told noone where I had gone. I spent and gave away my entire life savings. I gave $500 to an aboriginal lady down the main street. I gave my raybans to a kid. I donated to every single charity I could find.

I somehow latched onto the new age theory about the electro magnetic grid framwork of earth that is to be completed this year to ascend to the next dimension. (lol)

I spotted a black hawk helicopter flying up home hill in townsville. I dressed in all red, and ran to the top of the mountain to do battle with the evil elites trying to complete the final piece of this grid that would have the entire human race enslaved. Red so that the martians would think I was one of them... hmm.

I climbed to the top of the mountain, and then jumped the barbedwire fence, and then climbed up the radio tower, so damn high I wasn't even scared of heights like usual. I took a large metal support bar from the dish on top and began carrying it down the mountain. Before long I am walking down the side of a tropical mountain in the pitch black dark in shorts and t shirt. Enormous Spider webs shining in the moonlight in front of me at every turn (normally very fearful of spiders) not a problem in this state. I managed to safely find my way down the wrong side of the mountain, that had many cliff's and shear drops. I took the peice of antenna back to jupiters hotel and was detained by hotel staff trying to sneek the 10ft support bar into the elevator.

Anyway, a week or so later I was found in a strangers back yard in only my undies rolling around in the dirt. I was eating worms and crying quietly to myself. The nice owner told me I would be ok, and called the ambulance. Next thing I know 2 police officers grab me and hold me down. I jumped up and push one officer to the ground and turned to battle the second. I remember clearly at this time looking at the officers gun, and making a move to grab it. I had managed to convince myself that these police were corrupt reptillians coming for me because I was the antichrist.

Anways, being forcfully medicated in a straight jacket and then pissing myself in my sleep was the most sobering experiece in my entire life. I managed to slam dunk a basketball ring outside (im 5ft 10) and climb through the hoop, then along the window frames to the window, jumped out a 2 story window and landed on the footpath amongst people. I just ran. I made it back to my partner, who after an hour or two of dicussion, convinced me to go back to hospital.

Anyways, Today one year on I am no longer depressed, I have an excellent full-time job, I'm healthy and my partner managed to keep loving me through the entire thing. I guess im pretty lucky.

Very interested in hearing some other members stories about mental illness. I figure that the only way to help remove the stigma surrounding mental health is to have healthy discussion about how it can happen and how to react when face to face with someone manic or suffereing from psycosis.

Just because your mentally ill doesn't make you dangerous. Just because your dangerous doesnt make you mentally ill.

Also if anyone is struggeling with depression or anxiety or bi-polar and are needing some advice I am here to answer anything.

Thanks for reading this far.

Samuelis

That wasn't just a psychotic eposide of "mental illness", it was a freaking HERO's journey!

There's so much allegorical and mythical content in your story that it's both at once hilarious and imho, rather provocative of an attempted "Great Work"!

I know what you were up to, in a strange way it all makes perfect sense!

You took a large metal support bar (standard) from the apex of a radio tower, down the mountain, and then tried to take it up the elevator of the Jupiter Hotel..!

..only to end up rolling in the dust eating worms..

OMG it's so FUNNY!

I love this guy, you're awesome for what you were at least TRYING to do!!!

Too much! That's just awesome.

Glad you pulled through!

Now I don't feel so bad about my own "dark night of the soul".. oh sigh.

What it reveals I think, is that if it was all on either you, or me, we would have blown the assignment..

Sleep deprivation, extremely high stress levels, malnutrition and/or low caloric intake and parasitical infection did it for me. My one and only episode lasted 3 months and basically it manifested through weird sensations on the head, visual migraines, diarrhea, hypochondria, paranoia, lack of hygiene and horrible, extremely vivid nightmares.

It took me 6 months to fully recover and it was done with zero pharmaceuticals or therapy. Just a parasite cleanse and focusing on proper nutrition and supplementation (especially magnesium), breathing techniques and exercise.
I still have nightmares, but I've always had them since I was a child and much less severe than during the episode.

reply to post by Samuelis


So what, you on ,medication? You just licked the whole thing on your own? What the"""? Cause you seemed far out there. I don't know this just seems a little incomplete. Not saying this is all bull, but you are pretty heavy on the details of your insanity, and pretty light on the cure. There is also a little bit of connection with your involvement with conspiracy forums and alternative thinking inciting this episode. If there were no heavy drugs or alcohol involved with this, and you think you have licked her on you own, you probably haven't. you might want to get some professional help. Then there is always the possibility you are just writing a story.

Originally posted by staywaitin12
honestly i think all the kundalini, new age, mayan 2012 are all part of satan's lie-alotta ppl will be decieved into thinkin they themselves can become like gods--just like the lie the serpent told adam and eve in the Garden of Eden---thinkin they have an inner god in them, but there is only ONE God and through His grace and mercy ask for forgiveness for being led astray and not believing the Truth--ppl say the bible/quran has been corrupted, but the Law of God is written on everyone's heart-u dont need internet or books to learn wisdom, just get to know God--in my opinion, i just think ppl dont feel until they find an absolute truth, thats why most continue to search for answers of life (scientists)-well THE Truth will set you free

If you feel that way, then why have you decided to believe in a SATAN? Wouldn't you believe that God would be both good AND bad? I mean, when you really think about it. All your goodness in your heart, all the pain you've endured. They all stem from pain, strife, vanity, greed, lust. Bad choices you've made in your life that have caused pain etc etc... You learn most from pain and misfortune and being the victim of other peoples sins than you do from love passivity, acceptance and so forth.

If I were to entertain the idea of a God. A heavenly father type. I would believe the He would be both good and bad. Lessons are learned from the end of the Fathers belt so to speak.

reply to post by DelMarvel


Agreed. Sites like this are never root cause. They certainly don't help if you are wigging out. What they are good for is helping achieve a healthy sense Of skepticism when you are prone to the fantastical.