Manic/Psycotic episode on ATS

reply to post by Samuelis


I'm very glad that you're better...that's a very frightening thing you went through.

One thing I did notice was that you were able to find some humor in your situation. While I realize that mental illness is from from a laughing matter, I think keeping a sense of humor about us is really important in terms of keeping ourselves emotionally centered, so kudos to you!

reply to post by ErroneousDylan

In the book “The Stormy Search for the Self”, Stanislav Grof, whose wife Christina underwent the dramatic shaktipat experience, gave prominence to increased levels of energy, shaking, memories of traumas, extreme emotions, inner sounds, visions, sexual arousal, and difficulty controlling behaviours. They recommended anyone having these experiences have a medical examination by a clinician knowledgeable about kundalini because of the similarity between these symptoms and indications of psychiatric and medical problems.

I guess this is where a lot of people come unstuck. I could almost swear that during my psycosis I was able to feel my partners emotions. Something in the manic episode amplifies all of your senses. I would hear voices in my head, not knowing if it is being imagined or if it is real. I would hear a cracking sound like thick paper being torn. The line between reality and imagination was completely blurred to the point of being in a dream world. Coldplay's song Life in technicolor reminds me of this stage.

According to writers in the field, such practices may, in unfortunate instances, trigger kundalini symptomatology, and lead to states of spiritual emergency. Greyson[70] notes that contemporary western culture is poorly equipped to deal with signs of kundalini activity.

The doctors that I spoke to during my recovery hadn't previously dealt with somebody who was suffereing from a manic episode. So I pretty got the textbook treatment.

reply to post by U4ea82


Having a laugh about the issue ended up being my way out. When the psycosis runs out, life gets pretty empty for a little while. I had almost denied any type of thought to enter my head about what happened. Until we started joking about it. Healing laughter. Cheers

It sounds like you did have a spiritual awakening, but just could not handle it. Here's an article with a story similar to yours but the guy got a grip on what was happening.

in5d.com...

For some, these experiences are the best thing that has ever happened for them. I'm sorry it never went that way for you but am glad you are ok.

Originally posted by Samuelis
I guess this is where a lot of people come unstuck. I could almost swear that during my psycosis I was able to feel my partners emotions. Something in the manic episode amplifies all of your senses. I would hear voices in my head, not knowing if it is being imagined or if it is real. I would hear a cracking sound like thick paper being torn. The line between reality and imagination was completely blurred to the point of being in a dream world. Coldplay's song Life in technicolor reminds me of this stage.

I've had my share of psychosis, never had any trouble with anyone as I knew I was going through a difficult time so I locked myself up in my house for most of the time. I've always been able to shut almost all of it off when at work. Only regret is I lost my family, when I told them what I was going through they wanted me to use pharmaceuticals and even tried to lock me up trying to convince police and health service I was a danger. As I explained myself to the health workers and there being no evidence of me posing any danger other than my parents saying so I had only one encounter. Even though I lost my family I'm also glad it happened or I would never have known they could be like that, I expected them to support me in some way but never thought they would tell police and others I was a danger.

As for feeling others' emotions I don't think it's that strange the brain guesses emotions from nonverbal communication like body language, the tiny muscles used in facial expressions, subtle suggestions in anothers' words and translates these. But I believe it's better not to allow it as one needs to experience their own feelings and one cannot experience both at the same time.

As for auditory hallucinations I've known all my life I could memorize songs and play it back from memory whenever I wanted which I did a lot as everyday life had it's boring moments and just assumed everyone had this. Not only that I also have photographic memory, without the control which is usually associated with it but it enabled me to have entire 'inner' movies of great detail. When I lost confidence in my ability to control those parts of my mind (audio and visual memory) that is when my brain just started to make things up which appeared very real and resembled text book schizophrenia to health services. I've come to dismiss those dsm theories to make up my own which allow me to control and continue functioning. Most of the 'daydreams' is actually nice, beautiful or humorous 5 years after I lost it. It has even helped me in everyday life, having a stronger will and mind than before, mostly because of the confidence derived from the idea I've been tested (not by God or anything, just like having a broken computer and able to fix or recover it to a degree) where other people rarely or never in their whole life have their truths or world view challenged in such a way.

reply to post by Samuelis


Thanks for posting this thread op. I know it takes a lot of courage to discuss these matters but I believe that is more a bad reflection on the world we inhabit than on those who have experience mania and psychosis. What strikes me time and again when I read about peoples’ experience of psychosis is the number of similarities (no matter the background) that people experience.

100 years ago they thought madness originated in the gut. In fact, at my local psyche hospital there are old case notes on the wall about a local mother of three children who was admitted due to mania. They tried everything, but eventually settled on feeding the woman 8 pints of milk a day and a couple of drams of whisky. Apparently that did the trick (the fats in milk slow the mind) – the notes finish with the woman’s doctor having met her and her three children in the local grocers – all of whom were quite happy.

Many of the posters here have made mention of the fact that they were not eating properly prior to the onset of mania. All the energy that should have been used operating the digestive system transfers to the mind which, being starved of nutrients, seems to switch to a survival mode.

I discussed this with a psychiatrist who told me that if someone carries enough body fat then not eating for a few days won’t do much harm, however, if you have low amounts of body fat the body starts to produce excess amounts of progesterone. (Which causes havoc with the thought processes). When I described my own psychotic experience as my conscious mind being sidelined while my sub-conscious (survival) mind came to the fore – he said that was a very good way of describing it. That subconscious mind is not concerned with social niceties and norms – it strives to survive.

I experienced ‘acute hearing’ – hearing everything around me at the same volume – a dripping tap in the next room was as loud as the person talking next to me. I also experience ‘perfect memory syndrome’ – uuuurgh I could remember every event in my life, every discussion with every person, every book I’d read and every tv programme/radio show I’d watched or listened to etc etc. – all at one time. A mind blower indeed.

I also experience a fantastic sense of ‘oneness’ with every person, creature and plant, all existence in the universe in fact. (Actually that was quite beautiful). I recently watched a tv show scientifically investigating the effect of psilocybin. People taking that also experience that sense of oneness. The scientist ingested some mushrooms and had a brain scan while he was high. Later when they looked at the results of the scan it seems that there is an area of the brain near its core which gives us all our sense of individuality. When the psilocybin was ingested that area of the brain almost closed down. I think that’s what happened to my brain – without the need to ingest psilocybin.

Although I wouldn’t want to experience psychosis ever again (I have three times – that last time being ten years ago) it was, in many ways a valuable life experience that has forever altered my perspective on existence. As you wrote in the op – what starts as an experience of potential genius quickly runs out of control and becomes very frightening for both the experiencer and those around them.

But maybe from some of the posts on this thread we can start to get an idea of how it begins.....poor eating, staying awake for a few days and for good measure add a large dollop of stress. That’s why it’s wrong to label anyone who has these experiences as mentally ill – given the right circumstances this can, and does, happen to anyone.

As a sufferer I can relate to your post, people with this sort of illness differ wildly in the 'madness' they do but the basic self destructive trait always remains. Mental illness and depression ripped my life apart untreated for many years, I'd beg anyone who feels they are 'different' and depressed to seek help, YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT ON YOUR OWN!

I still suffer and I believe I always will, the damage was done for so long I doubt I will return to the happy go lucky person I used to be but at least I now have a semi calm to me, the edge is taken off but the illness is still there and my dreams are always terrifying and return me to the terror I suffered.

Many people have been very kind to me as they will be to you on here, could I fix anyone, no, I'm not even fixed myself but like you I can have an affinity to the sufferer.

For those liking a painful read have a look at my blog posting about it.

Samuelelis, I wish you and your partner every happiness, be well and be safe...

Paul.

It's great to hear a story about someone suffering an episode such as yours and recovering. I'm sure your story will give hope to a lot of people out there who think admitting a mental illness means the end of their job, relationships and a lifetime doped up on medication.
In your post you mentioned you listened to binaural beats. Do you think this had any part to play in your breakdown?
I ask this because about 12 months ago I discovered binaural beats and listened to them for about 20 mins a day for 4 days. Over these days I found myself very agitated and distracted. I struggled to remember things I had been told 20mins previous and was getting headaches. I actually felt like I was becoming stupid! I couldn't recall information I knew that I knew. I thought these were just symptoms that were to be expected at the start but after 4 days I stopped because I was worried what it was doing to my brain. Did you experience anything similar?

reply to post by Samuelis


Thank you for relating this awful, traumatic stage of your life. You have described it very well.....your actions and your thoughts. You must remember it so clearly.
I am pleased you have recovered and are proof of the light at he end of the tunnel.

Not being funny or anything but you sounded fairly dangerous to me you admitted you wanted to grab the police mans gun for what? to kill the reptile? Let's just say i wouldn't want to be anywhere near you when you where going mental.

reply to post by Samuelis


Ok what I'm about to say might not be easy to hear but since this is ats and its a cospiracy site get ready folks

Samuelis let me start by saying I enjoyed your opening post it made me laugh and it made me sad, and by no means am I trying to take away from your event but with that being said here we go.

What if all which you said really happened and your not crazy or delusional, or bi polar but when you were captured by the "reptilans" they implanted memories drugged you etc etc and made you think you had a mental break down..

There is a great movie called "The Lazarus Project" and OMG as soon as I read your post It instantly reminded me of this movie..I recommend it to anyone who reads this reply.. (and no its not a religious movie although the title might make you think it is) But woa the conspiracy is strong in that one and it will blow your mind and after you see it maybe something similar happend to op..

Also I would like to say that I always enjoy when I see your replies in other threads it really makes ya think..and I believe you have a great logical mind and you have some great ideas for example the last one i saw you were saying something about alaska window ilusions the world being flat or fake space and stars i dnt remember but u should know what I'm refering to..

but in closing this reply wasn't to ridicule,make fun, or light of your situation I just want to point out other posible solutions since this is ats..So check out that movie (it was on netfix instant stream last time I checked or you can find it by other means..Please let me know what you think about my reply and or the movie Samuelis and anyone else who sees this reply I'd appreciate it.....I hope you have peace and get better or discover what really happened....

ps please excuse any grammar or typos english isn't my only language.

reply to post by Samuelis



S&F for this ... it's an amazing account of your journey into the dark and back into the light ... thank-you so so much for sharing this as it does help others to understand about mental health issues ... and because it's still a taboo subject many are still very ignorant of the facts


My son is 21yrs old and he has 'social and aggro' phobias ... he can only go out on his own within his comfort zone (which is the local shop) ... anything beyond that he cannot do ... he could not travel anywhere on his own (even to a place he knows) ... he cannot have a conversation on the telephone (even with his friend ... and doesn't own a mobile) ... he 'shuts-down' if faced with official / authority figures (doctors / social-workers etc) and I have to be with him and basically speak for him.

As an example - he is a type 1 (insulin dependant) diabetic and a few months ago he was not well ... because of his diabetes the doctor decided he needed to be taken to hospital ... naturally enough I was also going to have to go and stay as long as he did ... but when your son is 21yrs old and he has to have his mother with him it looks kind of weird to anyone who doesn't know the situation ... so I end up having to explain it to the paramedics ... every nurse and doctor that tended too him and probably wonderd why the hell a full grown guy had his mother sitting in the corner by his bed.

This condition is very debilitating and he has been this way since he was attacked in the street in broad daylight 6yrs ago ... I hasten to add that this attack was not the cause of the condition ... it was the trigger ... the cause went back to his early childhood when he had witnessed his fathers violence ...

>>>Examples

reply to post by Samuelis

Thank you for sharing Samuelis, I cant help but think that you were enlightened during this experience, once all of the poisons were out of your system your mind opened new doors of perception. Maybe you really did remove some kind of barrier blocking this perception. I feel the same way now with insomnia,gut churning,mind racing, pretty much all of th
e above, minus the hallucinations, although I do see tracers. This could be related to my new vegan diet, maybe reading to much ATS, or not working enough. I have too much time on my hands so I constantly dwell on conspiracies, to the point now that ALL is a conspiracy, but I'm able to remain calm, and avoid thefear". I don't mind being like this really. You have to become One with the MAnia, i think...

Random thoughts; John the Baptist starved himself for forty days before writing the Book
of Revelations, after the forty days he started talking to Angels and such, I wonder if this is the key..

reply to post by Samuelis


I don't think you are bipolar. Are you currently on medication? People with bipolar have more than one episode, and most go up and down even when on medication. The meds just make the episodes easier to handle.

reply to post by Samuelis


If you are telling the truth, then I commend you for being open and honest.

It saddens me that we don't take care of our own in the U.S --- instead we give them terrible drugs as some dark age cure-all for anyone who has lost their way in the jungle of civilization.

Thanks for sharing your story, and I wish you the best. If you ever need to talk just PM me.

reply to post by Samuelis

Thank you for sharing this. I have Schizo affective disorder bipolar type. I feel our culture denies the existence of mental disorders until someone does something off the wall like Aurora CO. Not all cases of mental illness end up that way and because I know that's when most people hear of it I am not comfortable disclosing that about myself. I applaud this thread. I wish there was more ways to expose people to the more common scenarios.

I spent a month in a mental hospital 1 year ago and my life will be forever changed.

Thank you.

reply to post by Wifibrains


That guy is nuts and speaks of nothing but an ongoing series of bizarre rationalizations.

Mental illness is an altered state of consciousness akin to a trip on your drug of choice.

The world we live in is stranger than anyone can possibly imagine, and that's all I can say about that.

reply to post by unityemissions

Try not to be so judgmental. We are being watched and evaluated.

Originally posted by aaaiii
Mental illness is an altered state of consciousness akin to a trip on your drug of choice.

The world we live in is stranger than anyone can possibly imagine, and that's all I can say about that.

The first part is dead on. '___' used to be given to psychiatrists so that they could gleam into the minds of their schizophrenic patients, experiencing a psychotic break first hand.

The second part is a bit off. The world is exactly what we collectively imagine it to be.

Originally posted by aaaiii
reply to post by unityemissions

 

Try not to be so judgmental. We are being watched and evaluated.

Yea, that vagueness works wonders...lemme tell you.