Manic/Psycotic episode on ATS

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posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:31 PM
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Your not manic depressive you've just experienced the spiritual reality.

Your story really speaks to me in so many ways, you experienced first hand the real reality, the tricks of the devil is sometimes hard to see, because hey its just you imagining it right.




posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:33 PM
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reply to post by Skywatcher2011
 


False, somebody experiencing an episode can be dangerous. Somebody who is bi-polar and has the condition under control is not.

Media and society tend to mix these two states together. It is simply wrong. Am I currently a danger to society? No, with the knowledge that I have the ability to go manic, im sure my next episode will go much differently. I will check myself in without hesitation.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:39 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Let me begin by covering my own diagnosis... PTSD, Bipolar, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Phobic Anxiety, General Depression, and Obsessive/Compulsive Personality Disorder...

So you can at least somewhat assume I know from what I speak..

The problem with self controlling a manic episode is that you can lose perspective during mania and not even recognize that your behavior is abnormal. If you don't have a strong support system around you... people who you trust to tell you if you're "on" or "off"... then you don't really have a valid barometer for things.

I take medication and still rely upon friends and family to let me know if I'm a bit over the top or not.

~Heff
edit on 8/8/12 by Hefficide because: I am the God of typos



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:43 PM
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Thanks for sharing your story, it reminds me of what happened to David Icke when he woke up. That dude went bat poop crazy before he was able to integrate what he was going through, and look at him now the guy is performing at Wembley stadium in October.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:45 PM
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Originally posted by Planet teleX
reply to post by Samuelis
 

Have you thought of writing a book about your experiences? I smell a movie deal...


Haha, should I get Mathew Newton to play the role of me? Could be a good movie pitch, have everything occur in a belieable way to the audience, only to be revealed at the end that it was all a delusion. I would watch it.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:58 PM
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I was diagnosed with schizoeffective bipolar disorder back in 2007, so I can relate. I still suffer from delusions and play around with them, but in a cautious sort of mannerism. Of course, if they prove to be real, then I am not deluded, but that is probably unlikely. One reason I am so cautious of my delusions is the fact they began with visions telling me of a possibly divine origin. If you want to know who, just look at my alias, and it tells all. Really, tho I know little of the story behind the figure, and the more I look into her, the more it seems to confirm things, not deny them. Plus there really isn't much mythology behind the character, but the mythology my mind has invented around her makes sense in how women are generally treated or were treated in Judeo-Christian, Islamic inspired faiths, but I digress from the topic.

My mind has tried to assign the Jesus persona to me too, but I denied it because I absolutely knew it was a lie. The things surrounding those implications had a "presence" I felt was co-ordinating them, not feeling natural like the visions and supposed memories of Asherah I have had since then, and nothing in my life adds up to being Jesus, like it does with her, IMO. Even were it true and I were this woman, I would not demand love and worship from anyone, as Lucifer and I both prescribe to the notion that nothing is sacred and yet everything is at the same time. That nothing is truly divine and yet everything is at the same time. And that respect and friendship is more worthy than worship, and simply chatting things out and smoothing out our problems with each other is better than prayer or begging or groveling to someone you see of a higher divinity than you. Everyone is loved by me, and there is a story as to why things are the way the are in my mind, but many would not like it.

Now, I admit that the lot behind EVERYTHING religious in me, may just be a delusion. I do not have an ego, regardless as to how I behave. Who can say that they were so egoless that they thought that the very manifestation of a personality itself might in fact be an illusion caused by the workings of the brain, and none of what I consider myself at all, is even real? I wonder whether any of us even have souls, wonder if the afterlife is a lie altogether, and things like that. I in no way embrace the ideals and myths told to me by my brain are in fact totally and undeniably real. I use them as a means to further define my personality, in all reality, while accepting that the scenarios behind them may in fact be just a delusion. It's mainly my intentions and the like that come out of them, that define who I am, not what was implied by them at all.

Anyhow, I know what it is like to have no perception of time. In one of my breaks, I lost about 3 days. In my first one, I have no memory of day, and only remember what I did those nights. I actually thought the sun had gone down forever and we were all doomed, because there was about a week I remember of nothing but nights in a row. I have been found wandering screaming completely naked twice, once on a stranger's doorstep. But I have not had a break since 2009 and am really quite stable, despite the things I talk about. I like engaging possibilities. Yes, doubt can be unnerving, but I find I often try to take shelter in it. Right now, it would be a little disappointing to know for a fact that my delusions were beyond doubt false, and a little frightening to know whether they were beyond doubt true. It's not about power that would make it disappointing, mind you. According to the visions my inheritance has been stripped and I hold no real power. God wants to wipe the very memory of my existence from the very fabric of space and time and has tried to do this to me. There's a story behind it of course, but I wont indulge. Anyone really wants to know, they are free to PM me, but it is not my intent to start cults or the like, in all reality. And that's one reason, I have not attached my real name to my profile or anything, and even on my facebook I have not told anyone what my alias on abovetopsecret is, because I just want to be myself here and just discuss some of the strange matters my mind has put me through and the like. It's hard, because so many people attest they are divine beings these days, and I acknowledge that we all might just be deluded. I don't intend to spout prophecies, because for one, it is not my intention to destroy the world or anything, like many profess they are here to do. I would rather like to preserve it, in all actuality, and improve it, and make it more like what I wanted it to be in the first place. For another, I hate prophecies because they undermine free-will. Lucifer agrees on that matter. Yes, I have another personality in my mind I call Lucifer. He does not take over, or anything. We just chit chat from time to time. Sorry ran out of room...



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 10:08 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Kudos to you for helping the voiceless get heard. I have dealt with my own mental health issues since I was about 5 or 6. I have seen the inside of the psych ward and even found myself at the mercy of a mix of cops, doctors and one nurse with a REALLY big needle. It was the climax of a very bad day. Restraints suck....and they don't let you up to pee, lol.

The mental health system in the US leaves a lot to be desired. Its one thing to know that we are a society of dopers, its another thing to witness first hand as people are pumped full of medication and left to wander around like zombies, virtually unknown to the staff should they happen to lose their ID bracelet.

I suppose I will never know for sure but while I was away "resting" I formed a sort of friendship with a quiet man who was also a patient. He was pretty distressed because the environment was completely new to him. I asked what he did before he came there and he said he worked for the DOD. He sort of reminded me of the brother from Frasier. We had some pretty wacky conversations and he often drew me these diagrams and gave me tips on some kind of clay that is supposed to have miracle properties if ingested. It was surreal. One day he snapped and tackled a random man walking down the hallway. The techs wrestled him to the floor and he began to cry. One pulled out a needle and it was lights out. His mother...an ancient woman by the sound of it...had the rotten luck of calling on the payphone and I had to delicately explain to her why her son couldnt come to the phone. I later asked him what happened and he told me he just couldnt take being in there anymore. That he felt like that place was MAKING him crazy.

In the time since I took that trip through the mental looking glass I've learned to appreciate the experience for what it was. An opportunity to learn something. Something about myself as well as my fellow humans. And definitely something about the system and how it largely doesnt give a damn about any of those caught within it.
edit on 8-8-2012 by irsuccubus because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 10:08 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Thanks for sharing this. It's comforting to read another's psychotic episode.. Although I'm not bipolar (sometimes I feel like it).. I do deal with depression and have for a llllong time. My episode was brought on by very severe traumatic stress that I couldn't handle. I too went to a mental hospital, thought about telepathy (still believe I was at the time), stuff about the antichrist, believing I would be like a queen of the world.. I put myself in a lot of danger too (hitchhiking, sleeping on the beach, involved myself with cops)
edit on 8/8/12 by VENGENZ because:



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 11:34 PM
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Your courage is duly noted and hopefully well observed and emulated.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 12:00 AM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Dear Samuelis,

Just because you are crazy, doesn't mean your wrong about needing to get gas for your car and just because you are sane does not mean that you are right. An old joke, an insurance agent was driving through Pennsylvania, he drove along the winding roads over the green rolling hills and he got a flat tire. He pulled over and found himself in front of an insane asylum. He exited his car and checked in his trunk and found he did not have a jack to lift his car. Inside the asylum grounds on the other side of the fence that surrounded the compound was one of the patients. The patient instructed the insurance agent to back his car up on the guard rail and that he would then be able to change the tire. The insurance agent did and after changing the tire said to the inmate, "Funny that you are in there and I am out here". The patient said, I may be crazy but I am not stupid.

Firstly, great to know that you are better. Second, most of what you read on ATS is nothing more than guesses and conjecture, don't believe everything you read. Finally, some of that conjecture is true; but, it is usually overblown and over sensationalized which leads to misunderstanding the true intent of things around us, most of this world is benign. Lead a balanced life and spend more time with family, friends and your partner than you do here. Peace and best wishes.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 12:16 AM
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That was a very enticing thread, OP. Of course, I am sorry for your past troubles but I must say it was a very interesting read. I was quite drawn in. How long would you say this episode lasted? It almost sounds like Kundalini syndrome. Some people say you can "lose your mind" from doing spiritual practices, others say this will sometimes happen for a period of time after doing spiritual practices but then you will balance out again. The way I see it, if you lose your mind, you haven't lost much.

Do you think all the conspiracy on ATS made you more paranoid or even aided in your mental troubles?


I ask these questions because I suffer from mental and emotional trouble as well. Mainy, I have a terrible panic disorder, agoraphobia, hypochondria, and mental phobias. Basically anything that means I am out of control freaks me out, which is more like OCD. So, I believe all those stem from OCD. My biggest fear, however, is that I am crazy, specifically schizophrenia. Sometimes I can get a little weird when my anxiety gets powerful. My friends have always stated how I act "crazy" because of how goofy I can be at times and I guess hearing it so much I start to actually worry "Am I actually crazy?"

From what I have been told, if you worry about being crazy it is a pretty good sign that you aren't but that isn't always the case and doesn't detour me.

I've tried so many things from acupuncture, diet, medicine, herbs, supplements, qigong, meditation, cognitive behavior therapy, diary, hobbies, exercise, everything, and still I can never seem to dissipate my worries. I rarely leave the house any more unless I absolutely have to because of my agoraphobia. Going to the grocery store is like climbing Mount Everest without any gear.

More than anything I just want my life back. My friends miss me and I miss them. I just want to play with them again, play with my band, have fun. I should be out sculpting my life and enjoying myself but instead I hide in my room all day and close the blinds, lest the light get in.

Any recommendations?



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 01:04 AM
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I was going to speak, but know I don't see the point.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 01:26 AM
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Originally posted by ErroneousDylan
How long would you say this episode lasted?
Do you think all the conspiracy on ATS made you more paranoid or even aided in your mental troubles?


The manic episode itself lasted a couple of months, with a very slow and steady increase in psycosis that lasted between 5-6 weeks, with a smooth transition back to reality after the same period of time after.





More than anything I just want my life back. My friends miss me and I miss them. I just want to play with them again, play with my band, have fun. I should be out sculpting my life and enjoying myself but instead I hide in my room all day and close the blinds, lest the light get in.

Any recommendations?


I havent yet mastered the reclusive/social anxiety side of it. My girlfriend is very social and it helps to balance me out and get me some much needed human interaction. But if left on my own for long periods I will become more and more reclusive and paranoid, to the point of not wanting to even goto the shops for fear of seeing someone. So maybe the solution is to surround yourself with positive, socially extroverted friends that wont take no for an answer when you refuse to come to the pub for a drink. Or get a high energy dog that will constantly need attention, so that you remove the focus from your inner thoughts on to somthing external. Long walks in the sun, will give you the chance for some vitamin d and the possibility of meeting new people. People who walk dogs are nearly always the best kind.

Once you can get in a habit, your body will adjust itself to your new environment.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 01:29 AM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


That's another point worth mentioning. in 2006 when my symptoms really began to manifest, I literally had the prettiest and sweetest woman in town. She was amazing. But by 2007 she just couldn't cope with my issues. She was the reason I began going to therapy and to a doctor... but it was too little too late and I lost the literal love of my life. Be cautious my friend because supportive people can reach the point of being "done" fast if you're not engaged enough to recognize the warning signs.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 01:48 AM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


From one fellow Aussie to another, pleased you are now in a good place; at some point in our lives we all have an "episode" whether that be manic depression or anxiety attacks. With alot of love and support we DO get passed it, those who don't have a good support network takes more time.

Cheers to you



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 02:31 AM
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Bi-Polar, you know we all have 2 brains.
The Christ, was to of said you must become of one mind.

The conflict in your mind must stop, be true to yourself, others.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 02:42 AM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Ahh yes, I remember the Kony fiasco, aha, shouldn't laugh realy, its not funny.

Isn't the world truly scary when you take a step back and absorb it all?

All the best,

SinBob



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 03:16 AM
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I just want to say that as a transgender person, your thread about male and female energies really hit home for me. Thank you.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 03:27 AM
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Yeh I know, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and have onstant trouble talking to people, and I'm never taken seriously, even though I talk to God all the time.



posted on Aug, 9 2012 @ 03:43 AM
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To the OP, it sounds like you had it pretty rough I'm glad you recovered.

Sometimes its difficult to have each foot planted in both realities, the first being what everyone else sees and the other what you see. Don't feel alone, when you had your episode, it sounded insane to most, but many can sympathize.





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