Manic/Psycotic episode on ATS

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posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:01 PM
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to eat how Im going to run three miles along the beach every morning an exersise till am buff fit an how shocked everyone will be when they see my transformation.But first I finnished of the last of my methadone.Went out to a local resteraunt an had a burger wich I barely touched.Returned to my tent an called it a night at about ten p m I think..I woke up the next day gripped with fear.I realiseed that for the first time in years I was with out any chemical assistance ,Panicked an started finding out train sgedules back to Paris an should I make a dash for it.Decided no you have put yourself in this positon delibritly isolated your self to avoid teptation an any easy paths.So I went about things to ocupy myself for the day an no hassle no problems went to sleep tht night no bother,Next day same thing no illness nothing same thing day three Im thinking .This must be some kind of miricle Im comeing of the biggest friggen heroin addiction in History cold turkey an Im getting no symptons what the hey was I panicing about...I found out that night the withdrawls kicked in with a vengance..I spoke to a doctor years later an told her about my thre day grace an she explained I had so much opiates built up in my system it took that time to start to withdraw.At first it was the pains an aches an vommiting lack off sleep everything Id been expecting,Of course I had no desire to eat but knew I had to keep myself hydhated so had a jerry can plastic with gallons of tepid water in it...I was to weak to move or even leave my tent so was #ting or more apt pissing out my sphynter into a bucket wich Id pitch out in the middle of the night...This went on for days an days an I started to get desprate I was realy needing to sleep after about 5 days or so I thought id nod of for an hour or so but nothing,Still acheing an sweating I had been throwing up this horrible green black bile wich was burning my throat an nose.I knew Id bought a pkt of polo mints an they would probably be in my kiy bag somewhere,So I reached over an slid it towards my self thinking suck a mint an get rid of this horrible burning bile.So I reached into this bag it was pithch black an I couldnt find a torch.So im im feeling ever deeper into this kit bag when I feel something hard an cool at the bottom.Im puzzled as I couldnt think what on earth is this cool hard feels like tiles at the bottom of my kit bag.So i put both my hands into this bag an my head neck an upper body an push squeeze down.An lo an behold my head an shoulders pop out into my girlfreinds Chanrelles spare bedroom in her flat in Paris.Now Im not shocked by this infact it strikes me as incredibly funny for some reason.Iv got a worm hole or vortex in my kitbag conecting me over nearly a thousand miles in space an distance an I didnt think it odd.In fact the first thing I thought was great I can get some releif get some sleep get some drugs,So Im shouting for Chantelle but there was no answer I assumed she must be out.I thought to myself what shall I do shal I just push an crawl through now an abandon all my camping stuff or what?No question I knew the answer so I pulled myself back compleatly into my tent,An went an retreived my money an the couple of bits an bobs I wanted to take to Paris with me..An then dived headlong into the kit bag to end my suffering at that bloody camp site.And geuse what.?thats right the worm hole had disapeared there was no longer a cold red tiled floor at the bottom off the kittbag an as if to mock me even more all I found was the polo mints.I brokedown sobbing not because I was clearly loseig my mind but that Id spurned the chance to crawl through to Paris when Id had the chance,,Afrer a few hours tossing an turning an acasionaly checking to see if the kitbag wormhole had returned.I decedied to try an take my mind of my predicament.So I grabbed my yellow walkman.Sick of listening to the Jam an Donna Summer I tuned it to the radio an was listening to a french station.After a while there was static an the station started to drift.An I heard a familiar Edinburgh accent.Some how this radio had tuned into a cb freqency an there were four guys from my home town driveing to the south of France an I could hear them..I listened to them for hours an coincidence they were heading down to Argellies to pitch up camping driveing a volkswagon van..So theres me haveing found no faullt with a worm hole in my rucksack the fact my walkman has turned into a cb receiver an Imhearing thease 4 lad meander down to near where Im at is perfectly aceptable an normal to me.Besides theres hundred of campsites in Argelles its renowned for them.Low an behold at about 4am ? wee smalll hours anyway they arrive in Argelles looking for a campsite an now I not only hear them over my walkman I hear there vw vAN DRIVEING UP THE COUNTRY lane an know they are going to pitch up at the same site as me..But the campsite is closed an Im thinking what should I do?Should I help my fellow countrymen out.I




posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:14 PM
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reply to post by ecossiepossie
 


Seriously, what is up with the giant walls of unparagraphed text? They make your bs story even more unattractive.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:36 PM
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reply to post by ecossiepossie
 


Really .. PLEASE break it out into paragraphs.. that is impossible to read
no offense..



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:39 PM
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Originally posted by nightbringr
First of all i want to thank you for your brutal honesty. Quite an ordeal im sure, and i wouldnt wish that on anyone. But i must point out you did mention that not all those with mental illness are dangeous, and i agree, but you werent the best example of this. In fact, quite the opposite, you were very dangeous to yourself and others.

Originally posted by Samuelis
I remember clearly at this time looking at the officers gun, and making a move to grab it. I had managed to convince myself that these police were corrupt reptillians coming for me because I was the antichrist.


Hopefully this is in the past and you feel much better now! My hopes are with you and your family.


Point taken. But the issue I had with the police was being forcefully detained when I was in a state of fear. If the policeman or medic's had of just tried a less forceful approach I think I would have been very easy to get back to hospital. As I was ready at this point for help, as I was scared out of my brains.

After escaping the mental hospital, my partner was able to convince me that I wasnn't well. How was I to know?

I guess the point I wanted to make was, that during my entire psycosis, I never attempted to harm anybody.
edit on 8-8-2012 by Samuelis because: (no reason given)



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:41 PM
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I know they cant speak french but I allso know they are rowdy an have been drinking an come from a part of Edinburgh were a lot of ner do wells come from.Im thinking they may take advantage of me in my weakened state may rob me .Anyway while Im deliberating what to do they take matters out of my hands by ringing up the office anwakeing the guy who runs the campsite,,,I dont know if Imentioned but the capsite is qwned by the forifn lrgion an set up as a pennsion for ex legionairs to live an run an earn a liveing in retirment .An the guy the ex legionair is not a gut you want to upsett.Wich is exactly what thease 4 lads have done by ringing him up in the middle of the night..So he comes out shouting at them in French even although he is Daneish,They are shouting back at him in Scotish an even then I think I can diffuse this situation if I just unzip my tent walk 50 yds to the office an translate an tell them to come back in the morning when its open...But I dont an the Camp site maneger chases them off ,So I lie back again but I hear them once more over the radio an hour os so later still very earl camp site still quite,But this time they are being quite an sneaky an they have decided to get there own back on the camp site for booting them out...Some how they heave a realy long chain an rope an they are sneaking through the camp site weaveing this rope in an out of the tents guy pins an going from tent to tent.Bear in mind this is quite a big camp site an has a couple of hundred 4 person permament ly sey up tents wich the campsite rents out an very few one men tents self pitched like mine...It would take an incredibly long rope to do what thay were doing but none off this computes with me.Im lieing in my tent giggling at what there up to thinkin about the old carry on camping films whith Barbra Windsor showering an suddenly the tent gets ripped away exposein g her naked..So they spend ages threading ther long long rope round practically all the large tents in the site an reconecting ot to the chain at the back of there volkswagon an hooking it up .Then they start revving up there enginge burn some rubber an take off.At first nothing happened an I thought the rope must have snapped but then I statrt hearing ping ping ping as the guy pegs scream through the air .An I hear the tents ripping up an flying an shouts of Sacre Blue an Im in full hysterical laughing mode now .Then the SCREAMS began the most horrible gut renching heart breaking screams you can imagine.Screams from women screams from men children dogs the whol gamut.I un zipped my flap an the sitr was like a war xone people were wanderinf about with tent pole impaled in there bodys there heads an eyes there were bodys legt an right that had been decapitated with guy ropes .An all I could think was I caused all this I could have stopped this helicopters started apearing over head lighting up the scence of horror with search lights ;I heard radio chatter saying hubderds of xasualties an that 4 Ecossie men Scotish were responcible.An guilty as I frlt somewho self preveration kicked in .I though if anyone realises Im Scotish at this point they will scewer me an no one would notice nor could I blame them .So I ran as best I could.Or more apptly sttaggered away from the horror ancamsite holocoust that I felt entirely reponsable for an dont know were I went or how long I fled for.I no at some point later on I was found by aFrench family inchoherent an babbling lieing in a ditch by the side of a country lane,,I was found to have no ID passport on me an ended up in Hospital delerious an suffering from malutrition...Three weeks later I had slowly regained my sanity an health an ffigured out I had just lost my mind I didnt care I had lost the money am documentation ect. I got home eventually with zero assistance from british embassy I must add.But have never been so releived in my life that I wasn responsable for any ones death or injury...And also have never toucned opiates again since that experiance in the South OF France when I lost my mind and my adiction/



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:44 PM
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Originally posted by Franz von Humboldt
reply to post by ecossiepossie
 


Seriously, what is up with the giant walls of unparagraphed text? They make your bs story even more unattractive.
Im not a frigging writter ok Im shareing a traumatic ezperiance with you as is the OP if you find it unaractive then dont friggin read it .



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:45 PM
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Originally posted by DamTyD
reply to post by Samuelis
 


Did you start having vivid dreams after this? I'm curious what has changed in your life after the fact. I'm sure a great deal has changed in a year, but would like to know more about your mental state, and what you think it was about.


I sure did. I was keeping a dream journal. I was able to become lucid in all of my dreams, the only problem I would never be in a sleep deep enough to actually rest. I remember watching a hypnotising video before bed a few nights that tells you to WAKE UP YOUR ARE SLEEPING! haha. The dream's were a very very big part of the illness.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:47 PM
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Originally posted by NewAgeMan
reply to post by Samuelis
 

Glad you're feeling better, and thank you for your efforts to save the world, however misguided they might have been!

Jupiter Hotel eh? That's kinda sinchronistic in my books..

Best Regards,

NAM


Haha I know, I think thats what led me there.... When the moon is in the seventh house, and jupiter aligns with mars.
Thanks for the comment.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:51 PM
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Originally posted by Starwise
S&F
Congrats on coming on here and opening up about your illness...I did the same about my illness a few weeks ago. Some members thought I was crazy for doing so......BUT I have found some of the MOST CARING members here on ATS!!!! Not everyone is a troll!

I'm glad you are feeling better. Talking about what is happening to us can open a door for healing for others who may be having a similar situation!!!!


Cheers for the comment. I was fairly embarressed for a while about my experience. I pushed away all my friends and family. I requested mods to please delete my thread but to no avail. One day while bored I ended up looking at the thread to see if it was as bad as I remember. And it wasn't. Reading it now sure does make me realise how lost I was.

I truly began to heal when me and my partner started joking about the situation. Having a laugh about some of the weird things I did. And also I have gained so much compassion for people struggelling with mental illness. In that sense I see it as a gift that I got to experience life as a nutjob. thanx



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:52 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Have been a registered nurse in psychiatry for 15 years now. Your story is very appreciated. Thank you for your final comments. They are very true. Keep strong. Whether you realize it or not, your stronger than us. You are dealing with it and surviving, and LIVING. Cheers. Best wishes my friend. His story is not alone.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:57 PM
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Originally posted by stirling
You would have liked Jack.....but straight people never quite knew how to take him......
I know im babbling so not to derail you....keep the faith.....s



thanks for the reply, yeah my sense of humor is a bit dry also and Im sure Jack and I would have had some mad fun together. I find it hard to laugh sometimes at normal humor. I can watch tv and not laugh ever, radio never makes me laugh. Sometimes I have a fake laugh as to not offend people. But then on the flipside I can be in hysterics over the dumbest things. Laughing uncontrollably goofy with snorts and all.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 08:59 PM
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reply to post by PsychNurse
 


I have so much respect for your occupation now. The nurses that helped me really seemed to care and make a huge difference to my experience. Thank you for what you do.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:05 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


It seems you came out well from your illness in the end. Give yourself a pat on the back - mental illness can be a difficult and f*ckin horrible experience to deal with, and it takes almost superhuman strength to get through that. Consider it a character-building achievement on your part. It's made you what you are now. It's made you stronger, even if you don't realise it yet.

Delusions? Unfortunately there are too many saying all kinds of wishy-washy stuff about delusions being normal, or good for you. Delusions work both ways for those with certain borderline disorders - they can be very upsetting and fill you with paranoia, or they can make you feel literally divine. Delusions are not healthy.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:07 PM
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Originally posted by Kastogere
reply to post by Samuelis
 


Why do you refer to it as a psychotic episode? And what makes you think that modern medicine got it right to label this as the case?



This is where it gets interesting. I went to a very well known psycic/life coach to get a second opinion. This person told me that I was from another planet.
www.abovetopsecret.com...

I'm not sure this information helped me much. He said that I was here to assist in the transformation. He also said I had 3 very large glowing cords connected to my etheric self and that one of these cords was connected to my heart and dissapearing into another dimension. He said that he had never seen a cord this colour and that I had 3 female guides above my head at all times. He said that I would eventually gain psycic ability when I turned 27, and that I would end up being a famous author and also play a large part in the revolution. Everybody around me ofcoarse strongly objected to this information.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:08 PM
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So. Wait... You. Can only talk about smoking green and brown(?) , if you are speaking of a personal mental breakdown/illness? So, in other words, you cant talk about green unless you are speaking negatively. Sounds biased and possibly agendized.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:14 PM
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Well thank God you are better.
Youre certainly NOT the only ATSer that has had a break in personal life that we have sat here powerless to help ....but see the train wreck coming.
You have a very good way of expressing yourself and your experience.. a good introspection and conveying of it all. You never know who can help simply by making this thread.
Kudos to you and I hope you have a long healthy happy life



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:18 PM
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I'm not sure this information helped me much. He said that I was here to assist in the transformation. He also said I had 3 very large glowing cords connected to my etheric self and that one of these cords was connected to my heart and dissapearing into another dimension. He said that he had never seen a cord this colour and that I had 3 female guides above my head at all times. He said that I would eventually gain psycic ability when I turned 27, and that I would end up being a famous author and also play a large part in the revolution. Everybody around me ofcoarse strongly objected to this information.

Nope. In fact it probably made your condition worse by feeding whatever delusions you had. If the guy knew better, he was using your weakness to fuel his own ego. Remaining grounded in reality - your experiences, observations, everyday life - is the key.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:21 PM
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Originally posted by Sinny
When you say green and brown, I hope they both refer to one and the same,

If the brown is anything else, I raise an eyebrow at you.

Apart from that, glad to hear your better, any idea what brought it on?


Haha, yeah it was hash and weed. Well the doctors said that it's impossible to say that a) the manic episode was triggered from not sleeping for a few days b) triggered from being alone for 2 weeks without much human contact. c) from the shock of world events and truly seeing how the world operates. d) getting so into new age theories that I entered a state of permanent excitement. (much like what happened to the KONY 2012 creator.)
Which came first, I do not know.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:22 PM
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reply to post by Samuelis
 


Great to hear you're doing better.



posted on Aug, 8 2012 @ 09:27 PM
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Originally posted by Samuelis
Just because your mentally ill doesn't make you dangerous.


False. If you are mentally you cannot control your thoughts properly and may be a danger to society if you lose your mind further. Also you become a danger to yourself and risk self for injury.


Just because your dangerous doesnt make you mentally ill.


False. If you are a danger to society for whatever reason you are therefore mentally ill (edit: for that period of time time only) and should seek out psychiatric treatment from a specialist, or go seek medical treatment from your family doctor.

If you are unable to maintain control over your own mind game and are unable to control your own actions, you could really harm yourself and others...but that wouldn't mean you are a psychopath. Just someone who needs help
edit on 8-8-2012 by Skywatcher2011 because: added note






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