Coven's Question of the Day - August 01, 2012

Insufferably intolerable; Inevitably indomitable

Currently abhoriable; Previously adorable

Gifted with a poets tongue; remember not where I got it from

Kept in a jar on a shelf; my own idea of personal wealth

Ready your mind once more; I need but a crack in the door

There's no use in turning away; ,from Coven's question of the day!
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Coven's Question of the Day - August 1, 2012

Is marriage necessary?

This seems to be a topic of discussion that comes up often in my life, so I thought I would pose it to you.

My "wife" and I have been together for 7 years this month. I have help to raise her daughter and we have a son together and another child on the way. We have never actually gotten married, we are what is called "common law'" married. Trust me my wife does want to get married, but I personally have never seen the point.

First; The wedding band or wedding ring is just a continuing symbol of a pagan tradition. Symbolizing that the woman in the relationship is now off limits to all other suiters. This symbol originally only applied to women, and men were allowed to have sexual relationships outside of the "marriage". This practice continues in some countries.

Second; What gives the right for government to "declare" you married and issue you a "marriage license". Its just another fund raising tactic seeing as you have to pay for your license.

Finally; If two people are meant to be together they will be together, the wedding ring and marriage certificate are not going to keep people together who have grown apart.

So what do you think ATS? In this day in age is marriage necessary?
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“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” ― Albert Einstein

reply to post by coven83

Is marriage necessary?

I would say only to women...

No guy wants to get married... but they don't want to lose the one they love either... (or half your stuff in some cases)

Technically its nothing but a piece of paper... a contract even...

And it changes the relationship as well... and not always for the better

reply to post by coven83


I personally feel, if there are children involved, marriage covers some legal aspects that could be beneficial to the children. If it's no big deal to you, why not indulge your mate?

Des

reply to post by Destinyone


Well i guess there are some selfish answers to that. Namely that if something were to happen between us and we were married, I almost assuredly would get boned in the divorce.

There is of course a pre-nup, but again that seems like a contractual obligation to stay married, not an obligation of the heart.

Originally posted by coven83
reply to post by Destinyone

 

Well i guess there are some selfish answers to that. Namely that if something were to happen between us and we were married, I almost assuredly would get boned in the divorce.

There is of course a pre-nup, but again that seems like a contractual obligation to stay married, not an obligation of the heart.

Then I highly recommend you do not get married. You are already halfway divorced in your mind. Not a healthy attitude to approach marriage with.

Des

Originally posted by Destinyone

Originally posted by coven83
reply to post by Destinyone

 

Well i guess there are some selfish answers to that. Namely that if something were to happen between us and we were married, I almost assuredly would get boned in the divorce.

There is of course a pre-nup, but again that seems like a contractual obligation to stay married, not an obligation of the heart.

Then I highly recommend you do not get married. You are already halfway divorced in your mind. Not a healthy attitude to approach marriage with.

Des

Exactly, that is why to me the idea of marriage obscures the beauty of love. However the notion that I am already half divorced has an undertone of negativity to it. I prefer to think that I am wholly committed to my other, not half divorced. If you are oblivious to the problems that are sure to rise in any extended relationship, you are doomed to be controlled by them.

reply to post by coven83


As long as both of you are happy, and on the same page with raising happy healthy children...all sounds well...

Though I would establish in written contract form, what would happen to your children, should something happen to both of you parents, that leaves the children to fighting relatives.


Des

Your all looking at the current rules and saying that is the only way to do it. Why not think of other options. How about a contract (it can be contract signed with lots of love) until the children turn 18 then you reassess and sign another love contract for your future without children. Why does every couple have to be in a monogamous relationship. Really stats show it does not work for everyone, why continue with a dead horse.

Think outside the square.

If it does not work, try something different.

P