posted on Jul, 24 2012 @ 07:18 AM
Good Morning to all. I woke up this morning and went for a jog before going to school, and it was during this time I realized something. I know
multiple individuals who have been discussing the parameters of the end times with a myriad of scenarios. The LIBOR scandal, 2012 Olympic security
threats and assumptions of a massive false flag that I personally believe will not occur, economies all over the world collapsing, Iran and Israel,
Syria's battle against the world and so on.
I have been feeling mighty dejected as of late personally, like there is nothing to live for. I am currently attending college, and will be
progressing to university for political science soon, but my heart just is not in the game anymore. I am a married man of 24 years of age, and have
been with my wife for 5 years and been married for about 4 of those years, and I love her, but I know she would be a lot better off without me and the
stresses I bring.
A little background before I go into the main topic. I have a fairly rough past. When I was younger, I did not really have a nice upbringing. Parents
chose cigarettes and cola over food in most cases, though there always was food in the house, it just was not enough. As I grew, psychologists
appointed by the board of education recognized that I should be placed into a higher level of learning, and my parents completely disagreed, so I was
left to flounder in monotony.
At 13, I was placed into a group home because I was destructive, and very problematic to deal with, it was also around this time I was sexually abused
by an individual whom I trusted. I developed a sheer hatred for everything and everyone as I grew. I essentially slipped into an almost permanent
feeling of rejection as my social skills slowly developed, I found I had absolutely nothing in common with anyone and as such, I was always
During these times from 14-19, I spent time working to survive when I should have been in school learning and embracing my destiny. Alas, this was not
the case. I was homeless for a little while, got in with the wrong people out of sheer ignorance in the thought that they cared about me, when they
did not. At 19, I met my wife to be, and I was very persistent in pursuing her as I knew something was there.
I have always been an individual who thinks outside the box for the most part, and though I have been completely irrational at some points in my life,
and on this forum, I believe everyone has at some point in their lives. I am also an observer when I am in public situations as well. I notice people
talking about the most irrelevant things such as what Snooki is up to, or what Kim Kardashian has done lately, and I am saddened by the fact that no
one seems to be discussing matters of pertinence to our existence.
I currently have few friends, my parents are essentially dead to me, my wife loves me, but I really feel like she should divorce me because I am and
always have been worthless to everyone I have met. I always have thoughts of just disappearing and becoming a hermit and living my life in isolation
from everyone and everything. I despise myself so much even though my wife tells me I am talented and skilled in many areas.
I am known as an individual who is "high strung", intense, and someone no one wants to associate with because of my personality, though I mask my
hate and sadness very well as I can get a long in most social circles and business meetings if I absolutely have to. I currently volunteer with my
college in multiple capacities, but I am also finding that I just don't care anymore. Honestly, sometimes I cry and weep like a baby and feel the
need to just end my life.
The primary point of this post is to speak to a wide range of people so I can get all of this off of my chest. I welcome the end of existence because
I see no point to someone like myself existing. I am fully aware as well that there are MANY people who have it a lot worse than I do, and that people
would give anything to go to school and do the things I do, but I have basically given up on life, and am coasting on proverbial fumes.
The truth is, I have never ever felt like I add any value to anyone's lives, which is probably true, seeing as most people cannot tolerate me, and
speak detrimentally when I am not in their presence though they keep up appearances and are pleasant when they see me which agitates me to no end
because if I do not like someone I do not talk to them or bother them at all.
In conclusion, I just want to apologize to anyone on this website I have offended with my idiotic, irrational statements and posts, as I really enjoy
this site, and the posters on it, my favorite so far is SLAYER69. But in the end, I am more than likely not going to be alive at the end of 2012 as
life has become too much for me to bear, and I just have no desire to continue living.
To all on ATS, who have informed me, and provided me with ample amounts of knowledge about topics I otherwise would have no clue about, I tip my hat
"Some may say this might be your last farewell ride" Beck