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The betrayal …..(LEWC)

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posted on Jul, 20 2012 @ 08:56 AM
I never thought to share this with anyone. After it happened, it took a few weeks for me to get over, but to fully recover; I had to forget it ever happened. My mind would replay it every day, quick screen shots of what occurred while I was going through my daily activities, and I would relive it every night. When I wanted to dream about happy things, this memory would float to the surface and take over. There was no relief.

So, in my mind, I took it and put it in a box, put it in a vault, and threw away the key. I refused to believe it was my memory, and decided that it must have been a scene from a bad movie, that I would never watch again.

But every once in awhile, the vault unlocks, the box gets open, and the scene gets played. And I remember everything that happened. As the saying goes, time heals all wounds, and the fear, pain, and betrayal I felt has been numbed enough through time that I believe I can relive it once again for you.

The Betrayal:

I was very young and worked as a bartender in a small town. The place always had its regulars and everyone knew everyone. People would come into the bar and I would have their drinks already set up and waiting, as you knew exactly when they were coming in and what they wanted to drink. A lot of hard working people came in and I enjoyed my job, learned a lot talking with them and listening to their stories.

My ex boyfriend worked for one of those regulars and was banned from the bar because when we broke up, he couldn’t take it and would come in everyday just to watch me. It was creepy and the owner of the bar told him he was not allowed in there anymore. So, I would see his boss every day, but not have to be worried about him coming in as well.

About a month after he was banned, I was working and his boss came in right before closing. It was a week day and we usually didn’t get any people in that late. They were all farmers and such, so, they went to bed early and got up before the sun did. I thought it was weird, but, threw down his drink on the bar and continued to do my closing tasks.

Right as I was getting ready to lock the doors, my ex boyfriend walks in and sits down at the bar. I was nervous, but didn’t want to cause trouble, as I was the only one left in the bar and there was no one there to help me if something happened. So, I got him a drink and decided that I should stay behind the bar so I would at least have that between us if something did go down.

A few minutes later, his boss leaves. I was alone with my ex in the bar! I tell my ex that he has to leave too, as I need to close, and start to put up the chairs onto the table. I don’t know why I came out from behind the bar right then, but, in hindsight, it was the best move I could have made.

My ex gets off his stool and starts to move in my direction. Somehow, I knew that this was it. That he was going to attack me. I kept circling around tables to keep something in between us as he moved closer. He was starting to get frustrated that I wouldn’t let him near me. And that is when he started to throw tables and chairs out of the way. I felt a few chairs hit me, one on the head, and one on the chest. A table he knocked over hit my leg, sharp pain as I limped to the next one to keep something solid in his path. He was closing the gap between us.

This goes on for a few minutes. Me running behind a table, him throwing it out of the way. I saw I was getting cornered and decided to make a dash for the door. Almost at the door, almost at the door, I hope I didn’t lock it, please God, let it be open. My hand touched the surface and I was about to push it open when he grabbed me and tried to pull me back into the room. Oh god, Oh God, please! Scream for help! No one here, you’re on your own. Don’t let him get you inside, keep fighting, keep fighting. I continue to try and get through the door. Everything I have is focused on that one act. There are houses and people out there, I would be able to get help.

I felt him trying to turn me around, trying to get a better hold and remembered that I had a jacket on. I put my arms straight back behind me and as he pulled, the jacket fell away and I pushed my way through the door, using my chest to force it open, and ran as fast as I could, he was in hot pursuit. Looking around to try and find help, I realize there was none, everyone was sleeping. I ran to the house across the street and knocked on the door, no one answered.

I turned around and saw their truck. Be open, be open, hurry! He is coming, get in, get in, where’s the lock! Just as I get the door locked, he gets to the truck and starts pounding on the windows. I start to honk on the horn, over and over. Someone please help, he’s going to get in! Don’t let him get in, he can’t get in! He picks up something, I couldn’t see what and starts using it to try and break the window on the truck. Just as I think that I am not gonna make it through this, the porch light comes on. OMG, yes! Someone to help, just a few more seconds. I have never been as relieved in my life as I was at that moment.

My ex flees the scene once he sees the shot gun the neighbor is carrying. I am just sitting in the truck, crying, not wanting to get out. The truck saved my life that night, and if I could have stayed in it forever, I would have.

The Aftermath:

A few things that really hurt more than the assault were as follows:

1. The ex boyfriends boss knew he was going to come in that night, it was planned. My ex had told him he just wanted to talk alone with me, and his boss thought it would be o.k. So, he set me up and left me to die.

2. The neighbors that finally came out that night said I shouldn’t press charges, that my ex was just confused and that after a couple of days he would be o.k. I would never be the same, but, in a couple days, he would be o.k.

3. The owner of the bar decided that he would allow my ex back into the bar a month later, because he felt sorry for him because I pressed charges.

4. Friends/acquaintances started to tell me about how my ex had done the same thing to another girlfriend he had in the past. When I asked them why they never told me before we started dating, they said that he had gone to a psychiatrist and gotten help for it, so they thought he was o.k. Wow, just wow. Way to have my back.

As I write this all the feelings of resentment and bitterness come flowing back. I have been able to get past the attack; I feel I am a stronger person for having survived it. But, I cannot get past all the people who let me down, all the information that I received after the fact. Betrayal happened in every area of my life that month. My job, my friends, the neighbor. I do not trust anyone anymore. I have no close friends, I don’t talk to my neighbors and I am o.k. with that. The only people I am close to in my life are my family.

But, I have to wonder, if I had never experienced this, who would I be today?



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