Diaries of a Bored Manic Depressive

I think I have just had my lightbuld moment, recently life has just been going from bad to worse and my Bipolar disorder has really been hitting me hard. Finally got on to the right medication now though and clarity is coming back. I have spent the last 2 years drinking and gambling myself to death and fast found that I had no hobbies, no ambition and no motivation. Because of this bordem engulfed me and I got to the stage of not being able to get off of my sofa to do just simple things. I won't lie, life got that boring and stressful that I had very dark thoughts which was also attributed to my untreated illness.

Anyway, lightbulb moment has happened. I am starting to feel motivated again, but this just makes the bordem even worse of course because I have engineered myself into a position of desperation financially so it limits what I can and cannot do. However I have decided in my lightbulb moment that I need to nurture my creative side, I love music but have never had the patcience to practice playing it in anyway. I did buy myself an acoustic guitar once and it sits in my attic.

I love electonic dance/trance type music, so have decided to pour all my creativity into producing something for myself. So this month instead of gambling my money away, once my pay cheque comes I will be investing it into a keyboard and music creating software for my PC. I will also dust off my guitar and try to use my newly found motivation and passion for good.

If anybody reading this does not understand what effect Bipolar can have on you then you might not find what I am doing of anything out of the ordinary. However for me, this milestone is a big deal and I know some of you will understand this. You know they say that Bipolar and Schizophrenia is more common in people that are classed as geniuses, like the fella in a beautiful mind ect. Now I don't class myself as a genius, nor do I think I am particularly excelent at any one thing, but it is the things I have not tried that I could be so maybe this is it. My energy is slowly returning and so is my thirst for life.

Kind of a random post, not sure if it is written more for myself than it is you guys but I have put it out there anyway.

If anybody out there suffers from any kind of mood disorder, then believe me your life can totally change if you get the right treatment, so don't give up hope.

reply to post by michael1983l


Go for it!

It's good to hear of someone overcoming their situation.

May God bless you.

Hi, I glad to see you found what works for you . I use natural remedies, more money but it works for me. Welcome.

reply to post by ManicDepresive1


I am on Olanzapine and Citalopram, it works for me but it has its drawbacks, like tiredness and drowsyness. I hope to one day be able to be free of the medication. I love your avatar by the way

Hi michael1983l,

So glad to hear that you have got some motivation in order to do something rather than just sit around on the sofa doing nothing.

Like you I also suffer from depression, anxiety, apathy, lethargy, just to name a few things. I have a medical condition called Acromegaly which is quite rare, only about 2 people in every million have this disorder.

I don't have bipolar, but I do understand how debilitating depression can be, once you are in the black hole it is very hard to get out of and motivation to do anything is so difficult. Like you said, if you have never had any form of depression then you will not fully understand how it effects you both mentally and physically.

But please continue with your idea of making some music, if nothing else, music is great for the soul and has endless tangents and ways you can go in. There are no rules to music, you just put down what feels right for you and if it makes you happy, then that's a damn sight better then being depressed. So pick up the guitar out of the attic and start strumming.

One more thing, when you do record something can you post it so I and others can have a listen, I would like that very much....

All the best to you with your new venture.....

reply to post by davethebear


Thanks it is nice to know there are people out there that do understand what is going on in your life. And of course, when I do finally create something I will share it

reply to post by michael1983l


I am happy for you.



I started painting canvases years ago due to boredom and feelings of worthlessness. Just going to work and then going out and spending money on unnecessary crap seemed shallow. And I admit, I had some mental issues as well. Creating something is like filling my soul with something of value for me.

For me it was a self-prescribed therapy. And it has led to other things that are fun and fulfilling.

Get started and keep at it! I know I always have admired someone who can pull out a guitar at a gathering and play some music and sing, or others sing along. Those people have done something quite worthy, in my mind, when that happens.

reply to post by michael1983l



Good for You Michael...

Your honest, sincere post, may give hope and momentum to others in a similar place. I wish you continued healing and clarity. May your new-found purpose in life, blossom each and every day. And bring you much joy.

Des

reply to post by michael1983l


Good to hear mate.

I in no way could ever understand most of what you go through but it's awesome to hear things are coming together for you!

Originally posted by michael1983l
reply to post by davethebear

 

Thanks it is nice to know there are people out there that do understand what is going on in your life. And of course, when I do finally create something I will share it

I look forward to listening to it my friend.........

Take care

Thanks for all the kind words. A bit off topic, but does anybody know any decent music software for the PC that I can hook up a keyboard with? Thanks.

It would be interesting to hear from more Manic Depressives to see how they cope and what they do. Maybe we can learn from each other. Is anybody out there willing to admit this?

Michael, I am very happy to see your life improving. You are an inspiration to others. I wish you all the best!