posted on Jul, 17 2012 @ 11:35 PM
I think I have just had my lightbuld moment, recently life has just been going from bad to worse and my Bipolar disorder has really been hitting me
hard. Finally got on to the right medication now though and clarity is coming back. I have spent the last 2 years drinking and gambling myself to
death and fast found that I had no hobbies, no ambition and no motivation. Because of this bordem engulfed me and I got to the stage of not being able
to get off of my sofa to do just simple things. I won't lie, life got that boring and stressful that I had very dark thoughts which was also
attributed to my untreated illness.
Anyway, lightbulb moment has happened. I am starting to feel motivated again, but this just makes the bordem even worse of course because I have
engineered myself into a position of desperation financially so it limits what I can and cannot do. However I have decided in my lightbulb moment that
I need to nurture my creative side, I love music but have never had the patcience to practice playing it in anyway. I did buy myself an acoustic
guitar once and it sits in my attic.
I love electonic dance/trance type music, so have decided to pour all my creativity into producing something for myself. So this month instead of
gambling my money away, once my pay cheque comes I will be investing it into a keyboard and music creating software for my PC. I will also dust off my
guitar and try to use my newly found motivation and passion for good.
If anybody reading this does not understand what effect Bipolar can have on you then you might not find what I am doing of anything out of the
ordinary. However for me, this milestone is a big deal and I know some of you will understand this. You know they say that Bipolar and Schizophrenia
is more common in people that are classed as geniuses, like the fella in a beautiful mind ect. Now I don't class myself as a genius, nor do I think I
am particularly excelent at any one thing, but it is the things I have not tried that I could be so maybe this is it. My energy is slowly returning
and so is my thirst for life.
Kind of a random post, not sure if it is written more for myself than it is you guys but I have put it out there anyway.
If anybody out there suffers from any kind of mood disorder, then believe me your life can totally change if you get the right treatment, so don't
give up hope.