This is the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius

I don't exactly remember when it was, but at some point a member Aquarius1 had made me her friend. I noticed she had been a member since 2004 and I felt sort of honored that she felt strongly enough about my posts to make me a friend. Some time after that, I don't remember when, she started sending me U2U's. Usually just brief messages showing support for this post or that, but as time went on we began to let down our guards and actually start talking to each other like friends do. At some point, I am not exactly sure when, we exchanged email addresses and would write lengthy letters to each other.

She would ask a thousand questions of me as if she were doing an interview and I would do my best to answer her questions, slinging a few questions back at her. At some point, I'm not exactly sure when, I began to love her. I love her for many reasons, She was the peaceful calm to my violent storm. She was the amused observer to my pointed outrage. She was my friend, my confidant, and a part of my extended family. When times got tough for me she would pick up on this and would do little things to help. She sent me a Starbucks card once when she realized I was using that place for an office, and would periodically reload it when she knew work was work was slow for me. I never asked her for help, she just would do it.

About a year ago I stopped hearing from her for a period of time, and concerned, I wrote and told her I missed her. Still no reply. Then a few months later she finally wrote me and told me she had been struggling with cancer, but was in remission and believed the worst was over. I was relieved and for a time we wrote each other often, but as times got harder for me, and as I began to feel the pressures of life closing in on me, I was reticent to write her has often for fear I would piss and moan too much and bitch about things that in the perspective of her own battle surely must seem petty. She would be patient with me but my emails became increasingly fewer as I dug in deep and did my best to fight my own battles. I didn't want her to think she had to worry about me what with her own worries.

For the last week she had been on my mind daily, several times throughout the day. I knew I had waited too long to send her my love and let her know I was thinking of her and how much she meant to me. A week and a half ago I had my lap top stolen from my "office", but as life would have it, many friends showed much concern for how I would continue to work, and in fact, I am typing this post on a friends computer he loans me during the day while he is at work until I can replace my own. Finally, yesterday, deciding I waited too long to contact Aquarius and ironically feeling more positive about life even though the theft of my own computer was a kick in the gut I could have done without. I wrote her a brief email, suspecting that something might be wrong. I noticed she hadn't been in this site for a while. I told her I was thinking about her, how much I missed her and that I wanted to know she was okay before I started yammering on about the continuing adventures of JPZ.

This afternoon I received a reply. It was not, however, from Aquarius, but from her daughter. I know what her daughter looks like because Aquarius often sent me photos of her and her brand new baby, Aquarius' brand new granddaughter. The note was brief and courteous, explaining to me that Aquarius had finally succumbed to the cancer she had struggled with and had passed this last Friday.

I should have, I could have, I wished I would have, but I didn't. I waited too long and when reading the email today I understood why she was in my head these past few days so strongly. I am sure she knows my regrets on not taking more time to let her know how much I care about her...even so...I should have, I could have, I wished I would have.

I will miss her dearly, my sweet Aquarius1, and I look forward to someday seeing her on the other side where we can laugh, where we can drink and dance and enjoy the company of good friends. Above Top Secret was a better site because of her.

so sorry to hear.

from the bottom of my heart, i wish you the best.

Very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you both had positive impacts on each others' lives, the most important thing that we can do while we're here.

My silent prayer to her family, has been sent. I am a firm believer in the afterlife.

You will meet again, JPZ. Count on it.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


Dear Jean Paul Zodeaux,

I am sorry for your loss and for her and her families loss. I will make this as quick as possible. After 25 years together my wife left me for another man about five years ago. About a year ago I found out my childhood sweetheart was still alive and lived in the general area. I considered contacting her; but, did not because I didn't want to freak her out (it has been a long time though I also knew she had not married). Last year the day before my birthday she died, I found out the day after she was buried. Oh, I knew her from elementary school till we were seniors in high school. I have asked myself the same questions and burdened myself with the same regrets, don't do it. If she was the person you knew her to be, she would not want you to have such a regret and it would not have kept her alive. Grieve the loss and you would want her to grieve if you had died. No more than that. In the end we all pass on and as we live others around us are born and pass on. Be happy for the time you have with the ones that matter to you, we will always hope for more; but, are only allotted what we are given.

Well I for one did notice Aquarius's absence as well. It's hard to tell or know sometimes about members sudden lack of participation whether if they've lost interest in the forums or for whatever other reasons. Now we know

Thank you JPZ and Aquarius will and is missed.

Hey JPZ, if you have no reason to fear for her spirit, you have no reason to fear! All is not lost. Even every memory you hold dear concerning her at this moment, is proof of her continuing existence! I beg you, do not walk away! For her sake, do not morn. The end is not well defined!

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


I am deeply saddened by your loss.

I am sure that you will meet again, in a better place.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux

Sorry man.
I began writing a long-winded thing about my first wife's battle with cancer. You've heard enough bad news today, so I regrouped a little (after shedding a few tears of my own) and decided to wish you much comfort and strength instead. Ditto for the family.
Get some rest and tackle this slowly my friend.
Goodnight...

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


JPZ, touching post.

So sorry to hear....

Sorry for your loss JPZ. I will keep her in my prayers tonight. She sounds like an amazing friend; compassionate and strong.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


And who said ATS was just for talking about conspiracies. What a very touching OP. Glad you shared it and please accept my sympathies.

You'll meet again with smile and joy!

Thank you for bringing this to us.
ive seen her around on here and read a lot of her posts.
her input here will be missied, but appreciated werever she is

RIP Aquarius1



Thanks for letting us all know that a member of this community has passed away.Much love sent to you, and to A1s family.

Sorry to hear about the loss of a wonderful person who has made such an impact on your life and soul....

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings....

Takes me a lot to shed a tear, and I didn't when reading your post, but I have one hell of a sore lump in my throat, very beautifully said and sorry for your loss, RIP Aquarius.

I'm curious, was she an Aquarian? I am myself, born Feb 12th 1980.

Such a touching and thoughtful post, you will be missed Aquarius.

Wishing you the happiest of memories JPZ, all the best friend..

Peace

Beautiful post JPZ, and my thoughts go out to her family.

She seemed like a swell girl.

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


oh my gosh....



*hug*

reply to post by Jean Paul Zodeaux


JPZ, that was beautifully written. I feel very sad for your loss and for the friends and family of Aquarius. It seems like she was a pretty amazing person. May her new journey be filled with joy and bliss.