Is being alone the only way to true peace? Deep questions

Originally posted by WWu777
When you go out to a restaurant or public place alone, and you see everyone else there in groups with other people, does that make you feel like a loser? Do you worry that others are wondering why you're alone there while everyone else is with others?

Years ago, I would have felt like a loser for doing this, but as the years go by, I care less and less what people think of me. Not only do I go to the movies by myself sometimes, but I've also eaten at restaurants by myself. I keep wondering who made all these rules up about going to restaurants or movies with someone else. I mean, that's why some people would worry what others think of them, right? So if I go alone, I'm labeled "weird." Why? I guess if someone wants to waste away talking about the "weird" girl eating by herself, that's up to him/her. I bet they never stopped to ask themselves: "Why is that weird?"

A friend referred me to this link ~ 10 Myths About Introverts

Mostly accurate.

I've concluded this:

Most people are assholes, including some on this forum. They disturb your peace of mind. They drain your energy, bring you down, judge you, criticize you, cause conflict, etc. Why bother with them? All they do is cause conflict and trouble. It's better to limit or sever your contact with them. It's insane to continue to tolerate it and be dragged down into other people's insanity.

reply to post by WWu777


But if you don't interact with them, things will never change. I am considered "odd" and "quiet" and I feel exactly like you, but I am happy to interact with them because I have taught the people that were/'are in my life, many things. Including how to find that inner peace.

The thoughts of the mind become like tangled wires, and that is what makes you suffer. If you can silence the mind and live letting your actions arrive, they will spring from your serenity.

Originally posted by WWu777

I have a question. Even though I consciously like people and like to socialize, I find myself more and more preferring to spend time alone. I don't know why. It's like my conscious wishes and natural inclination are at odds with each other.

ETC

Is there anyone out there who can relate to how I feel? If so, how do you balance your need to be alone vs. your social needs for others? Do you choose one or the other? How can you have both when they seem mutually exclusive?

ETC

What do you think?

That was a very eloquent post.
No, you are not alone. I feel this way too.

People just irritate me, a lot more lately than usual. I try to do the social thing on a small scale every now and again as apposed to crowded parties every day of the week. I just don't find people that exciting. Once you have discussed weather there is very little else to talk about - politics is out (too many people get "excited"), so is religion for the same reason, non-choreographed sports don't interest me, neither do the sex lives of various actors I've never heard of, and you can't discuss conspiracy theories and the like because then people will you are crazy instead of just anti-social.

People that come off as less intelligent than me just make me want to grow fangs - this is mainly in reference to people in government departments who are clueless, apathetic and on lunch break from 9am to 3pm. I think the government chooses the people at the bottom of the barrel. Here we have post office staff who I'm fairly sure can't read. If I had to deal with people like these on a constant basis instead of every now and again I would go bonkers.

I have found that I am a calmer and happier person when I don't have to deal with people. When everyone buggers off and I'm at home alone - that is almost heaven.

To quote Terry Pratchett from one of his Discworld Books (Reaper Man) - "I want to be alone by myself".

Hi OP

I would like to say, as my ancestors and friends have taught me, that it is very difficult to live with out loving your self and others. We are all part of the same dream. . Meditation and the inner world are important spiritual practice ,. Yso is loving another. We have all chosen to be here together and gather as friends, companions. Some people may test you. Often the outer world is just a reflection of the inner. We are social creatures, when we are love and loving others , w e open. We not only survive, we thrive. We help eachother. its what humans do. Even internet communication is a form of social communication and validation.

reply to post by WWu777


that was beautifully said and i can relate

at least you go out to movie theaters and restaurants alone, i don't do that because i do feel weird being alone in those situations because my mind starts belittling myself thinking how people look at me alone and i'm a loser such and such for being alone there but alone i do feel peace or at least comfortable contentment

Originally posted by r2d246
Sounds like you just need a new group of friends. Get rid of the friends that are a drain. Find new friends that add positive energy to your life and find a girlfriend/boyfriend

Because that's the easiest thing to do in the world. How realistic.

reply to post by WWu777


No, you're not the only one who loves Classical.



I spend a lot of my time alone for many reasons. I also know where to draw the line and enter the world again.
Balance. Duality. Harmony. Classical Music.

I am introverted, I am an only child, I prefer to be alone. During my teens, while awakening, I faced destructive emotional abuse from my P.O.S. mother, which caused me to delve further inside to protect the precious thing I had discovered.

You have to ask yourself, ''what am I alone with?'' If you consider the nature of your thoughts throughout your life, you'll realize your thoughts are fleeting and not solid, and you'll start to see through them, eventually thoughts dissipate and you'll find yourself at baseline, thoughtless, at peace, and content.

I'm amazed at how people share unintelligent and unstimulating thoughts for the purpose of socializing. I feel like people need acceptance from others because they haven't accepted themselves. Two or Three conversations a week or month from the heart with a close friend, which is the only type of conversation I'm capable of, is enough to satisfy my need to express myself.

If I'm in public, I walk and talk like I could care less about anything around me, people can sense this and they respect it even they don't realize it or have the honesty to admit they wish they could be the same. I never interfere or impose on anyone, and I won't allow anyone to impose on me, I follow universal law.

So, my soul is satisfied, I am truly happy, and content. I look at and treat 85% like chihuaha's, they bark loud, which can seem oppressive, but when the big dog comes around they know the deal, that they're nobody, and they need to stick with superficiality before reality seeps in causing them to question themselves; scary stuff for the profane. There are no material goods or humans that can bring the satisfaction that a quiet mind can. After all, truth is such that when you follow it, you tend to receive some blessings. A true rebel stands alone,and does what he believes is right in his head and heart regardless of what goes on around him.

Questions:

1. Why have I always had trouble fitting into most social groups, esp middle class ones in the USA and Taiwan? What is wrong with me? I am honest, nice, genuine, down to earth, intelligent with above average IQ, intellectual, possess a wide variety of knowledge, educated, communicative, very articulate, open minded, broad minded, insightful, interesting, etc. So what is wrong with that?! Why do I feel constantly penalized with loneliness and alienation?

To be honest, I feel resentful and vindictive that I've been deprived of a sense of belonging and camaraderie my whole life. It's really depressing when I think about it. It makes me feel sad and helpless too. I don't understand the justice behind it. What did I do wrong to deserve this?

(I guess I could try joining an Amazon jungle tribe and have a sense of group belonging and camaraderie, but I'm not sure I'd fit into that or be compatible with primitives.)

Why do most social groups and middle class people shun me and snub me, as though I have some karma over me that makes people want to punish and ostracize me? I can't find an exact cause for this. Could it be something intangible?

Why should I be punished for being me? How can I be honest, sincere, intelligent, open minded, broad minded, yet alienated and deprived of belonging, love and true friendship? How can such traits lead to loneliness and alienation? Aren't these good traits? Am I missing something?

2. Do people who are intellectual or above average in intelligence usually have trouble fitting in with most social groups?

I don't think it's just a case of me being on a different wavelength. When I was a child, I strived to conform and wanted to be accepted, to be cool and be liked. I was not an individualist. Yet I still had the same problems. Kids my age didn't like me. I didn't know why. Nor could I figure out how to fit in and act like everyone else.

I also don't think it's just a case of me being interested in taboo topics and saying controversial things and thinking outside the box. I mean, suppose I got up tomorrow and started saying only positive/lighthearted/politically correct things (like most people do) and only conversed in mundane topics like the weather, sports or politics. Does that mean that I would start receiving invitations to parties and gatherings all of a sudden? Would that lead to a sense of belonging with others? Would cliques and social groups starting wanting me in? I don't think so. It's not that simple, right? Being socially appropriate and being liked are not the same thing, right? I've never found that being more socially appropriate leads to a decrease in loneliness.

In America, being different can easily get your persecuted. But in Asia, people usually just avoid you and ostracize you if you're different. Both suck.

3. Next question. Why is it that most middle class people shun me and give me bad vibes? I get the sense that they want to keep me out, or think that they are too good for me for some reason. Why is that? Yet, consider this:

- I come from an upper middle class background, from a family that owns two houses (which most middle class families don't have). So in that sense, my background class is higher than that of most middle class people.
- I have an above average IQ and intelligence, and am an intellectual who can converse in a wide variety of subjects.
- I have a four year college degree and am educated.
- I'm very articulate and communicate well.
- I can think for myself and am a very interesting person.

So what I am saying is, since I come from a higher class background than most middle class people do, and am more intelligent than most of them, then why do most middle class people snub me as though they were better than me? Shouldn't they be looking up to me?! WTF?!

None of this adds up. I keep banging my head over this but can't figure it out. Am I an insane person with a warped view who does not recognize his own flaws? Or a sane/authentic person in an insane/fake world?

Are there any logical answers to these questions? Or am I the victim of fate, karma, unknown forces, and Murphy's Law, which seems to rule my life? Why do I suffer? Why am I always the victim of social deprivation and misery? Where is the justice in all this? What did I do wrong?

Is there a simple answer? Or is it a complex mix of many things, including intangible things such as soul age, vibration, mental wavelength, karma, bad luck, fate, destiny, etc.?

I know these questions make me sound like a loser, and most people in my shoes would never dare ask them. But I am a truth seeker, and truth seekers ask questions to understand things. So in that sense, I am only acting in accord with my nature.

Thanks for listening to my grievances and rant.

Addendum:

4. One more question. What makes someone a misfit exactly? What is the root cause for someone becoming a misfit? Why does one person become a misfit but not another? Is there a definable cause, or is it something beyond words and logic?

No matter how many ppl we have to accompany us, in the end each of us will be alone again.
When we die, each of us die alone and go 'separate way'

Yes i believe the answer is yes!