posted on Sep, 22 2012 @ 09:02 AM
Today is Mabon and fall Equinox.....I am thankful for many things. Specifically my husband and children who have become my strength throughout this
I have my days where I stay in bed all day. I run fevers of unknown origin, feel spongy and weak legged most of the time. Then other days I feel great
physically, only to find that I cant even make it all the way through the grocery store without a cart to hold onto for dear life. People look at me
as though I am on drugs or alcohol. I want to wear a sign that says my diagnosis so people wont stare at the strangeness of how I now walk.
My daily injections suck. They cause painful welts and destruction of adipose tissue. My physical therapy is ongoing. I have been forced to apply for
My job is well, probably over. There is no way I could go back to work in my current position. It appears as though I have a disability that
is permanent....So I must learn to live the way I am and work on not getting any weaker than I already am. Fatigue and heat really are bothersome.
I did go to the beach this week. I laid in the sand listening to the ocean waves lullaby my senses.......What a beautiful sound the waves make as they
crash on shore.....growing up on the beach and now living so far away from it makes me miss the sound even more.
On a positive note: I am not depressed. Sure I get a little teary when I cant do some things, but it goes away quick enough to change my focus on to
something more positive. Since I sit a lot during the day, I have changed the view out my window to beautiful wind chimes, bird feeders and I bought a
big beautiful garden windmill that looks like a colorful rainbow dragonfly.....So when I have my moments of contemplation I just look out side and
notice the beauty that surrounds me.........