I'm In the Hospital with a New Diagnosis: It’s my death sentence in a world where survival is my

All my hopes and dreams of survival into a world where I can survive in a post apocalyptic world has faded
I feel as though I have been given a death sentence.

I started out last year here on ATS reading about all the latest conspiracies, started becoming a survival prep junkie. Preparing my family and kids for a possible global economic collapse or whatever possible scenario occurs.

As many of my friends here already know, I am a full time nurse, homeschool, raise chickens and garden. My goals have been to ensure the survival of my young kids.

But lately over the past few months my health has declined and last week my home property was hit with a tornado……Timing very bad on that part. (see my other thread for that one)

Well in May, I had knee surgery and have been receiving FMLA and short term disability from work and since then my health has declined drastically.

I thought I had a stroke from a blood clot or hurt my brachial plexus nerves from my crutches. My entire left arm went numb with pins and needles feelings. Then I started falling, losing balance and getting confused, having aphasia, migraines, blurry vision, mood swings etc. I thought it was due to the new meds the docs put me on quite honestly, so I tried to ignore the side effects….well that’s when it went really south.

I continued to fall and then my entire left leg and lower right leg went numb with pain and numbness and pins and needles feelings. The pain was so severe I thought I would die.

FINALLY I had my neurology appointment after multiples MRIs of my brain cervical thoracic lumbar areas…..

I went home last weekend waiting for the results,

THEN I began to have incontinence and urinary retention…..FEAR DRIPPED THROUGH MY VEINS!!!!!!


I was immediately admitted into the neuro unit at the hospital, didn’t even have to go through the emergency room….And here I have been since Monday……

I have been poked, prodded, and had spinal puncture for cerebral spinal fluid, just hoping to God that it was meningitis or late stage lyme disease, something curable ya know, give me some antibiotics and send me home…..

Well my MRIs showed multiple lesions in my brain and C3, C7, T1 and T2…

My spinal fluid has confirmed: I HAVE MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS……….There I said it, out loud for the world to hear and read……

I have been dosed with the highest amounts of IV solumedrol to help ease this horrifying diagnosis of autoimmunity. I was almost placed on a ventilator because of my C3 lesions. Now though, my symptoms are slowly improving little by little, I have regained continence, THANK GOD/GODDESS CREATOR! But I am not healed well enough and some of my symptoms may be permanent. I am using a cane, still off balance, still numb in left arm, hand and lower legs, but not as dramatic.

I have cried and cried over the past few days…..My children are being brave and do not have full understanding since they are too young to totally grasp the diagnosis and what it means. They think I’m just here for some meds, no life threatening illness is known to them. My husband is acting strong but I know better, I can see it in his eyes, his fear and sadness.

The doctors are trying to figure out my best course of treatment at this time, and I have no idea when I may leave.

I am trying to stay positive.
I have friends who are Doctors, Reiki Masters, Reflexologists and Healers who have come to visit….and if anything, IT IS helping me spiritually and emotionally.

BUT now, the reality is setting in. I HAVE MS!!!! OMG!!!!!!

What is going to happen when I get home? Will I be able to go back to work, EVER? I'M TOO YOUNG!!

I am scared and even though I feel as though I have great support from my friends, nobody can ever really understand.

My life WILL NEVER BE THE SAME…………..I am in mourning……

You have my prayers. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through.

reply to post by Starwise


Aghhh that is so saddening, I'm sorry to hear of this news. The best thing to do in any situation like this is to maintain positive thoughts. It sucks we don't have a cure to so many things yet. I'm sending positive thoughts your way.

my heart goes out to you *hug* from wales... i don't have anything amazing or helpful to say other than i wish you all the very best for a speedy recovery.... maybe read raymond francis book "never be sick again".. it makes some excellent points... and look into meridian tapping (it's called EFT technique)... and as hard as this may be, you have to show your children your strengths, it's how they'll be able to deal with their own trials and tribulations

stay as strong and focussed as you can, you got this far didn't you!

My prayers are with you. I can't imagine how difficult this has been for you.

Have you ever heard of taking hook worms as a treatment for MS? They say your immune system attacks the hook worms instead of itself ... might be worth looking into? I have a friend who was diagnosed with MS years ago and he swears by it. I guess they're administered via a transdermal patch which has been "laced" with hookworms ... here's a link to a study, apparently they had some success:

Link

I hope this helps, in some small way

reply to post by Starwise


Oh honey I am so sorry (Hugs)

Prayers for comfort and healing are extended to you.

My prayers are with you in this time of uncertainty. I was going to suggest Reiki treatments, as I happen to be a Reiki master myself. It sounds like you have a loving supportive group of individuals with you through this which will aid in your future endevors.

We are creatures with fallable vessals and perfact spirits and as I'm sure you are aware, it will be the latter that will determine your happyness. So I prey that you fill your spirit with a " no matter what" kind of fighting spirit and resolve. I pray that you and your family envelop yourselves within the eternalness that is your love for one another. And finaly I pray that you find a peace and joyfull kind of happyness that can't be trampled by any temperal form of nature.

Love and peace to you

You will live on through your children and theirs. Be strong, and it will pass down through your family.
They will hear about you for years.

You will live on.

This may sound crass and I'm sorry for it but my Mom always taught me with tough love so her it is. I feel deeply for your situation and I will send you thoughts and energy throughout the coming weeks, But, now that you have spit it out to the world, LET IT GO. Instead focus on the beauty and Love you have experienced in your life and know in your heart and mind that it will get better regardless of the out come. Let go of the fear and enjoy the time you have with your loved ones and friends. Let your experiences be of Joy not sadness within your life and the lives around you.

To say, "Get over it and move on" is harsh but that is exactly what you should do. You have enough experience and the right friends that you know as well as I do that it is only permanent if you believe it to be in your heart.

Warning This video contains some foul language.

I am not a fan of Insane Clown Posse because of their language and most of the things they sing about but this song really has a message.

i'm so sorry for your bad news and my thought and prayers are with you.
it may seem like your end of the world and a test but try and stay positive even when hope seems lost.

Just reading all of your comments and replies so far have made the tears roll. Thank You from the bottom depths of my Heart and Soul!

I would love to hear about anyone elses experiences or knowledgeable treatments. I am learning these things now.
I had not heard of hook worms for treatment....

Im sure the next few weeks will be all about finding as much info and support groups I can...

All the other mundane things in the world right now just dont seem to matter too much to me anymore....

reply to post by Starwise

I am scared and even though I feel as though I have great support from my friends, nobody can ever really understand.

It's moments like this that make me wish for magic words. But, there are no magic words, DAMMIT!, and anything I say (or anyone else says) will feel hollow to you. So, I'm going to take an analytical approach instead of emotional.

A couple of suggestions:

1. First thing to do before you get too depressed is join an online forum for MS. Obvious reasons are that maybe you won't feel so alone, and maybe others with MS can offer SOMETHING to help you.

2. The added stress from depression and panic NEVER helps, and can only make things worse. So, PLEASE, try to laugh at something every day.

Migraine has restarted, I will check back in later after some rest.
Bless You All!

You have created life,and you have given that life some of the most important tools needed to survive on this planet,the ability to think for themselves and the passion to excercise a quest for a greater future beyond the one they are told by the majority of the world exists,teaching your children the things you have taught because of comeing here has been a gift to their futures ,insurance for their chance at survival in an uncertain world,and remember they will always be striveing to prepare for the future because of your love and this means they will always be liveing their lives as individuals free from grief because they will be looking forward to reuniteing with you as they are looking forward to secure future in an uncertain world,you have already given them the best gifts in the world,as much pain as you are going through and will go through,please keep your eyes on the prize and remember to wrap those gifts with as much love and care as you spent on picking them out,your time to shine is now and you are ready,dont let yourself down,wrap these gifts and never worry ,you can never ever let your children down,you have already lifted them up to high to be able to do that.You dont need to use your strength trying to hold them high they are up there forever already,spend your energy wrapping your gifts in your love and you have the strength for that,remember it is the love you wrap them in now that will point the direction you want them to go in for their entire journeys.So heap it on,get as crazy as you can,and if you need a little more crazy to help you cope come right back here and you will find all you need then some.I send out my strength to you.All for one and One4all.

Best thing you can do OP is go ahead and get the ball rolling with food stamps and social security. Do it now dont wait until your FMLA expires. You have a family and kids to take care of. MS I believe is one of those diseases where they rush your benefits through and you dont have to wait a year or more to start receiving it. I started getting mine in a month. When I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last year I was really glad that my wife did all that stuff right off the bat. Its funny how you can prep for things like EMPs, disease pandemics, economic collapse, and then boom, your whole world is turned upside down from none of those things. Make no mistake friend, you are in a SHTF scenario right now. Just remember, your attitude is more important to your recovery than any medicine the doctor can ever prescribe you. God Bless, you'll be in my prayers.

Originally posted by Starwise
Just reading all of your comments and replies so far have made the tears roll. Thank You from the bottom depths of my Heart and Soul!

I would love to hear about anyone elses experiences or knowledgeable treatments. I am learning these things now.
I had not heard of hook worms for treatment....

Im sure the next few weeks will be all about finding as much info and support groups I can...

All the other mundane things in the world right now just dont seem to matter too much to me anymore....

I am a firm believer there are no such thing in life as accidents. With that in mind I believe your serious endevors concerning survival have simply altered to a challange more befiting your strength of spirit, which I believe is magnificent. As long as you are still breathing you can most assuridly affect change in your life, please never forget that.

my advice will sound cold to many ...

Get on your feet and stop feeling sorry for yourself ... exercise - it does wonders for both physical and mental health ... So- called western "doctors" are clueless and nothing more than pill pushers for big pharma ...
as long as you can stand and draw breath there is hope and you can overcome anything ...
give up / give in - you die .

you have people who rely on you and need you - now get up on your feet ... suck it up and charlie mike with living ....

Originally posted by Agarta
This may sound crass and I'm sorry for it but my Mom always taught me with tough love so her it is. I feel deeply for your situation and I will send you thoughts and energy throughout the coming weeks, But, now that you have spit it out to the world, LET IT GO. Instead focus on the beauty and Love you have experienced in your life and know in your heart and mind that it will get better regardless of the out come. Let go of the fear and enjoy the time you have with your loved ones and friends. Let your experiences be of Joy not sadness within your life and the lives around you.

To say, "Get over it and move on" is harsh but that is exactly what you should do. You have enough experience and the right friends that you know as well as I do that it is only permanent if you believe it to be in your heart.

 

Warning This video contains some foul language.

I am not a fan of Insane Clown Posse because of their language and most of the things they sing about but this song really has a message.

Theres just some levels of pain and misery (which the OP is clearly dealing with) that are not so easily "let go". Thats a ridiculous reply especially adding an "insane Clown" video to your reply to support it.

Have a little more UNDERSTANDING and COMPASSION, eh? Jeez. SIGH!!

Originally posted by Expat888
my advice will sound cold to many ...

Get on your feet and stop feeling sorry for yourself ... exercise - it does wonders for both physical and mental health ... So- called western "doctors" are clueless and nothing more than pill pushers for big pharma ...
as long as you can stand and draw breath there is hope and you can overcome anything ...
give up / give in - you die .

you have people who rely on you and need you - now get up on your feet ... suck it up and charlie mike with living ....

The "suck it up and drive on" mentality works great in the army, but makes people with a dire diagnosis feel even worse. She just got diagnosed, shes gonna feel sorry for herself for a bit. Its part of the process. Western doctors cured me of a terminal diagnosis, so its unfair to say they're all pushers.

reply to post by Starwise


Hi Starwise,

I'm 36 years old have MS too and it isn't a death sentence. I was diagnosed 7 or 8 years ago now after experiencing symptoms that were remarkably similar to yours along with a with a whole host of other bizarre symptoms.

Anyway, the short story is that symptoms came and went over the years with 1 relapse per year approximately. I'd have IV steroid treatment for 3 days which would make me feel even worse but ultimately would quickly put me very quickly into remission again and during these periods I have to say that I felt pretty good. Not much different to how I felt before all of this.

Skip to present time and I'm apparently no longer in the relapsing / remitting phase but now primary progressive.

Oh dear, that sounds awful doesn't it? It's not. I haven't had a relapse for over 2 years. My relapses that I did have, have left me pretty much fully intact and people don't know that there's anything wrong with me at all. My colleagues don't know, some of my friends don't know and the prognosis is good. If I progressively get worse at the same rate I have done until now, I'll get through my life with relatively few problems.

So here I am, 8 years on from diagnosis and around about 15 years on from the first onset of symptoms. I'm running 5 miles 3 or 4 times a week and feeling good, raising 2 young children and working full time. My life is better now than it was back then and I look forward to the future with no fear of what may or may not come. There is no real prognosis for anyone that has MS, but there is no point in worrying about something that may never come to pass.

That's my take on it anyway. If you want to ask me anything specific please feel free. Stay positive!