Freaky Friday: What If Ladies Behaved Like Dudes?

reply to post by SibylofErythrae

You watch to much TV and read to much crap. Men like women, because and here is a shocker I would say 90% of it is just pure biological responses and conditioned behavior, and 10% of it is just reasons everybody makes up for that fact.

If anything it just seems to be...meh, sure why not whatever. And most everything else is guided by social and societal structure more so then anything else for the majority of people. Really there is nothing much more to it then that, other then people must spice things up or they would get bored. And so you got different things being put in the spotlight every once in a while, ect, ect.

reply to post by article


What does that even mean?

I've been accused of this very thing, and yet in most ways I am more traditionally female than most. Most often when I hear this the thing guys are complaining about is that women...THINK. And worse, SPEAK OUT about it.

There seems to be a current of emotion coming from people that they believe something has been taken from them. What is it that you think has been taken away from you?

reply to post by galadofwarthethird


If it is all pure biology, then the imagination of people is so freaking awesome that it can create all the factors needed for a biological response without any actual person being there.

Love and sex, no chemicals, no biology, no biofeedback loop. That every meal you eat could be so well spiced that you need to only think that the meal is good to be full.

The imagination games the the biology, which suggests that not every factor is pure biology. It merely needs to SEEM like biology.

reply to post by SibylofErythrae

Only if you believe in biology. And I have found that this universe believes in it.

But if you have not noticed people are capable of living in two completely different worlds the one of there head, and one of the matter of things. Women more so then men, and not only that but most in fact all people have contradictory factors between the worlds in there heads and the world as it is. And not only that but the worlds in there heads does not completely match the worlds of the other people who believe in the same world.

And yes its pure biology, how else would you be able to get turned on by things such as pictures or even card board cut outs using your imagination? Which came first Imagination, or Biology, can you imagine yourself out of biological process? No you can not.

It's like that one test they did with Turkeys were they took a female cardboard cut out doll of a female turkey and put it up in the field...Well you can guess that the male turkeys tried to get it on with that cardboard cut out. And even though they could tell the difference, they could do nothing about it. Humans are the same, only a bit more complicated. But still even if you know something, it does not mean you can do something about it.

You and E23 are both projecting because that's all you can do. And I am sure you will both reach the intentent targets, but both your imaginations are lacking and really in the end you can only fool yourself's with it. And I am sure there will be plenty of dudes who will go along with it, as to the outcome of that. Well, its been said and done before, so expect the same as came before. You see I know your storys better then you do.

As for me, So! Ya! Sure! Why Not! I totally believe in biology.

Originally posted by SibylofErythrae
reply to post by article

 

What does that even mean?

I've been accused of this very thing, and yet in most ways I am more traditionally female than most. Most often when I hear this the thing guys are complaining about is that women...THINK. And worse, SPEAK OUT about it.

There seems to be a current of emotion coming from people that they believe something has been taken from them. What is it that you think has been taken away from you?

Its not that, really.

It's slightly deeper. It's the fact that a man can no longer feel like a man, in front of some, many women today. Ive seen women litteraly strip their husbands of dignety, simply because their husbands loved them and the women took advantage of it.

I see people saying Women this and Men this all the time. According to steriotypes:

Men - Will cheat on you, Never loyal, careless and heartless.
Women - Never heard, only demanded. Pent up emotions because no one cares or will listen. Men dont listen to women.

I dunno... I see these roles changed quite a bit today.

Example: (a true one though)

My X cheated twice. I turned into a wuss durring our seperation/divorce because I cared, she didnt. Everything I did in life was to make sure she had everything she wanted. When it wasnt enough, someones elses yard was apparently much greener. I loved that woman more than life itself, only to have her walk all over me. Everything I believed, everything she said in the beginning, she tells me now were all lies, none of it were true. Everything she ever propped me up on, she pulled out from under me. In the end, when I signed my name on that damned paper, My heart was destroyed, life torn, all that I had made, built for her, for me, for us, meant less than dirt. All of my belongings, every shiny piece felt like poison to me, to my flesh, because all I loved was her. She looked me cold in the eyes and said that "You should have figured it out a long time ago". How? Untill it happen, there were no clues.. Just a constant bitching wife that didnt do anything but spend hours on end playing games, whiel I worked my ass off, only to come home and see what was for dinner... Mc Donalds, which I picked up after I got home, or we ate out because someone didnt care that i worked 12-16 hour days to make me a damn meal.

Did I ever ask her once to make me a sandwich? No... It was, baby, lets go eat, what are you hungry for tonight... Resturant of your choice.

Even though I worked hard, I mean really hard, in the heat all day, I come home, only to take a shower if I have time, to ask my wife were we are eating since she was soooooo busy all day to do a damn thing.


That's from a friend...

I say this because I hear so many stories about women saying why they left their hubbies. Biggest reason...

Jealousy.

Like women tell guys... Keep it in your pants... It seems that the same now falls for women as much if not more.

Is there a reason he's jealous? I bet there is. These self proclaimed "Social Butterfly's".

Everyone has a reason, a get out of jail excuse. My X had one for every problem. Everything is justified even before it's done, with a women. How is that any diffrent when comparing to a man?

When man and woman are together, does one work more towards choices, one more towards flowers, one more towards paint colors, and so forth? Then why cant a man do what he's done the last 10k years and women do what they've done the last 10k years? Why the sudden change?

All this does is cause gender confusion. Men dont know what me are supposed to do anymore.

My grandmother told me, one day I would get big, goto work, work hard, make money, get married, raise a family and love them deeply. I was led to believe that I would be the breadwinner. I was led to believe I would be the protector. I was led to believe that I was the strength of my family.

When I got married, (this time me personaly), I found that my wife rejected all of that when I got married. She was super opinionated and when mine did not match hers, she was right or there was hell to pay. She stomped around like a bull when she was mad, at first I smiled... I mean litteraly stomp around and beat things around.

After a while, it got old I loved this woman with every last drop, in the end, our 15 years were no longer important to her. In one single day, like my friend, all had changed and the person i thought I knew for 15 years, was a total stranger to me. Everything changed. Pearcings, more drinking, more ways many people would consider VERY childish. I mean, every single thing her daughters did, she did right behind them, good, bad, moral or not.

cont.....

reply to post by article


To be honest, I'm not sure that I know how to act around women anymore. it's all eggshells now.

You want a REALLY good example of how women and men act? Goto a site called Meetme.com. Its kinda like facebook meets a dating/friendship service.

Look how women act.. what they say.. and... what they do.

Look at the men.


Its like women dont want to be pampered anymore. They want guyfriends not girl friends. They want double standards.

Im not saying all women, since many women are still old fashioned and have my respect. I am that old fashioned guy that opens doors, pampers and spoils, loves with all my heart, and forgives with all my heart faster than I can hate.

Steriotypes are twister, they dont mean squat because one is as bad as the other. it's just the roles seemed to have changed in my point of view. Now ladies are doing what men are known for and men tuck tail and deal with it. What else can ya do?


Guess one could always turn gay, right?

Notice how many "bisexual" women are around today? If that's not a kick in the gut, I dont know what is. So it's ok for a woman... but a man.. EWWWW!!! SICK! I hear that comming from women often. I agree, but I also agree that double standards are crap.

I think roles have changed because the bar is higher. People will always try to be what they are not.

As far as you damn social butterflies... That's just another excuse to be promiscuous and to surround yourself with guys and make your man jealous.

Sucks when we do it... so what gives?

reply to post by article

No offence dude. But your ex wife was right and you should of seen the signs, and the social butterflies do like to flutter around from flower to flower. Now I know it ain't easy to do that while in the moment, but still you should of got rid of her and fast, people like her use this whole love crap as a tool to get what they want.

And not only that! they like a heat seeking missile look for ones who will fall for there charms and games and are stupid enough to believe there stories, all because of LOVE. Love meaning "control" And not only that! but they teach and breed poor fools ie there kids who will be willing to fall for this sh*t again. Just repeating the cycle and creating more victims to this game. And not only that! but some are doing it unconsciously, so they really believe in there own bull. And well do you know how to beat a lie detector? its easy, for some people...All you have to do is believe your lies unconditionally. And now you know what your looking at, and what you had to deal with in your ex wife.

There is not that much difference between men and women. All that you listed are just cliches, men are this and women are that...blah. All that is extinguished with a little look around in the real world, forget the crap that is put in front of you and open your eyes and really look at things, and you will see. Basically you got sold a lie, and payed for it. Didn't your mother ever tell you to never trust a woman? The signs are always there you just got to step back once in a while and really look at things for what they are. Not what you want them to be. And not what they want them to be.

And when you take things for what they are, then maybe you can move one from there.

reply to post by article


What you are missing is an outline and a pre-set set of expectations.

Everyone is apt to get hurt in relationships. All people are capable of being inconstant.

But it is going to be worse if you aren't engaged with the actual PERSON, but instead with an expectation. If you want to engage with an avatar of a person in a relationship, then you need to look for people who share expectations with you.

I personally find this a bit annoying, in that it lacks some respect for the person involved when one treats them as only an on location example of one's expectations. Then when they go off script, it seems like a major heartbreak and traitorous to the supposed common expectation.

I think that you are missing people telling what you want and what being a man is, and people telling you what a woman is. You need to figure out what being a man means to you, and what that means in what you want in a partner. Then look for and then actually discuss that set of values with that person.

I know that religion, society, and family used to do this all for you. Then when people screwed around it matter less in some ways because you were only engaged with the avatar. When that person was meeting their other targets, hiding a couple of indiscretions is somewhat easier to do and to ignore.

When you love an avatar of a person, are you sure you love them? Really? You probably don't. You love that they meet your expectations in a satisfactory manner and do not challenge you. That's a type of love I suppose.

Figure out who you are and what that means to you.

Originally posted by article

Originally posted by SibylofErythrae
reply to post by article

 

When I got married, (this time me personaly), I found that my wife rejected all of that when I got married. She was super opinionated and when mine did not match hers, she was right or there was hell to pay. She stomped around like a bull when she was mad, at first I smiled... I mean litteraly stomp around and beat things around.

I'm going to address this separately. This is a psychological phenomena that as far as I can tell hasn't been fully looked into yet.

Men like hierarchy. You disagree, but at the end of the discussion some agree some don't but you move forward and continue to buck for position.

Women work in communion. Its an all or nothing. At the end of the "mediation" period everyone is supposed to agree.

This basic structure is already understood.

The angry reaction you are noting here can be explained. In a women's communion, those out of communion are a danger to the whole. When you are out of communion after the mediation period, you are a danger. Using social force to get you into communion is of the highest immediate need to assure safety and continuity.

This makes sense in a retrospective human evolution sort of way. It isn't recognized, and therefore is unmanaged reaction currently.

I'm often out of communion with other women, so I've had plenty of time to observe and attempt to manage other women into being okay with people being out of communion.

I was actually going to argue you on this one and even pounded out a full page post of how wrong you are.

but... I actually have to agree with some of it. The social butterfly stuff didnt come about till later also. Again, sometimes blindsiding really happens. In my case it did.

Imagine someone cuddling you every day, making you feel like a king, making you feel like their personal hero... then suddenly 15 years later, it's just gone and you have no idea.

You know, I was told "I didnt think you would have came after me anyways".

That was the excuse. I forgave and of course it happened again. I said screw it, picked up and left every single memory of it behind. Everything that had a memory was left. Everything. Till this day I own nothing of "ours".

Want to know the worst feeling of betrayal... Go through all that without knowing one single thing that you could have done wrong for someone you loved more than life itself to stab you in the heart and smile while she twisted the blade. When you asked for a reason, you were given none.. just hateful answers that would be later retracted as "I was just mad".... but again now reason why.

Oh yeah.. jealousy. That's GOT to be it!

reply to post by SibylofErythrae


Dont mistake what i said. I just said that this is how we were brought up. That doesnt mean that this is how we went about it. My expectations changed a million times since. Moving to the city from a small country town made a big diffrence.

When i got married, I didnt expect anything but the love between us. It was a beautiful thing. Untill...

I guess I now feel from all of this, that when a person claims to be in love, the in fact, may not be at all... Unless a person can truely fall out of love, which I dont believe. How can you fall out of love unless you never really loved in the first place?


No, it's the common gender role that gets me today. Expectations abound. If anything, guys are victims of expectations today. I went after my wife because I loved her conversations, her smile, her eyes and how deep her heart was. She was a hurt soul as well, its just she chose to take up the spear and do to me what was done to her in other ways.

I choose to be alone before I would do this to another heart. Especially when I know how hard that pain can be to bear, and I consider myself a strong - walk away from anything - type. How people can really do this to one another after being married is beyond me. I mean.. Damn.. Just dont do it if you're not going to fight for it. Dont bail at the first sign of diffrence.

Small wonder how my grandparents managed to be together till the end.... oh yeah, they were not currupted by entertainment today, either.

Originally posted by SibylofErythrae

I know, you guys are going to look at those masculine trait women I put up and say they look like women to you.

No I'm not. I'm gonna look at those pictures and wonder why none of them are wearing a smile. I don't care how sexy a woman looks, if she's not happy about it why should I be?

There's nothing sexier a woman can wear then a smile when she means it.

Here you go OP. Maybe this will shed a little candlelight on the roles of men and women for ya.

.

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


What is with that, anyway? Nothing says "come get some" quite like... a totally neutral expression. I almost prefer duck lips.

I think the behavioral overlap is really apparent in gamer and geek culture. Being a lifelong geeky gamer, I found myself relegated to social groups that were predominately male in their make-up. That's where I learned to socialize, with a bunch of dudes, purely because of our shared interests.

At this point, I have a healthy ratio of male:female friends, but I have to say... a lot of my lady friends were also the only girl at the table type; and are likewise crass, direct, and use a masculine syntax. Even the super feminine hot ones.

reply to post by article


I'd have given you ten stars if I could have...

Same friggin' boat... same friggin' boat...

reply to post by SwissMarked


No stars needed. Thanks though! Im just here for the friendship and interesting conversations.

We're all likeminded on at least some topics