Hey there OP,
Firstly, I'd like to thank you for sharing your story, particularly as it is clealry one that is closely tied to some of your most central fears. It
takes a lot for us to relive in detail, experiences that we have found traumatic so, thanks again for that.
What I would like to say is that, all of the things you have described have been researched and explained quite scientifically, in some detail, with
brain imaging equipment etc. Your experiences are very common and, whilst there are variations on a theme, there have been incalculable numbers of
these reports, all with very similar phenomena reported.
Without getting too far into developmental psychology, the psychology of trauma, sleep disorders etc, it sounds like your experiences closely fit the
ideas of hypnagogic and hypnopompic phenomena, as well as sleep paralysis (which often accompanies these phenomena). When you factor in the influences
around you as your brain was developing (x files, 'weird' mum (your words), a picture of aliens in the batbroom which you must have seen literally
hundreds of time's etc) it starts to build a picture.
I don't want to get into a word by word dissection of your post or get into amateur psychoanalysis mode about it, instead I recommend you look into
the things I mentioned. A particularly good book I can recommend is called 'Head Trip' by Jeff Warren. It's actually a summation of conciseness
studies written over '24 hours of your mind'
I think you'd find the 'night' section very interesting. It describes the research into EXACTLY the things you have described (paralysis, the feelings
of a presence, hallucinations (auditory, visual, olfactory, tactile) etc. Borrow it from your library if you can because it's £11.00 and, unless
you're very interested in that kind of thing like me, it's a bit expensive.
I'm not saying this is DEFINITELY what has happened to you, or to others, but it is a rational and scientific explanation for seemingly extraordinary
phenomena. Perhaps this explains ALL abduction/visitation type cases and perhaps it doesn't ... I think it's worth looking into though.
I hope you remain well and that life treats you a little bit better than perhaps it has in the past. Peace.
edit on 14-7-2012 by Milkflavour
because: Terrible spelling (which i have only slightly improved)