I never really have felt like I fit in here. Have always felt like I want to go home, yet have not known where home was until I really started to
research this subject. I've felt lost, and really did not know my place.
It was, and has been very depressing to know I want to help others, but never seem to have any real push or pull in any place I am at, or so I
I have never been one for violence, yet I have experienced it on many levels, and left it behind me, and was a lesson of my youth. I have never been
married, nor have I ever had the desire to get married or have any children. A drive that is different than the rest of my family. They all have
kids, yet something inside of me never wanted that. And I could not understand why. A loner at heart, and I tend to wall myself out from the outside
world as I do not fear it, I just have a hard time coming to terms with so many things this Earth has shown me.
This very much helped me find some peace in knowing that if I am a Volunteer, I am of the 2nd wave.
And no real path chosen in my Earthly life. I just am, and that is my place, from the understanding of the research, that really helps out a lot.
That just shows my true challenge is to get out more, and surround myself with people like I use to do when I was much younger. I was always the
(wise) person in any circle I would find myself with. Always the grounded mystic, who always knew, reality is what you make it, and you can clearly
manifest energy to make life what you wanted it to be. I just never really did aspire to be some big shot, office going type. I did not understand
this stuff at that time. But deep down, its all been inside me the whole time, deep down I knew this. Yet I did not help with my depression and
talking to people would land me in psych ward after psych ward. lol. True story.
Suicide has been a choice in my life, as there was such a burning desire, I DO NOT want to be here anymore. Yet I stay. I stay and I do what I came
here to do. Being brave enough to come to a place like this, I will learn to remember why I came here. As the older I get, the more in touch with
that higher self I realize.
Its been some time since I have posted in this thread.. But wanted to come back after years of research on this subject. There is much truth to this,
but the truth is a personal one. And for some its total new age BS. Which is fine.. I am not here to convert anyone. I am only here to radiate my
And those who take the time to read my threads, and know me, will understand. I guess I have more push and pull in places than I gave myself credit
for. I will be ready to leave soon, as I feel my job here is coming to completion. And it feels good to know I will be going home. Back to the
source, or to my next job.
As Earthly jobs, well lets just say, I never fit into one career path here, and found it only to serve my Earthly needs to eat, and pay bills. Other
than that, no, does not feel natural to me, and never has.
Some people do really good things here, and fit in, and compete with one another for that higher office. Compete for that family and big house. When
to me, it never made sense. And it becomes clear after understanding the true contents of this thread!
edit on 11-10-2012 by zysin5 because: 1.1