Shadows of the Past (True story) [LEWC]

Shadows of the Past (True story)


When I was a kid, I had an active imagination, I would see vivid images of beings, creatures and places that were beyond my comprehension, but at the time this was normal for me; it is what brought me into gaming, and how I learned to develop strategies to beat the game. I was also very observant as a kid, and watched people’s actions carefully, as I compared it to my own. I was not like the others, as I would come to know what pains them in their everyday lives. Therefore, I would try to develop strategies to possible solutions as I tried to understand the world around me.

At first, getting the hang of any strategy is very difficult. It is like moving chess pieces to the point of checkmate. Life itself is a game of chess, when you watch people’s actions and reactions upon one another, you cannot help but stare on in curiosity, as they both try to win over the other for the extra boost of ego.

Sometimes I’d get caught up watching people from afar, at times I’d get called weirdo, especially when I didn’t reply back. This eventually led me into a life with bullies on my case. I’d get held up in bathrooms, punched in the gut, left on the floor clutching in pain, but the pain that hurt the most, wasn’t the punch itself, it was the fact that it even occurred was what hurt the most.

At night, I would cry myself to sleep, knowing that the next day was going to be the same, and it was, but I rarely reacted, sometimes, I would not even say a word. I knew something was wrong with them, but the more I tried to understand why, the more the answers eluded me, but I too am human, and my limitations would be reached; like a volcano ready to erupt and unleash its rage upon them in blinded anger and force. I would over power the bullies with this adrenalin rush, but I also knew that I had gone and stepped over my own morals. This is why I tried and avoid conflict, but conflict always seemed to find me. This was back in both Jr. High school and kept going until I was in 10th grade.

Things changed when I was 17, after a few events that ended in heartache and rejection, I was told by a medium that a woman would come into my life that would change the way I think forever, and that she and I would end up having a powerful bond, but she would be from far away. I would later dream of that woman that night, blonde-red-ish hair with mesmerizing green eyes.

At the time, I blew it off as rubbish, but she kept appearing in visions, over and over, until I decided to draw her, and try and get a better vision of this mysterious woman in my dreams. I ultimately ended up using that dream and turned her into a character in my novel.

After many years of futile attempts to find her, I kept getting beaten up by the monstrosities this system had created. My path led me to the point that, I had practically given up on humanity. I began seeing humanity as the ultimate plague, and that the only cure to save the planet would be to extinction of the human race. The injustice, the murders, the mistreatment's, the judgment’s, the fears, everything that caused suffering and despair I began to despise. I lost my moral, I laughed instead of crying whenever I saw what I hated, manifest before me.

I lost care of the world, and even worse, I lost care of myself. I learned many strategies that were filled with mind games thanks to those who did it to me. I would later use what I learned, to exploit their weakness and grant them a hard lesson. I became unmerciful when it came to the feelings of others, but it seemed being heartless was the best way to get the message across, I would then have the guilt within me after I taught them the lesson, a part of me would die, the more I did it. The success rates of those lessons were at 100% and I knew I had a strategy that worked.

Those who have come to learn lessons from me eventually came back into my life to thank me, but every time they did, I still kept losing hope because the thought kept coming back that “they just couldn’t learn it for themselves”. Therefore, my life had become a sacrificial game, where I would sacrifice myself for the greater good. However, eventually, I grew tired and went off into isolation; away from the psychic vampire, and away from the judgments of others.

Once we master a technique, we move forward unto others. The cycle of transcendence keeps occurring repeatedly, but sadly, this story does not have a successful conclusion, for it is a tale of two friends, equal in every way going at war with each other based on assumptions and fears. Only one of them tries to help the other grow beyond their fears while others comfort them. Everything in life happens for a reason, every experience is a chance to grow, and this is what I have come to learn since I began my spiritual awakening. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I ended up failing, especially with the one person I have come to admire most.

Then I began seeing answers to long asked questions. I began seeing the world for what it truly was; I began to see how we are all embedded into a system that seeks to control. I felt surrounded, cornered, and alone. “I don’t belong here” came to my thoughts more evidently than ever. I had rejected the very society that had rejected me and I wanted a way out, I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

The temptation of suicide would enter my mind; “I had nothing to live for”; or so I thought.

But then it happened, I met her , a girl who I once thought was a fantasy, had finally been found, but to my surprise, she came packed, I listened carefully to her words, and they were as if I was speaking them, everything became magical at that point. I found many answers that allowed me to heal old pasts and find out their meanings. She taught me many lessons that I carefully applied in my life. This allowed me to close unclosed chapters as I moved around bravely exploring painful memories. All was going good, until she displayed her fear for the first time.

After a few friends add in a social network, all hell broke loose. She questioned my motives, which were simple; they were people who had information I needed for my spiritual advancement, she became territorial over that, and began accusing me of stalking. I frowned at this the first time, I didn’t want to lose her friendship so after the first argument I began to develop a fear, a fear that would leave me paranoid for a while. The fear that after I found this girl I would end up losing her, but it also brought me the awareness of her own fears.


After accepting I had lost her friendship the first time during a conversation with a mutual friend, she appeared again, and she apologized, and I did too. All was going well, the paranormal activity increased, along with signs pointing towards her, this naturally drove me insane; part of me wanted to believe, but another part fell in denial. But signs, from numerology, or words that would somehow deliver a direct message such as “slow down” or “It’s her” were more evident than ever. Occasionally I would encounter random people describing her as if they knew her without me saying a word.

One of them would point out, that the reason for our encounter was to get us to face our fears. I knew this was true, especially after the first time she assumed things of me. Me and a mutual friend of hers spoke. “It’s as if you two are meant to push each other’s buttons to grow.”

It dawned on me, and my stomach churned. I knew what I had to do, and I knew it would not only help her, it would also get me to face my own fear and my own judgment. It’s as if life had prepared me for this moment, as if... I was meant to teach a dark lesson as I have in the past, but this time, it would be with the person I would least expect.

I tried to put it off, I would occasionally bring up a topic to her, that I thought about changing how I act with her, to attempt to strengthen her up. However, she would say she likes talking to me the way we were, but I knew, I had to do it someday. In addition, the only one that has mastered that technique was me. Only I who knew who she was, and noticed her patterns, could do this.

The weird things kept happening repeatedly, until I just decided I could not ignore the signs anymore so I attempted to accept that things were the way they were. However, things changed in early February, when a friend of hers added me. , and she went nuts again, after explaining the situation to her friend, she added me again a month later, no apologies for the missed understanding,, but I was letting it go.

By now, I had decided I needed to do something, I was allowing fear to get the best of me once more, I needed to act and I needed to act fast. She began talking to me a third time, and that is when I discussed a plan with a few mutual friends especially those who understood what I had to do. I had gone through hell two times before, I was about to go through it a final time, but this time it would be intentional. She needed to face her fears, and only I knew what her fear was.

I began adding her friends on purpose, I barely even talked with them, but that is after she had cut communications with me. She had assumed the worse of me before, but this lesson was designed to leave her in awe.

Unfortunately, fate found a way to make things more interesting after adding someone I did not intend to add in the first place and this time I knew what was coming. My friend warned me it would blow up in my face, but I did not care at this point I had to press on and finish what I had started, but things went even far out of control as she began to make things bigger than it seemed. I tried to explain the truth, but she still would not hear it.

The plan was to get her to see that fears and assumptions were illusions. However, I myself came to this conclusion after the first few times she did the same. So I tried to get her to understand what they meant, but always my words fell unto def. ears.

It turns out, that someone else was feeding ideas into her head, another mutual friend who kept telling her I was a certain way, that I was “obsessive” when I was not. In addition, to this point, at this time, he still thinks it was ok to do when he did not even know me. He “assumed” this, which was not true.

The thought came to me, “While I was trying to get rid of her fear, he was doing the opposite.” This made me rage at him to the point that I ended up giving metaphors so that he could see why it was wrong, but this false guru kept thinking that it was ok to defame a person. I ended up doing nothing after a threat, because quite frankly its not worth having my hands dirty when so far they have been clean and well intent, but I couldn’t seem to understand why this was happening.

It was as if some unknown force of hand had something to do with all of this. The more I tried and understand why things happened, the more the answers eluded me, but by now I was too far in, there was no looking back, it’s all out or nothing, I knew the possible consequences of my actions, but I wanted to prove once and for all that fear was nothing but illusion’s.

However, something unexpected happened that someone ended up destroying hours long conversations and research and I myself fell into the trap of illusions and fears, and ended up thinking it was her doing. The karmic cycle was now coming to me, and I ended up raging to her by mistake. I could not take back the words, but we had no way of communication. By now, our mutual friends were tired of this drama, and I knew I would be losing a few friends, especially after her gossiping base on a false fear.

But I was with my intent that I would end up helping her once I stepped onto the final stage. Unfortunately, when you have things figured out, that's when you know how wrong you really are, and events that would unfold would prove how this would be.

Nevertheless, my own fears and assumptions got the best of me as I lashed out at her one day. I thought she had entered some accounts and began causing strife. Still unsure of what happened I can only assume it was an outside force. I still do not know what truly happened on that day, but one thing I do know, is that we were meant to experience that. Perhaps as I previously thought, I had to push her enough so she would grow her wings. I ended up finding many things about her.

I broke past what seemed to me an impenetrable shield, until I reached her heart. There it was, her worse fear realized, by her own manifestation, but Instead of doing damage to it, I ended up being gentle, and said “See? Nothing, but fear and illusions. That’s what assumptions are”. What happened was, that I found out things she didn't want me to find out. But instead of accomplishing what she was trying to manifest, I pulled back to show her that the trust she had on me was never truly broken.

Aside from that, the last person I added (which was by mistake) ended up showing his true colors. As I exposed his true intents on her. What the results of this would be? I had no idea, but one thing I knew, I was speaking the truth this entire time.

When I think back, and as I write this, I do not know if I did the right thing. I did not want to do it, but I knew I had to. I had to show people, the lesson I had learned, I had to be the example of that lesson, but I know I too ended up falling unto my own trap and my own illusion, but I ended up getting the job done. I can only hope she realizes what I ended up doing. Our mutual friends ended up interfering, but they will eventually learn the truth. They ended up giving her what she wanted, “comfort”, but I ended up giving her what she needed. My rebellion in the end was against her ego.

So there you have it, I ended up losing her in the end, but I hope that my message got through, if not, she will eventually learn it with another experience with another person. Of that I am certain.

Everything follows the flow, and will eventually have her think back and look at me, not as an enemy, but rather, as her most powerful ally. As she was to me.

And so I share this story with you, not because it’s a writing contest, but because I truly want to change the world for the better. I truly want to see humanity thrive, but we need to face our fears and let it pass right through us. Because in the end, our worse enemy, is ourselves.

It is said that once a person learns a lesson, others don’t need to experience it, because someone else has learned it for you. This is true, so live my experience, know how my life is. You know the answers already, let fear go. And enjoy life without worries.

You help yourself and others find peace:

When you strive to express yourself in your contact with others.

When you use your intelligence and abilities to serve the greater good.

When you feel compassion and understanding towards all who suffer.

When you see all men and women as equals regardless of race, religion

When you rejoice over the happiness of others and hope for their well-being

When you listen with tolerance to opinions that differ from your own or even oppose them.

When you resort to dialogue, instead of forcing a conflict.

When you respect the feelings of one another and accept them for what they are.



That was how I found out, that it was our own fears, and our own assumptions that ultimately caused us strife, and that if we do not face what we fear, and head into the unknown, we will keep playing the same mind game over and over, it doesn’t stop with one person, it continues onward unto the next until you finally learn the lesson needed to learn. I found this out… the hard-way.

So please, learn from my experience, these things are much much more common than you think. She may not realize this yet, but she ended up helping me more than she intended. The truth is, I wouldn't had made it as far as I did in spiritual and personal growth had it not been for her. This is why, I she is the most profound experience I had. She made me a believer in the divine once more.

And for that I will always be grateful as well as the lessons she taught me.

I may have failed on helping her see this, but at-least I hope others finds this story helpful. Whatever happens now, happens for a reason. But this is why fears, assumptions should be faced, so that we could be able to transcend beyond them, and the key to that, is understanding.

Ahhh…unrequited love. Oh well, such is life.

But you are correct, if we don’t observe or hear others stories and learn from their mistakes, the chances are that we, as individuals will repeat them.

Of course, everyone has their own story to tell and it may not fit for one, but it may well fit for another.

BTW, you sound as if you have a healthy ego yourself, just remember to keep yourself what I call, humbly arrogant.

The ability to be confident yet with the ability to learn as well.

reply to post by TDawgRex


..and if at first you don't succeed, [snip] try, try again!

reply to post by ATSGrunt



I dont think I hav the patience to do that. One time is enough, and if they dont get it, its hopeless, since eventually theyll learn it from someone else, and that person may not be as forgiving. It is sad because my sister has a similar pattern and I also know what she went through with guys. But she repeats the same pattern over and over because she rather remain in denial instead of transcending beyond it.

In this case, I had good intentions, most people learn hard lessons through the real deal. It is rare to learn hard lessons when it is planned as a lesson, especially when there is a group of friends involved. It is similar to those "drug interventions". Only I had to take it one step further.

Only time will tell if she sees who I am or not, but as of now she probably remains blind behind her rage and false hate.

Sorry, I don't have the quote thing down yet.

You say: I dont think I hav the patience to do that. One time is enough, and if they dont get it, its hopeless, since eventually theyll learn it from someone else, and that person may not be as forgiving.

You don't sound to forgiving yourself. Try to take a step back and look at your behaviours from anothers point of view. You may be coming across as creepy, even though you are not and just want what is best. Remember, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

You say: In this case, I had good intentions, most people learn hard lessons through the real deal. It is rare to learn hard lessons when it is planned as a lesson, especially when there is a group of friends involved.

You cannot deny someone their own circle of friends, and those friends DO have a impact on them, just as your friends have a impact on you as well.

You say: Only time will tell if she sees who I am or not, but as of now she probably remains blind behind her rage and false hate.

There is no thing such as false hate. If someone hates something, they hate it. Only time or a active attempt by the individual will purge that hate.

I can kind of relate to the unrequited love aspect of thing...I think that most of us can. She has forgiven you three times now, maybe you should try a little more gently. Three times a charm, the fourth time may be a restraining order.

reply to post by TDawgRex


Oh I am forgiving. I try all aspects and ways to try and convey the message. She even had head warning quite a few times of what I was thinking of doing. I even explained to her the results. I don't like going behind the back doing something unless they know ahead of time.

But her lack of foresight, and unwillingness to investigate the situation, and denial made me use the technique as a last resort. When you think about it, it is no different than an initiation in a fraternity, where at first the frat appears against you as you are, but a candidate. But In the end the reveal themselves and welcome you into the organization.

That is the way I think of it.

You're right, through A point of view I would come out as creepy. But there are multi dimensional ways of perception. Meaning there are are much more potential answer's to the same question, but when you are dwelling in negative emotions, you can only see one of these potentials. It takes an open mind to put the right answers together. That is why many people are stuck in life. The lack this multi dimensional ways of thinking.

However this was a last resort, I tried to hold it off, but sometimes the nice approach does not always work. You can comfort a person, but in the end you are just shielding their ego. I on the other hand was aiming to reach the true self. Because the true-self is what knows all.

I say I don't have the patience because its not something I normally do, I like to resolve things through dialogue, compassion and understanding, but when that person begins to gossip, Spread rumors that aren't true that causes me and friends some strife, that is when one has to say enough is enough.

You can't run away from situations, you can't express fear without consequences. Problems will always follow you no matter where you go or who you are with, because you still have karmic ties to the past, where you will end up thinking, that everyone is the same, and you end up inside an endless cycle of monotony where you repeat the same cycle, over and over again with just about everyone you meet, So the only way to truly achieve the ultimate goal, in order to conquer our shadow, is to stop, think and head into the shadow and realize it was just an illusion So in a sense, what I wanted, was to bring her enlightenment so that she could better herself and stop the cycle she was in.

When I say that she eventually will learn this through someone else, it means that she will be initiating the same spark as she has done with me with many more people.All because of her own insecurities and fear. If I didn't care about her, I wouldnt have even bothered, I would have just allowed her to continue to circle her cage like a helpless mouse.

But I didn't want that for her, I wanted to free her from that cage so that she could continue to learn. So yes, I am forgiving, as I hold no grudges against her, nor any hate.

Fourth time: She realizes that she was the cause in the first place.And stops living in denial. Because of her gossips she ruined some of my rep, and some people who I was getting to know heard the rumors.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


S&F for putting yourself in the position of opening yourself up to the possibility of others critisizing you.

I am going to do just that however. All that you went through with her was about you, proving something to yourself. It was not something to help her, but rather it was something to help you.

Now look inside more honestly, and I know you believe you already have and I disagree, and learn what you wanted to gain for yourself out of those actions.

Forgiveness of others is not something you convey to others, it is a matter of releaving yourself of hates/angers burden, because not being forgiving of others is a thing which leads to your own self destruction, and you have yet to forgive anyone in truth.

This is not something to respond to, because it is meant only for self reflection. However, I am sure you will desperately feel the need to respond and vindicate yourself. Fight that feeling, it is not necessary.

Originally posted by OpinionatedB
reply to post by RisenAngel77

 

S&F for putting yourself in the position of opening yourself up to the possibility of others critisizing you.

I am going to do just that however. All that you went through with her was about you, proving something to yourself. It was not something to help her, but rather it was something to help you.

Now look inside more honestly, and I know you believe you already have and I disagree, and learn what you wanted to gain for yourself out of those actions.

Forgiveness of others is not something you convey to others, it is a matter of releaving yourself of hates/angers burden, because not being forgiving of others is a thing which leads to your own self destruction, and you have yet to forgive anyone in truth.

This is not something to respond to, because it is meant only for self reflection. However, I am sure you will desperately feel the need to respond and vindicate yourself. Fight that feeling, it is not necessary.

edit on 12-7-2012 by OpinionatedB because: (no reason given)

Spiderman is my favorite movie.



That said, I had nothing to prove to myself. I know who and what I am. And why I do things. The truth is, I have equal love for everyone, and it saddens me the state people are in. Real friends, speak the truth, no matter what cost.

But I will say this, she has taught me more about myself, than anyone else has. Because she was actually a mirror reflection of me.

This is why we were equals in everyway.

People with ultimately judge me for this, but as long as I know in my heart, not in my mind, that I did the right thing, that is all I really need to know.

reply to post by RisenAngel77


I always say question everything, but have come to realize that questioning everything leads to a form of indecisiveness. Sometimes we just have to run on auto-pilot. Just let you be you. If others don’t accept you for who you are, then that is just life.

You can’t make everybody happy, nor accept your point of view.

All you have to do is look at history to see that.

Do not let an unrequited love turn you bitter. Best to keep her as a friend rather than feel like a rejected partner. It makes life a whole lot easier to deal with. And you get to be true to yourself as well.

I think that I have dealt with much of what you are going through after five decades of being single. I have learned to accept that everyone makes their own choices and I honor that…for better or worst. I am there though to help them back up after their bad choices. I am their friend after all.

I can honestly say that out the ten relationships I have had, eight of them, we broke up on good terms. My career took me on a different path while they wanted stability. The other two were manipulative. Those two I have no contact with, while the others told me that they should have said yes when I asked to marry them. We still talk to this day. No screwing...just friendship.

As I said, such is life. They said no at the time and I moved on. Sad at the time, but I recovered. Maybe it is time to do a little self reflection as well.

Don’t let it burn you up.

reply to post by TDawgRex


I am pretty much done with it, whatever happens its meant to be. But I wash my hands on the issue and move forward. Im already meeting people who are at my level in mentality, which is a breath of fresh air I must say.



Namaste

reply to post by RisenAngel77

I don't think this is the end to your story.
I just read it as a problem that you're working out in your own way.
If you truly are mirrors then shouldn't you be expecting a sort of "move" or maneuver as a result of this trial you put her through. Yes I know you said you did this to help her realize her fears but it still karma.

reply to post by obnoxiouschick


Its not karma when the action itself is childish. We both put eachother through trials, Only I knew what her patterns were and what she needed to do.


She's a virgo.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION: VIRGO , as well as the other earth signs, is solid in nature. VIRGO dislikes conflict and will tend to absorb the force of the problem’s energy, rather than speak to it. VIRGO has sound common sense and desires practical, useful results from their energy output. Engaging in conflicts is a waste of energy. On the other hand, VIRGO’s tendency to criticize can create conflict.

www.pathwaytoascension.com...


It's funny, a friend of mine linked me that site recently, and just now I read this and it confirmed what I already knew.

To me its the end of the story, because she in the end ran away. She's too far gone at the moment , and I only have a tiny spec of faith left in her, but that within time will wither away. What happens now depends mostly on her, but I don't expect to see her anytime soon, and possibly anymore in this lifetime.

If that happens it would be a shocker, but the way things ended, well. I guess it was for the best. I Improved alot more, ive gained higher insights, im much more intuitive, smarter, and my thoughts has been somewhat silenced, liveaing an open channel for the true self . I may have failed with her, but in the end she succeeded with me. So the best way to honor her memory is to live, and move forward, and continue my goal and become what I was meant to.

But I truly wish her the best. Always have

Here was my fear, I cared about her waay too much, I have personally seen how my own friends act and how they attracted trouble. If you are humble, you can make it far in this world, but I have seen how my friends actions caused strife. One of them got themselves killed during an arguement, the person who did it, lost his temper and shot him in the head.


This was over 10 years ago, he had a twin brother. Aside from that My own sister's attitude also was what caused men to stalk her, I tried many times to tell her to change her attitude, but as always my words fell on deaf ears. I had to intervene more than a dozen of times and talk with the people who stalked my sister.

On one of them,

I didn't use intimidation, but rather, i listened to what he wanted to say, of course I did bring a few friends for, "just in case" ( one of them was a cop). He ended up leaving her alone after that conversation, and even bought him a beer so he could chill out. Understanding, listening to what the other person has to say can and will leave good marks, and this is another thing I realized, and this is actually the path of the peaceful warrior. (no violence necessary, only dialogue and agreement.)


Why I bring this up, is because ive lost friends due to their own actions, had they been humble, they'd still be alive today. By me teaching her this lesson, im letting her know, the consequences, and I am also letting her know the correct solutions. In a way its to try and avoid a possible fate.

But sadly, if she didnt get it now, in the future she may encounter someone who is not as forgiving as I am, and that is my fear. She is a good person with so much potential, but her attitude with fear and assumptions may end up being the end of her.

That's the point, but I also realize that sometimes we can't change fate, all we can do is hope that in the end, everything will be alright.

There are many more benefits with the lesson, but this one is the main one.

So in a way yes, partially I did it to ease my own mind and be tranquil and be sure she will be ok. But I still did it mostly for her, even if I had my own fear that something would happen to her, the end result was designed to benefit all.

But, as I said, I failed on this. So its all water under the bridge at this point. I just hope she realizes this before she encounters someone who would actually cause harm. God forbid this, and she sees the truth and applies what she has learned to her life.


Her life will improve dramatically if she does and even have the life she has always desired. Thats what I wanted her to do, to succeed and be herself without reactions and fears.

reply to post by RisenAngel77

That's a good explanation.
You seem to accept it as it is.
I don't have any other thoughts on it now.
I'll probably think about it more though.

Originally posted by obnoxiouschick
reply to post by RisenAngel77

 

That's a good explanation.
You seem to accept it as it is.
I don't have any other thoughts on it now.
I'll probably think about it more though.

Please do, as long as at least one person gets the message, even if the one it was intended for failed at being heard or seen, but as long as it helps one person with their lives. My efforts will not have been in vain.

Warm wishes, and thank you for taking your time to reply. Live life, without fears, expectations, assumptions etc, and you too will become a master of your life.

This song shows how I feel about all this.