posted on Jul, 7 2012 @ 06:42 PM
A Brush with Blue
I almost died today.
Okay, that's not completely true. It would be more accurate to say I thought I was dying.
It started with my awakening around 5:00 in the morning. I couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided to head on to school and get some work done. I
prefer arriving at work before the kids. I get far more accomplished in the morning than in the afternoon.
Anyway, I arrived at school around 6:00. I went about my regular school business: writing lesson plans, grading papers, and creating flipcharts and
presentations. During the midst of all my activity, I began to feel a tightness in my chest. I ignored it, figuring it was simply heartburn or a
remnant of last week's virus.
All morning long, the tightness in my chest persisted. By 10:00, it was an intense, throbbing pain that washed over me in waves. It felt like my chest
was being squeezed by a boa constrictor. I continued to ignore what was happening; I didn't want to take another sick day since I missed a couple
days last week due to the virus. I reasoned it was simply heartburn and continued with my business.
Lunchtime arrived and I walked my students to the cafeteria. I could no longer ignore what was happening. The pain was increasing, I was having
difficulty breathing, and my limbs were tingling. Knowing these symptoms herald a possible heart attack, I tracked down the school nurse. She took my
vital signs and told me I needed to get to the hospital fast.
On the way to the hospital, I realized that my situation might indeed be life-threatening. I had the terrible suspicion that I would never see my son
again. I told my husband I needed to say goodbye to my son. He tried to reassure me that nothing was going to happen, but deep inside I feared the
I don't remember much of what happened next. I know that my husband helped me into the emergency room and urgently told the nurse he thought I was
having a heart attack. I remember the nurses laying me on the bed, stripping me of my shirt and attaching dozens of electrodes to my upper body. They
hooked me up to several different machines to monitor my heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen saturation levels.
For the next few hours, they closely monitored my condition. The pain eased and I began to feel lucid and normal once again. By the time the saline
drip finished with my IV, I was feeling fine.
Apparently, the crises had passed.
According to the doctor, I did not have a heart attack. All the tests came back perfectly normal. The doctor explained that most likely I had a panic
attack brought on by stress and anxiety. That diagnosis certainly fit the bill; the pain, the feeling of dying, all of those are symptoms of a panic
attack. Whatever it was, I never want to experience it again.
On the way home, my husband told me what occurred right after I was admitted. I was drifting in and out of consciousness and mumbling things under my
breath. At one point, I said, "I see the blue. Who knew it could be blue?" My husband questioned me about what I was seeing; I simply responded
with more vague comments such as, "I never saw it blue." My husband admitted he was terrified by my statements and demeanor. For my own part, I
really don't remember saying those things, and I have no idea what "I see the blue" means.
If there's one thing I've learned from today's experience, it is this: every moment we have with our loved ones is to be treasured above all
things. When I thought the end was near, I realized that the most important thing in my life is my son,. It's amazing how such an experience can
change your perception and open your eyes to the beauty that exists in your life.
The Bible states we should give thanks in all things. I thank God for my brush with the blue, for now I remember the joy of living.
Note: (I wrote this two years ago after the above events. I've removed some information for privacy sake, otherwise this is exactly how I wrote it
on that day. It is a true story.