I Brought You Into This World. I can Take You Out...

Looking back at my childhood there are many things I can remember. Some good, some bad, some I wish I could forget, and some that still make me smile to myself even today. I recall saying my first curse word and how far my dad’s jaw dropped when I announced he was indeed a “fatherless child” (unwed officially). You all know the word. I can laugh about it now. Thanks to an older brother...these situations happened to me frequently. My father did have a legitimate father and he was not well pleased that his daughter had picked up such a word.

A lot of these moments I didn’t learn to appreciate fully until I was grown in age as well as grown in mind. Now, with children of my own, and seeing some of the things that make headlines today...I find I reflect back more and more to the wisdom my parents passed on to me whether knowingly or unknowingly. I think a lot of the newer generations have neglected to keep these lessons in their “Teaching Plans” and I am not sure why.

Parenting never came with a manual. Dr. Spock was about as close as you could get and really... who had time to read that? And what made him qualified to know what every child needed? We moved on to “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and that was nice but premature. Then came “What To Expect The First Year”...and you REALLY didn’t have time the first year to read that. When you finally got around to having the time, they were on the bus headed for kindergarten.

Parents... most of them at any rate, tend to know what works for their children, what tactics to use, what battles to wage and what small fights to forfeit. This whole post isn’t about corporal punishment. It is about life lessons, where you learned them, from who, what they taught you, and if you passed it on to your children.

What were some of your parent’s/grandparent’s favorite sayings? The first time they fell from your mouth were you scared you were turning into your mother/father? Like you had hit that parenting wall wide open!!

It seems the “In” thing these days is less parenting. I may be getting old, or what have you...but it does seem that a lot (not all) kids are not being taught good manners, respect, personal responsibility, etc. I can recall both of my parents at several key points in my life explaining to me why these things matter.

Dad always liked to say “I bought you into this world, I can take you out”. Usually said when he was frothing at the mouth. I was never scared of him, but it did let me know how very pissed he was at the moment. “My house, My rules” is another one he loved...that I have used on more than one occasion myself. When it is your house you can have 531 kittens and 2 boll weevils.

But Dad also taught me to take pride in my work. To do any job whether it is at McD’s or running a multimillion dollar corporation with pride and to the best of my ability. He taught me I am not too good for any job and neither is anybody else. Good honest work lets a person sleep at night and while you may never be rich...money is not all that matters in this life. He taught me to look out for myself, to never expect a hand out, but to accept a hand up if all else fails. That family matters most. They will be with you in the end. Help others when and where you can.

Mom said mom things like “Don’t do your face that way or it will stick” and “It’s not the outside that counts...it’s what’s on the inside”

But she also taught me what unconditional love is. She taught me to respect my elders and to thirst for the knowledge that they could and did hand down. She showed me in every way what kind of mother I wanted to be. Be kind to strangers she would say. What goes around comes around. You never know when it will be you.

I could go on and on, but I want to hear from some of you guys on this....

What are some of the smartest/funniest things your parents said that stuck with you through the years? What were some of best pieces of advice you received that you didn’t even fully understand at the time you heard it? Do/Did you use these with your children? Will you?

How many folks here feel like parents are parenting a little less these days?

Share!

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe


I remember when children had Parents, that gave them morals and principles . Even single Parents were up to the task. Political correctness has made our children soft . Parents cannot even spank their children, without the Child making the effort to let the Parent "know" they can call the Police. Parents have given up on Punishment,and have been given the task, of issuing Timeouts. I am grateful for my Parents, instilling guidelines, that I now instill with my children. The lack of morals and Principles,and the lack of Parents being there, is what has killed the family. Leaving Facebook and Video games to raise children,has a lasting impact,on society. MHO


S&F

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

I know what you mean about less hands on parenting these days....

I also heard the saying "I brought you into this world"...and it took several years for me to even understand what the hell they were talking about.

The funniest thing I remember my mother saying (b/c it just never made sense, although it did) was...It will stop hurting when the pain goes away.

Really....isn't that a given?????

reply to post by sonnny1

That pretty much sums up a lot of today's issues in our society.

reply to post by MagesticEsoteric


I agree. I think if mankind wants to get back to the "good old days", buy your kids books, instead of a new iPod,or Video game.

Why do we need parents anymore when we have public schools, TV and Lady Caca.

Just give your kids a bag of condoms when they hit five and turn em loose.

Originally posted by sonnny1
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

I remember when children had Parents, that gave them morals and principles . Even single Parents were up to the task. Political correctness has made our children soft . Parents cannot even spank their children, without the Child making the effort to let the Parent "know" they can call the Police. Parents have given up on Punishment,and have been given the task, of issuing Timeouts. I am grateful for my Parents, instilling guidelines, that I now instill with my children. The lack of morals and Principles,and the lack of Parents being there, is what has killed the family. Leaving Facebook and Video games to raise children,has a lasting impact,on society. MHO


S&F

edit on 3-7-2012 by sonnny1 because: (no reason given)

I agree with your whole post. I think parents have been fear mongered into not parenting as they sometimes should. Time outs are not a one size fits all IMO. I also think a lot of parents don't really care what their children are doing as long as they are quiet and don't bother them while they are doing whatever it is that they are doing. I am grateful for my upbringing as well and can honestly say that I never got in trouble when I didn't fully deserve it and there were a lot of times where I did deserve it and didn't get it. Both instances always taught a lesson. If nobody cares what a child does regardless of what he/she does... the child feels like nobody cares about them. Nobody cares if I go play in the middle of a busy street. Rules and enforcement of those rules let a child know that somebody does indeed care IMO.

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric
reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe

 

I know what you mean about less hands on parenting these days....

I also heard the saying "I brought you into this world"...and it took several years for me to even understand what the hell they were talking about.

The funniest thing I remember my mother saying (b/c it just never made sense, although it did) was...It will stop hurting when the pain goes away.

Really....isn't that a given?????

Indeed it is a given! It reminded me of my dad saying "Does it hurt when you do that?" Me... "yes." Dad..."Then quit doing that"!

Originally posted by Numbers33four
Why do we need parents anymore when we have public schools, TV and Lady Caca.

Just give your kids a bag of condoms when they hit five and turn em loose.

That's about what it seems like and that is a sad state of affairs!

Originally posted by sonnny1

Parents cannot even spank their children, without the Child making the effort to let the Parent "know" they can call the Police.

My son tried that Psywar tactic.

Once.

I quietly and firmly let him know that it would take at least 20 minutes for the cops to get there, and that if I were going to jail anyhow, I would most assuredly make it worth their trip. Then I asked him how much damage he thought I might be able to do given 20 minutes or so to work on it.

Then I handed him the phone, and said "Call 'em if you gotta. I'm ready whenever you are. The number is '9-1-1' ".

It will surprise you no doubt to hear that he dropped the phone as if I'd handed him a snake. There were no further Psywar attempts. Ever.

He's now getting ready to graduate high school with excellent grades, and taking classes at a local college for EMT certification. He turned out not to be such a bad kid after all!

Originally posted by MagesticEsoteric

The funniest thing I remember my mother saying (b/c it just never made sense, although it did) was...It will stop hurting when the pain goes away.

Really....isn't that a given?????

My dad used to tell me - whether it was a gash, a sting, a broken bone, or whatever - that "It'll feel alright when it quits hurtin' ".

It generally made me look at him like he's just stepped off a flying saucer or something.

I am a young, single dad. My son is 6, my daughter is 2. I pretty much ran around with my head up my # before the kids, and still do to some extent, but toned down.

I look back at how my Dad raised me (mom and I never saw eye to eye, and still don't talk). I love my Dad, and he is one of my best friends, but I believe he is one of the people who took the 'hands-off' approach. I never got punished much, and when I did, it didn't stick. I never got any kind of corporal punishment (when mom and Dad were married, it was different, but that out of their mutual anger and frustration with eachother). I heard the "I brought you into this world, and I will take you out" plenty, but it was always short lived. As I got older, the hands-off approach got me into lots of trouble, but at the same time, it was only myself who got me into it. I think the best advice I ever got from my Dad was my 2nd time in jail at 19. My Dad was a nurse there. He came in to give me some benadryl to help me sleep (which he wasn't supposed/allowed to do), looked at me, and said "You need to get yourself. I can do this for you here. But I won't always be here. And at some point you're going to be on your own". That is the biggest thing that ever stuck with me.

I think about that everyday with my kids. I am still tattooed and going, pierced, still walk around like I have my head up my #, and my kids see that sometimes (though I am a long way off from ever going to jail.. I did straighten myself out).

But at the same time the main reason I won't change those aspects of myself are because of the saying "The first step in being yourself is NOT being your parents". My kids are polite. They have their moments where they talk back and argue and throw fits, but at the same time they are constantly credited with being intelligent, empathetic, and overall good kids. Things that couldn't have been said about their father growing up.

My kids will get their # smacked if they deserve it, but at the same time they always know why, and I think a lot of the time it hurts me more than it hurts them. All of our arguments/tiffs end with an apology and talking. In that aspect, you wouldn't think they are their own ages. My 2 year old apologized to me earlier for coloring on an important paper of mine, unprovoked and hours after the fact. They address strangers and family with "Yes/No ma'am/sir". They constantly say please and thank you. They are never afraid to ask for a hug or kiss, or to just give one. They know the things they know because while I am letting them learn things on their own, and when they make a mistake, they know where they made it. In that regard I am proudest.

I look at other parents today who coddle their kids, or in the other extreme, don't care. I have seen my friends whose parents were the same, and they are either frigid and afraid of the world, or entirely out of hand. Its all about balance. My Dad lacked it in the discipline department, but made up for it in being there. It just took me a while to learn the discipline on my own. That is what I want to be for my kids. I want them to make mistakes and get hurt, but not too many or too much. I want them to know they are loved unconditionally but will also get put through a wall if they push things enough. And I thats all, I think, because of the biggest thing I remember from my Dad raising me, which was "I won't always be there".

I don't even know if this stayed on topic, and I feel like I strayed. But thats my 2 cents.

Originally posted by nenothtu

Originally posted by sonnny1

Parents cannot even spank their children, without the Child making the effort to let the Parent "know" they can call the Police.

My son tried that Psywar tactic.

Once.

I quietly and firmly let him know that it would take at least 20 minutes for the cops to get there, and that if I were going to jail anyhow, I would most assuredly make it worth their trip. Then I asked him how much damage he thought I might be able to do given 20 minutes or so to work on it.

Then I handed him the phone, and said "Call 'em if you gotta. I'm ready whenever you are. The number is '9-1-1' ".

It will surprise you no doubt to hear that he dropped the phone as if I'd handed him a snake. There were no further Psywar attempts. Ever.

He's now getting ready to graduate high school with excellent grades, and taking classes at a local college for EMT certification. He turned out not to be such a bad kid after all!

edit on 2012/7/3 by nenothtu because: (no reason given)

Excellent Post.

My children have never went that route, but rest assured, I would say the exact thing you said.
I think children shouldn't have to resort, to lawyer tactics. This is what schools, have taught our children. Call the police, for EVERYTHING. Sad.

reply to post by johnnysixguns



I don't think you strayed and you made some good points. It is all about balance. That is why you can't make everything a war. My mom always said that you have to pick your battles, and parenting requires a lot of that.

Originally posted by sonnny1

I think children shouldn't have to resort, to lawyer tactics. This is what schools, have taught our children. Call the police, for EVERYTHING. Sad.

My son told me later that the most important thing he learned out of that is that some times, if you're not good and careful, you can get yourself in a mess and there won't be anyone to bail you out until it's too late - so the best idea is not to get yourself in a mess expecting someone else to fix it.

That wasn't what I meant to teach him at all, but it works for me!

=================================================

I remember when I was little, my own dad would have occasion to spank me every now and then. I'd scream and squall and wail and hide in a corner for a while, and when I was done I'd sneak back up to dad and ask "are you mad at me"? He always said "nope.". So then I'd ask "Do you still love me?" and he'd always say "Yep." then I'd crawl up in his lap, and all was right with the world again.

Originally posted by nenothtu

I remember when I was little, my own dad would have occasion to spank me every now and then. I'd scream and squall and wail and hide in a corner for a while, and when I was done I'd sneak back up to dad and ask "are you mad at me"? He always said "nope.". So then I'd ask "Do you still love me?" and he'd always say "Yep." then I'd crawl up in his lap, and all was right with the world again.

This made me misty eyed for sure!

Give them a good work ethic to live by.

Everything else will eventually fall into place.

When I was 12 my mom got me a summer job with a local real estate owner and he told me one time...."You have to learn to like work."

He may have been a slumlord, but that advice was good and solid.

reply to post by nenothtu


Same with my Father. Get a spanking, for almost burning down the house. That's what happens when you try to light fireworks,on the stove.

It was ALWAYS balance. It was ALWAYS a lesson. I have to say the one thing I really learned. The look. You know the one. Sometimes, that's all you need. Best lesson I always learned, next to giving your kid a big hug, and telling them you never want to lay a hand on them. I have my oldest daughter, who I NEVER had to lay a hand on her behind. Why? Because the look works......

reply to post by Taupin Desciple


Yeah, I think that is an excellent idea.

Kids need to learn the value of things. 11 year old kids running around with iphones?

I think kids today need to learn that keeping up with the Joness' is not what is going to make you happy, or a good person. There is a lot more involved to it than that, because in the end, everyone is an island, and the only person you're living with is yourself.

reply to post by Kangaruex4Ewe



we always taught the kids that similarization through association is near inevitable, and that despite your best efforts you'll never be able to control the actions of others, yet always be able to control Your participation therein ... or lack thereof.

they turned out pretty damn good, imo

respectful, morally-balanced [if there is such a thing] and keen to helping others if/when in a time of need.

me?
if only we had more of the same anymore these days

reply to post by sonnny1


HA! Don't you mean a kindle....or whatever the crap they are called. Books are so old school....even though I cannot imagine not holding a book and turning the pages as I read. Oh how I dread the day our books become extinct.