The Frustration Of Limiting Discussions With Others

Originally posted by kat2684
I never claimed to know all the answers, I was just attempting conversation other then Basketball.

But maybe basketball is what interests him and not materialism?

If he used to have intellectual conversations with you in the past but doesn't now, then you have cause for concern. If he never did, then it is unfair to expect him to now do so, surely?

I have always tried to relate to people on their own wave length. Very few of the people I know would either be capable or interested in having a conversation about materialism.

But then, I am neither interested in nor capable of having a conversation about basketball. Does that mean that the lights are on but no one is home?

reply to post by ollncasino


At one time he was more open, and it definately has changed in the last two years more then ever. We been married for 7 years, now he is consumed by tv, no time to talk, just tv and only tv.

We used to live in a city, we would walk everywhere there was so much to see and do, two years ago we moved to the country. Being down here is quiet, but its very cheap to live, since the move its been tv all the time, there is a change. There was a time he would of attempted to answer me in a full sentance, not anymore.

When I say "lights are on, but no one is home" I mean he is in a trance, he can't pull his mind away and its frustrating because there is so much more then a 47in flat screen. His memory, attention span, conversations all hav changed, its worrying. He was like that before to some degree, now its progressively worse.

Originally posted by kat2684
When I say "lights are on, but no one is home" I mean he is in a trance, he can't pull his mind away and its frustrating because there is so much more then a 47inn flat screen, and he is tuning everyone out.

You do have cause for concern then.

I would be very careful in trying to force the issue of his withdrawl, although you will probably find that he isn't terribly happy being a zombie in front of the TV either.

Don't go on too much though about his refusal to mentally pull himself away for the TV. He may percieve that as nagging and it will perhaps just drive him further away.

Be nice. Be laid back. Don't demand. Suggest.

Make so that he wants to be drawn towards you rather than being a zombie in front of the TV.

Conversations about materialism perhaps isn't the best way of doing that.

On the positive side, addiction to the TV is pretty easy to break. The TV is rubbish. If he was an Internet addict, then that would be a much harder habit to break.

So how much of his time does he have to spend with you before you're satisfied? This has the sense of that he's not spending enough time with you.

For many women, they're not satisfied unless he gives them all of his time and completely gives himself over to her.

reply to post by ollncasino


Thanks for the reply,

I'm very calm about how I approach him, earlier I tried to engage a conversation about what he was watching. I use alot of "Hey honey what do you think about" every now and then, there is something else bothering me too, Alzheimers runs in his family, my husband is 41 so it concerns me.

reply to post by EvilSadamClone


I'm not worried about him spending time with me, if he was outside doing anything else, it wouldnt matter. I encourage him to have friends and interests, something, anything. I'm seeing him become a tv head, and its making a negative impact.

I'm not demanding, I don't need to be stuck to his hip, my husband has the freedom to do whatever, I just wish that whatever was more constructive.

Originally posted by kat2684
I'm very calm about how I approach him, earlier I tried to engage a conversation about what he was watching. I use alot of "Hey honey what do you think about" every now and then, there is something else bothering me too, Alzheimers runs in his family, my husband is 41 so it concerns me.

He probably doesn't have Alzheimers.

Have you tried going out for a walk together? Just walking not talking and waiting for him to start talking?

Try giving him a massage. Be careful though. I have known women who give a massage for 2 minutes then expect to get energetically ravished for the next hour. You give. It will draw him towards you.

Talk about your childhoods when you get the chance. That also draws couples together.

To be fair though. It is hard to drag yourself away for the TV or the Internet. When someone does it to me and wants my attention, I find it quite annoying.

reply to post by ollncasino



I do those things, but far less as of recent. We generally have a great relationsip across the board, there is no fighting, or arguing. I guess I could say, I would want him to open up, be more vocal (as he once was) develop outside inerests. I would like to get him back to his old self, and grow from there. I worry because there no time for these extra things.

I will keep trying though, thanks for the advice.

I often feel the same, EXCEPT when it comes to my partner. He sees the world as I do, and that is why we are together. Some of my friends honestly tell me they find it 'too hard to think'.
:/ It's rather frustrating.

I feel the same way talking to the outside world. In many respects I think ATS is much better and understanding of others opinions than outside. Here though people have such wide varied opinions it's a mixed bag and we can either agree, agree to disagree or say "Aah sod you I'm not listening".

Out there it's predominately the I'm not listening type. When I have tried to strike up convos with people it's always the extremes. They either look at you funny, change the subject, or end up more of a loony tune than the most wonderful here. Maybe I too am at fault, I just can't seem to hold my face straight when someone face to face dismisses something bought up here as total bollocks and then in the next breath tells me how they hang on a spiderman forum and promptly shows me their new wrist web thingy tattoos.

I am fortunate though that my fella is very open minded. Matter of fact even though he doesn't do ATS he's probably more of a "in the bones" ATS'er than I am.

I used my husband as an example, my main focus is people in general.

As another poster said there is 1-3 safe subjects to chit chat about, beyond that no one likes to discuss anything. I don't seem to understand why this is, what makes people this way? Has it always been this way, or is it getting worse?

reply to post by kat2684


People tend to take things personally whenever another person disagrees with them. We're all supposed to conform to one way, and if a person doesn't there has to be something wrong with that person. If that person is critical of certain beliefs, such as but certainly not limited to, atheists criticizing a religious dogma, people take it personally because they are incapable of not taking personally because they have a lot of emotional stakes invested in what they believe. Plus, being right is very serious business in America for some reason I can't fathom.

I have the same feeling sorry I missed this thread earlier. My wife just rolls her eyes...

I don't watch sports
I watch old tv shows and got rid of my cable a year ago.
I am not typically up on recent events that are mundane, or hollywood related.
I have always had an intrest in the Paranormal.

Try finding people to talk to face to face about that...why I ended up here LOL

reply to post by abeverage


Lol, you sound like me

My love of all things crazy brought me to ATS too.

I'm very curious to know if there is a common factor, what in peoples lives contributed to this thirst for learning, and curiosity? Why do others not have this same enthusiasm?

Even modern culture is somewhat foreign to me, do people really have to function in two realities? When I get around people I go into the "exceptable" mode. If they are out of the equation, I'm free to run wild, I like this much better. I have come to a point that avoiding people is liberating, sorry for the rant.

reply to post by kat2684


This is the second thread on this topic tonight. And, I'm thankful for both because it feels good to know it's not just me. Lately those around me have been getting worse. Topics of conversations have been trivial to the point where it makes even watching ants interesting.

Originally posted by ManicDepresive1
Some people want to stay in thier reality. They like the blinders on. It is safe for them.

Ya know, I've been thinking this for a while now. When man first made a spear, soon everyone was using one. The bow and arrow, riding a horse, driving a car...everyone was a part of the learning process. This increased our knowledge like a blanket covering the whole human race. Sadly, at some point the majority of humans stopped being participants in the advancement of knowledge and became passengers.

How many people can fly a plane? Pilot a space shuttle?

We don't care how our cell phones work, as long as they keep working.

The world has gotten too complicated. Too brutal. To the point where most of us are overwhelmed and too afraid to even ask questions. Better to put on blinders and just watch your sports and mindless shows.

reply to post by jiggerj


Your comment has shined a light on something, if you had the choice would you go back to the begining, and leave it all behind and just live natural?

I struggle with this, our lives, the matrix which we live is all artificial, take for instance the economy, is it tangible? No, so why does it affect our lives like a living organism? We bring this on ourselves, we have an idea with good intentions, we spawn it to life, it covers everyone like a blanket, then it implodes.

The moral of the story, we should have maintained a society of free, 100% liberated individuals, surviving and enjoying the simplicities of life, we been to the brink, what is there for us except opression?

I know its off topic a bit, I have a deep need to feel connected to something deeper then this shallow exsistance, I don't even bother to try to conform, or dumb down my conversations. I just want to rid my life of all the poison.

Originally posted by kat2684
reply to post by jiggerj

 

Your comment has shined a light on something, if you had the choice would you go back to the begining, and leave it all behind and just live natural?

Actually, I'd do just the opposite. If I could go back and do my life over I would study a LOT harder in order to gain the mental tools needed to grasp even more understanding of this realm. Life is just a game, and I'd rather play it with math and science than with a plow and a hunting rifle.

reply to post by kat2684

I'm curious to know if anyone else is feeling alone in their life?

Well, Kat, you are certainly not alone, and have come to the right place for intelligent conversation on current topics, and and theory exploration in the world of Conspiracies. I had the same problem with my first wife, she lived, and still does live, in a Mundane world. Frivolous and superficial in all things, especially conversations, I found it impossible to talk to her about some things. She always thought me off the deep end anyway.
Thankfully my son and daughter could talk to me on my level. And a few others. I took up with a woman 7 years ago that I knew when she was a teenager. She was not too educated when I met her, but 7 years later, she knows a great many things. And, holds a membership here at ATS. We have a conversation on current topics every evening.

Listen, it is not your hubby's fault. Some people just don't use the right side of the brain, and just never ponder on the things that dwell within your mind. If he loves you, and is good to you, let him be. Seek out people like yourself on the Internet, that's what I did.

reply to post by kat2684


I have always been this way just like a kid, and I think I always will be!

Did you see the Persieds this weekend? I think I may have caught one on camera (I am also an amateur photographer/artist as well as astronomer). I hope to have one or two photos up later this week!

My art web page