Worried about a family member, seeking some advice, guidance or other's experiences.

Hello fellow ATS'rs,

Although I have few posts on here that I've authored myself, I have enjoyed reading and participating in discussions on all manner of topics. Offering advice, debating and sharing my own stories with other members. Well, now I'm hoping some of you can do the same for me.

I hope posting this in Gray Area as it is a personal story. But if it needs to be moved, then I'm okay with that as well.

This post is about my grandmother. She's in her 70's and not very active at all due to numerous medical issues. In the last 5 years she has had several surgeries (including a heart surgery), been diagnosed with neuropathy, degenerative disc disease, and e-coli poisoning that put her in a coma. Physically she's had it rough, but mentally she still seemed to be fine.

Well, that was until recently.

She called my mom on the phone a few weeks ago (my mom lives and works about 30 minutes from my grandmother's house) and when my mom answered the first thing she said was "well, why didn't you answer me?" My mom told her she was sorry if she missed any calls but none showed up on her caller ID. My grandmother responded and said "NO, I mean I've been yelling for you to come to breakfast for the past 30 minutes and you never did."

My mom was confused and asked her to repeat herself, and she did, stating that she got up to make breakfast and had been calling my mom to come out of her room to eat. My mom told her she didn't know how she would have heard that, being 30 minutes away. My grandmother just paused, then laughed and said "Oh my. You're right...I just haven't had any sleep. I guess I'm sleep deprived."

We thought that was kind of strange but we know that she doesn't actually sleep well (sometimes not at all) and chalked it up to that.

Then last night my mom shared something that she said my grandmother told her. My grandmother said that lately (the past few weeks/possibly months) she has been waking up believing someone is in the house with her, even though she lives alone. Sometimes she believes (and truly believes) that it's one of her grandchildren, or her previous husband, or sometimes it's my mom - only my mom as a child or infant again. She said she really thinks these people are in the house with her and so she makes them meals, or imagines upon waking up that she's holding one of the children, or that they're asleep so she needs to keep quiet as to not wake them.

She told my mom it comforts her, and she doesn't fear this. She said she believes it is angels taking the form of these people to comfort her.

This worries me. My mind immediately went to alzheimers, but I don't know the first thing about it. Could this be the beginning stages of that, or senility?

I've also heard that when people get close to death sometimes they see angels or other other-wordly beings. While I'm skeptical (although I do believe in many paranormal things) maybe she's right.

Has any else had any experience with anything like this? Either from a medical or paranormal aspect.

For anyone that asks, yes she does see her doctor regularly. She goes every two weeks. She simply hasn't been since she told my mom this and normally it takes some nudging from my mom to get her to divulge any info to her doctor. Also, she is on pain medication, but nothing new. She has been taking the same meds for years and this has never been a side effect of the medicine.

Any and all input is appreciated. Thank you for reading.

I would take her to a medical professional as soon as I could and determine if it were in fact Alzheimers or not

To me this sounds like it very well could be...

I'm sorry this is happening to your granny

I will pray for her

Is your grandmother spiritual? This may be her coming to peace with her life, sir . From dealing with family members who have had alzheimers, they have not "imagined" people to be there, instead they have a distorted view of those around them (young when theyre actually old,etc.)
As far as death. I do not mean to frighten you, but I remember like it was yesterday the day my grandmother died. A few hours before she passed she was sitting in the picture window, which she loved, and said to us, "why are all those people waving at me?". There no people there. A few hours later she was gone.
Illness and death of elderly family members is so bittersweet. Bitter because of the loss of a long time loved one, sweet in the sense of the length of life and all of their love and experiences.
Stay strong my friend, and you and your grandmother are in my prayers

First off, your mom should quit hiding from your Grandma after she makes breakfast, and driving home as a joke.
Old people hate that.

In all seriousness, sounds like meds and old age are starting to have side effects. I've told my 83 old Dad the same thing about one of my kids 5 times, and he still acts like it's new information.

I'm no doctor, so no advice from me.

Handsome? Mayyyyyybe.

Ugly? Probablyyyyy

Sarcastic? Most definitly.

And good luck. That was sincere.

.

While it could be Alzheimers, it sounds more like senility (dementia) setting in. This is common in most elderly persons, and there is some argument on how to best handle this in seniors. One side goes with gently correcting them and bringing them back to reality. (kind of like your mother did when she told her she was 30 minutes away) The other side says to let them have their illusions, as it sometimes scares them when they realize they are not thinking clearly.
Since she says she is comforted by the presence she feels is in the house with her, she is obviously not afraid of her illusions. Many times, this situation demands that one shouldn't live alone any longer. They "forget" they have the stove on, forget to lock the doors, turn off lights, etc.
Sometimes, this comes on suddenly too. My mother went into this type of behavior almost overnight. She got to the point that she didn't recognize me and kept calling me "Lou", which was my dad's name. (I was her daughter!) When my father was in his 80's and hospitalized, he kept telling the nurses they couldn't take his house from him. He was terrified he would have no home to go to, even though it was obvious he was never leaving the hospice. His doctor determined he had dementia.
The thing to remember is to handle the situation gently, and be ready to make some difficult decisions in the future. A mention of this to her doctor is also in order. She is lucky she has someone to care for her and about her. Good luck to you and your family.

reply to post by jacktorrance


I'm so sorry. It's either Alzheimers or early stages of Dementia

My own mother has started displaying some symptoms. Luckily she doesn't live alone . She lives with my sister and has good healthcare.

My grandfather did this slowly and died a fw yrs ago at almost 100. It seemed to correlate to the last time he was revived from death after a heart attack. My uncle revived him and he was so angry at him for a long time! Anyway, over the course of about a yr.. he started saying some pretty odd things and odd behaviors.. and it only got worse. PLEASE take her to her Dr and let them know. It CAN be helped some.

I really don't want to scare you, but you asked for discussion, so here is my input.

A week or so before my Oma passed, she spoke to my aunt on the phone. She was telling her about a "dream" she had, where my Opa was standing at the foot of her bed. She asked him "What are you doing here?" and he replied "Don't worry, I'll see you soon."

She was very confused about it at the time. Then, suddenly, with no real previous health problems, she passed away. I find it interesting that the date she passed away was just before the 10th anniversary of my Opas death. It's almost like he just couldn't wait any longer to be with her again, which to me in a comforting thought.

I've seen a lot of my family members die, many of whom I was very close with. I'm only 21. But through this, I've learned that death isn't the final thing I once thought it was. Now I believe there's something better, something more fulfilling after this life.

Go and visit her. I regret not having the chance to visit my Oma one last time.

Of course you love your Gran and want to do what ever you can. Take it from me (30 years working with the elderly) she could well have either a Urine Infection or Chest Infection or she is dehydrated or constipated - believe me these are the most common cause with elders - they swear down they drink enough and they rarely do. But all three can cause confusion. Please have her checked out for the above conditions which are quickly corrected and she'll be your lovable Gran again.

If it's anything more serious they'll find it but will first check out the more obvious causes as above.

reply to post by jacktorrance


When I was young, I had many old relatives who died "of old age". One day they were fine then they sat down and passed away.

However, ONE PARTICULAR warning sign I noticed that often occured.

In the day of death, the old person, even thoug they regularly, say, eat at lunch time, would suddenly tell their spouse, "It's strange, but I don't feel hungry, I'll skip lunch today" or words to that effect.

I am left wondering as if it is the mind realising that it doesn't need to at as the body will stop functioning within a couple of hours.

...So, if you have an ild relative who suddenly doesn't feel like lunch, maybe you should seriously consider bundling them into a car and getting them to hospital ASAP.

Originally posted by skepticconwatcher
reply to post by jacktorrance

 

I'm so sorry. It's either Alzheimers or early stages of Dementia

My own mother has started displaying some symptoms. Luckily she doesn't live alone . She lives with my sister and has good healthcare.

This was my first thought as well.My great grandmother got the same way and it's very similar to the op's story.While it's hard to accept it's just a fact of life that happens as we get older.Not to scare the op,but it wasn't long before she passed away when this started happening.I'd spend as much time as you can with her.

sounds exactly like what started happening to my grandmother. she would talk to people that weren't there. not remember things. we found rotten food in the fridge that she was eating. that was the first stages of alzheimers. she would be fine sometimes but then out of nowhere she'd start talking to someone that wasn't there. it just got progressively worse. so sorry this is happening. it's tragic and SOOO hard to watch.

I agree with the others here that she is most likely in the first stages of dementia and I am sorry for that if it is the case. My mother's thought processes have declined lately too. It seemed to start after her first 2 cranioplasty surgeries.

But then again who is to say that she isn't telling the truth? Spiritual people experience these things seemingly to bring them comfort nearer to the end of their lifetime. My grandmother saw people around her like you described. The best bet is to take her to her doctor so he/she can rule out anything medical or diagnose an issue.

You and your's have my thoughts and prayers.

Some months leading up to my Grandmother's passing in 2006, she began waking from sleep calling for her long deceased sister. While we attributed this to the heavy medication, it spooked me out once or twice seeing her experience these sort of "disconnects". Enough so that it was hair raising for me to see happen to her, whatever the cause. In her case, odds are it was a combination of dementia and heavy pain medications... She was 89. *Stop reading here if you don't want to hear about her passing*

Back then, I was preparing to enter the armed services and she was terrified I would die in Iraq shortly after that. I felt so bad knowing she was so worried and I went ahead anyway. While in basic training, she passed away over night in January. The next morning when it was realized she had gone, my sister thought it a good idea to go buy flowers, place them on her death bed and take some pictures of her (apparently the scene was peaceful but I wouldn't have been ok with this and my grandmother certainly wouldn't have been ok with it) with a disposable Fuji camera. After the film was developed, every single photo taken of her came out completely obscured in some sort of massive light leak failure (I try to stay logical here but it is what it is), while all photos in the roll taken prior and afterwards came out clear without error.

reply to post by EvolEric


Thank you so much for your reply.

We will have her checked out as soon as possible - probably within the next couple of weeks when she has another doctor appointment.

Thanks again.

reply to post by Sek82


This sounds very similar. She is also worried (terrified) about a family member about to enter the armed forces as well. She is certain it won't end well for him.

I am sorry about the passing of your grandmother, but I thank you so much for sharing your story.

It's fascinating about the camera thing. While it could have been a glitch of sorts, it really is strange that the only pictures affected were the ones of her.

Thanks again.

reply to post by pasiphae


It is very hard to watch. I've always had a fear of alzheimers or dementia anyway, so it makes it even harder.

Although I do spend quite a bit of time with her. Every holiday and normally once a week I go visit her to take her groceries, do yard work, or have lunch with her.

I'm sorry you experienced that, but I appreciate your input. Thank you.

reply to post by bearwithredhat


Thank is really strange. I'll try to keep tabs on that, although because she lives alone she just kind of eats when she wants to.

Very interesting though, that they each did that. It does make you wonder if they know they just won't need it.

Thank you for your reply.

reply to post by Saphira


Thank you, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I really appreciate your response. It doesn't scare me. It makes me sad, because I love her and would hate to see anything happen to her but due to all of her medical issues sometimes I think it would be easier on her if she did pass. She has mentioned several times that she wishes she could.

I do spend quite a bit of time with her which I'm thankful for the opportunity. Thank you again.

Thank you all for your replies.

I really appreciate everyone's personal stories and want you all to know it means a lot to me.

We will have her mention it to her doctor when she goes in a couple of weeks. And we have talked about getting her in an assisted living facility before, just because she has fallen a couple of times, but she's ardently against it. So we will see how well that works out.

She is a very spiritual person and always has been, which makes me take her angel description a bit more seriously. Although I am still unfortunately leaning towards the alzheimers or dementia angle.

Again, thank you all for your information and support.