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Hello fellow nutjobs!

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posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:08 PM
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So in my many travels as I'm often on the go I would sit back and read ATS posts because in my business, I deal with lots of weirdness that just can't be explained away. Then there's the people of the world that you cannot begin to imagine just how off kilter some of these people are. So I figure what the heck, I'll sign up and contribute....mostly sarcasm...but contributing none the less.

I like football, porno, and books about war. I was John Wayne'd most of my life and I cant stand sobs. I have always been interested in that which is hard to prove, because lets face it..thems the most interesting topics..am I right?


So for the last couple of years I have been reading and paying attention as I hop the globe and I must say...quite the mix we have here..whats one more testosterone maddened man child to throw his hat in the ring in the great opinion circle?

Really guys I tried everything....even the girlscouts...but they're no fun cause they can't drink. Then I joined the circus and got goosed by a elephant...the circus clowns just laughed. Next I tried sky diving only to find out that the person packing my chute was my ex-wife (I guess your not supposed to bring girl friends on sky diving jumps) I landed with the plane needless to say.

As I bounce from one thing to the next in life something always brought me back here for a little insight, a little levity, and to make me realize that Im more normal than I thought I was in comparison to some.

Whats more I promise I will no longer pick up ladies of the night in a yugo and pay them for the dirty job of cleaning my house...mowing the lawn.....painting the shed...by the time we get around to sex she's too tired...so what am I payin her for?

Honestly I glad to be here amongst fellow smart people with socially unacceptable quirks like myself.

Thanks for having me....and if any of my posts sound too smarty pants......thats because it is on purpose.

And when you think you have the message figured out...you must look deeper. I hide meanings in everything.....just like Gerald Ford.




posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:16 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 

Hehe, you like Denis Leary too huh?


"Mah feet on mah table...
And a Cuban cigar!"

(I'm An Asshole, Denis Leary)

Goosed by an elephant? Ouch!

I think you walked into the right circus tent when you joined up. Have fun. See you around.



posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:23 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 


Welcome K...


whats one more testosterone maddened man child to throw his hat in the ring in the great opinion circle?


Wait now, you have not been granted the title of Maddened Man Child yet, so let's hold off on the corporate ladder talk for the moment.


Thanks for having me....and if any of my posts sound too smarty pants......thats because it is on purpose.


You're a bad man, dude...watch out ATS - we got a Ringer here.





Enjoy it...



posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:24 PM
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Kastogere, welcome welcome welcome!

Thanks for giving me the best laugh of the day



posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:42 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 


Hiya! Welcome to ATS!!

I admit I will miss you in the Yugo, that was my only regular source of income. Oh well.




posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 03:59 PM
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Welcome fellow fruit loop, I see you like Honey Nut Cheerios too.

Welcome and enjoy...sometimes the truth is amazing ...like when I worked at the only American nuclear power plant to be shutdown by the NRC for company misconduct..... most people don't even know it happened!

I have a thread going about that story in the "Grey area" titled, "The few, the proud, the exposed" one of the most interesting jobs I have ever worked.....

it is a good laugh ... imagine someone coming to work at a nuke plant and fail the psyche evaluation and when they meet with the company shrink they say, I know I am sane, I have papers to prove it"?

actually saw this happen....



posted on Jun, 26 2012 @ 04:05 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 


Congratulations! You are the 1,00000000000th new ATS member today...you win the Grand Prize....

The 2012 Deluxe Model ATS Pet....yay you....you won.....




Enjoy your new companion. Fully capable of mind meld, and, can pick up all ham radio frequencies.

Des



posted on Jun, 27 2012 @ 02:28 AM
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I would love to thank all of the little people that made me feel so accepted. never since highschool have i felt this special.

I would also like to thank you for the cat with the foil hat, i will teach him how to roll smokes while blindfolded and identify the sound of 2 whales making sweet sweet love in a bath tub at the Super 8 in no time.

I know there are many very intelligent people here at ATS......and some not so intelligent...


And I can't wait to contribute my slanted, twisted, cynical sense of humor upon the masses like a scorching case of a sailors positive STD test results.

Seriously thanks guys, I'll try not to be a worthless bum like my father. And if i know the ATS crowd...

Like a midget at a urinal, Im gonna have to stay on my toes..


You guys are great...



posted on Jun, 28 2012 @ 11:53 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 

Hello, smartypants and welcome to ATS.
So my question is...what does it mean to be "John Wayned"?
-Alena



posted on Jun, 29 2012 @ 06:23 PM
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reply to post by Alena Michelle
 


That means yer pops teaches you to be ruff around the edges with a hard outer shell and a squishy inner core. A gentle man with strong principals, honest motives, and noble ideals of how things should be. It also means that I'd rather clean yer clock than talk things through. Talking is for therapists and women who are insecure.

Pain doesn't bother me, I don't bitch about things I have no control over, I get it done. I focus on the solution (right of wrong) and not the problem.

My pops is retired military, he was a training instructor for the new recruits so you can imagine how much of my BS he put up with. You can also imagine that the programming and mind aversion took place at an early age with a predisposition to uncle sham's rhetoric. So that when I went to work for him, I was already torn down and rebuilt in his image.

Can I get a Hoorah?

Personally if I had a choice, I'd rather be snu snu'd to death by a 600 pound 9 ft amazon whos addicted to orgasms....if I had a choice.......

Im your typical Irish American.......



posted on Jun, 29 2012 @ 08:26 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 

And he quotes Futurama...does it get any better?
I never I thought I would die like this but I had always hoped
Is it necessary that she weigh 900lbs or is that just a personal preference?
edit on 29-6-2012 by Alena Michelle because: cause I fely like it



posted on Jun, 29 2012 @ 10:59 PM
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Welcome Kastogere


 

Be sure to try out Ask ATS with any "search words" of your choice, you will find numerous threads to choose from to add your thoughts to.

Here are some handy links to get you oriented into now being a valued member of ATS.

Reaffirming ATS Policies ( Please Read First )
Terms & Conditions Of Use (Please read second)
Visit here next - ATS Freshmans Forum
Index of Important ATS Related Threads
Starting a New Thread ?... Look Here First
Hey New Members!! Come here if you need advice
Easy Way to Upload Your Pics & Avatar Graphics
 

*** Please have fun, ATS at times is like a rollercoaster ride! But be aware if you act in an uncivil-like manner, discuss personal illicit drug usage, use profanity, troll, intentionally spread a hoax, spam, advertise and/or get verbally abusive, you will be removed off the ride by a Moderator. This is for your safety, & also for those both young and old on the ride with you.

So buckle up, keep your arms within the ride's comfort zone, have fun and "Deny Ignorance"...!



posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 04:25 AM
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reply to post by JohnnyAnonymous
 


Thanks Johnny, Im sure I'll get numerous infractions before I break down and read the terms...so we'll bump that one down last on the list....


Im kidding.......or am i?


Thanks for the welcome boss.



posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 04:30 AM
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reply to post by Alena Michelle
 


NO.....actually the smaller the better....I like midgets who are so skinny they can hide behind broomsticks....

Kidding of course....if that were true, I'd have a hard time finding them



posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 12:07 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 

I sooo should write something on your intro thread offensive enough to get it censored
But first I need lessons from you as to how to go about that.



posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 12:56 PM
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reply to post by Alena Michelle
 


Its not hard.......although innuendo goes a long way.....wait......no....i was wrong....its hard......



posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 01:16 PM
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reply to post by Kastogere
 

I some how doubt that "innuendo" is what got you into trouble..lol. Yes, I'm sure it is quiet..ummm...difficult for you



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