The Masks We Wear

How would you describe yourself when you are alone? Are you the same person when spending time with your family and friends? How about when you dine out at a restaurant? Or when working at your current job? Or when buying groceries at the supermarket? Our thought processes, mannerisms and behaviour seem to change depending on the situation we find ourselves in. Sometimes only slightly, sometimes quite radically. It's as if we wear a metaphorical mask not only to portray a certain image but also to hide and conceal who we really are. Of course, the nature of civilised society encourages us to do this if we want to fit in and be accepted by others.

When you are alone, this is when you are most honest and open with yourself about your desires and ambitions that you might otherwise hide from other people. While we do feel the need to lie to ourselves from time to time, there is no denying what lies in our hearts and minds. There is little need for filters and boundaries because most of us know only we can hear our thoughts. Judgement and ridicule are of little concern. The only form of moral objection seems to come from our conscience. Even then, this is the final barrier before we say or act in a manner that is deemed socially unacceptable.

What would life be like if people didn't feel the need to wear masks depending on the occasion? It would be uncomfortable and confronting for many, liberating for some and plain weird for others. Would it result in the breakdown of civilisation? Perhaps it would, but at least there would be no need for lies. You see, when you analyse what is wrong with dressing up for the occasion, the main problem is that it results in lies and deception. Truth and freedom are the casualties. Fiction becomes the standard and realism is lost.

“I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.” - Holden Caufied

I have thought about this alot since over 95% of people make me want to vomit. Is it better to be honest? Or is it better to be fake?

I decided fake is better. My honesty has no manners.

edit- Plus I forgive them. It is not their fault I guess. Being fake is a terrible thing. Best if I avoid most people if I can.

reply to post by Germanicus


It's rather common to ask ourselves such questions. When you say you choose fake, do you think you do this because you want to be perceived as polite by others or because you find it is a convenient way of getting what you want?

Originally posted by Dark Ghost
reply to post by Germanicus

 

Rather common. Do you think you do this because you want to be perceived as polite by others or because you find it is a convenient way of getting what you want?

I do this because I do not want to be rude to people. There is no need. I also do not want anything from most people or want anything to do with them. 95% of people is hard to avoid though.


edit- i know people that I cant stand, but they have no idea because I do not want to hurt their feelings.

It's rather common to ask ourselves such questions. When you say you choose fake, do you think you do this because you want to be perceived as polite by others or because you find it is a convenient way of getting what you want?

what you said right here is annoying to me for example. I find your thinking to be telling. I can tell I would not like you.

Why not a middle ground solution?

I am not a fan of people in general. Over the years I've found that when worded the right way, I can speak my mind truthfully without being brutal.

Persona means "mask" in Latin. The persona was a mask that was essentially a character, a character which could be played by many different actors, and one actor could wear many personas.

We get "personalty" and "person" from the Latin persona.

And we have action. Karma means "action", but the word action comes from act, which means to do something. One who does something is an actor.

So, we can say to experience, to live this life in this universe, we are actors playing many persons.

reply to post by dorkfish87


A middle ground solution sounds good. The only problem I can think of is the metaphorical wearing of a half mask as opposed to a full one. But I do agree with your view.

----

reply to post by ManjushriPrajna


Very interesting, thanks for sharing that with us. I guess the idea of reincarnation would be a fascinating one in that regard: after one life has passed, allow a different actor to play out the same set of life circumstances and events that happened in the previous life and see how this actor fares.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


Most people don't even know the masks they wear. People change with every personal interaction; it's an unconscious defense mechanism, hardwired for survival.

ATS is filled with victims and the insecure. Learn NLP and view a whole new world.

www.nlpinfo.com...

See behind the mask!!

The www. fosters disassociative disorders so that a persons personality is so fragmented, there is little resemblance to who they once were.

outofthefog.net...

Who we think we are, who we want to be and how we act is a distortion we have no control over. All is illusion.

It seems to me that many people find it difficult to be honest. I am honest, I say what I mean.
It's frustrating to make an honest comment, and have someone say, "what do you mean by that?". I answer with, "I meant what I said....literally....no hidden meaning, no agenda...." this seems to confuse some.
Yes....some people say things to get what they want....to manipulate others.
A psychologist once told me that a suspicious mind is usually a guilty mind. One who is always accusing someone of cheating (for example)......is quite often the person who themselves cheats (they know what they are capable of, and assume that others are the same).
Miscommunication....or a lack of communication causes a lot of problems.
I personally think that we would be better off having honest conversations, rather than acting, pretending....or behaving in ways that we THINK/ASSUME will be beneficial.
I guess, to answer your question.....I don't wear a mask or pretend to be someone I'm not.
But that's just me.
jacygirl

I'm constantly fluctuating, but it's independent of my surroundings. I just like to play certain roles to get certain responses in people. That's who I know myself to be, so I don't see it as being disingenuous. I believe my "mask" is authentic.

I speak my mind no matter what the setting...the only exception being when around extended family. That's when I water down my responses a bit. In public I am the same as I am in private.

One has a choice to wear masks or not.

The critical issue is - Why choose to wear or not wear a mask?

It is always best to be ourselves, be open.

It comes from our upbringing, to follow civilisational guidelines. We are no longer living in jungles, as much as some think going naked is a good idea, or peeing anywhere we like is a jungle right.

Civilisation gives us the power of freedom, but with that comes responsiblities - to others sharing our space. If one does not like the other, there is no need to hide to dislike, but more important is to ALWAYS find out why the dislike, if it can be brigdged upon common grounds, to live peaceably with each other sharing space.

We are all civilised humans. No need to wear masks. Only wild beasts do as they like with no responsibilities to mankind.

Some claimed by being on the net anonymously, we are only wearing masks. But that is not true. While we may not publish photos or details about ourselves, our very written words represent who and what we are, often far more than we do in real life for those opportunities to reach out the world, unlike the internet, is limited.

We may hide or falsify our views and what we are, for a day, a month, but none can hide it forever.

Originally posted by ManjushriPrajna
Persona means "mask" in Latin. The persona was a mask that was essentially a character, a character which could be played by many different actors, and one actor could wear many personas.

We get "personalty" and "person" from the Latin persona.

And we have action. Karma means "action", but the word action comes from act, which means to do something. One who does something is an actor.

So, we can say to experience, to live this life in this universe, we are actors playing many persons.

Well spoken. I agree completely.


I chose a masked avatar because that's who I am on the stage and how I envision myself off of it. No specific personality, so to speak (I have a wide range of personalities to suit the situation). Sometimes I am one way, then I am another, usually to draw forth a certain reaction, like a scientist that goes "I wonder what happens when I poke it here." The thing is, and what most people don't realize, is when you remove the mask, you're still the same person you always were underneath. It doesn't change what we are, only how we choose to act in the moment. We tend to focus on the acting (mask, person) and not on the actor (all-encompassing self), but that is of course necessary for the experience. Just like actors, able to fulfill multiple character rolls, so are we in our everyday lives. It's how I see things I guess, but I'm not set on any one personality, yet I am who I am, an amalgamation of sorts that seeks balance in most situations, and I love that.

I love the myriads of possible personae. It's the sugar and spice of life. It's a ray of light of endless colours, and like a ray of light hitting a prism, it only appears as separate colours when we choose to observe it as such.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


My goal in life is to become that person I am while alone - at all times.

It is difficult to change. I have been changing for about a decade, but I still have so much more to do before I am transformed.

I was born into a family where I learned to act a certain way to avoid being targeted for various types of abuse, or to draw attention to myself to save others from various types of abuse. That's how I lived - either meek or martyred. I left as soon as I could, wherein I only knew how to be hurt, so I sought situations where I would be hurt, specifically because I wanted to die. I snapped out of it after a year or so, and then ran away to live another life where everything made sense because I didn't have to actually think about or feel anything. Somewhere along the way, I started thinking and I started feeling, though those thoughts and feelings were incongruous to the life I was living. Eventually, I couldn't handle it anymore, so I stopped lying to myself and stopped lying to everyone else.

Of course, disaster ensued. Because, really, people like being lied to. It's safe. It's secure. It's controllable.

I am honest, but I phrase things to lessen the sting unless I am angry. I don't pretend to like things that I don't like. I don't pretend to be happy when I am not. I don't say anything fake. When I smile, it is because I want to smile, not because I'm "supposed" to smile.

It's freeing.

Though, I still catch myself slipping into those old patterns of people-pleasing. When I notice this, I ask myself, "Why was that my initial response?" And the answer is always, "I was afraid of what s/he would think."

Letting go of that fear of other people's potential thoughts has been very difficult for me, not because I care, but because I was conditioned to pretend I do.

There never is any need to 'please anyone', if it was unwarranted.

As a matured adult, you would know what is right and what's wrong. Often, there are many issues that are in the 'grey'. Thus you only need logic and reason to deduce which side of such 'grey' areas fall on, and make up your own decision, based upon what you had been taught, experienced in life, and free will to react accordigly, courageously.

We are a civilised People, no longer barbarians. The world has evolved, and will continue to do so even if laggards fall behind, which we will never ignore, but neither mollycoodly them with ignored compassion by them, to evolve.

There will be some whom had not awakened yet, and will cling onto the old or barbaric ways. Smile at them, not with pretensions, but with compassion for their laggardness of barbarism, and move on to others whom had evolved, they whom are not with perfect answers, for no mortal has them, but are attempting to move to the next higher plane of existance beyond the jungles and chains of enslavement that had been imposed upon mankind for centuries....

am blunt and call things the way they are... life to short and valuable to waste playing the silly little games people play..

often been told am a cold , arrogant s.o.b .. too many years spent in war zones and disaster area's putting people back together and seeing humanity at its worst ... is why largely prefer not to have much to do with people anymore ... I see through the masks they wear and it scares the hell out of them.

Originally posted by Expat888
am blunt and call things the way they are... life to short and valuable to waste playing the silly little games people play..

That's what I used to think but consider this. People play their game with you, you might give in easily so they always stay little. They might play larger games with the people who also play larger games.

When they play a silly little game with a hundred people things get different. Depending on the type of game there is usually some profit, even if there is no physical tangible stuff to 'win' there is selfconfidence or the idea the other has 'won' somehow. Even if it is in their own minds, whenever such a person gets a setback in life they draw upon the memories of all those whom they believe they have beaten in their silly little game and feel a little better about themselves and move on playing the same little games. Whenever in an argument, their brains activates the memories of those hundred people whom they believe they've beaten and they'll have that extra something in any argument.

With money involved things do not become silly anymore, selfconfidence sells, I've seen people doing pisspoor jobs but simply because of the way they are, or appear to be, their power to convince another, they get away with it each time. They usually don't like me because I communicate in a nonverbal way I don't agree with their image of themselves.

often been told am a cold , arrogant s.o.b .. too many years spent in war zones and disaster area's putting people back together and seeing humanity at its worst ... is why largely prefer not to have much to do with people anymore ... I see through the masks they wear and it scares the hell out of them.

I don't think it's seeing through the mask is what scares them but the idea their dream might end abruptly because you are not dreaming alongside with them. People need to be subtly hypnotized each day to go on living, they hypnotize eachother into a dream, something as simple as affirming what a nice weather it is. In their dream they are safe and everything is peachy. But meeting anyone who is not dreaming, or having a different dream which might become stronger than their own and they become scared and might make up all kinds of things to defuse the threat.

reply to post by Dark Ghost


One of the first mask I took off was my computer persona. I am TRGreer. That's the name my mother gave me. The good the bad and everything in between. This maybe a bit off topic but I want to know if others when reading post find themselves asking what is this or that poster really like? That's not to say they are anything but who they say they are. I am just saying that I doubt the genuineness of a lot of the posters which is all on me. I have done this for some time and not just here on ATS. I guess it all ties in with the screen names thing which in my opinion could be considered a mask.

reply to post by TRGreer


Well, I am exactly as I post, if you've ever wondered that about me.

My given name just totally sucks and doesn't really match me, so I don't use it as my screenname. This particular screenname I made up at one point because I thought it was clever. I happened to use it as my login for this site at the time, but would have put a different screenname if I realized I would be participating on the boards more than just as a lurker.

Anyway, I think that the masks people wear on the internet are no different from those in real life. It is true, though, that under the guise of anonymity, people are more likely to act like their true selves. It's because they do not have to look into the eyes of the people they are speaking with. This is why we see so many disrespectful, arrogant, angry, hateful posts on internet forums.

Of course, there are those who take the anonymity bit seriously and will give out false information about their internet personality just to make sure nobody could clue in on their real identities.

Either way, the only people we can completely know are ourselves. This is something we should all strive for.

reply to post by Dark Ghost

reply to post by ottobot


I actually read a post as to how you came by your name. You are right of course. I am getting to know myself. Removing my own mask in order to see the real me.