posted on Jun, 24 2012 @ 07:10 PM
Today, driving around, I felt that life has taken on such a surreal nature to me. It's as if I am wandering around aimlessly, and that nothing
matters. Things happen, but they happen just to happen. I look around me, and it's as if I'm part of a dream that is very life like but that I
cannot wake up from. I look around me at people just going about their lives, and I wonder how they do it. They don't seem the least bit bothered by
what is going on in the world. It's really as if I'm almost living a completely different life than they are, in another world. Yet, I see them, and
they see me. I feel like a foreigner even though I can remember being here for as long as I can remember. This existence has taken an artificial
quality. It's like nothing really matters to me, because nothing (important) seems to matter to anyone else, except trivial crap. I feel like I'm
paralyzed and can't move, but the people around me are moving and carrying on; they notice me, but nobody notices that I'm not moving. It is a very
odd feeling. It's like I do not belong here.
It reminds me of nihilism of some kind. The things that are so important to me and to our advancement as a species are ignored by most people. It's
like I realize this now, and I have given up on the world around me. People have traded reality and a quest for progress, for entertainment and
shallow pleasantries. It really bothers me, but there's nothing I can do to change the people around me. (I have tried.)
The way that I have found to cope with this is really to isolate myself from most people to keep away from the harsh reality of it all, but I can't
do that enough, it seems. I feel wrong, at times to judge others, but I know these same people would judge me in the same way on certain issues if I
were to share them. I consider it my responsibility to judge the world, including the people in it, if I am to live here. Maybe that is my purpose, to
sort of be the eyes and ears for something bigger that I don't know about. Or, maybe that's what I tell myself to accept the state of my world.
Is this maybe just some kind of growth phase that I'm going through? Has anyone felt the same, and did it pass or did it get better or worse for you?
It seems I'm at a very confusing point in life, which is kind of okay if it teaches me something. I realize the people who feel they have the most
answers are often the most lost. I'm just looking to see if anyone else has felt similar.