posted on Jun, 20 2012 @ 10:58 PM
This is the first topic that has moved me enough to post after 4-5 years of lurking this site. The reason I wanted to post so badly is because I am
looking for some guidance, or answers maybe. I see other people being helped so I am hoping someone may help me aswell.
My whole life I have felt different from the people around me, an outcast, an outsider some would say. I was teased and picked on my whole life
throughout school and never did anything about it, mainly because I have this deep feeling that by me not retaliating and just kind of taking it, I
was doing the right thing. A lot of bad things have happened to me that has resulted in me having a lot of built up anger, I was never like this until
about 2-3 years ago when a lot of the bad things started happening. I'm a very loving and caring person who would do anything for anyone, but I am
also very shy and have little to no self confidence, and a lot of people take me not talking a lot as a negative thing, like I dont like them or
ignore them when in reality I just dont know what to say.
I started to become extremely interested in things like past civilizations and the universe 1-2 years ago and it is one of the few things in life I
have a strong passion for. Ever since I started reading and discovering new things, I felt this very deep connection to the universe, like somewhere
out there is my true home, away from this sick, discusting planet i'm being caged in today. I first discovered the Pleiadies through random reading
and felt a connection to the love and light they repersent, also to the star Sirius. I am going to talk about something that may sound weird to some
people but I'm just throwing basically every thought or question I have in hopes someone will be able to shed some light. When reading one day I came
across the idea of Right and Left hand paths. Before reading I had no idea of this idea of a real light and dark side to people existing, apparently
its true. I have to sidetrack a bit here for this to make sense but I have these mole formations on my arms mainly but also other parts of my body.
For example on my left arm I have a set if 3 small moles perfectly replicating Orions belt, on my right arm I have a trianglr that for some reason
reminds me of the sirian seal, Through my readings I have heard that Orion is home to Reptilians which are considered to be evil or bad, and Sirius as
being home to a Loving and Light bearing race. Back to the right and left hand thing.. I just feel as if im two sided for some reason.. One being my
loving, caring self, and the other being a darker, hate filled me that has only seemed to come about after all of these bad things happened and I
built up all this anger.
I just want to know how I should find what I truly am because honestly I just dont know anymore, some days I feel like my darker self is my true self,
other days I feel the opposite. It doesn't help that im a Gemini and apparently supposed to have "split personalities".
To anyone who read this and is willing to help.. Where do you feel I originate from.. I KNOW I am a starseed but have never had visions or encounters
with any alien entities or anything like that to really let me know where I come from.
What should I do about this inner power struggle I am feeling?
Any help is appreciated and if you need more information just ask. Thank you in advance to anyone who is willing to help.