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ATS Poetry Slam!

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posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:00 AM
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Here's a beat poem I wrote a few weeks ago. Just I just thought I'd share it.

_______________________________

Dear President,

I don't give a # about
your dog and pony show.
I'd rather be out on the road
with some famous CEO
Trying to make him feel like #
about everything he's ever owned
You know?

You see
the problem with the problem is
The problem being me
is I see
the difference between Obama
and Romney is smaller than you think
You both hire crooked executives
and wash your supporters down the sink
Just sit back and wonder why the economy
is on the brink.

Try this, Fire cabinet members
who rub elbows with the banks
the Wall Street executives who make
14 bucks when I fill my tank
and make sure Jamie Dimon is
tried and put his career at stake
Then I might vote this time.

But as of right now...

I'll be damned if I cast a ballot
in this race
because while I sit unemployed
and look politics in the face
I see more money-grubbing corporatists
keeping me on a money chase.
Land of the free, my ass
get me the hell out of this place.

But then again
it's not just an American problem anymore
We're sending billions to Israel
to keep them from starting another war.
You see the need bring drones home
before our army sees our shore.
We look at you, Mr. President, and don't see
the same man we voted for.

Sincerely, Disgruntled




posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:10 AM
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A deep poem.

Enjoyed reading it.

I made one poem about my x but I forgot where I put it.




posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:11 AM
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This just sounds like an excuse to "rap"

It was sort of poetic, I guess? But to be honest it read like a conventional rap I'd expect to hear from "Immortal" or somebody. (please don't get all flattered either)

Better than I could come up with, if it means anything to you.
Good Effort!




posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:13 AM
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Rap is poem, and poem is rap.

It only matters of what kind of beat you put to it.



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:19 AM
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Originally posted by Manhater
Rap is poem, and poem is rap.

It only matters of what kind of beat you put to it.


quit defending your ego,



I actually came here looking for poetry. And that's the impression I took from it.

And not all rap is poetry. The majority of rap, whether you're willing to accept it or not, is an attempt to imitate or recapture and ignite that spark the some your most poetic rap songs had. And a lot of it fails & the rest of it is just rap for the sake of rap.

Not saying rap sucks, but just because it was relevant to the forum and had a tight rhyme scheme, does not make it poetry.

Sorry to be a hater but that's just how I see it.

edit on 19-6-2012 by BoyMeetsWorldATS because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:22 AM
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I liked it...
The guy above me scoffs at creativity because he must not have any.
Sounds poetic to me! S&F



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:26 AM
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Originally posted by GmoS719
I liked it...
The guy above me scoffs at creativity because he must not have any.
Sounds poetic to me! S&F


That's a pretty serious claim coming from somebody I don't know. Maybe if you put a little more work into your post and articulated your thoughts, you wouldn't have settled for such a cheap shot at me.

Keep trying, Life's a journey
edit on 19-6-2012 by BoyMeetsWorldATS because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:27 AM
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Political poem huh? Lets try a crack at this....

One Love, One Nation under God

Based on faith alone, I'm prone to believe the best of trees have been grown
The fruit is yet to be bore, and the masses are left feeling scorned
It's all in due time, manifest destiny has been blown out of proportion
We've been baking American Pies, where's our portion?
Belly of the beast, while mother Earth contemplates abortion
Media bias, and triple letter branches promote distortion

Obama or Romney, as if they're our only choices
Reflect upon the reality, Ron Paul supports the voices
Of dissent, against, the corrupt and means of money makin'
Enough with these pigs, time has come to take home the bacon

There's but one love, at times this seems so confusing
This is one nation, with a future that's of our choosing
We live in a world of Propaganda and Fraud
Where nothing is sacred, and all in the name of God
Under his nose, the corrupt will be exposed
The smell of Revelations is like that of a rose
Climb the stem, avoid some thorns, and see the beautiful flower
As the doomsday clock, tic tocks.. tick tock, another hour.

I've been honest, can't deny that at times I've been a liar
On the move, dancing in the rain like my pants are on fire
Everything is based on desires, forget the self serving
I live for the world, for they are more deserving
Of something better than the main stream offers
Fear mongers, aimed at diminishing actions conducive to prosper

I wish I could say I'm always right, but despite the rhetoric
Bias dictates my state of mind, and that's not even the top of it
Yet I'm on cloud 9, I rose up out the muck
Lotus petals and such, Um Mani Padme Hum, I'm rooted and stuck





edit on 19-6-2012 by FractalChaos13242017 because: ...



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:30 AM
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Originally posted by BoyMeetsWorldATS

Originally posted by GmoS719
I liked it...
The guy above me scoffs at creativity because he must not have any.
Sounds poetic to me! S&F


That's a pretty serious claim coming from somebody I don't know. Maybe if you put a little more work into your post and articulated your thoughts, you wouldn't have settled for such a cheap shot at me.

Keep trying, Life's a journey


No, I'm pretty sure I said enough



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:36 AM
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reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


I knew I'd see you here.


Your poem was good, but the rhyme scheme seemed a little forced in the beginning. I loved how you fell into it later on though.

Fact of the matter is I hate Immortal Technique. I love good rap music.

But...this was actually inspired by the poetry of Rives www.youtube.com...

or the comedy/poetry of Tim Minchin attacking pseudoscience. www.youtube.com...

I watched way too much Def Poetry Jam as a kid.
edit on 6/19/2012 by Anonymous404 because: added info



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:46 AM
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Originally posted by Anonymous404
reply to post by FractalChaos13242017
 


I knew I'd see you here.


Your poem was good, but the rhyme scheme seemed a little forced in the beginning. I loved how you fell into it later on though.

Fact of the matter is I hate Immortal Technique. I love good rap music.

But...this was actually inspired by the poetry of Rives www.youtube.com...

or the comedy/poetry of Tim Minchin attacking pseudoscience. www.youtube.com...

I watched way too much Def Poetry Jam as a kid.
edit on 6/19/2012 by Anonymous404 because: added info


Ya darn right!

It was forced... I suppose, as I stated previously in your other thread... I'm not the most, hmmm... how to put it, sober? That's what the kids call it right?

Here's a little piece that I posted once before in regards to Lil Wayne, which is from a recorded freestyle from a while ago.. enjoy, the last two lines aren't from the original recording... I added them after revising...

He's painting you a picture, and you're too blind to see it.

Stop and think for a second, find a frame, then go and freeze it.

You can have that moment, I will take the rest.

I'll enjoy the bigger picture, for you it's just a guess

Want to get to heaven, you've got to raise a little hell

Illuminated big guns, we use your souls as shells

Traverse from town to town, and gain some understanding

The road through Rome, can seem so DAMN demanding

Divide and love will conquer, here are my 'two daughters'

Takes a 'Lot' to try and stop the wrath of God who slaughters

Look back, and become a pillar, zombie like that of 'Thriller'

I'm sick of all the ignorance, trust me, there is no one iller

(praying)Mantis like a tiller, Mantra like I'm Cypher

Ignorance is bliss, untill you have to pay the Piper



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:46 AM
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reply to post by BoyMeetsWorldATS
 


Doesn't matter whether he was portraying it to be poetry or not. Whether it's in rap form to you, it's still poetry. How do you think musicians, get their ideas?

Eminem. is a good example.




edit on 19-6-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 01:48 AM
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I like Eminem some, but not in any poetic sense. He's got good good flow.

But.

This was my biggest influence.

edit on 6/19/2012 by Anonymous404 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 19 2012 @ 06:35 PM
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Rap, it ain't music
It's just a kind of talking in a rhythmic kind of way
Rap, it ain't music
And just like disco it will all fade away






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