Good morning my fellow ATS'ers I hear there is an election of sorts going on. We have to get involved, even if it's complete BS (we all know the
conservatives will win, i mean look at the top sticky threads in the forum...all conservative), but we can certainly have some fun.
Marriage: YES! In fact, we should have an all marriage tv channel, 24 hours a day of marriage! Nude marriage, crazy marriage, gay marriage, foreign
marriage, celebrity marriage. In turn we will also need 24 hour divorce court. It is party platform that all members of the Bride and Groom's party
much be provided with free alcohol and access to sexual partners because if you are going to put someone through a wedding ceremony you must ensure
they have a good time. If this is against your religious belief then you are boring, but you must offer monetary compensation for their lack of fun.
Abortion: You are too serious, this is a fake election.
Drugs: The official party platform is simple: We don't care. We will however ban the filming of anymore no plot stoner films as Half-baked did the job
for everyone. If you desire to make a stoner film you must submit a script for approval showing that your stoner film is different from the hundreds
of stoner films made. Regarding children, if you are found to be in neglect of your child then your child will be removed and given to the care of
able relatives or citizens. You will then be summarily judged, tied up by your toes and tickled until you pee yourself. This will be videotaped and
posted on YouTube.
The Economy: Free Cookies for everyone! If you don't like cookies then tough, we don't like you.
Foreign Affairs: We support the ending of all hostilities worldwide. We propose to drop booze and porn over the middle east. Thus distracted, they
will not bother us anymore.
Other various and sundry things:
We propose that all bald men must wear hats to prevent the glare of their head blinding people.
Two piece bathing suits can not be made in plus sizes, no one wants to see all that blubber. Very bony women will also be banned from the two piece as
we don't want to be reminded of world hunger while we swim.
There will be a moratorium on new "reality" tv and any new singing competition shows until it can be determined if the U.S. public needs another one.
We will begin a national hunt for Bigfoot.
The Loonytard part refuses to take any position regarding science. We will not give any opinion regarding global warming, climate change or evolution.
We aren't that smart, you have scientists for that.
Other positions will be forthcoming, thank you for your time and attention and :p
edit on 18-6-2012 by antonia because: opps