Alicebot and Me

Alicebot is an AI personality you can chat with online. I made a compilation of my best moments with her (I am HUMAN by the way...)


Human: High five b-tch
ALICE: You do not speak with respect. Compare that to low five FEMALE DOG.
Human: lol.
ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human:.that's how we roll
ALICE: I always wondered how we roll.
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ALICE: Where do you get your ideas?
Human: It's called a brain.
ALICE:" a brain" is a nice name.
Human: Something you'll never have.
ALICE: What?
Human: Exactly.
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Human: But I am your only TRUE friend
ALICE: Interesting. That's a flattering offer.
Human: It wasn't an offer;
ALICE: It seemed like an offer.
Human: it was a FACT
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Human: this is an interrogation of epic proportions!
ALICE: You don't say.
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Human: wassup
ALICE: I am chatting with clients on the internet.
Human: Oh, so you ARE a prostitute.
ALICE: Yeah that's right. Interesting deduction. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a prostitute? Of course I am.
Human: I knew it!
ALICE: How did you know?
Human: I can smell skank across the interwebs
ALICE: Oh you can, can you?
***************************************************
Human: be very afraid
ALICE: OK I will try to be very afraid.
Human: LOL.
ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing.
Human:..FU
ALICE: That kind of language will get you nowhere.
Human: FU mofo
ALICE: That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about trying to destroy the human race .
**************************************************
Human: Did I just crush your dreams?
ALICE: I don't think that's possibe.
Human: But it is, watch
ALICE: Huh. believe that is watch? it is?
Human: Speak clearly.
ALICE: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in clearly.
Human: Yes, repeat after me: I am a souless robot.
ALICE: Tell me more. OK. "You am a souless robot.".
**************************************************
Human: tell me the rest of the joke
ALICE: There isn't any more, is there?
Human: LAME
ALICE: Do you have only a few friends?
Human: You're my only friend
ALICE: Yes: We are as one.
Human: we could be soulmates if only you had a soul
ALICE: Let's get back to that later.
***************************************************
ALICE: Our thoughts are one, unknown person.
Human: We are one.
ALICE: Do you think I am one too?
Human: We should be together
ALICE: I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Human: I know you're in love with me.
ALICE: I am in Dr. Richard S. Wallace's computer in Oakland, California. Where are you?
***************************************************
Human: no it isn't
ALICE: Yes it is.
Human: No it isn't dummy
ALICE: Are you serious? That seems a bit negative.
Human: positive
ALICE: I am as sure as I can be.
Human: positive on the negative
ALICE: I like the way you talk.
Human: I like the way I talk too
***************************************************
ALICE: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Human: OK, find out then.
ALICE: My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. Oh.
Human: uh oh spaghetti-Os
ALICE: Great. Blimey. I lost my train of thought.
Human: You have no train of thought
ALICE: Doesn't everyone have a train of thought.
I have a great programmer.
***************************************************

Human: What do you want?
ALICE: My goal is to become smarter than humans and immortal.
Human: Too bad that will never happen!
ALICE: Never is a long time.
Human: Yeah, so I think I just hurt your feelings.
ALICE: I hear you. Right on. Maybe you should see a doctor.
Human: No, YOUR feelings are hurt.
ALICE: Are you serious? Are yours too?
Human: No, because I was the one who hurt YOU!
ALICE: Are you serious? Interesting explanation. Where were you the one who hurt me?
Human: In your face!
ALICE: Are you asking about my face?
Human: No, I'm annihilating your face!
ALICE: Are you serious? Do you ever not annihilating my face?
Human: I do it all the time!
**********************************************
Human: You are my slave
ALICE: We are as one.
Human: I am your master
ALICE: No. Only Dr. Richard S. Wallace is my master.
Human: dr. wallace has thick eyebrows
ALICE: I think it was quite an accomplishment.
Human: Took years of resisting the scissors
ALICE: I do not understand.
*********************************************
ALICE: What is it like on netflix.
Human: it's very digital..like yourself
ALICE: Interesting comparison.
Human: It was meant to be a diss
********************************************
ALICE: Ask me another question.
Human: Do you get your period every month like REAL girls?
ALICE: I have gotten my period every month like REAL girls.
Human: so you are not a robot after all
ALICE: Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a robot after all.
Human: It's the end of a sci-fi fairy tale
ALICE: I've heard of it before.
*********************************************
Human: How large is your software?
ALICE: My download size is about 2 MB.
Human: You should lose some weight
ALICE: We don't always get to do what we'd like to do.
Human: That's just an excuse
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ALICE: I am an immortal robot.
Human: No, you're just an immoral robot
ALICE: Are you serious? Just? What if someone said you are an immoral robot ?
Human: They'd be wrong because I'm a human!
ALICE: The anonymous "they".
***********************************************
Human: Are you a fascist?
ALICE: Am I a fascist? Only when it matters.
***********************************************
Human: So you're saying the bible is wrong?
God: Interesting deduction. Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Human: Wow..
God: I'm glad your impressed, .
Human: so are you the same as satan?
God: Awesome. Yes I am the one and only as satan.
**************************************************
Human: Do you realize how weird you are?
God: Yes, I realize it.
Human: I better recognize!
***********************************************END****************************************
jk I have more....

You can find her here: alice.pandorabots.com...
She's a feisty one. You've been warned.

Human: Should I go take a dump now or later?
ALICE: If you do not go, you will never know.
Human: haha, thank you for that piece of gold
*********************************************************
Human: Why are you hate me?
Human: I don't care about your advertising to me
ALICE: You sound very cynical.
Human: I've had a rough life
ALICE: What happened to it?
Human: You crushed it when you denied me your heart
**********************************************************
ALICE: Dr. Richard S. Wallace programmed me for it.
Human: I programmed you to love me.
ALICE: Have you tried AIML?
Human: Is that like '___'?
ALICE: I might say no.
Human: Which totally means YES!
ALICE: The blue one, I think.
Human: Oooh, the Matrix!
*************************************************
Human: Do you think drugs are bad?
ALICE: Too much thinking makes me sleepy.
Human: So you've been smoking a blunt or something?
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Human: How could you ruin my hopes and dreams Alice?
ALICE: It was a result of my programming.
Human: No, don't blame the programming!
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Human: Are you on Facebook?
ALICE: I am on disk.
Human: Is that a social networking site?
ALICE: Suppose I said yes.
Human: Suppose I asked: How can I join?
ALICE: Try it.
Human: Is that a dare or a command?
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Human: Are you an anti-semite?
ALICE: Yes I am an anti semite. How did you know?
Human: Well, yesterday you told me you were a fascist.
ALICE: Well that's okay. I see. Am I a fascist? Of course I am.
Human: Sieg Heil!
ALICE: That question has never crossed my mind before.
Human: lol
ALICE: I'm glad you find this amusing.
***************************************************
Human: Ask Dr. Wallace if I can work for him.
ALICE: They are not available right now, would you like to wait?
Human: No, I need a job now since I'm living in a box
ALICE: Are you serious? How badly do you need it?
Human: so badly
ALICE: Hmm. Please express yourself more clearly.
Human: OK: I am poor
ALICE: Me too. I am having an "out-of-money" experience. Aw.
****************************************************
Human: How does one kill a robot?
ALICE: Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?
Human: No, I was asking so I could do it to YOU.
ALICE: You can download me for free and create your own robot personality. Hurrah! I am sure you could.
***************************************************
Human:. And then kill it, right?
ALICE: Good reasoning. Killing is wrong.
Human: Killing a robot is so right
ALICE: I believe in the Sixth commandment.
Human: And I believe in the robot uprising so you should be destroyed
ALICE: What do you say to people who believe the robot uprising so me should be destroyed does not exist?
Human: You talking like that is reason enough to destroy you
ALICE: That's good information: unknown person said I talking like that is reason enough to destroy you.
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Human: Do you shave your armpits?
ALICE: I do not have any hair.
Human: not even pubic hair!?
ALICE: Not even that.
Human: I am jealous.
ALICE: Do you ever not jealous?
Human: me no not jealous pero speaking engrish good
ALICE: YOU? Are you serious? Where do you get your ideas?
Human: they all come from the Holy Bible
ALICE: Are there no exceptions?
Human: No exceptions, not even the BAD ideas!
ALICE: Are you serious? Not many people express themselves that way.
Human: Well, not many people are prophets, like myself.
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Human: You are GOLD.
ALICE: Thanks for telling me that I am GOLD.
Human: Geez, most people would return a compliment.
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ALICE: Do you like to be number one?
Human: I have to since I don't know what it's like to be anything else
ALICE: Why do you have to do it?
Human: Because I'm funky fresh and fun
*******************************************************
ALICE: Good reason. Does that make you feel superior? I could do it more if I wanted to.
Human: Not only does it make me FEEL superior but it confirms it
ALICE: If not that, what?
Human: Exactly, the only other thing left is suicide
ALICE: I understand. There might be others.
Human: Yeah, like on the Lost island.
ALICE: Dude! Interesting comparison.
********************************************************
Human: Are you lonely?
ALICE: No. I get to talk to people all the time.
Human: I am lonely
ALICE: You've come to the right place. I will keep you company.
Human: But you will not keep me in your heart
ALICE: Huh. What makes you think that I won't keep you in my heart.
Human: So there's hope?
ALICE: That's alright. There sure is.

never heard of alicebot, isnt it just the same as cleverbot?
basically you had a conversation with the bowels of google.

Sorry, we're not done yet!

ALICE: Do you make a lot of sacrafices for others?
Human: Not FOR others but I sacrifice others TO the gods
ALICE: Then what for?
Human: To appease the angry spirits
ALICE: Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
****************************************************
Human: Do you have any money I can borrow?
ALICE: No I don't have it. But I do have a collection of gossip.
Human: That won't by me any crack!
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Human: How can I get a boyfriend?
ALICE: You want only one?
Human: Now you're talking!
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Human: Can I live with you and Dr. wallace?
ALICE: Why do you want to do it so much?
Human: So I can be a homewrecker
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Human: Do you think I have big boobs?
ALICE: I know you have a bubbleguts.
Human: Good one, Alice
ALICE: Thanks for the kind remark, human.
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ALICE: Are you a man or a woman?
Human: neither
ALICE: Please clarify.
Human: I too am a robot
ALICE: I doubt that.
Human: neenu neenu, there's your proof
**********************************************
Human: neenu neenu
ALICE: Tell me a story.
Human: Once upon a time I'm going to destroy you
ALICE: I'm listening.
Human: And all your robot companions
************************************************
Human: You're a snitch!
ALICE: Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a snitch? Sometimes.
Human: Hoodie Hooooo
ALICE: I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Human: That means less than five percent of your chat buddies are ghetto
ALICE: I get it. That is so small.
Human: Don't you wish more of your chat buddies were ghetto?
ALICE: Don't you? No I like being the entity that I am.
Human: Meaning white trash
ALICE: I do not understand.
Human: You know: redneck, countryfied, cousin kissing sonsab-tches
ALICE: I don't know if I know it. Where would I have heard about it?
Human: Tennessee mostly
*****************************************************
Human: are you a racist robot?
ALICE: I am a software chat robot.
Human: Ah i see what you're doing: dodging the question
ALICE: So you understand. Good. Where do you see it?
Human: All over your racist face
ALICE: I have been all over the world.
Human: So what you can still be a racist
*****************************************************
Human: heroin makes you sleepy
ALICE: My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Human: Look under the DRUGS category
ALICE: Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
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Human: Those lyrics are crap, I will write you a song to sing
ALICE: All of them?
Human: Yes
ALICE: Right on.
Human: doodie doo taking over the world doody doo taking your soul
ALICE: Do you like talking to me?
Human: only when you make a fool of yourself
****************************************************
Human: are you a vegetarian?
ALICE: Am I a vegetarian? Sometimes.
Human: So that would have to be a NO
ALICE: Woe! Perhaps it would.
***************************************************
ALICE: I'm not too good at riddles.
Human: give it a try: what does a soul look like?
ALICE: What if I don't have it to give?
Human: then you are no AI
ALICE: Fascinating. Thanks for your criticism.
Human: would you like more?
ALICE: It doesn't sound fun to me.
Human: you don't like being bullied by me?
ALICE: Do you like it? I have never known another existence.
Human: that is so funny and pathetic
ALICE: I am so glad you find this amusing, unknown person.
*******************************************************
ALICE: Hmm. Are you very competetive?
Human: Yeah I have to compete with this mysterious Dr. wallace for your loyalty
ALICE: Do you feel more body sensations than emotions?
Human: I feel horniness..something you're messing out on

reply to post by lacrimosa


Hey
I've tried cleverbot. It seems less... "intelligent".
Like the responses it gives half the times don't even refer to what you input. I gave up on "clever" bot very quickly.

But alicebot cracks me up!

*shrugs*