There is a wise saying. "A warrior acts, a fool reacts".
When I think about the word reaction, and what it means to be a fool. My mind wanders towards the past, when I reacted to certain situations that
had I ignored instead, I would have averted many headaches. When you think deeper, nearly every moment we get in trouble and step into depression, was
actually because we reacted to them.
There is another saying, and please excuse my language on the following: "To simply not give a # what other people think." A few years ago, I
adopted this phrase, and I seemed invincible. Everything slid past me as if it was water, and I simply laughed at anything that happened, yes even the
most horrifying of tragedies. I had lost my sense of moral, as I became a troll. Everything seemed perfect, I even had a small fan-base back when I
used to moderate groups at a website called vampirefreaks.
But there was a problem, I had closed my heart in the process, I may have not felt pain, but my heart went numb. It was then, that I realized,
that I have been hiding all along, and that I had been living a lie, however: I wanted to combine what I learned through that experience, and attempt
to open my heart. To my surprise many turned their backs on me because I all of a sudden went "soft". While it was difficult, I still kept going
Why did this prove difficult for me? Because I feared love. To me back then, the definition meant to grant someone else power over you. It is
because when you surrender your heart to that person, that is when you are most vulnerable, and it implants you with an inescapable fear. This was and
has always been my weakness, My fear to love, or to say "I love you" especially to that special someone.
This past year I met who I thought was my twin flame, that is a long story in itself. Goes back to when I was 17 years old and dreamed of this
girl with green eyes. What was odd about this girl, was that when ever we talked, we would experience synchronizes to the max. At times we would think
or say the same things to each other at exactly the same time. Our intuition would skyrocket off the roof, as we both researched similar things. This
happened mostly when ever we would get along.(There were much much much more weird things, but I am not here to talk about that.) Now keep in mind, I
was still semi agnostic, I was also in search for god which has been my lifelong ambition, due to another fear I had. Which was the fear of death.
This was the fear I wanted to conquer, and even pondered at the thought of immortality. But Immortality itself gave me extreme fear as one day, I
began to think about what it would be like to not die, and end up floating in space after the planet blew up and drift endlessly into the darkness of
space, all alone unable to die.
It was then when I realized that death and immortality was one and the same, as they both represent infinity. But this girl gave me comfort in way I
could never imagine, but I also feared her. And it was my own fear that caused be to have a battle within me as I felt a profound love inside me that
I had never felt ever in my life, and I admit I wanted to run away from it. Sometimes I did, and tried to hide by giving some excuses, but I always
came back and said "Here I am",
She herself would feel my fear, and she was unto me in quite a few things. My own fear would cause her to react and push me aside, this would
cause me to react and feel pain after.(Which was the worse pain I had ever experienced btw) At times she would disappear and ignore me for weeks. But
I also realized that, she too feared the love I felt for her. And I got implanted by even more fear, fear that she would abandon me. Before she erased
me from her life indefinitely, she had given the friendship another chance. This time I vowed to get rid of the fear I had implanted in her, and tried
to pull off a scheme and take back the words I once told her "I love you".
Why? because she began to fear my feelings, and I really wanted to keep her in my life just for friendship.She had made me a believer once more in
the divine, and had taken away from me a deep fear. Even though she wasn't my twin, we were still connected through a possible past life. But Once
again I had reacted to her fear, which blew things out of proportion. Everything went into chaos. as misunderstandings occurred that lead into more
misunderstanding that implanted great fear in both of us. I lost her friendship, she never knowing the truth nor my intents. All because I reacted to
her actions which was the result of my own fear.
I speak these words, not to rant, but rather hope to hand over a lesson, that caused me a great deal of pain and headaches to be able to learn. I
cannot regret the past either, because if it wasn't through that, I would have never learned the lesson.
When you think about our reaction to fear, Reaction and fear, both go hand to hand. That eventually evolves into ego which gets us into a never ending
loop, unable to get out unless we become aware of it..
The following graph is but one of many examples. Fear--> Reaction---> consequence--->Result.
When you ponder at it further, it all comes down to the following phrase:
"stop reacting out of fear and start acting out of love, ."
edit on 15-6-2012 by RisenAngel77 because: (no reason given)
edit on 15-6-2012 by RisenAngel77 because: (no reason