Confessions Of A Symbol Addict

Hi, my name’s Clay, and I’m a symbol addict. I started expressing myself symbolically something like 18 years ago. My story’s much the same as the rest of yours. When it started, everyone around me was doing it. You know, from the beginning everyone was always making these sounds. At first I dismissed it, I didn’t want to get involved in all that noise. Over time though, the pressure from the authorities was too much. I started using some verbal symbols here and there, you know, just to appease my parents, the people in charge. I made excuses at the time. ‘Oh it’s ok. It’s just to help me communicate with other people. It won’t affect me. I’m in control of the symbols.’ Of course, I didn’t say it so ‘eloquently,’ so to speak, at the time.

Everyone was doing it, ya know. Everywhere I went, people were talking, constantly expressing themselves with words. At first I thought I could just experiment, you know, use words creatively. I was fooling myself. We’ve all been there though, I guess. Over time I learned the rigid structure that we call proper language. I learned the key words and phrases from those around me, the pre-written scripts that I was supposed to act out. Just like a robot, come to think of it.

Recently, I’ve been more interested in expanded perception. Really getting a direct experience of reality, with its natural intensity of perception, and without my linguistic filters. But, when you’re as addicted as I am, it’s not so easy. You know, I start to have these experiences. My vision becomes brighter, and just overall begins to change. I perceive things more intensely, and my consciousness begins to expand. As soon as it happens, though, sure enough, I want to put it into words. I just can’t help but trying to explain it, generally using familiar terminology. I have various lengths and degrees of direct experience of reality. Sometimes my addiction will be curbed for weeks, even months on end, and I think I kicked the habit for good. Sure enough, though, my demons come back. So here I am, a symbol addict, opening up to the community. I just hope that by opening up, maybe some of you will be able to relate, and we can help each other to kick this addiction for good.

reply to post by TheJourney


Hi, Clay.

Hello, my name is FractalChaos... and just like clay, I am a symbol addict.

You know... it's funny. I never thought, I'd be here today admitting such... but here I am. Probably of design, maybe reflected by some symbol somewhere. For me, it started before I was born. Through out my family bloodline, all of my family has been obsessed with finding patterns all around them. Many of which chose to apply numbers, configure them in all sorts of ways and called it mathematics.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that this whole evolution of communication thing has really screwed me up man. It's getting the best of me. Binary symbols and computing mixed with symbolic characters and languages. The Madness!

Thank goodness there's a place where I can come and talk about my problems.