posted on Jun, 15 2012 @ 03:40 AM
Hi, my name’s Clay, and I’m a symbol addict. I started expressing myself symbolically something like 18 years ago. My story’s much the same as
the rest of yours. When it started, everyone around me was doing it. You know, from the beginning everyone was always making these sounds. At first I
dismissed it, I didn’t want to get involved in all that noise. Over time though, the pressure from the authorities was too much. I started using
some verbal symbols here and there, you know, just to appease my parents, the people in charge. I made excuses at the time. ‘Oh it’s ok. It’s
just to help me communicate with other people. It won’t affect me. I’m in control of the symbols.’ Of course, I didn’t say it so
‘eloquently,’ so to speak, at the time.
Everyone was doing it, ya know. Everywhere I went, people were talking, constantly expressing themselves with words. At first I thought I could just
experiment, you know, use words creatively. I was fooling myself. We’ve all been there though, I guess. Over time I learned the rigid structure that
we call proper language. I learned the key words and phrases from those around me, the pre-written scripts that I was supposed to act out. Just like a
robot, come to think of it.
Recently, I’ve been more interested in expanded perception. Really getting a direct experience of reality, with its natural intensity of perception,
and without my linguistic filters. But, when you’re as addicted as I am, it’s not so easy. You know, I start to have these experiences. My vision
becomes brighter, and just overall begins to change. I perceive things more intensely, and my consciousness begins to expand. As soon as it happens,
though, sure enough, I want to put it into words. I just can’t help but trying to explain it, generally using familiar terminology. I have various
lengths and degrees of direct experience of reality. Sometimes my addiction will be curbed for weeks, even months on end, and I think I kicked the
habit for good. Sure enough, though, my demons come back. So here I am, a symbol addict, opening up to the community. I just hope that by opening up,
maybe some of you will be able to relate, and we can help each other to kick this addiction for good.