Originally posted by DustbowlDebutante
Is this what you meant?
I do understand how distressing your situation feels, Dustbowl, as I've been through something very similar with one of my family members...
But "help" comes in many forms... tough love being one of them.
From the way you describe this, it sounds to me that he's feeding off of your fear. He knows good and well that your family is afraid of him, and he
can come and go as he pleases, threatening you or bullying the family -- and none of you will stand up to him in a definite, final-straw way..
Your dream may have even been showing you, in a sense, that your own intense fear of him is what keeps bringing him limping back into your lives for
Speaking from experience, I can only share what worked for me; I spent years trying to convince him to get into rehab (to no avail) and the only thing
that brought this to an end was to stay calm, remove the fear, and dismiss him out of my life...
"You are no long welcome in our lives until you are ready to take responsibility for your actions." The end. Cut the cords. Don't send him money,
don't allow him to step a foot in your doors, don't pay his phone bills, don't speak to him or even acknowledge his existence any longer.
If you stand up for yourselves in a bold, unmistakable way (not passively, as giving him money to get him out of your lives), then either one of two
things will happen; he will continue to spiral downwards into his addiction until he is arrested or ends up in a coffin (god forbid), or he will
realize exactly what he has become and decide for himself that he wants it to come to an end.
In my case, this took years... I hadn't heard him in over 3 years until one day, he came back to prove how he had overcome his addiction. And sure
enough, he had..
But if I had kept enabling him by not standing my ground, and letting him away with disrespect; he would still be that same person he was then,
This is just my point of view, but as always, there are multiple ways of handling issues that crop up in life.
It's a very sticky situation, Dustbowl, and I wish your entire family all the best in resolving this...
edit on 13-6-2012 by Isabelx because: (no reason given)