What is a legal way for a man to subdue a woman?

reply to post by Mizzijr


Well next time call call the police and I bet the big one will be bawling her eyes out.
Secondly unless your trained to do so don't use pressure points you could seriously harm somebody.

Originally posted by Mizzijr

sub·due/səbˈd(y)o͞o/ Verb: Overcome or bring under control (a feeling or person). Bring (a country or people) under control by force.

I'm 21. I'm in school and live with family. Family will fight and this particular issue almost got me arrested.

I'm going to omit unnecessary details.

I have two sisters one is a year younger than the other, 14 and 15 to be clear. One of them fights with their mind and the other with her fists. The two always get into altercations since the elder is pretty much a bully. The 14 year old is the one that fights with her mind, continuously outsmarting the elder in arguments. This makes the elder mad and proceed to fight out of rage and she beats the younger down and leaves. The younger holds no grudges, so she never seeks revenge.

Today the younger finally won and said some heart touching words as she stood over her in victory with tears streaming down her face. "I'm your sister.. why do you treat me like this? Is this what you want??" etc. The younger holds no grudges and she walks away. As she walks away, the elder is on ground and tries to kick the younger in the face, she misses. The younger shrugs it off and goes to sit down in the nearest chair to finish doing her hair.

The elder gets up and starts to rush towards the elder, and I stop her, I said, "You lost, are you going to accept your loss or will you continue? If you continue, I will intervene." She says, "YES! I"M GOING TO CONTINUE!" So I standby and wait to see if she will do anything because I can't subdue her if she doesn't do anything. So she comes up behind her and grabs her hair and starts punching her in the face with all she has. I immediately intervene and apply pressure on her trapezius muscle and subdue her to the ground. "Calm down." I said. She reaches in her pocket and take her phone out. I'm thinking "Good she is going to call mom" so I let go.and start walking away. She gets up and throws the dogs' water bowl at me.... I let that ride.. it's just water and I don't hit girls/women.

So I'm talking to mom. I tell her what happen, and she is mad at me for applying pressure to her trapezius!! She isn't even concerned that her daughter got blasted in the face by a couple viscous blows.. and she says.. "don't restrain her!" I call my mother stupid and a dumba**. It really pissed me off. She rather me watch my sisters fight like dogs than to stop them by my means. It's not like I can just pick her up and move her, she has a hand full of the younger's hair.

So my mom gets home and gets in my face, gets mad because I called her out on her of her lack of concern about the situation. She tells me to get out and I say "No." she calls the police. I kinda get a little worried at this point because my mom loves to call the police on her ex-boyfriend and tell some really good lies to get him locked up. So she talks about how stupid I am and puts a lot of emphasis on the fact that I applied pressure on my sister. Trying to make it seem like I assaulted her. Anyway, the police asks for my side. I tell the truth and based on how I talk and the story of what actually happened and my decision to do what I did, the cops realized that I was upset over my mom's lack of concern. The first thing the cop said to my mom is, "Well.. he seems intelligent." The momentum shifted to my side and turned towards my sisters.

The cop did tell me that it is illegal to apply pressure to ones' trapezius and that it can be filed under "domestic violence" even in my situation.

So I'm at a standstill.... My sisters will fight again and I need a legal way to subdue the elder.

If your family is going to be this Dysfunctional at least have incest,,,then you'all will be the true Brady Bunch...Talking about white-trash...Oh ,and your title is totally misleading.

Wow, sounds like my niece when she hit her mom and I. Put her in the Psych Ward on involuntary hold the next time she pulls that crap.

I got fed up with it with my niece.

Or, have her arrested for assault on the other sister. If the mom doesn't like it tough tic tocks.

I love my niece but I am glad she is gone, and she is not welcomed here anymore.

No kids, no animals, no nothing.

I told her mom if you want all that, then go get your own place, but it's not happening in my house. No more.

Originally posted by facelift
reply to post by Mizzijr

 

you are unfit to be in this thread.

What sucks more - your sense of humor or this thread..?

What sucks most is your sense of humor.

The Op has a legit concern, and needs advice, not stupidity.

It's possible the other sister might have IED

I went through explosive violence with my niece for 8 straight months with no in-between.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder

I would seriously look into that.

I commend the Op for caring enough to get involved, and I'm sure the younger sister appreciates his efforts.

There is a lot of this type of behavior in families, and I'm not sure what advice to give.

I think talking to ALL of them together and explaining that you are going to call family services if things don't straighten out, might be an idea.

Moving doesn't help your fear that the younger one will still be in danger, but letting them know that the family could be split up and children sent to foster care, if the mother doesn't try to do something, and the older one continues with the physical violence might send a message that things need to change before its too late.

I think you're a great brother, and I'm sorry your mom doesn't see this. She might regret making the decision for you to move , after something much more serious happens to the younger one, and you are not there to protect her. The younger ones needs to understand that words hurt deeply as well, and to watch what sort of punches she throws with her words.

I wish you all the best, and hope your family can work through these problems.

reply to post by Mizzijr


Ok OP, I hope you get this, since it's 4 pages past, but I've had some experience here(unfortunately), so this may help.

I dated a girl back when I was 20-21, who was a very violent woman if you made her mad. I found out the hard way around our 2nd month of dating, when she got mad at something I said, and pushed me into a wall(nail was sticking out, that was fun). I told her it was finished, but because I was stupid, and in love, I stuck with her for a bit over 9 months.............OF HELL!!!!!

Seriously, though, I found out the hard way to never touch them. See, there are things you need to worry about. All your sister has to do is say you hit her, touched her, anything really without any proof, and you're screwed. My ex used to hit me, kick me, claw at my face, and even a few times tried to bite me. When it got really bad, I would push her away from me, so I could leave the house, or lock myself in another room until she cooled off. Well, once pushed(no matter how softly), she would fly across the room, all dramatically, and act like I struck her. I even once tried to hold her wrists, so she couldn't hit me, and she would scream at the top of her lungs "LET ME GOOO!!!!!", so our neighbors would think I was abusing her, rather than her abusing me.

So, during the times cops were called, I would be the one in trouble. Why? Because I'm a guy. Women don't need proof, at least not in what I've seen in my life. BUT, you can turn the table around. How? Get proof. Towards the end of our relationship, my ex tried getting a permanent restraining order on me(because I asked her to pay back the $400 I loaned her), and told a bunch of bogus lies. Lies such as I hit her regularly, I hit her 2 year old son(biggest load of bull, only slapped his hand once, when he was choking the cat), and threatened to kill her ex. She gave them a bunch of BS, all so she could hurt me more than she did, and put me on that Domestic Violence list. I immediately got a lawyer, and tried to get one on her. I had the proof.

After many of the fights, I went to my moms house, and had them take pictures of my face. She even clawed my eye once, causing it to be red for days. She once got so mad at me for not opening my door, that she broke a candle encased in glass on the door, leaving a big circular mark with glass in it. What was really messed up, is when I opened the door, she had her son in her arms. Why would you do that with your son? So I took pictures of that. Pretty much, I took pictures of everything she did, to make sure I had proof. Thankfully, I also had neighbors(who she tried to make them think I was the bad one) testify on my behalf, because thankfully, they knew she was the aggressor/crazy one.

So when we went to court to get a restraining order on her as well. Thanks to my lawyer, and the many pictures of her actions, I had the charges dropped. Why? Because she worked at an old folks home. If she had a restraining order on her, she'd be fired. I couldn't prove I didn't do the things she claimed, but I could prove that she did the ones I claimed.

So, I know it's along story, I'm sorry, it's just stuff like this really hits close to home, and I hate to see other guys deal with it. It's an unfair system for males in this regard. But, get proof of everything. Do you have a camera? Cellphone? If so, record videos. While you're recording the videos of them fighting, mention to them that you're filming, and you ARE going to show this to social services and/or the police. Talk about why the fighting is happening. Chances are, if the aggressive sister gets mad at you for recording, she may come at you to stop you. Once again, it's on film.

Unfortunately, you can't touch them. Because they can make up lies to get you in trouble. But, as long as you have proof, you'll be safe, for the most part. Other than that, all I can say is goodluck, my friend. You're doing something great trying to help your family. Just don't let them ruin you in the process.

I would grab your mom by the hair and give her a couple good cracks in the face and say " see don't you wish someone would stop me"? (seriously tho don't really assault your mother)

Honestly tho there is nothing you can do. I stopped a fight between my girlfriend and a ex girlfriend,when I was 18, guess what i was the only one to get arrested! Crazy chicks are going to be crazy chicks can't change it. They won't admit they have a problem therefore will never seek help for it. Try to get out of that house and if possible get your younger sister out to, for her protection from the elder and your mom who seems to have a screw loose her self.

Other then That best way is no witness

Good luck.

I would suggest getting your sister to consider moving into an apartment with you, and if she is agreeable, then looking into a cousnelor or some other party to help deliver this decision to the mom. And encouragement to get them into counseling.

Now the problem with this is it relies on money. And people don't always have enough funds to organize things the way they wish, but talking about, and focusing on this might bring some solutions. Talking to your younger sister about this, might be a really good idea.

Alot of families have fighting, siblings fight, even learning disabilities, and very good people can have quite a difference in energies around them.

And alot of people advice you to just bail on the situation, but I totally understand, people LOVE their families, even with all the different energies.

One thing that might come out of this, is if your nerves cannot take any more is to get your own apartment and have your younger sister visit alot, and get away from it all. And try to help from the outside looking in, providing a safe zone for her.

And if you really care about trying to turn it around you may even consider taking up cousneling yourself, taking correspondence courses in this and hypnotherapy and making them all think.

To answer your question.......without touching them. Do you have a cell phone with video or picture taking abilities? If so, use them. And make it perfectly clear to both sisters when you're recording them. You say you try to defend your younger sister from the older one because of physical abuse. That's good. If anything just stand between them without touching them. Make yourself a human shield.

Also, you didn't go into detail about it, but what exactly does your younger sister say that sets off her older sister? I don't know which pain is greater to be honest with you; physical or emotional. She says she doesn't hold any grudges. I think she may be lying to you because if she didn't, she wouldn't be using her words as weapons. Whatever the case, if something doesn't happen to make this stop, it's only going to get worse.

When I was growing up there was a family a few blocks away with 3 sisters. The oldest one and youngest one were always going at it. The youngest one had a weak lower body bone structure. A condition she was born with. Some kind of calcium deficiency. Everyone knew it.....including her sisters. One day things got out of hand with their fighting and the older sister put the younger one in the hospital with a broken leg, pelvis, and upper body bruising. She stayed there for quite awhile too if I remember correctly. Things like this don't fix themselves. Someone has to step in and put a stop to it before someone gets hurt....or worse. And don't make the mistake of thinking that it can't happen to your sister. It can and it probably will if someone doesn't do something.

The best thing that could happen I think is if your younger sister doesn't speak to the older one at all. If it's possible, get out of there and take your sister with you.

Originally posted by AFewGoodWomen
What the hell is wrong with your family?
Dysfunction much?

Want to know what to do?
Move out.

This is the best advice. Follow it, you'll be happier and less likely to spend time in jail.

When one becomes physical with the other, and you don't want to be liable, call the police. Or, if you feel you need to be involved, you can use "reasonable force" to protect another citizen from injury. If she's going insane and attacking your other sister, just hold her by the arm until she calms down. You have witnesses to what is happening (your mother, the other sister, yourself).

If you don't want to get involved, call the police every time. They're there for a reason, and unfortunately bad upbringing and a lack of discipline sometimes has to be resolved the hard way.

Good luck.

Or tazer them both? because at that age shouldn't they be in the kitchen learning how to make buttys?


Sorry a bit of humour is sometimes a good mood lifter

My guess is the older sister is jealous of the younger sister. Could be that she is more popular or even better looking but she is holding out some sort of grudge it seems. The OP & younger sister seem to be similar while the older and mom seem similar.

If you pull some WWE moves on her the cops have to by it. Just tell them the moves are all fake and wrestling in general is fake. Sleeper hold or maybe a pile driver should do, lol.

Um....gee.....I dunno........thats a tough one......maybe start using psychological intimidation. Easy enough to do, but you must be sneaky. Should try it on yer mom too. Get some sonic nausea, or mace powder, ya know, could James bond stuff. You could also get a tattoo of a monster eating a chick and have the words momma didnt love me on the bottom. It would be well worth the mind f*ck. Start walking around with a video camera and post to youtube...anyone here remember the freak out kid that got like 2 million hits?


Note to add, you can tell i don't call police. I just get even....which is much much harder to prove as violence in any court of law if done in the right way. You can never underestimate a good case of mental stress. Anyone can get physical, but it takes real finesse to drive someone nuts....and the effects can last for a long long time.

I am not envious of you, OP... Must be such a tough situation!

What does the younger sister say about all of this by the way?

Consider taking your younger sister to wing chun or a similar defensive martial art, that is a gift for the rest of her life, you never know when you are going to be placed in harms way, either by fate or choice.
Your younger sister sounds like a great kid, particulary i like the way she questioned her sister after winning the fight.
Making a bully question themselves as to why they do things, can sometimes be a great way to diffuse the anger they feel, 9/10 times, they don't even know why they feel like they do.

Other than that keep your phone handy and record any violence between them, if it is affecting your little sisters right to a peacable life, maybe handing the evidence to the police, hoping they will just scare the crap out of her without really pressing charges, is the only way you could make your little sisters life any better while she is at home.


Start saving money, move out, i guarantee at some point your little sister will need a safe have from the domestic violence she is currently experiencing.
Your mom may not mind your sis coming over to stay at yours at weekends, if the tension is more or less constant your mum will appreciate the break too.
Your sister probably needs the rest too.

Bear hugs, from the front, not including their arms, so your just wrapping around their chest. Something to remember is that whoever calls the cops first is basically right. at least thats what the cops think. Get her arrested once and then it'll be on record. get her arrested for hitting her younger sister would be smarter.

reply to post by Agarta

I would say go down to you local Health and Human Services and speak to a counselor and not only discuss the situation between your Sisters, but also the apparent lack of concern your Mother is showing in this situation. Really, it is hard to say what is going to snap the older Sister out of her Attitude. Maybe you going to jail and her knowing she caused it because you were defending your other Sister, but knowing some teens like I do it wouldn't faze her and you would have a record. I say talk to the counselor about your Mothers attitude over this because she needs to be put into check. She could deal with the Authorities now over this situation or she could deal with a serious injury or worse down the line. I say be the Man and force Her to deal with it today. It may cause stress with Mom and you, but as I see it it's already there. I personally could live with my Mom being mad at me for caring too much for may Family than visiting my Sisters grave site because my other Sister cracked her scull. This sounds harsh but it only takes once and a fraction of a second to go too far.

If I could give you applause I would! Obviously MOM only wants to step up when she can be the judge, jury and executioner! The problem lies within mom's ability in raising children!

You have a sister who thinks violence is the answer to everything, and obviously mom seems to take her side. Sickening!

Your younger sister, seems to be a very level headed person for her age and even a dog will only take a beaten from it's owner for so long until it bites back.

You my friend, are in a pickle! Your mother is obviously in need of some mental help! You being a male and the cops being called can only mean one thing for you sooner or later! I understand you wanting to protect your younger sister, but you won't be able to protect her in jail! She will be open season for your psychopathic older sister and your mother.......................well, she is just an enabler of the problem!

You definately need to make an appointment and talk to someone about this or move the hell out!

Of course, I am only hearing your side of the story, and I do believe you! It appears you are in the middle of a FU situation, and you will become the target, as your story has already proven....

dude! get the hell out of there NOW!!! get your own place and let the younger sis move in with you!!!
YOU call the police next time this stuff happens!!!
this situation sound like a living hell! if you call the cops,maybe child services will get involved.
i don't know you or yor family,but your mom sounds like a real peach!!!
maybe she needs to be arrested for child neglect!!!
maybe this is why the other sister is so violent.
look at it this way,what do you think the violent sister's kids will turn out like?
is her future boyfriends gonna end up in jail too for her lies???
the cops almost always take the side of the woman in domestic violence cases!
get out while you can,or you'll be in jail next!!!