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I AM here

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posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 01:51 PM
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I AM here.

Always knew i was a little weirdo...before i could even talk i knew it. always felt like this wasn't were i belonged, as though the stork dropped me off in the wrong dimension. i'm sure many of you can relate.

always felt this yearning to "go home". never really liked it here. always knew, deep down, that i was here to help but that didn't keep me from wanting to leave. i was pretty much fed up with this place and what it has become. it really does seem like the world is in a very, very bad spot today and tomorrow looks worse and so does the next day. then i get on ATS and find out all of the up-to-the-minute backstabbery, theft and straight out murder the world governments have been up to...

something has changed inside of me in the last 6 months. well...A LOT has changed inside of me in the last 6 months but one of the most recent changes is my new found appreciation for this place...it's okay to like this place...

i'm not sure what clicked in my head...not sure why. not even sure when? over the past month, my appreciation for life has changed drastically. perhaps this is a normal "phenomenon" that people go through in their late 20s-early 30s? i don't know. i just know it strikes me as odd, this change.

it's been very profound. i'm changing on the most rudimentary levels and it's not even really much of a conscious change or effort...it's just kind of coming out. for instance, my communication. over the past month, i've found myself stopping myself from saying things and then completely changing what i was going to say, usually shortening it. i'm also known to have a very sharp tongue at times. over the past month, i find myself using softer words when getting into it with someone and it isn't a conscious decision, i'm not "trying" or "working on it"...it's just happening. i'd be pretty proud of myself if it were me working on it in the middle of the situation but that isn't the case. something very deep down inside of me has changed and it's coming out in every thing i do.

i've also been actually wanting to change things about myself over the past couple of months. i feel this craving to change in every way i can. it's not even a matter of changing something because i feel it's wrong, per se...this isn't a matter of evolving morals. some nerve has been struck deep down inside of me and it's reprogramming me daily.

my diet has changed dramatically and really simplified. i eat very healthy, organic whenever possible, drink nothing but water. i've started running several times a week. there are countless other little things/ways that i'm changing lately, too.

i know that none of these things alone really signify anything important. what gets me wondering is why is all of this happening now, all of the sudden, without much conscious effort on my part? yes, i have made decisions to better myself and try and make changes but like i've said, these changes are just happening and then i notice it happened. it's not me consciously changing it. i'm not really doing the work here.

feels like if i just let myself run on auto-pilot, there's a completely different person that would come outta me. so...i'm letting myself run on auto-pilot. i really wish i could pin-point the origin of this evolutionary journey but i can't find it. so, i was wondering if there was anyone else who've been noticing themselves changing in very profound ways with little to no conscious effort on your part, almost as though you're just the observer, watching yourself being changed?

i've always felt like i was "half-gone"...not anymore. i feel more grounded than i've ever been. my birthday was just last week. i'm REALLY into crystals, spheres specifically. so when all this change has been going on, for my birthday, my sphere guy picks me out this:





a little marra mamba sphere. it's tiger eye, hematite and red jasper...it's a very powerful grounding stone (how appropriate).




posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 02:16 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


Keep walkin that path my friend...

He that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.




posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 02:32 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 

BEAUTFUL!!! And the sphere is gorgeous too!




posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 03:07 PM
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Beautiful gem. I love amethysts, quartz, and many others. Even agates.

Its like, being born again kind of, and suddenly things are changed. You can still slip into an older mood, but just asking for help, and will to turn it around should bring some fast answers.

I've noticed the diet changing too, need far less food, one meal and snacks, sometimes more if I'm not feeling good and need blood sugar, then a few cookies are nice, lol ,or something sweet. But, I could live on nibbles of cheese, crackers and cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt and tons of fruit and anything else just an extra occasional. Excluding needed things like coffee, tea juice, etc.

Seems to be preparation for something I'm not even convinced is real or coming. But the preparation IS real and occurring in stages anyway.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 03:37 PM
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I have to say ICEKOHLD, you are a very inspiring person! :-)
Your words give me hope. Just when I was in a negative mood, I read this thread and began feeling a lot better again!


Thank you and keep up the good work!



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 04:22 PM
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reply to post by Risingfall
 


i'm glad you found yourself a little peace. i think that's something we're all looking for now...a little peace.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 04:43 PM
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reply to post by Unity_99
 


yup. i could go on about half as much food as normal. my sugar tolerance is very low because i hardly ever eat sweets and if i do, it's like a cookie from the bakery or something like that, usually in halves. i've been gnawing through fruit like there's no tomorrow.

i used to be a huge meat eater. now, i can take it or leave it. not vegetarian by any means, i love me some meat, but i just don't crave it nearly as much as i did before. i eat a lot of pasta now cuz it's plain and simple and easy.

i only drink water and chocolate soy milk (i love choc milk but my tummy don't). i drink at least a gallon of water a day.

it would seem as though it could be some kind of preparation but to me, it feels more like a purification. it's not just diet. it's everything. unhealthy habits. thought patterns. communication. diet....they all seem to be "cleaning up", so to speak. getting more pure and more simple. i feel like some kind of new age monk or something. i feel like i'm being called away from impurities in as many ways as possible. i'm not claiming to be buddha or some great holy man, either...i just feel a conviction to purify and simplify in as many ways as possible.

as you said, it seems to be coming in stages. it's just small steps forward everyday and every once in a awhile, you get a fire under your bottom to push off in a new direction.

but yeah...it could be preparation, could be purification, could be both and seen as either way. we'll find out one day, maybe...



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:02 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 




perhaps this is a normal "phenomenon" that people go through in their late 20s-early 30s? i don't know. i just know it strikes me as odd, this change.


Finally, a post worth reading... LoL

I'm about to turn 40... when I was around your age (28) I attended a convention and one of the speakers was a "Trance Dance Shaman" named Wilbert Alix - very insightful person, who has cultivated an entire career out of introducing people to spiritual training.

He said that, indeed, around age 30 people go through something almost like a mid-life crisis, but involving a leap towards one's goals and aspirations. Like a "now or never" stage. He had a chart with other ages, like 13 being a 'rite of passage' age, I think.

My 'now or never' stage has mostly come and gone... I've leaned heavily towards the never side.




edit on 6-6-2012 by DeReK DaRkLy because: ...



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:22 PM
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Originally posted by ICEKOHLD
it's okay to like this place...


Good to see you Here, my friend. Kudos on steering your free-will perspective. That part is all you!


i know that none of these things alone really signify anything important. what gets me wondering is why is all of this happening now, all of the sudden, without much conscious effort on my part? yes, i have made decisions to better myself and try and make changes but like i've said, these changes are just happening and then i notice it happened. it's not me consciously changing it. i'm not really doing the work here.


Oh no!! Who is steering this boat?!
Some would say "it" is peeking over the horizon like a sunrise.

As always, your posts are appreciated. Thank you.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:43 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


I am pretty sure that the stork didnt bring me. Perhaps thats where you first went wrong? You should google reproduction since Mommy and Daddy havent had that talk with you yet.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:49 PM
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reply to post by karen61057
 




I am pretty sure that the stork didnt bring me. Perhaps thats where you first went wrong? You should google reproduction since Mommy and Daddy havent had that talk with you yet.


Wow... that was so funny I forgot to stab myself in the face.

Karen, you should google "squirted from a douche bottle" to find out about your personal origins.

Ok mods... off topic me again for cleverly defending the OP....



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:53 PM
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reply to post by karen61057
 


Why must people try to bring such a beautiful thing down? He was obviously speaking in metaphor. It's a shame that such a wonderful personal experience would cause the tone of your post. It must be miserable to have a heart so cold.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:56 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


Same with me about the meat. I have sliced chicken and veggies, for family often, they can make sandwhiches, or whatever we can get really. But I love fruit and cheese.

And purification, sort of, preparation for something. The message is always to Feel joy, see a life without old habits but hold this high frequency glow/light, and see everyone waking up and finding good solutions all around them, positive and joyful ways of winning over this world and its just done with a lot of help. You struggle along but don't realize there is a team behind you and they're really helping alot.

Being a monk is certainly a worthy goal, informally so to speak anyway.

I just feel like a new life is coming, a new world. Some things I want to do, but the way isn't unblocked and have to make choices anyway between what the kids need, and what I'd like to do for the world, and lament this in prayer and meditation. Always get that is a phase yet to be, a phase coming, being unblocked and prospering, growing, doing.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 05:58 PM
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reply to post by wearewatchingyouman
 


Such posts as Karens allow those with eyes to see to observe how far one has truly come.

We all know exactly where she is coming from, and in that, there is great value.

I know I have said things along similar lines to people in the past. I do not regret it, I learned from it. When I see such things, it makes my heart sing to know what choices I have consciously made. Posts like hers are of as much value as the OP, and icekohld knows I hold him in high regards.

Then again, I am just some schmuck on the interwebs



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:06 PM
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reply to post by sinohptik
 


Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...


Thanks for the input...

From one inteweb shmuck to another...



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:07 PM
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reply to post by sinohptik
 


hello old friend (old in reference to the length of acquaintance and no actual insinuation as towards your age
)

peeking over the horizon, eh? i like that, a lot. completely appropriate analogy. thank you for that, my fellow schmuck...



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:08 PM
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Originally posted by wearewatchingyouman
reply to post by sinohptik
 



From one inteweb shmuck to another...



Originally posted by ICEKOHLD
reply to post by sinohptik
 


thank you for that, my fellow schmuck...



looks like we all got schmucked up together!



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:22 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


Nice write up, sir.





so, i was wondering if there was anyone else who've been noticing themselves changing in very profound ways with little to no conscious effort on your part, almost as though you're just the observer, watching yourself being changed?

Chaos and coincidence has been very fortunate and inspirational to me lately. I won't bore you with the details, but its always a strange feeling seeing a relatively uniform sequence of events shaping my life. I'm not one to attribute it to a force or fate, but it is nice being misfortune-free for a while. It almost warms this icy heart.

Thanks for sharing.



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:25 PM
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reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


There's no time than now, so get after it some more:

System of Truth



posted on Jun, 6 2012 @ 06:51 PM
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reply to post by wearewatchingyouman
 

reply to post by ICEKOHLD
 


Schmucks unite! Schmunite?

And I certainly feel old in the past half-year, what with the broken back and replaced hip and neuropathy. Quite funny to see professor farnsworth (of futurama fame) make mention of remembering something back "when his hips were made of bone!"


"The light will reveal what we have become." It will be harsh for those who have worn sunglasses (blinders) all their lives. But *.(sic) grow weary of games..

reply to post by LesMisanthrope
 

Almost eh? Well, I guess we will have to shine more brilliantly to melt that ice thoroughly.



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