I AM here.
Always knew i was a little weirdo...before i could even talk i knew it. always felt like this wasn't were i belonged, as though the stork dropped me
off in the wrong dimension. i'm sure many of you can relate.
always felt this yearning to "go home". never really liked it here. always knew, deep down, that i was here to help but that didn't keep me from
wanting to leave. i was pretty much fed up with this place and what it has become. it really does seem like the world is in a very, very bad spot
today and tomorrow looks worse and so does the next day. then i get on ATS and find out all of the up-to-the-minute backstabbery, theft and straight
out murder the world governments have been up to...
something has changed inside of me in the last 6 months. well...A LOT has changed inside of me in the last 6 months but one of the most recent changes
is my new found appreciation for this place...it's okay to like this place...
i'm not sure what clicked in my head...not sure why. not even sure when? over the past month, my appreciation for life has changed drastically.
perhaps this is a normal "phenomenon" that people go through in their late 20s-early 30s? i don't know. i just know it strikes me as odd, this
it's been very profound. i'm changing on the most rudimentary levels and it's not even really much of a conscious change or effort...it's just
kind of coming out. for instance, my communication. over the past month, i've found myself stopping myself from saying things and then completely
changing what i was going to say, usually shortening it. i'm also known to have a very sharp tongue at times. over the past month, i find myself
using softer words when getting into it with someone and it isn't a conscious decision, i'm not "trying" or "working on it"...it's just
happening. i'd be pretty proud of myself if it were me working on it in the middle of the situation but that isn't the case. something very deep
down inside of me has changed and it's coming out in every thing i do.
i've also been actually wanting to change things about myself over the past couple of months. i feel this craving to change in every way i can. it's
not even a matter of changing something because i feel it's wrong, per se...this isn't a matter of evolving morals. some nerve has been struck deep
down inside of me and it's reprogramming me daily.
my diet has changed dramatically and really simplified. i eat very healthy, organic whenever possible, drink nothing but water. i've started running
several times a week. there are countless other little things/ways that i'm changing lately, too.
i know that none of these things alone really signify anything important. what gets me wondering is why is all of this happening now, all of the
sudden, without much conscious effort on my part? yes, i have made decisions to better myself and try and make changes but like i've said, these
changes are just happening and then i notice it happened. it's not me consciously changing it. i'm not really doing the work here.
feels like if i just let myself run on auto-pilot, there's a completely different person that would come outta me. so...i'm letting myself run on
auto-pilot. i really wish i could pin-point the origin of this evolutionary journey but i can't find it. so, i was wondering if there was anyone else
who've been noticing themselves changing in very profound ways with little to no conscious effort on your part, almost as though you're just the
observer, watching yourself being changed?
i've always felt like i was "half-gone"...not anymore. i feel more grounded than i've ever been. my birthday was just last week. i'm REALLY into
crystals, spheres specifically. so when all this change has been going on, for my birthday, my sphere guy picks me out this:
a little marra mamba sphere. it's tiger eye, hematite and red jasper...it's a very powerful grounding stone (how appropriate).