Hello to all ATSers. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Einstein. I am the smaller variety of mountain lion which are mistakenly referred to as
domesticated housecats by some humans. We were once worshipped as gods and trust me, we have neither forgotten this fact nor have any intention of
allowing you to forget it either! I am a pure bred blue point Siamese, and my name was not always Einstein.
The human I grace with my presense has a decided lack of imagination when it comes to giving animals names.The bird is called 'bird' or occasionally
'birdy'; the milk cow is called, you guessed it, milk cow; the cow she purchased for 15 dollars because it had pneumonia is to this day called 'the
sick cow'--irregardless of the fact it has not been sick for a very long time-- the list can go on for all the animals at this veritable petting zoo
in which we all live. I used to be called, quite simply, kitty cat. She did however, see the light and realize my high intelligence, giving me a much
more fitting name, eventually.
As I was perusing the site today while my human was working, I read her short story about
." I find she left out the juciest parts of the story, therefore find the
need to inform all of you as to the rest of the story. Wolves are, as you probably know, denziens of hell who shape shift at will among other
nefarious deeds. I tell you this, not to scare you, but as a warning, these creatures do NOT belong in a house. Especially mine. So, if you are
comfortable, I will tell you all
It was a dark and stormy night and I was alone laying by the hearth. With a peal of thunder and sharp crack of lightening there came of a sudden a
gust of wind which blew open the door to my peaceful home. (In all honesty it was a beautiful and starry night but I, unlike my human, have a flair
for the dramatic.)
There, as if carried by the angels of death himself, stood in the doorway my human. With a decidedly high, 100 pound creature in her arms, a grey and
black coated furry thing, which I quickly surmised to be one of those evil denziens come to us straight from the bowels of hell. My arch nemesis,
. You can thank me--because I am a god--for the existence of veterinarians and drugs. Without those things on this dark night all might
have been lost.
I have long known the propensity of my human for bringing home animals of all kinds, we keep cows and chickens, and have tried our hands at sheep, a
goat, a herding dog, geese and ducks. But this wild beast from hell was one step too far in my honest opinion. I loudly expressed to all and sundry
before she stepped two feet inside our door that this bloodthirsty creature was not welcome in my personal kingdom. She apparently does not mind very
well, so I gave her an ultimatum. Either he goes or I do. Needless to say, I slept in the barn, she seriously does not obey my commands. [freewill you
She has much to say on my propensity for bringing home lizards--personal entertainment, mind you---and snakes, yet, without so much as a by your leave
she brings home this beast! I was regretting freewill this night I tell you. At any rate, I warned her not to sleep soundly and to close the bedroom
door if she was really going to bring the monster into the house...at least she obeyed that
The next morning I awoke and went back to the house, only to find her cooking chicken with which to feed that beast. She does not cook me
chicken! She even has the audacity to believe I, of all beings, should be killing the mice in the shed! Yet for him she cooks a fine meal fit for a
king. I had woken that fine morning in the hopes that over the midnight hours the Guardians of Hell had come to return him to his rightful place in
hell, only to have all my hopes soundly shattered when she opened the door and there before the hearth was the beast. He was awake, devoid of drugs
this day, and snarling and snapping at me as I looked upon him. He tried getting up, but his casted leg prevented him. At that moment I decided to
merely be an observer in this drama unfolding before my eyes, and left the house once more to the safety of the out of doors, to the window ledge
where I could observe all this insanity.
That first day was a nightmare. She kept him with a reasonable amount of drugs in his system 'for pain' and fed him at his pleasure. He did not offer
her much trust, nor did she offer him hers. It was a sordid relationship from the very beginning. If it had not been for my god-power of protection
over her that beast might have eaten her. Thanks again to me she still breathes. After two days I decided snarling and growling be damned I was going
back to the comfort of the air conditioner and my fluffy pillow.
Warily I re-entered my kingdom... and made it to the top of the refridgerator. Saftey at last. From my perch I was able to ascertain the situation.
You can imagine my surprise when I found out she had named
the denzien. She called him 'wolf'--I know, imaginative right?
--but what can
one expect from such a lower life form as she. Throughout the next days we coexisted under high stress. Wolf, as he was now called, (I called him
denz, short for denzien of hell) was starting to walk a bit, and examining his new surroundings. He was unsure of the indoors environment which we
were so accustomed.
As time went on however, my human and wolf became companions one to another, she was able to pet him after a time, and they played together. I never
trusted him however, because I
know from whence he came. In play he would put his jaws around her throat, she thought he was testing her trust
of him, so she allowed such behavior from the beast. As their freindship grew he became uncomfortable if she was not within sight. Nights were
especially difficult, the beast making hourly rounds checking doors and windows, then licking the back of her hand to make certain she was still alive
and responsive. All he had to do was ask me and I would have told him, but noooo, he had to do this every hour all night long. Sleep was not to be
After he was fully recovered and their freindship started leaning more toward the familial, he did not want her to keep her job. We had bills, but he
was very upset that she dare to leave without him. You should have seen the look on her face when she pulled out of the drive one day only to watch
wolf take a flying leap through the plate glass window in order to chase her down. She called in that day, much to the airconditioning bills dismay.
It took many days and many tries in order to figure out how to secure such a beast and never did it seem fully successful.
He ran wild most of the time, only pretending he was trapped until which time she was out of sight. One day he went into the chicken pen and killed
all our beautiful chickens. He even had the audacity to refuse to clean the blood off himself before she came home, nor did he have the
of shame for what he had done. She scolded him severely and he did, after that, refrain from hunting our own domesticated animals,
much to the dismay of the neighbors as now he simply went after their property. But what can I say, she had fallen for this beast. Love was in her
I have to admit, even I grew an affinity toward wolf [denz as I liked to call him]. He was, after all, great entertainment. I kept many of his most
To be continued below
edit on 4-6-2012 by OpinionatedB because: (no reason given)