Just bare with me ok? Please.
So I'm turning 25 on June 6 this week (a quarter of a century, what he hell!)...and its getting me down, badly.
I don't honestly have much to show for myself at this point in time, my close peers have already expressed their future commitments with thing such
has pregnancy, marriage, life insurance, and even saving accounts!!!
I sit here in stunned silence thinking to myself..."Should I be doing this?! What should I be doing?? Is there something wrong with me personally?"
I've always played the 'life' game to how I think it should be, I'm a bit of a dreamer (my school grades will vouch for that) and yet I feel
intellectually superior (although this is probably the still-there adolescent part of my brain telling me that I'm the world's most special human
I simply do the things that appeal to me, never really thinking ahead. Taking it day by day. I've never really seen anything wrong with this...until I
get scolded at by relatives, that spew out long lists of accomplishments that I should have already achieved at this point in life.
I shouldn't feel ashamed that I don't have a saving account (or even a bank account for that matter) or a beautiful girlfriend, but I do. It makes me
feel highly incompetent when I put myself against everyone around me.
See...I'm trying to find a purpose in what they're doing, what they're trying to achieve. I can't seem to relate on these matters at all. This clashes
with what I want to be (in which I have no idea) and what I'm expected to be.
This feeling of social isolation is getting more and more difficult for me to rationalize with. These excuses I keep making to make myself feel normal
and sane, they're not working any more.
I don't want a birthday, because with it comes expectations and promises that I don't want to face. Ever.
I don't normally go all in-depth with this sort of thing, but its just been getting to me. I don't share these thoughts with the people I know because
frankly, they have enough things to think and worry about. It would come across as 'petty' I think.
My parents make a big deal about plans for my birthdays...its more over-compensation than anything else, and this thought alone depresses me to no
end. I hate the attention I get, because I feel I'm unworthy of it.
Thanks for listening to the sob story.
So I'm not really sure what I'm asking of those reading this
...maybe it was more about getting it off my chest. Please, if you have any
insights or similar situations....share!
edit on 4-6-2012 by Brad-H because: (no reason given)