Is it difficult for you to say "Good-bye"?

If so, why?

I'm not talking about normal conversations with very distant co-workers, store workers you interact with, or any other strangers you deal with in passing.

I am speaking about saying these simple words to those close to you in your lives like close friends, family members, etc.:

" Good-bye"....

Let me hear about whether this is hard for you or not, please...

And, also, why or why not?

reply to post by BurningSpearess


Do you mean goodbye as in, see you later. Or, goodbye you are toxic to my life, I never want to see you again.

Or that romanticized goodbye...I'll love you forever. The latter two are always painful, but sometimes necessary in order to move on in life, or we had no choice in the parting.

Good question.

Des

reply to post by Destinyone


"Good-bye" in any form really. But mostly in an undefined parting of the ways...

What gets me thinking about this every year, at this time, is that I have say this to students who move on/graduate, and they have to say it to their fellow students, too...

Yes, I agree with you on the toxic relationship parting being a difficult, but perhaps a necessary, type of fare-well.

I'm romantic by nature so perhaps that one is a bit more difficult for me to say...

Wise words; thanks for your input...



And to add to all, Is it hard for you to say good-bye in a deeper sense? Why?

It is difficult in some regards. For me to say goodbye in the sense of a temporary absence is fairly simple, though it depends on the individual whom I am saying goodbye to. My wife I cannot say goodbye to without worrying slightly. The deeper sense of goodbye I believe you are referring to I have never had to experience thankfully.

I think if it did come down to having to say goodbye to someone permanently, I would not know how to feel as I have not been in that situation where I have cared enough about the other person when we have parted to feel sad or dejected or fearful of their departure from my life.

I've chosen a lifestyle where I travel a lot, sometimes to faraway - and sometimes dangerous - places. Most of the time I return to my family in Sweden afterwards, and sometimes to my girl in Springfield. It's funny because my mom worries more than my girlfriend does - but it's easier to say goodbye to my mom. It's probably because it's easier to say goodbye to someone you love as a family member rather than as - a lover. I can only speculate. But, I've never been one for long farewells. A hug, a promise that I'll be fine and stay in contact, and I'm off on my journey.

I'm probably a bit coldblooded like that, but to me the worse part is my family and girlfriend worrying, not the journey that lies ahead of me. So, by playing it casual - though the casualness is genuine - I hope I'm giving them confidence them confidence and keeps them from worrying about me. So, in essence, to me personally, it's both easier, and "better" with short and quick farewells. Besides, that makes the reunions all the more sweet.

When my dad was dying I was too broken-hearted to take a trip with my sisters to see him. I could not bear the thought of saying "good-bye" to my best friend.

When I was young and my cousin's family was leaving after a visit I would hide in the closet so I didn't have to say good-bye.

I cried every day for 2 years when my oldest son was in high school, knowing he would be going away to college.

What a big baby I am! My psychologist said I have a soft heart.

We exchange pieces of ourselves in relationships. We become entangled. To part is to have to sort out the tangled fibers that were the join between us, and reweave ourselves to fill in the holes left by the other. Often we have very much enjoyed the relationship and we grieve for the loss of it, as much as the loss of the person. We enjoy looking at ourselves through the eyes of the other. When they are gone, we are left only with our own view of who we are. I am not a fan of good bye.

reply to post by BurningSpearess


I hate goodbyes, but the only thing I hate more then goodbyes is being vague about it and keeping the other person always on the guessing end of something that you can say clearly as day. That # pisses me off to no end.

I do not know really, as I am not normal and could never gauge such things as I never ever had to play that game. But then again I have said goodbye on so many things in my life, its like part of me by now a second hand instinct. So to answer your question. It depends on the person and situation I suppose, sometimes YES its easy to say goodbye...Sometimes NO its down right impossible to say goodbye.

But hey op my spider sense is telling me that your just itching to say goodbye to somebody, and if that is so your procrastination on such a matter is only making it worse.
Here is a good goodbye song if you want to play the "goodbye" game.

reply to post by BurningSpearess


It all depends on how attached you are to the person I think. As a teacher I'm sure you get attached to some pupils more than others so it would be harder to say good-bye to some of them. I'm more the emotional type as well, so if I find myself in a situation where I can realistically see myself becoming attached to someone and also know that I'm going to have to say good-bye to them sometime in the future, I'll stay as detached from them as possible.

The longer you know someone on a personal level the harder it will be to say good-bye I think. You have more invested emotionally. You may get along with someone for many years but, since people change, you may find yourself in a position where you have to say good-bye. That's hard. I don't think there's anyone on this board who would think otherwise. But if it's necessary, it's necessary.

Saying good-bye when you know there's going to be, or even needs to be, little or no contact at all after the fact, as odd as it sounds, may actually help with the physical separation. In the case of people who have been together for many, many years, a total and abrupt "cut-off" helps in that the process of healing can get along quicker. It may seem coldblooded to people, but in the end, it's the right thing to do I think. In my case, the one I left after so many years is holding onto to someone who is letting go. And as much as I don't want to be with her, that's a pretty hard thing to watch. Just because I don't love her anymore doesn't necessarily mean I hate her. When I want to talk to my daughter, I call her directly so I don't have to go through her mom. I really am trying to make this as painless as possible for her, but she makes the job difficult sometimes.

As far as people in my life right now, whether I talk to them directly or indirectly, I have no intention of saying good-bye to ANY of them. I'm at where I'm at and intend to stay there for the time being. As far as the "indirect communication" is concerned, I didn't say good-bye because my heart didn't go anywhere. I can't really put it more succinctly than that. I got the impression a few months back that my professional status has to change a bit before anything else can happen on the level that we both want. ( If I'm wrong, please correct me. You know how. I can read emotions, not minds) And that's fine. It's something I need to do for myself anyway because I know I can. And this "indirect communication" deserves more than I can offer right now. I can do this now more than ever before for more reasons than just this. I cut the people out of my life that prevented personal and professional progress from happening. I'm tired of being the character in that Kid Rock song "Only God Knows Why". ( Man up, right?) What I left wasn't that hard to say good-bye to because it was toxic. What I'm heading for.......that's a different story

It won't take long. Things are starting to move at a pretty good clip in a positive direction. When you meet someone that lights a fire under your a** when you need it the most, whether they know it or not, you don't say good-bye to that. You go with it. Whether they want to be a part of your life physically is one thing, emotionally, they're a part of you whether you're together or not.

And like it or not honey, that's never going to change.

Thank you all for each of your individual replies. I really appreciate everyone sharing their own personal views and perspectives.

One thing is clear, we each have our own sense of what "Good-bye" means, and that is why I intentionally left my original post, and another post extremely vague.

As I mentioned, I am a teacher...actually a professor of university students...and the graduation ceremonies/activities are always celebratory, exciting, and full of parties (in most cases). However, students, now more than I've seen in a while, are more apprehensive about their futures...rightfully so in many cases with a tighter job market, the economy, and other issues that they are exposed to. Yes, it is hard for me to "send them along" in some cases, but one of the concerns with them is always "Will so-and-so still be my friend after all these years although we'll be living 2,000 miles apart?"

Social media, like Facebook (though I'm not a big fan), helps to a degree, but there is always that lingering question of "Will I ever see so-and-so (face-to-face) again?"

So, my point of view is that saying "Good-bye", in many, but not, all cases is the unfortunate reminder of our own mortality (or that of one dear to us)--which some have alluded to in this thread. This especially came to light for this year's graduating class with the suicide of one of its members.

That is why I prefer to say "See you soon/later" or "Good luck" or "Keep in touch," rather than "Good-bye."

I know it is the circle of life and sounds silly, but, to me the "Good-bye" carries with it a sense of finality...and we are, only mortal humans (well, maybe most of us, lol)

And, even in the grand scheme of things, I have faith that we will see those closest to us again....

Now, I have to make that doctor's appointment that I've been putting off for 9 months!