posted on May, 30 2012 @ 06:24 PM
I'm writing this quite positive that nobody will find it interesting enough to comment on or find any real purpose in it. At least everyone that has
lived a little bit of life.
I was raised a preachers kid, imagine a mix of pentecostal and charismatic if you know anything about those two. Basically strict to the point that I
couldn't listen to secular music, talk to girls on the phone, go to dances, watch "bad" movies, play with certain toys bc they were demonic,
etc.... I lived and believed in that life until I was around the age of 17. At that point after going through multiple church splits and being in
the church literally at least 3 to sometimes 5 days a week I lost it. When you are a part of a church family and really believe in what the messages
preached every Sunday say, it's not easy to have opened up to people you trusted so much only to have them stab you in the back. I found out the
hard way that people are people no matter what setting they are in or what church they attend. Everybody is out for themselves in the end and nobody
can just live a happy life apart from constant drama. Whether the drama be who is not living "correctly" or who had an unhappy home life it was all
I left for years and pursued a career in music. Still working on that but I make music that's featured on a tv show every week and have also made
tracks for commercials and promo videos etc. I also played in a few bands and still do to this day. Never gotten the chance to actually get
paperwork drawn up and signed, but have been shopped, and been a part of this industry and business for about ten years. Through all of this I went
through the usual stories associated with that lifestyle. Parties, booze, drugs, girls. That all changed about a year ago when I met a girl that
convinced me to come back to the church.
I put my bands on hold and instead just focused on my background music as well as another job I have managing a call center. We stayed together for a
while and ended up having many problems. She already attended the church where my parents still pastor so obviously we went there. Now that I am a
bit older I could see the same types of people and problems literally from what seemed like miles away. But I ignored it and kept going anyway. Just
as I had predicted the same types of gossip and problems came up regarding the relationship that I was in. Apparently having problems as a couple was
just too much of a distraction for the rest of the church. What had actually happened was even though we were into it, we only talked about it to a
couple of our really "close" friends at the church and I talked to my parents about some of it as they could tell when I was visibly upset, hell I
loved the girl with all my heart. When I realized this I spoke up and said exactly that. Something along the lines of....
"ya know this is funny, because the only people we've talked to are sitting in this room. So if it has gotten farther than between us that means
that you guys are the ones telling people right?"
My dad is a very good man. He's held that church together and held our family together through many things. But my mother and I have clashed
repeatedly over the years and that's what this was about. My mom never liked the girl I was with and continued to stay close to my ex gf before her
while we were together. Even inviting her to church. In this situation my dad knew that mom had gotten him in over his head and it was her demanding
action that had caused this meeting in the first place.
Now for the next part I do want to make it perfectly clear that although I am not without any fault in the situation, my recent ex gf has a horrible
tendancy to go crazy when she's angry and make a huge deal out of nothing. She also did not respect me and put me through some really #ty situations
just because she is a very selfish and spoiled person. So this next incident was not entirely my moms fault. What happened (and this is literally
all that was said) was my mother asked her for my key back one day at church. My ex freaks out and leaved bawling. Yes that was out of line by my
mom, but I also had my ex at my place tearing things off the wall and going crazy the night before. I don't hit women, I don't really yell at
women, I just wait it out and hope it's over soon. Not a pushover by any means but I handled it and had already gotten my key back.
For the next day all I got was texts from my ex about how horrible I was for "picking my mom over her" which makes no sense bc I did no such thing.
but at the same time was crazy because had I been close to my mom as I'm sure many other men are, I would have told her to get #ed for lack of a
better term. My mom at least gave birth to me and for damn sure doesn't throw me under the bus when convenient. I tried to let it settle, but it
HERE'S where my point finally comes into play (if you are still reading)
My mom came to my house about a week later to tell me how awful my ex was and how much drama she was causing and was lying about her to people at
church. After going on and on and on I finally had to interrupt. She was saying she thought my ex was demon possessed (literally) and told me that I
needed to make her happy and just get back with an ex gf I had about two years ago that she still likes.
I know the bible better than most people expect, I've heard all the sermons and scriptures you can imaging. So I started firing back...
me: "so if you think my ex is demon posessed that means you think she is going to hell right?"
Mom: "yes absolutely she is"
Me: "Then as a Christian doesn't that mean that you should try to save her?"
Mom: "that's not my problem bla bla bla etc etc etc...."
The rest of what was said by her I pretty much tuned out and just asked her to leave. I once again tried to believe in this stuff. Not because of
the actions of anyone else, but because I thought I might have felt something. But then you see the people that are supposed to be the example for
not only people in the church, but in your life give you the most stupid advice and throw out these crazy accusations. Just because you don't smoke
a J and drink a few glasses of whiskey a night doesn't make you better than anybody else just because you pay tithes and attend church on a Sunday.
Believe me folks, I've been there and seen just about everything organized religion has to offer. And I'm not trying to bash "GOD" or whatever
"GOD" is. If there's a God up there watching me right now I really don't think he favors backstabbing hypocritical that have their noses stuck so
far their own ass they can't smell their own bs over people that live through life every day and try to do the best that they can. Don't tell me
that Grandma Jones was any better or more holy than me because she did all the things that looked right. Inside we are all human. Who said Baptists
were right? Who said Catholics were right? Who said Hindu's were right? Who said etc etc etc were right?
After being one of their "born and raised" followers, I'm starting to see more and more that I'd like to keep my relationship with God between him
and I. I'm really sick of all the boundaries and the limits that make no sense. People do what they want. And didn't God send his son so we
wouldn't all have to be perfect anymore? (according to christians).