i have a friend that is being held against her Will from leaving by her husband

She packed some of her things in a van, tried to leave with her son but her husband made a off-hand threat that he would kill her if she left; her young teenage son wants to her and her husband to work it out.. if she leaves him there, the husband will more than likely thrust all his anger upon him after she leaves.

She can't leave and is under the watchful eye of her step-son which stays up all night in the living room (most of the night) till husband wakes up and goes to sleep. The husband has made threats to cut his ex-wife's brake lines before, when they first got together..now she's scared and not sure what to do.

She's on medication for the amount of stress he's caused her and has now taken her meds from her.

She's afraid that if she calls 911 son will hate her; she doesn't want her son to live there. Short of calling in a SEAL team for an extraction ..

what can she do ??

Why don't you call the cops?

Originally posted by Night Star
Why don't you call the cops?

I suggested so;

but if I do, then would I lose her as a friend ? and would that make matters worse for her and her son ? Actually, I'm not sure what her address is ..

reply to post by Komodo


wow...maybe slip a note to the mailman for help beyond....throw a paper airplane over the fence to a neighbor with a help message.......I hope your friend makes it

Originally posted by SarnholeOntarable
reply to post by Komodo

 

wow...maybe slip a note to the mailman for help beyond....throw a paper airplane over the fence to a neighbor with a help message.......I hope your friend makes it

thx.. never thought about a letter.. good idea.. !

thx you !

This is not a game. My close friend was murdered by her husband after leaving him. As for her son, kids do not know best. He most likely does not grasp the gravity of the situation. Call the police and tell them he is holding her hostage, then get her and the kid into a guarded shelter and a restraining order on this man. Dont let him find her. This can turn very gruesome very fast. Most people dont understand until its too late. He has a history threats and sounds unstable.

reply to post by Komodo


What could she do? Get a divorce lawyer and check with battered womans shelters for assistance. As for the kid she will just have to tell him the husband is an abuser and she needs to get away from him. End of story. As for moving out I imagine she could get a cop to be present as she packs up and leaves.

As for cut brake lines she will just have to get in the car and press on the brakes for about a minute after she starts it. Then get out and look for puddles of fluid under the car. Fresh puddles mean cut lines.

Just some thoughts off the top of my head for now.

reply to post by Komodo

Who cares about losing her as a friend! If shes dead it wont matter will it? Ive SEEN this happen, and my friend told no one! If someone wouldve known maybe things could have been different. I had to go to her funeral and see her children devastated, my loved one dead at the age of 31 because of a sick unstable man!

Fight fear with fear. If you can find the right person, the man can be made more afraid than she is of him. I'm not saying to hurt the guy or anything like that. I'm not in any way trying to promote harm to another, so you government people reading this can move along now, there's nothing to see here. Just scare him as he has her, if you do it right the problem will be solved. Sometimes we have to fight fire with fire in order to be victorious.

reply to post by stonebutterfly


Sound, intelligent, experienced advice -- I hope the OP listens to you.

Really though, I think her life is more important that being a "friend". OBVIOUSLY you are a TRUE friend. Call the cops, consequences be damned!

Originally posted by stonebutterfly
This is not a game. My close friend was murdered by her husband after leaving him. As for her son, kids do not know best. He most likely does not grasp the gravity of the situation. Call the police and tell them he is holding her hostage, then get her and the kid into a guarded shelter and a restraining order on this man. Dont let him find her. This can turn very gruesome very fast. Most people dont understand until its too late. He has a history threats and sounds unstable.

i'm deeply sorry for your lost!

I'm so fearing this might turn out the same way .. I keep telling her she needs to leave at night.. thing about it .. if cops come .. and don't do anything.. which we know has happened before, and leave..

guess what's going to happen then.. I fear the worst.

Originally posted by Rustyk
Really though, I think her life is more important that being a "friend". OBVIOUSLY you are a TRUE friend. Call the cops, consequences be damned!

understandable ..

however, she can NOT leave her son there.. but, he won't leave because of the cushy lifestyle they have at the moment.. I understand the he needs to wake up .. but. I'm focusing on her feeling of to convince him she needs to leave because her life depends on it.

Originally posted by Maluhia
reply to post by stonebutterfly

 

Sound, intelligent, experienced advice -- I hope the OP listens to you.

agreed~!

and I am .. but trying to convience my friend to leave is SO damm difficult !

Originally posted by Komodo

Originally posted by Rustyk
Really though, I think her life is more important that being a "friend". OBVIOUSLY you are a TRUE friend. Call the cops, consequences be damned!

understandable ..

however, she can NOT leave her son there.. but, he won't leave because of the cushy lifestyle they have at the moment.. I understand the he needs to wake up .. but. I'm focusing on her feeling of to convince him she needs to leave because her life depends on it.

OK. She doesn't have to leave him there, does she? I was under the impression that she was already ready to leave, but she is afraid to... If the police get involved it will provide her a chance to leave. If I were her I would set up a safe house to run to while he is in jail or ask the police for security for her and her son. They have to do something. They can't leave her or her son in that situation.

Originally posted by Rustyk

Originally posted by Komodo

Originally posted by Rustyk
Really though, I think her life is more important that being a "friend". OBVIOUSLY you are a TRUE friend. Call the cops, consequences be damned!

understandable ..

however, she can NOT leave her son there.. but, he won't leave because of the cushy lifestyle they have at the moment.. I understand the he needs to wake up .. but. I'm focusing on her feeling of to convince him she needs to leave because her life depends on it.

OK. She doesn't have to leave him there, does she? I was under the impression that she was already ready to leave, but she is afraid to... If the police get involved it will provide her a chance to leave. If I were her I would set up a safe house to run to while he is in jail or ask the police for security for her and her son. They have to do something. They can't leave her or her son in that situation.

I'm not sure if he'll go with her if she does, and she WILL NOT leave her son with her husband & his kids that are there and influence him to be like they are.. disrespectful and all ..

She was ready to leave and had the car packed but, something snapped within her arriving back at home from her moms to pick up her son .. but she can't leave her son there, he doesn't want them to split up .. so, he refuses to leave.

she won't give me her address because she knows I would call the police ASAP ..

If the police get involved it will provide her a chance to leave.

not necessarily true, there was no violence and still isn't any, but it's her word against his and if they won't arrest anyone or just leave her their without an escort.. ALL HELL will break loose

reply to post by Komodo


All too true, if they didn't do anything. But I'm lead to believe that the police have to do something if there is "Reasonable cause to believe a [violent] crime will take place" especially if children are involved. It may come to a he-said-she-said scenario, but if there is reason to believe her or her son may be injured or killed the police can and will force one to leave (likely him).. If you do want to get the police involved, give them her phone #. Police have a LOT of resources to locate her.

So...let's say, we can't call the police, what do we do next?
I assume the son is not wanting them to break up. Correct? A little deceit could do the trick...Tell your friend that they (her and her son) are going for a trip, or something and trick him out.
Yeah, maybe he will be upset for a while, but that is no big deal...better to be alive, and have a mother that he's mad at than to be dead and/or not have a mom.

Once she has left, have her get a restraining order put on him, and ask for a security detail. Most police will gladly drive by randomly all day, especially if they know the circumstances and her fears... Also have her tell all her neighbors (of her safe house) to be on the look out for whatever he drives or his friends drive.

I will end this post with the following: Call the police, and let them know what is going on. Tell them that you don't know what to do at this point, and go from there. They will at least come by and talk with you, and they would be more helpful than ATS. This is very serious and scary. I will still be happy to continue to give you my input here, but I would talk to an officer NOW.
Have her record him threatening her

Hire somebody to kill the bastard, or buy a Louisville Slugger, and do it yourself.

And now that I've gotten my anger out of the way, the serious advise. Tell her to start secretly recording her conversations with the dickhead. Whatever he says, she should be recording it, not just for the police and courts, but to show her son that if he insists on staying there, his mom risks death from a psycho. She needs to wake her son up to the truth of the matter. It might hurt, but he needs to hear it, otherwise there's no telling what he may do - remember, teenagers are emotional beings, and even if they run away there's a chance he'll meet with the asshole in secret if his mom doesn't explain it to him.

Also, tell her to get some kind of defensive equipment. Best case scenario - a gun. Worst case scenario - pepper spray. That # hurts like crap, and it might save her life. One of those alarms that start shouting when you push a button might also be useful. She also needs to have you on speed dial. And you need to be there if she ever needs help, preferably with a baseball bat, just in case. Short of hiring a mercenary or two, that's the best thing she can do, and the best thing you can do for her.

Lastly, don't call the cops. Not yet. You have to realize, until you have her address, if you call the cops on her and she finds out, she'll end her friendship with you, and there's no way for you to find her and help her. She'll be all alone. Better then to do everything you can to help her within the "limits" she's set up. But once you know where she lives, yes, call the cops. At the same time, you have to keep explaining to her that she really needs to call the cops. Do everything you can to convince her. ASAP.

Those are some of the things off the top of my head that you should take into consideration. Let us know how it goes, dude. This is dangerous business.

There are women's shelters everywhere. She should call one and soon!!!!!!

reply to post by Rustyk

I assume the son is not wanting them to break up. Correct?

your assumption is correct .. deep thanks for the reply..

really appreciate it. I'm copying and pasting some of these posts in a word doc